Lesbians dig accents, Lilo turns down the bunny ears. Tonight on the Hump!

Heidi Ho folks, Doc B here
Well , that was a close one. Were it not for my faithful pets, I would not be living on God’s green earth right now. They saved my life,...again. I’ll elaborate in an upcoming post, but now, without further ado, here’s the news.

But first.
“Censors tend to do what only psychotics do: they confuse reality with illusion.”
David Cronenberg.


What do you say to an exposed nipple?

While I was away, the puritan nature of the U.S. censors reared its ugly head again. Actress Eva Mendes had a commercial she shot for Calvin Klein pulled from American airwaves. Whatever could have been so offensive that the censors felt they had to step in?
“Eva revealed: “I was rolling around in bed for the commercial spot and I had a little situation.
“One of my girls (boobs) wanted to say hello... “
Hi, how are you doing? ........There, was that so hard? Being polite. The friendly little nipple only wanted to say Hi. There is absolutely nothing unusual about it. I’m greeted by nipples all day long, everywhere I go. Some say hello, others are just getting a little sun. Some are slightly claustrophobic, while others seem to be giving directions. Still there’s no cause to fear them, or be offended by them. They are benevolent, and they mean us no harm.
Eva went on to explain just how.. her nipple happened to greet the camera.
"Basically, I had a nipple slippage and it made the commercial cut because it was so natural and so beautiful and it was very quick”.
I like this girl. She’s got beautiful nipples and she’s proud of it. So many of today’s young stars suffer from low self esteem caused by nipple- phobic disorder, or L.S.N.P.D., as the shrinks like to call it. Some (i.e. Janet Jackson) feel insecure, or in-adequate about the appearance of their nipples and will self- mutilate themselves by piercing holes in them and attaching gaudy trinkets, or large ornaments to hang off them. Much like a Christmas tree. But I digress. Back to Eva and her friendly nipple. The censors pulled the ad. Even though her nipple had been most genial, and even by Eva’s own admission, beautiful, they still pulled the ad. It all just seems so... un-American, doesn’t it?........Very puzzling.
Eva laments the hypocrisy of it all, "We can show guns everywhere and stuff but we can't show a woman's nipple - that's a bit backwards to me.” ............................Nuff said!
Source here


Lilo Passes Up Honour

With Playboys big anniversary coming up, you’d think they would be after some big name, a big catch to appear in the mag. But no, it would appear the magazine has gone slumming.
'To mark Playboy's 55th anniversary in January, the magazine has approached Lindsay Lohan about doing a nude pictorial, Access Hollywood has confirmed"
. Lilo! Are you kidding me?! Lindsay freakin lesbian Lohan! Talk about setting the bar low huh. I guess they couldn’t get that noted sex siren, Amy Winehouse eh. Memo to Hef; Try selecting someone whose body we haven’t already seen half a dozen times.
Anyhow, this was the reply they received “She’d be happy to do the cover, but no nudity,” Lohan’s rep told Access.
Ouch! Shot down in flames by a used up, never was starlet whose only claim to fame nowadays is her lesbian relationship with a homelier Robert Downey JR lookalike. That’s got to hurt.
Yes indeed, these are hard times for Playboy. When Lilo turns down $ 700 000 to appear in your magazine even though she could really use the scratch, you should come to realize you are no longer relevant.
Hmm... I’m a little bit shocked that Lindsay didn’t jump at the opportunity. Perhaps she has become more selective about her career choices, but I think she was miffed that Playboy didn’t offer her a $ million dollars. So who should Playboy set their sights on next? I’ve got an idea of who they should go after. The lovely Eva Mendes and her friendly nipples, that’s who. Source here



Eureka

It seems Elizabeth Banks , star of Kevin Smith's "Zack and Miri Make a Porno," has a beef with the censors.
Better get in line sister.

She says, “There’s nothing worse in 'Zack and Miri' than there was in 'Saw II,' and that got an R rating . . . If I cut your throat and blood spews all over my face, it's an R. But if we have a lovely time together and you spew something else on my face, it's an NC-17.”
What does she mean by a lovely time? Does she mean going sailing? And what would I be spewing? Champagne? I’m confused. She’s so vague. What lovely situation would I be in where I would be spewing something? And what would I spew? Popcorn? Reese’s pieces? Corn? Sautéed caramel mushrooms? What!!!??? Tell me! Bad f**king language? Hatred? Bodily fluids? Vile.....hey wait a minute. Bodily fluids. That’s it! It’s c#m! I get it! I get it!...............Eewwww! Source here



Headlines that Scream Hilarity

Police say Gary Coleman involved in accident : They let him go after he said, Whatcha talking bout Willis? It’s still comic gold.

Madonna dedicates 'Like a Virgin' to pope : (sigh) Will everyone please tell Madonna that we haven’t (unfortunately) forgotten her, so she can stop trying so hard now.

Jessica Simpson sings at Grand Ole Opry: And this just in: pigs can fly


David Spade fathers Playboy pinup’s baby: She’s 61 years old, but all the gentlemen at Sunny Meadows rest home were trying to land her, so congrats David.

Helen Mirren: I used to ‘love’ cocaine :she sorta still does, but the magic is gone

Oprah in talks to guest star on ‘30 Rock’ : Guest star! Must be a typo.

Jessica Simpson to put acting career on hold : Thanks god for answering my prayers. Now how about that bigger pecker,... Huh!

Tidbits: Britney admits her father saved her life : He saved her a fortune by switching to Afflack

Scoop: Tim Gunn calls Miley Cyrus ‘tarty’ : Geez what a potty mouth on this f**king doucebag

Scoop: Will new ‘Idol’ judge cover for absent Paula?: Cover for Paula? I doubt it, those are pretty big pill bottles to fill

Tidbits: Lindsay Lohan weighs in on Bristol Palin : Finally! An informed opinion


Tidbits: Hartnett’s accidental sex tape : Gee I hope the tape doesn't feel unwanted growing up
Source here



Pop Culture Update

17 mins into the MTV music video awards and nothing’s happened. They’ve got nothing. Russell Brand makes me pine for Ryan Seacrest’s witty banter. It’s official, the MTV mva’s are dead. Switching over to Showcase now.



With Love, From Mom

Is it too late for nominations for Mom of the Year? If not, I nominate Lynne Spears. A woman who really protects her children, and has earned their trust. So to help out all the loser moms worldwide, Lynne has written a book chronicling her experiences in raising her children. Here’s an excerpt; “In a tell-all book, Spears' mother, Lynne, reveals her daughter surrendered her chastity to a high school football stud when she was just 14.
Hmmm....I’m sure that must be an interesting chapter, most likely an examination of how to score with the right crowd. High school can be very trying if you don’t run with the in crowd. Besides, what are you going to do; kids misbehave every now and then. I’m sure that was the only hiccup that occurred with Britney. “Mama Spears, 53, also dishes that the pop icon took a liking to booze when she was a 13-year-old Mouseketeer and began experimenting with drugs at 15.
By age 16, Britney's wild-child behavior stunned her family when she was caught with cocaine and marijuana on a private jet, Lynn Spears claims”. .............Doh! ....I rescind my nomination! Source here


F**k Me Pumps

Congratulations Rachel Weisz, you are Hollywood’s sexiest woman.
“Actress Rachel Weisz has topped a poll of Hollywood’s sexiest women, voted by lesbians”.
Oh, ....by lesbians....well that’s still nice. It might give one pause the next time they’re changing at the gym however, but it’s all good. The other big winners in the top 10 were Nicole Kidman, Minnie Driver, Kate Winslet, Naomi Watts, Keira Knightley, Thandie Newton, Emily Blunt, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Cate Blanchett. Hmmm.... did you folks happen to notice anything peculiar about that list? All the women on the list have accents. They are all British or Australian.............Yup even though they are lesbians,...chicks still dig accents. Somewhere, right about now, Hugh Grant is shaving his legs while trying to decide which skirt to wear with his f**k me pumps. Source here



Portrait of a crazy psycho bitch ex-girlfriend/wife

Denise Richards flickering flame of fame is beginning to wane. (Say that 10 times really fast.) You can?
Show-off! Anyhow, Denise must be feeling a lower tax bracket coming her way because she appears to be chasing after Richie Sambora again.
“Insiders say Denise started phoning and texting Richie nonstop, begging him to rekindle their romance, and he talked to her patiently at first – telling her he’s just not interested, and has a new relationship cooking”. Translation: Get away from me you lying, crazy-assed, psycho bitch! And no you cannot have some of my sperm! Hmmm...I wonder what her next move will be? ......Ooh ooh, I know,... the old fake suicide attempt. In her mind, it makes perfect sense, and is completely justifiable. Then again, she is bat-sh*t crazy! Source here

Well thats all folks, I gotta go clean up the dead raccoons in my bed...............It’s a long story, don’t ask.
Doc B. Gone baby gone

Madonna Downs Crack Baby: The Forecast for Jamie Lynn Spears; dark clouds ahead.

Heidi Ho folks, Doc B here.

I want to apologize for my erratic last blog post. Feeling much better now. Here’s the news.


But first.

‘I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure”
Groucho Marx



Madonna Downs Crack Baby

Want to know what you missed at Madonna's party for her 50th birthday.? Well let me fill you in. The crowd was treated to one after another of the Material girl's past hits (oh joy.), "Crack Baby" shots (served by real live crack whores!), and card tricks by David Blaine (they weren't really tricks, but Blaine acted like they were. You stare at cards long enough, they look like they're moving!?). Then the guests were treated to a half-hour speech from Madonna while her daughter Lourdes sang happy birthday while playing the piano.
I was invited, and I could've went, but I had a lot a laundry to do. Besides,. I'm politically opposed to the name "Crack Baby" as the name of a liquor shot. It's demeaning and insensitive. Do the right thing people and drink "Aborted Fetuses" shots instead. Source Here




Sunglasses at night

They grow up so fast don't they. Why it seems like it was just yesterday that Jamie Lynn Spears was a bright, young, rising star starring in her own TV show. (Sigh). Then of course, a little accident occurred (whoops!). Better put that show on hold there kid, I don't think this is a story line the producers want to explore. It's baby mama time so you better put your life on hold too. Of course everybody tried to put the best and most positive spin on the whole affair, but come on we are talking about teenage kids here, so there was bound to be some hiccups in the relationship along the way. And be honest folks we all knew this was doomed to begin with, they were saying all the right things while looking through the lenses of their rose colored glasses. However the weather forecast for their relationship calls for a breezy temperature, overcast, but a chance of a 98.7% chance of thunderstorms. So you won't need those rose-colored glasses anymore kids. It's time to see the world through the bleary, red rimmed eyes of a survivor of a bad and ultimately pointless relationship.
So was it any surprise when the rumors started flying about her fiancé Casey two-timing her? I doubt it. Unfortunately they bettor tried holding their breath, or drinking water while standing on their head, because this hiccup doesn't appear to be going away anytime soon. At least, not according to their so called friends and associates. One anonymous source revealed this interesting bit of nuanced opinion on the relationship. If you read between the lines I think you'll get the gist of it despite its coy vagueness around the truth. “Where there’s smoke, there is fire,” says one source who knows the Spears family well. “Although it’s not something Jamie Lynn is discussing, we all have our doubts that their relationship is solid. Definitely if not for (two-month-old daughter) Maddie, Jamie Lynn would have had enough of the stress of this relationship by now.”
See what I mean, this source is trying to beat around the bush, and sugarcoat things, but if you read between the lines I think there are some dark skies ahead in Britney's little sister's happy little fairy tale lie . However I must admit I am sometimes a little cynical.... no, it's true. Really. Perhaps hope still exists after all, at least according to one source who says,
“This family has been through so much,” says the Spears source. “We all really do hope this (relationship) can turn out well, that it can be the fairy tale Jamie Lynn wants. We’ll have to see.”
Yes we will won't we. It could be that I have become just a little jaded folks, maybe I should put some glasses on...... nah. Maybe I'll just buy a rain coat instead. Looks like stormy weather. Source Here




Headlines That Scream Hilarity.

• "Check out over 100 returning shows:" Too late, 99 of them are canceled already, and the remaining one is on the CW so you know it sucks.

• "Meet ‘The Amazing Race 13’ teams": What for? Correct me if Im wrong-- You got an old couple, an estranged couple, a gay couple, yada, yada, yada...

• "Darth Vader — Sith lord, dirty old man?": So thats whos been doing the heavy breathing on the other end of the phone. The long black cape should have been my first clue.

"OMG! It’s The Cheetah Girls’ ‘World’: OMG where did I put my glock?

"Fonz statue gets two thumbs up in Milwaukee": Sadly, the same can’t be said of the Drew Carey monument in Cleveland. You can bid on it on EBay, if you can spare a $1.49.

• "France bans broadcast of TV shows for babies": Apparently they were teaching them bad ideas, like good manners, bathing, etc..etc. Plus, there was no Jerry Lewis content.( Which is mandatory.)

• "Forget swimming ... badminton, anyone?" : Are you kidding? The last time I forgot I nearly drowned! I’m not going anywhere near a shuttlecock.

• "How about Michael Phelps as ‘The Bachelor’?" : Good idea, he needs the exposure .

“Catfight on 'Gossip Girl'!’: Talk about redundant.
Source Here: Source Here


That’s all folks, I gotta go. I want to apologize for my erratic last blog post. Feeling much better now………..better. It’s a relative term,..better. I am better…than yesterday. Feeling much better. The voice in my head says I'm better, so it must be true.........Yes better.

Doc B. Gone baby gone.

A Butane Sky, Wallpaper Willows, And The Secret Sauce. Thank God For Big Macs. Tonight On The Hump!

Heidi ho folks, Doc B. here.

Saturday night struggle, of mind over body. I wrestle with what must be.. hallucinations. Outside my window is a view of a butane sky lit up in glorious blue and yellow shades. Is this a dream? Inside is no less surreal as the wallpaper is peeling off and hanging in such a way as to resemble a forest of weeping willows. I can no longer move, for wherever I walk, the floorboards below me cry in agony. It’s a painful cry, not unlike a wounded animal. The sound haunts me and I can no longer stand to hear it, so I sit motionless, paralyzed. Bruce is at my feet, where he so often is. He seems to be saying something but I can’t hear him. Those damm floorboards won’t stop their wailing. Their voices are scarring my soul, I can feel it. Bruce is still trying to talk to me,… it seems important. I’m trying now, as hard as I can with every ounce of inner strength that I have left, to hear him. It’s hard, and I’m afraid. The wind has really kicked up in the room, odd, because the window is closed. I don’t want to move, what about the floorboards, what will they say?…. What’s Bruce saying? Can’t quite make it out. The wind is blowing harder now causing the leaves of my wallpaper to rustle loudly. It’s no longer a butane sky outside my window, it seems to be raining now, but not water. A creamy, salmon colored liquid is tap, tap, tapping on the window panes. That’s odd. I smell bacon. What’s Bruce saying?... I must try harder, focusing only on Bruce and tuning everything else out. What’s he saying?...... I think I can almost make it out. Big, I clearly heard him say big. Must… concentrate… harder. Why… am I… talking… like……… Shatner? Doc B., that’s my name, Bruce called me by my name. Oh joy! I came hear him again. I can hear. The view outside my window was returned to normal. I can hear again Bruce, what was it you were trying to tell me? A Big Mac trio… Bruce you’re a godsend. Here’s the news.


But first...

“What garlic is to food, insanity is to art.”
"Augustus Saint-Gaudens"


Headlines that scream hilarity!

Kevin Jonas takes sides in teen-queen feud: He revealed he has a crush on Zac Efron. ( join the club)

Did Jamie Lynn's fiance cheat on her?: OMG-----what if the baby isn’t mine? she screamed.

(Jennifer) Love Hewitt's reasons for slimming: The ghost were making fun of her ass every time she was out of the room. Hmmmm…ghost can be so catty sometimes.

Scoop: Stress is taking toll on Madonna's looks : So is a little thing called Internet. It's hard to be shocking and daring in a world where one can watch a man f**ked to death by a horse, or two girls eating sh*t out of a cup, Madge seems a little bit …quaint.

Elvis fans ignore rain for graveside vigil. : Elvis fans also ignore the fact that the year is 2008. (Let him go people, let him go.)

At 50, has Madonna surpassed the Beatles?: In what? Hype? What part of her catalog do ya think they'll be playing in 40 years -huh?

Scoop: Britney wants her kids to stay out of showbiz: Whatever for? She turned out alright. Source Here


Ur So Gay

For some men, attending a party at the Playboy mansion means you have truly arrived. You have now become a big enough celebrity to mingle with the Hef and his bunnies. And god willing, bang two or three of them. All at once! (God willing, for he is a kind and merciful god.) Apparently Jason Stratham didn’t get the memo.
"The Midsummer Night’s Dream party on Saturday saw The Bank Job star Jason Statham escorted off the premises by five security guards after he refused to pose for pictures with models."
"A source said: "It was rough!" So is making love to a porcupine, -but somebody's got to do it damnit!
Hmmm...refusing to cavort with a few loosely clad women ( with loose morals?) why would this simple task be too much of a chore for Jason Stratham? Is he morally offended? Then why go to the Playboy mansion at all? Has he had his heart broken by a Miss September? Is he allergic to silicone? Or perhaps he's just not that into girls. I don't know but something amiss.
Pasted from. Source Here


More Than A Nice Head Of Hair, A Big Heart As Well.

What a nice guy that Donald Trump is. Real salt of the earth that man, I don't know why people keep making fun of this guy. Oh yeah, -that hair. Anyhow, he certainly has a soft spot for old drunk has- been sidekicks, as this article portrays, Donald Trump will soon be Ed McMahon's landlord.
Trump announced Thursday he would save the television personality's Beverly Hills mansion from foreclosure by buying it for an undisclosed amount and leasing it to McMahon.
The developer told the Los Angeles Times he doesn't know McMahon personally, but acted out of compassion because helping out "would be an honor."
The only caveat is, while Trump watches TV, McMahon has to chuckle and laugh loudly every time the Donald makes (what he thinks)is a joke. Then at the end of the evening, Trump gets to fire him. (it just makes him feel good.) It's possible...that I'm a little fuzzy on this, what with the famine and all. Source Here


Say It Ain’t So Sly.

“Stallone will appear in TV and newspaper ads for Russian Ice vodka for a cool $1 million” .Is this the same Stallone who conquered the vicious Ivan Drago. Is this the same Stallone who mowed down so many Russian soldiers in Afghanistan like they were little girly men. It can’t be .Say it ain’t so Sly, say it ain’t so. “Stallone will advertise the vodka under the slogan, "There is a bit of Russian in all of us" - referring to Stallone's great-grandmother, Rosa Rabinovich, who came from the Ukrainian town of Odessa”.
Hmmm…I wonder which side of the family he gets his hypocrisy from… must be his great-granddad from the old country of --fooled you. Source Here


Well that’s it folks , I gotta go. The world outside my window has returned to normal, and my stomach is full for the time being. But.. for.. how… long?(Shatner again dammit!) I can’t go on like this much longer. I need a JOB, I NEED FOOD. I’m beginning to lose it .I can feel it. See…see that. The wallpaper just nodded in agreement,…I’m losing it.

Doc B. Gone baby gone.

Placentas,Bongs,Enlightenment,Matt,Maroon 5,And More.Tonight On The Hump!

Heidi Ho folks, Doc B here.

I've been feeling pretty bad all day, throwing up at one end, and I don't want to tell you what's been coming out the other. Bruce thinks it was yesterdays supper that made me ill,...but I have my doubts. These days... I trust no one. Here’s the news.

But first...

"There is nothing you can say in answer to a compliment. I have been complimented myself a great many times, and they always embarrass me - I always feel that they have not said enough."
Mark Twain



Total enlightenment, bongos, and the placenta—cuckoo- ka-choo

Matthew McConaghy played in one of my favorite movies, "Dazed and Confused". And to this day I still have problems differentiating between his character and himself. Anyhow, here he talks about what he's going to do with some refuse left over from his child...."When I was in Australia, they had a placenta tree that was on the river ... and all the placentas of all that tribe, all that clan, whatever aboriginal tribe that was, all the placentas went under that one tree and it was this huge behemoth of just health and strength. This tree was just growing taller and stronger above the rest of Mother Nature around it. It was gorgeous.", said Matthew.
He then elaborated with another reporter. What follows is what I believe he said, but my microphone on my recorder hasn't been working well, and I was a bit distracted by some killer bees, so I had to kind of fill in some of the blanks (i.e.: most of it). Anyhow here goes. Matthew waxed on, saying. One day when Levi is old enough,..say around 11,...I will be able to share with him the weed his body helped nurture, to become strong and potent. Then we will sit down together, just he and I, and my favourite bong, and smoke up till we achieve a perfect state of enlightenment. Do you know what it's like to achieve total enlightenment dude? Do you even know how? No? Well, awright-- awright, I'll tell you . Get yourself some really good Skunk-weed. It's best with a bong , but if you don't have a really super tight water bong, then maybe you should go the old-school route and use papers. If you do use papers, I would suggest you have a couple a teaspoon of honey coat your throat. Because Skunk is really harsh man, and you got to smoke a lot of it to reach total enlightenment dude .but the payoff is awesome man, like you've had a 100 orgasms, you are just totally limp, and at peace,.. one with the earth. And that's what all this placenta stuff is all about man, about being enlightened. And I want my son to someday being enlightened just like his dad, and that's why I'm doing this. Once we are enlightened man, then I will tell him about the weed and his placenta. That should blow his f**king mind man! Just like when my dad told me. At that moment I felt very confused and sleepy, but very powerful, like I was one with the earth, it’s very empowering, feeling powerful , you know.I hope he'll feel the same way . Then we'll strip naked and I'll whip out the bongos. We'll play them all night long, or at least until the cops show up.
What's wrong folks? I told you I was distracted. Source Here


Maroon 5 and the root of migraines

Adam Levine of Maroon 5 sounds like your typical pretentious rock star, full of himself, and full of shit. Which pretty much amounts to the same thing, fortunately enough for Adam. Have a look at what he said to Women's Health magazine. "It's kind of the equilibrium - the yin-yang, if you will, of relationships - that I write about. That's what keeps me going, Ah yes ,..the all important yin-yang dynamic..............hey don’t scoff, it’s true. I once had a Chinese girlfriend who taught me all about it. It takes quite a bit of patience, trust, mutual understanding, good stamina, and lots and lots of soya sauce and sake. Hmmm....come to think of it, that was about something completely different, but I digress.
Anyhow where was I, oh yes Advil,... I mean,..Adam,..Sorry, I should clarify, he makes me feel like I need an Advil when I hear him singing, so I often confuse the two, if that makes any sense. Once again, I digress.
Adam continued to speak in his headache inducing gibberish-style, to Women's Health Magazine."Women are very aware of their power. Men need to live and breathe women as a sex." F**k!!... I’m out of Advil!! Just what the hell is that supposed to mean?! Is he suggesting that have we would all suffocate, and then whither up and die if we didn't smell some tart. Scent of a woman indeed. but in this guy's case, it's more like some serious neuroses, or some sick, deep-rooted sexual complex , he keeps buried deep within. Whatever it is, I think this guy is weird. What is he, a pussy? Is he still sucking from his mother’s breast? What a sorry- sack- of- shi...(sigh) but I digress. Let's move on shall we. Source Here


Headlines that scream hilarity

George Costanza for President?.... Can he really be worse than the guy you've got now? Source Here

Homer Simpson money... Dont get too excited , its only redeemable with beer & donuts...!! Wait a sec...Woo hoo! Get excited! Source Here


How 'SNL' influenced CNN... Like when Wolfe Blitzer used to call Greta Van Susteren an ignorant slut! Source Here


Clay Aiken now a father...I know I posted about it yesterday, but I still shit my pants every time I read it. Source Here


Heath Ledger's bar tribute...Hmmm...tasteless, yet somehow appropriate. Does it make it easier knowing that his dad is approves of it? No...? Source Here


Jack Black's son looks like a squid...Once again, tasteless, yet appropriate. Source Here


Ugly is the new beautiful: 27 non-traditional models...Ironically the photos were taken in a dark bar, shot through the bottom of a whiskey glass. Source Here


Hee Haw' reruns to air on RFD-TV ...Just another reason to not watch RFD-TV. Source Here


Dangerfield's Widow Sues His Daughter For Respect...Why not? Nothing else has worked. F**king kids today! No respect. Source Here


The opinions below do not represent those of this blog

I wasn't quite sure how I felt after I read this quote from US Weekly's editor- in chief , Janice Min. I really couldn't tell whether women should be insulted and outraged, or flattered and appreciative. Anyhow here's what she said.
"We proved that celebrity-magazine readers were not obese women who spent all day watching TV and smoking cigarettes. They are young and well-educated. They want a magazine that gives them a fun break from work and family responsibilities."
That they can peruse through while watching TV and smoking a cigarette. Or so I've been told. Say... I've got a crazy idea, why don't you leave a comment if you are offended by this story. Source Here


The world according to Matt

Does Matt Damon think he’s running for office or what? Listen to what Mr. high and mighty had to say to the Conde Nast Traveler. “I think many of our problems as a country would be solved if people had thick passports. There's just no substitute for actually going and seeing things.”
Who does this guy think he is? Telling me what to do huh! The nerve of this guy. He gets voted once as People's sexiest man of the year, and it all goes to his f**king head!! Humph! ...I'm a little bit steamed now. (pause)
Anyhow he rattled on some more... “You start to feel a level of responsibility to direct attention to things that actually matter more than silly things like who you're dating,” he explained.”
Yet, I'm sure who you're dating is a silly thing, but what if you dated a psycho like I did? Not so f**king silly now is it Matt!? And by the way, aren't you married you prick? Who are you to give advice on dating anyhow. People's sexiest man alive, my foot! I need another f**king Advil. And some food dammit! Source Here

Well that's all there is folks. I gotta go, my neighbors are putting out their trash, and them there's some fresh chow........................my God. What have I become???????????????????????????????

Doc B Gone baby gone

Paris Hilton's Superpowers; and Hairy Palm's. Tonight on the hump!

Heidi Ho folks Doc be here.

To begin, I have to apologize for last post when it appeared that I was passing out. It was no act, I did pass out . Fortunately I'm feeling better now since my brother Lance sent me a care package, thank God for him. Here's the news.


But first...

There's no doubt about it, show business lures the people who didn't get enough love, attention, or approval early in life and have grown up to become bottomless, gaping vessels of terrifying, abject need. Please laugh.”
Dennis Miller


Live Long And Take A Hike, Kid!

Leonard Nimoy`s kid has written an autobiography, in it he mentions meeting one of the greatest thespians of our times,
William Shatner .
"I can't think of a single instance where he remembered who I was when our paths crossed," Leonard Nimoy's son, Adam Nimoy, 51, writes in his memoir, "My Incredibly Wonderful, Miserable Life. Humph...so what? like Bill Shatner can be expected to remember every little snot-nosed kid hes met. What does that prove,..nothing. Hmmm... it seems quite obvious to me that this twerp simply wrote a few paragraphs about William Shatner in his autobiography to help sell a few more books. As a matter of fact it seems awfully curious that this is one of first blurbs that I've read from the book
"so, when I see him, I usually go up to him and shake his hand vigorously and say, 'Mr. Shatner, I'm one of your biggest fans.' . . . Bill will look at me like he thinks he should know me from somewhere but he just can't place the face." No kid he was just stunned. The toilet was flushing properly when he left the house, and yet ,there you are, standing right in front of him. After graciously talking to you, the first thing he did when he got home was call a plumber. A man of William Shatner's stature simply wouldn't let a sanitary problem arise from some pipes that might have leaked from his home. He takes care of his shit Andrew..er..Arnold...Adam! ......................Aw..who cares, let's move on. Source Here


Will Faster Pussycat Kill! Kill! Kill Tarantino's Career!!!

It's been said that Quentin Tarantino plans to remake Faster Pussycat Kill! Kill. The story being of a murderous lesbian stripper
"British newspaper the Mirror says Spears is lined up for the saucy role. (Relax folks Tarantino isn't that stoned.)
And just to raise the gossip bar a notch higher, they even speculate that Spears' "violent character murders a man with her bare hands. She also has sex scenes with another girl - not a big deal for the singer who kissed Madonna on stage." (Which somehow seems like decades ago! )
And a snitch supposedly said: "Quentin is convinced Britney will be brilliant. (Shit, maybe he's mixing mushrooms & coke, and pot & DeKuyper and sniffing diesel fumes again.)
"She [Spears] is delighted. She thinks it could turn her career and her life around. (Or another gem like "Crossroads".)
"It is perfect Tarantino material. He wanted to get Britney first. She's playing the most important character."
Now I want all you fans to hold on before you throw out your yellow tracksuit, Bad MotherF**ker wallet, and Jackie Brown Super- Fro wig. This is only a rumor and I don't think the Weinstein's would give Quentin the amount of rope he needs to cast Britney in the lead role. Pity. My what a lovely train wreck it would be. Source Here


Hairy Palms.

Breast enhancement Barbie has a new show, on the E! network.
" Pammy has roped in unlikely pal Sir Elton John to star in the very first episode of E! entertainment's Pam: Girl On The Loose. ( Hmmm... I wonder how long it took them to come up with that?)
We're told: "Elton arranges it so Pam is part of his Red Piano concert in Vegas. She is seen on five huge screens poledancing (naturally.) in a tiny gold bikini." Aw , God bless her, for continuing to do what she does best with her meagre talent. Appearing partially naked wherever she can. Some people are just blessed without the emotion of shame. Plastic Pammy is one of them. And now she's been around long enough that another generation of adolescent boys have discovered themselves through Pam. They would applaud her but the other hand is busy. Souce Here


The End Is Nigh

I've said it once and I'll say it again, I never thought I would have to say these words, Clay Aiken.. father. (?!) "It's official: Clay Aiken is now a daddy!
The singer, 29, and his producer pal Jaymes Foster welcomed a baby boy Friday morning in Aiken's home state of North Carolina, Aiken's mother, Faye, told a local radio station.
Parker Foster Aiken arrived at 8:08 a.m. - on 8/8/08, no less - and weighed in at 6 pounds, 2 ounces."
Say folks.. do you smell brimstone? No. Maybe it's just me then, I am a little malnourished. Hmmm... Parker Foster Aiken eh! It sounds like a board game, doesn't it? Source Here


MTV's Presidential Bitch- Slap Smack Down

Ever since Paris Hilton met her rocker boyfriend from some damned band whose name I can never remember, she's been pretty quiet on the gossip front, and has been noticeably less visible around town. So I guess all us gossip post pundits can thank John McCain for dragging her back into the spotlight, albeit reluctantly. Paris has been pretty quiet about the McCain ad which used her image along with Britney Spears and Barack Obama, but it appears she's finally fired back. (After hours of endless googling to discover who Barak Obama, and John McCain were.) Paris answered back with a clip that can be viewed at funny or die.com. And she says, “That wrinkly white-haired guy used me in his campaign ad, which I guess means I’m running for President. So thanks for the endorsement, white-haired dude,” she states. “I want America to know that I’m like, totally ready to lead.”
After explaining her energy policy, a reference to the McCain ad which lashed out at Obama’s policy, Paris declares, “I’ll see you at the debates b****es!”
Somewhere over at MTV, a light bulb went off above the head of some guy in marketing. "Eureka!" he shouts. "I have it"! he shouts again. Hurriedly, he rushes off to see in his department manager. He tells his department manager he has come up with "the idea of the century". MTV would broadcast a debate featuring Barack Obama and Paris Hilton teamed up to debate against John McCain and Britney Spears. Of course his department manager thinks the idea is brilliant, and is going to run it right up to the top. Think of it folks, a debate like this would cut across every demographic imaginable . The black vote, old rich white guy vote, twenty-somethings who don't know who the candidates are, and don't vote. All they need now is a gay half Mexican, half Asian midget to moderate, and every desirable demographic will be targeted. Humph ... you don't think it could happen to you? Well just wait and see, and mark my words, coming soon to a cable channel near you, MTV presents The Presidential Bitch- Slap Smackdown. Source Here


Just What The World Needs... Paris Hilton In Spandex Tights And A Cape.

Sticking with Paris Hilton, it appears she's involved in a rather unlikely collaboration with a comic genius."The hotel heiress has been working with Stan Lee, who co-created the Spider-Man comic books, to invent a character for a new MTV cartoon. (It ought to prove to be quite a challenge to the Marvel comics artist, they are not used to drawing stick figures)
She said: “Actually, I've created a superhero with Stan Lee, which is based on me, and we're doing a cartoon right now with MTV.” Among her characters powers: looking positively not interested while performing fellatio, impeccable posture when posing for photos, and being famous for no reason whatsoever.
But what would the real Paris Hilton do if she had a superpower... hmmm, let us ponder this. Oh, oh, I know. She would have the power to turn what ever she touches pink. Just kidding, actually she did answer that question."She said: “I’d love to be invisible - that would be fun!" Just get married darling, and have a few kids, that ought to do the trick. Source Here


Bad News

Unfortunately over the weekend a few more bright lights have been snuffed out. Comedian and actor, Bernie Mac, and the Black Moses, soul singer Isaac Hayes both passed away on the weekend. Both brought an enormous amount of talent and will to the stage. They will be missed.


Well that's all there is folks I gotta go. The restaurant across the street just threw some food out. Looks like I am having Chinese tonight.

Doc B Gone baby gone.

Don’t Fear The Nipple People,…Embrace It.

Heidi Ho folks Doc B here.

Bruce and Luis have been finding enough food to sustain me these last few days. I don’t ask where they find it, and I don’t care anymore. Here’s the news.

But first…

“I don't like my nipples showing. They look like targets.”
“Sienna Guillory”


Don’t Fear The Nipple

US networks have once again bowed to the pressure of sponsors and the tone of the current government in power. It's just a nipple folks, haven't we move past this nipple issue huh? Huh! I guess not, according to the New York Post."EVA Mendes is so naked and so sexy in an ad for Secret Obsession, the new fragrance from Calvin Klein Inc., that TV networks rejected the spot until it was cleaned up, and still won't air it until after 9 p.m." Humph! If this is the same ad that I've seen , then all you see is a f***ing nipple! Why are we so afraid of the nipple? Most of us suck on one for a good portion of our infancy (and other stages), so why do we fear it is so?
Could it be that some of us weren't fed on it enough, or wanted more but were thought to be too old, thus denied. Perhaps because we so desired it in our adolescence, yet were so seldom able to achieve it, we now punish it. And yes I know it's a male dominated (politically speaking) society but where are the women in all this, where are their voices? Hmmm! Gagged with a Wonderbra it would seem................................. so why do we,... fear the nipple? Damned if I know.
How do things becomes taboo? It's funny because I was just having this conversation with a friend of mine, you know, about societal norms. So why in our society do we frown upon men carrying a purse, only because we are preconditioned to think that it is wrong, silly,.. gay.
My friend and I were wondering what we would carry, if it were acceptable to carry a nice Gucci bag (or whatever designer you prefer). After a informal poll, a consensus emerged. Number one on the list would be money (naturally) followed closely by gum, keys, condoms, (naturally) sunglasses, toothbrush (?), drugs, (naturally) food , (mmm... donuts) a gun, clean socks (?!) And paint thinner. One freak answered makeup. Can you believe that? What a queer. Still it would be nice if society wouldn't frowned upon men carrying purses. Although it would be one less thing we would be able to make fun of our girlfriends about. All the shit they carry in their purse.I fear we would carry much more. You never know when you might need a table saw. Source Here


Thank You Come Again

Thanks for the watch Iggy, come back soon, don't be a stranger now. Jeez... it's been over 20 years since Iggy Pop performed in Montréal and this is how the people repay him for coming back to the city. " According to the Eric Fisher, the group's road manager, a rented van loaded with the group's musical instruments, mikes and amplifiers was stolen outside the Embassy Suites Hotel on St. Antoine St. W. in Old Montreal.
He estimated the equipment alone was worth "tens of thousands of dollars." So when you guys coming back, if you don't mind me asking? N#*#!%((***&&*#***#!!!!!!!!!!!! Jeez, never mind.
Not to worry I'm sure the crack Montréal police force is right on top of things. Why they probably have someone in custody as we speak."Montreal police were investigating, but weren't able to say whether the thieves were targeting the band and its equipment or if they had simply intended to steal the van, Constable Raphaël Bergeron said." Plus there was a Tims (huge Canadian doughnut chain!) on the corner where ze crime was committed, so we got off to a slow start in the morning and are just catching up now, we will get them. Now if you excuse me it's time for my... how do you say, pause [ (:-po-se]... ah yes... break time.
Hmmm... still this must have been a professional job, targeting the Stooges equipment, right? "The equipment was in a 4.5-metre yellow truck rented from the Penske rental firm and had Michigan plates.".... hmm.. Then again maybe they thought the truck was filled with cigarettes. Lots of that going around here. Oh well, let's move on shall we. Source Here


Coating It With Sugar

No no no no, don't hold back Sharon, tell us what you really think of Paris Hilton. “You've got your superstars. You've got your celebrities. And then you've got your people who I call 'infamous’, like Paris Hilton, who I know," said Sharon. Hmmm... yes, but does she know you? Never mind it doesn't matter, go on.“She's got a look that a lot of younger girls liked and copied but she has no talent. I'm sure Paris would tell you that herself. The timing was right for her. A lot of younger women looked up to her.
“She a very sweet, nice girl. But that's it. Then you put a full stop. It's over.” Um... I think this calls for a translation folks, what I think Sharon really meant to say was that Paris is dumb as a post, one that is made of plastic and is hollow. Empty. Vacant! Hmmm... how shall I put this,... like Pink said, stupid girls. I asked Paris to comment on what Sharon said, but I couldn't hear over the whistle sound coming out her ear. It was very windy. I'll have to catch up to her and ask her again, somewhere indoors. Source Here


Committed, Or Just Less Lonely On Week-Nights

Lindsay Lohan continues to make the rounds on all the gossip sites.
After being outed the other day by an LA police chief, word comes today from a story by Bang Showbiz that "The Mean Girls actress – who only recently confirmed she was in a same-sex relationship with DJ Samantha – is planning to exchange vows with her lover at a private ceremony in Los Angeles later this year, and her mother Dina has already started planning a lavish party."(to be broadcast on a special episode of her realityshow no doubt) Hmmm... if this is true, then it seems like Lilo's gonna settle down. Which would be rather ironic since LA police chief Bratton suggested that Lilo's gay relationship has had a calming, effect leaving the paparazzi with nothing scandalous to shoot. This would mark another interesting chapter in what has been a very tumultuous and extremely public passage from adolescence into adulthood.
I for one certainly hope she's not rushing into anything, you know, trying to please everyone around her. I hope the pressure of her peers isn't weighing on her decision (if it's true she's getting married). Because she looks around and she sees that Britney and Christina popped out a few brats, and old friend (oldfoe?) Paris Hilton seems to be settling in with her boyfriend. Nicole Richie's had one baby already with hers. She's still young; I just hope she doesn't think that life is passing her buy, that she needs to get on board.sure I know she’s become toxic in Hollywood, but it history has proven over and over again, it’s that Hollywood loves a comeback. But I’m not sure go in this lesbian route is the right angle to score with the suits in La La land. And what if they want kids? Well I suppose they can always adopt. That’s all the rage today. Still I’m not sure she’s really committed. And she’s totally gone over to the other side. So don’t be scratching her off your to- do list just yet. Why… you ask? Well I’ll tell you. Two words. Anne Heche You feeling me. I knew that you would. Source Here


Who?

Hairspray star Nikki Blonsky and her father were arrested on assault charges following a brawl involving the family of America's Next Top Model contestant Bianca Golden in a Caribbean airport, police said Friday. The chick from Hairspray and a wanna-be model. Does anyone really care?............just checking. Source Here

Well that’s all folks I gotta go.I feel faint, I think I need to lie down. I’m starting to feel dizzy and am having trouble remembering things I tink im beginig to loss my motor skilz………..helpe me.

DocBgonebabygone………………..

Breaking News: Britney Doesn’t Follow Candidates Campaign.(Big Wow!)/Celebrity Blog 101( Not So Special)

Heidi Ho folks Doc B.here.

I’m starting to get a little hungry… but my cupboards are almost completely bare. What do you make with beef broth and marshmallows? Hmmm… I need some income, and quick. Bruce’s operation is coming up soon and I need to pay for it dammit. I need to make some money quick. Say… this ad may be helpful. While I check this out, here’s the news.

But first…

“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies.”
“Groucho Marx”


$14 Million! Where’s The Sunblock?

Well folks, it's official, the whole world has gone completely off it's nut! Huh, what's that? Overreacting! Too harsh-- you say. Well, we'll just have too agree to disagree, won't we.
"People magazine has nabbed exclusive rights to perhaps the most-sought after cover babies of all time: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's new twins". And what's the dollar figure on that? $14 million! Are you f***ing serious? $14 million! For baby photos. $14 million. Are these babies made of f***ing gold? Do they shit diamonds out there ass? Can the lower my cholesterol? Or enhance my erection? No.? Then how come $14 million dammit? Are you nuts? They're just the bastard offspring of a couple movie actors. This has gotten way out of hand. This has the possibility of shifting the earth’s axis, shifting the balance of power in Hollywood. Actors are now earning more from the sale of baby photos than they are from movie roles. Doesn’t anyone else but me see how dangerous this is? They act, to gain celebrity, which earns them wealth and fame.They are actors! They are paid to act, to entertain us! Publications like People, and OK, and In Touch Weekly are raising their celebrity status up into aristocracy. They’re just f**king actors! Pay them to act. Nothing else! Jeezz…I need an aspirin. I guess there’s no stopping it. Its progress they say. I guess it is-- what it is…………………$14 million… wow. Expect the sun the explode any day now. Source Here


Quick Hits Headlines

“Verne Troyer sues ex-girlfriend for $20 million”... she apparently coerced him to star in Mike Myers “The Love Guru”. Hmmm... that film was a real turkey, maybe he should ask for more. Source Here

“Abba makes history at number one”... their greatest hits has gone number one in the UK. I told you we should have taken them out when we had the chance... but noooo. You said it was immoral. Now it's too late, we've missed our chance dammit! Source Here

“Rocker Mellencamp happy to be ‘an old man’... like he has any choice in the matter.Source Here

“Here comes the teen bride: Jamie Lynn to wed”... it was either that or put up with her mom hanging around all the time, crimping her style. Source Here



Lauren says this may be her last ‘Hills’ season... hmmm... it doesn't bother me, however it may bother that strange looking gentleman in the plaid shirt and sporting a trucker hat. He was always at autograph sessions getting her to sign his hanker- chiefs, To My Dearest Bobby Jo. I wonder she remembers him, average looking, large, unassuming, and smells like processed meat. He seemed like a big fan. That large , unassuming, plaid shirt wearing, cold meat eating, trucker hat gentlemen, he might be bothered. He may be downright pissed. Hmmm... stay out of isolated places Lauren, and let someone else open your mail. Come to think of it, changing up your routine might be a good idea as well. You never can be too careful, you know. Source Here


Politics and celebrity don’t mix, and gays and politics as well.. come to think of it

This week has been notable for the calling out of celebs by members of our law enforcement and government.
Beginning with the boys in blue, LAPD chief William Bratton took a backhanded swipe at Britney in the press the other day. It seems in Lala land a new task force has been created to deal specifically with paparazzi. Some of the whiny celebrities that testified before the new task force included John Mayer, Eric Roberts and Milo Ventimiglia. Here's what Mayer said, clearly believing the world revolves only around him."Wearing jeans and a rumpled dress shirt, the singer invited law enforcement officials to do a ride-along with him to experience the pursuits firsthand - and he suggested that officials regulate paparazzi with special license plates marked with a big "P." Hmmm... yes, excellent idea. And while you're at it, your car should be marked with a special license plate as well. It should read B. P.,.. for Big Pussy. However chief Bratton had a more common sense approach to the problem. He doesn't believe creating a new task force and spending taxpayers money will solve the problem. No, he targets the evil doers themselves."If you notice, since Britney started wearing clothes and behaving; Paris is out of town not bothering anybody anymore, thank God, and evidently, Lindsay Lohan has gone gay, we don't seem to have much of an issue," Bratton said.
"If the ones that attract the paparazzi behave in the first place, like we expect of anybody, that solves about 90% of the problem. The rest we can deal with," he said. Yeah... you said if chief, put some clothes on that basket case Britney, newly gay Lilo has practically gone underground, and god's taking care of Paris. Problem solved chief. Ah... cream rises to the top.

Wellll... of course it didn't take long for one of the girls to object. Lindsay Lohan and her girlfriend Samantha Ronson were at the Los Angeles airport to catch a flight when TMZ.asked them to comment. Lilo said,"Police chiefs shouldn't get involved in everyone else's business when it comes to their personal life. It's inappropriate," it's very rude as well, people will think I have become boring. Not to be outdone, chief Bratton called a press conference to clarify (not really) what he meant. "When asked about the Lohan remark — which followed months of tabloid speculation that Lohan and Ronson, a DJ, are dating — Bratton said his sister is gay and he is a proponent of gay rights". (That's clear,... as clear as the Beijing skyline). A follow-up question asked chief Bratton, that if his sisters gay, does that make him a homosexual? There was a swift no comment from chief Bratton. I didn't catch the reporters name who asked the question, but he did sound a lot like that that fat kid on South Park. Hmmm... (?!)
Well that takes care the boys in blue. On the government side, an ad by John McCain has caused a little stir. It seems Kathy Hilton was none too happy to see her daughter's name mentioned in the ad."The campaign ad which features images of Hilton's famous daughter, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Barack Obama with a voiceover that says, "He's the biggest celebrity in the world. But is he ready to lead?" Kathy and her husband made a donation to McCain's campaign so I guess she has a reason to gripe. Her daughter Paris on the other hand is taking it all in stride. She chose to let her publicist release a statement which read. "Miss Hilton was neither asked, nor did she give permission, for the use of her likeness in the ad, and has no further comment." Hmmm... what? She didn't say, that's hot? Frankly I find that hard to believe.
Are you sure maybe you should double-check that .I’m sure she said, that’s hot.
And then we have Britney. What is Britney's response to being used in John McCain's ad? Not much really.“She visits gossip sites on the Internet,” says a source close to Spears. “She’s not exactly glued to campaign news. She’s unfazed by this. If not for Googling her own name she probably wouldn't have noticed.”
No shit, she's not glued to the campaign news. Go figure. Well I guess it's only to be expected. When a person has been all doped on Zantac, morphine and Thorazine, they generally have problems doing the most rudimentary task. Even typing one's own name becomes a chore through all the thick and cloudy haze of the drugs. Probably best not to expect too much from her when she's like this. Source Here,
Here and Here


And Finally.

I want to wish Christina Applegate all the best in her fight against breast cancer. Reports suggest they caught it early, thank god. Get well Christina.
Source Here ex.html

Well that’s all folks, I gotta go My supper is almost ready. Olives boiled in beef broth…yum. For dessert, marshmallows and……….(SOB). My only salvation lies in this internet ad.

Doc B. Gone baby gone

100th Big Blogpost Blowout. Bigger And Better (well,…not really. But it is the 100th post.:) )

Heidi- Ho folks Doc B here.

I’m back. Back from the company boot camp, where all the un-desirables, under-achievers, and underpaid employees are forced to perform demeaning and unpleasant tasks in an attempt to prove to their employers that they are still an asset. Or at the least, convince them to give you one more shot because you’re desperate to hold onto it. Not me though baby! I’m a free man. I quit my job.Im free to do whatever I want. Like............starve. Heres the news.

But first…

“Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is like another nail.”
“Homer Simpson”


BEHIND THE CONSPIRACY OF CELEBRITY PREGNANCIES

Another celebrity pregnancy. Yes another one. This time it's Rebecca Ronijn as gone and got herself knocked up by her husband Jerry O'Connell, so reports seriouslyomg.com. And they also pose a good question as well " I don't know why she didn't have kids with John Stamos, could you imagine how beautiful those babies would've been! "Yeah weaned on the Beach boys music and watching classic moments (if there are any) of " Full House. The real question here is not who Rebecca should have had babies with, it’s how she got pregnant in the first place? It seems like every time I turn on my laptop another celebrity has gone and gotten themselves preggers. No, this can't be a coincidence. There must be some more to this. A conspiracy perhaps? I've been pondering this over the last couple hours, really giving it some thought, deep, deep thoughts, while watching reruns of Law and Order on A&E. And I think I might have just stumbled on to what is really behind all this celebrity pregnancy. I think the studios are behind all this. I think they were so worried that the writers’ strike would leave people's minds open to trying new things on their than watching TV and movies. That they were so worried people would discover other activities, they devised a scheme to keep all the celebrities in the headlines. By secretly sprinkling fertilizer on their ovaries to make the garden grow, so to speak.. This way celebrities would be in the news for months and months on end, and create chatter on websites and blogs, in newspapers, and TV. But how? How could they possibly get so many celebrities pregnant around the same time? Hmmm... they must have all been gathered in the same place, at the same time. It had to be someplace where they would have let their guard down and been exposed to a lot of gratuities and handouts, and endorsement offers and just plain free stuff that celebs love so much. With so much freebies at their disposal, it would be easy to slip something in their bottled water, or granola bar, or Botox, or anything really. It would be very simple for the studios to carry out their plan secretly. Nefariously.
Sensing that I was onto something, something concrete. I called up an old friend of mine who works in the espionage department of a pharmaceutical company, and put my question to him. Here is his reply. [The name of this expert source has been changed to protect his identity]
( Recorded phone conversation.)
Doc B: so what do you think of my theory Mookie, is it possible?
Mookie: well... anything is possible. Am I to understand you're suggesting the studios are behind him a pregnancy of celebrities?
Doc B: yes.
Mookie: are you stoned?
Doc B: I don't think so?
Mookie:How did you get this number?
Doc B: just answer my question, is it possible?
Mookie: I suppose, but this kind of stuff only happens in the movies.
Doc B: My point exactly! So can I quote you on this?
Mookie: No, and don't call me at work again. Ever. I don't know what my sister ever saw in you? (click.)
( End of conversation.)
Hmmm... it seems obvious that the studios have gotten to my friend. They must really have something on him for him to be afraid to speak to me openly. Rest assured faithful readers, Doc B is on the case. I know there is something to this. The truth is out there. I won't stop until I expose these cretins in the light of day. They must be stopped. Source Here


OMG... I'M GAY.

Is it possible to wake up one morning and suddenly be gay? It's a legitimate question. If you're homophobic. Obviously, only ignorant people would think you can catch gayness from sitting on the same toilet seat in a public restroom that a gay might have used. These same people think simply listening to too much Barbra Streisand is a risk. Now I don't know people like this, but I have heard of them.
Case in point:
Jason Solomons on Mamma Mia tonight on ABC Nightline:
"I've been humming ABBA all week. I've been humming it in bed. I wake up in the morning thinking, 'Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!' My wife thinks I've turned homosexual from seeing this film."
OMG!!! Better keep him away from the Barbara Streisand CDs.
And while his wife is at it she should check his drawers to see if he has any issues of Stud Puppy. See if her husband has any photos or postcards of Joan Crawford and Cher lie in around. Of course, if he's taking to drinking mineral water, then the alarm bells should have sounded. Screaming—Gay-Gay-Gay!!! It's Gaydom's biggest tell, everyone knows that. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Source Here and Here


A WILD AND CRAZY GUY

You know I always thought Shia Lebeouf was a bit of a pussy, but I'm beginning to change my mind, now.
It seems he was just starting slow, taking his time, feeling things out, you know preparing himself. Starting off with simple misdemeanours, until he felt the time was right, and that he was ready to advance to the next stage.
And he almost succeeded. Unfortunately his newest bad was not deemed Felony worthy. It was close, but no cigar is DUI arrest was reduced from a felony to a misdemeanour
"He made a left turn in front of another vehicle and hit another vehicle. His vehicle rolled," Los Angeles County Sheriff's Sgt. S. Wolf told the Daily News.
"Initially the incident was deemed a felony, but upon further investigation it was determined to be a misdemeanor," Wolf said. "He was cited at the hospital and is no longer in our custody."
Humph! If a man can't get arrested while driving drunk and rolling his car over, what’s he to do? Shoot someone? Saayyy... there’s an idea.
Hmmm... I wonder what Spielberg's thinking while watching his golden boy act the part of a fool? Source Here


UTTER DISBELIEF

I have shocking news, absolutely shocking. Are you sitting down? I hope you're. Now, are you ready, are you mentally prepaired? Okay then, I'll tell you. It's looks like Amy Winehouse has been hospitalized. I know, I know. I'm as stunned as you are. No, I'm more than that. I'm in disbelief.
“London Ambulance Service said it was called to an address in north London at 8:40 p.m. local time.
"We sent an ambulance and a fast response car and the patient has been taken to hospital," it said in a statement without naming Winehouse.”
I just can't believe it. Are they sure they got the right person, and sure its Amy? Well I for one will not be convinced until I see photos of the corpse. Source Here


SMITE THEM I SAY.

Please God make it stop. The Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen melodrama continues. This is becoming more ridiculous than an episode of Dynasty. What? Too retro? OK, OK, 2008 then. It's becoming more ridiculous then 24. How's that? Seriously though, I pity the poor children. Is anyone thinking of the well-being of the children? "Richards dragged Sheen into a Los Angeles courtroom early last week for a mysterious "emergency" child-custody hearing to screen videos of their girls, Sam and Lola, supposedly acting in strange and disturbing ways. Sheen's lawyers - who got the "evidence" dismissed - presented their own videos of the girls acting normally at his house.
A source said, "Denise's accusations were vile. She was basically trying to say Charlie [manipulated] the kids and acted inappropriately with them. It's disgusting and totally untrue. Charlie is furious . . . Denise has really pushed it too far this time."
Does the hand of God need to come down from the heavens and smack them behind the head to awaken these authority figures into action Isn’t it obvious that these people shouldn't be raising kids. and to think that the studios are deliberately hit Humvees celebrity morons pregnant just makes me shudder. Brr... there, I just had a chill. It's true. I shuddered, really I did. Source Here


Thats all folks, I gotta go browse the help wanted ads. Really, how bad can the job market be? Hmmm...um....hmm...I wonder how much they’ll pay me to be a BFF with Paris Hilton. Hey! Its an honest living. Don’t judge.

Doc B Gone baby gone

Celebrity Gossip News Extravaganza. Tonight, on the Hump.

Heidi-Ho folks Doc B here.

I'm exhausted I've been going around doing all kinds of errands for my boss. Doing his laundry, standing in line for him at the DMV. Even pleasuring his wife for him to keep her off his back, while he romps in the hay with his young latin lover. I think he stuffs his trousers, but who am i to judge. I think I need to find a new line of work . Anyhow here's the news.

But first…

“I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet”
“Sam Kinison”


Cat fight! Everyone look away now.

I certainly got a giggle out of Omarosa's appearance on The Wendy Williams Show Monday. If you missed it, it seems things got a little heated (I could have used the word catty, but some people might have been offended: hint; they have no penis.) Omarosa was supposed to be there to promote her book, but in the great tradition of Monty Python, she just wanted an argument. Williams who has been on radio for a long time but is new to TV must have been coached by her producers to make sure do get a camera shot of the cover of the book, which she did. Most awkwardly. Omarosa reacted like a fat kid (pardon me, what's the term? Weight challenged? Obese? Hormonally different? Jelly donut junkies? F**k it!), like a fat kid when you steal his fries. So she did what any fat kid would, she yanked it back.... the following moments were...awkward.
The tussle gave way to Omarosa attacking Williams’ appearance, asking her whether she had had a nose job and suggesting she shouldn’t wear wigs. During the heated exchange, Williams called Omarosa a “typical angry black woman” and advised Omarosa that cosmetic injections could fix her wrinkles. Ooh ooh.. cat fight! (It's appropriate, and dammit, it's the truth.) Of course the clip of this interview has gone completely viral fad. One would think it would be good for ratings, wouldn't it? Now far be it from me to suggest that this was planned. Which I don't. However I think the show's producers were definitely hoping for some sparks, don't you? Listen to what Wendy said after the interview. She called Omarosa “a delusional, D-list, pathetic woman.” Hmmm... isn't that the pot calling the kettle black huh! So if I wanted catch up on what D-listers are doing these days I guess I know what show to tune into. I wonder what Charo and Marc Lawrence are up to? Guess I'll have to tune in to find out. Source Here


Live to tell.

Well it's nice to know someone is happy. No it's not the producers of the Wendy Williams show. It's Christopher Ciccone, Madonna's brother, who is having as much fun as a Navy submarine sailor on shore leave with a Thai hooker. While talking to the New York Observer he let slip out a hint of satisfaction and triumph over his sister's reaction to the book. "Christopher claims Madonna sent him an e-mail simply stating, “Call me,” when she got wind of the unauthorized biography. Deciding not to engage her (“I don’t respond to commands anymore”), he enjoyed Madonna’s rare, powerless position instead." Hmmm... it's almost as if he enjoys watching her squirm, doesn't it folks? “I will admit to a guilty pleasure in watching her squirm,” the younger Ciccone confessed. Hmmm... it's nice to see that he's not bitter about it. Source Here


What's in a name?

Ill it's a shame that more people don't vote in the states. Given the incredible freedom and choice, and levels of governments that represent them . Something tells me however, that in the next election in the city of San Francisco, there will be a record turnout. Some activists have come up with a rather ingenious plan to honor to current sitting duck president (no, not a lynching.) in the next election."Activists in San Francisco have secured sufficient support to put on the November election ballot an initiative to rename a local sewage plant in “honour” of President George W Bush.
The Bush critics succeeded in collecting more than 12,000 signatures for renaming the sewerage plant, and an election committee confirmed it, the San Francisco Chronicle said today." What a novel idea, bravo to them, my hats off. And I'm almost certain that this will come to pass in the next election come November. San Francisco voted to support an initiative to impeach both Bush and Vice President Cheney in 2006. 58% of San Franciscans voted to give Bush and Cheney a tricky Dick special, so they'll no doubt be geared up to honor Bush properly. Hmmm... this initiative could lead to a more appropriate and proper use of presidents names. Such as, the William Jefferson Clinton National Sperm Bank of America. The George H. Bush Choke N Puke Sushi Steakhouse . The Richard Nixon Audio and Video Surveillance Museum. The Gerald Ford School of Slapstick Comedy. Ronald Reagan's Irish Pub, the Lyndon B. Johnson Landfill, the possibilities are endless.Ah Yes, I'll be keeping my eye on San Francisco in the next election. Source Here


Roughriders rejoice! The DMX pleads not guilty.

Rapper DMX pleaded not guilty to felony charges of theft and identity theft. "Authorities allege the 37-year-old rapper gave the name "Troy Jones" and an incorrect Social Security number to a Scottsdale hospital in April to avoid paying $7,500 in medical expenses."You'll recall the DMX has been arrested for many a crime, but has done little time. So it comes as no surprise that he seemed in good spirits, and was optimistic outside the courtroom after his plea.," Hmmm... catchy, it's a good start. Let me see, "If you ever fall down, get back up." If you say you're Troy Jones, don't pick up the phone. Say what.! If you have to cough up a plea, say it wasn't me. If you ever spend time in Scottsdale, be prepared for the man to send you to jail. Say what! if you ever fall down, get back up, because you'll get all dirty and maybe catch a stomach cold. Whoops... that last line sounds like something my mom used to tell me. Let's move on shall we. Source Here


Headlines That Matter!

"Publicist runs out on Mills: Heather is too hot-headed to handle, aide claims".
Really, it just goes to show you. You never can tell about some people. Source Here


"Britney Spears rages at those closest to her in new songs".

Yeah, like her lawyer, her therapist, her bartender.My god, you should hear what she calls her car insurance broker. Oohh..the mouth on that girl. It's disgraceful. Why if she's not careful they may take her kids away from her. Oh yeah,...she wasn't..and they did. My bad. Source Here


"Spears and Federline settle custody case".

Apples or oranges, either way, the kids are screwed. Source Here


"Jimmy Kimmel puts Ed McMahon back to work".

Ed said he has no problem cleaning Jimmy's toilet. Or serving him and his posse drinks and hors d'oeuvres. He even trims Jimmy's toenails and grooms his back hair. But he still has his pride, and refuses to sit and pretend to laugh at Jimmy's lame jokes. Johnny Carson he . ain't. Hell, he ain't no Arsenio either. Source Here


"Police: Paparazzi, guards, fight at Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's chateau”

Boys, boys, wait your turn. I'm sure she'll get around to adopting everyone eventually. Source Here

"Omarosa doesn't regret spat with TV host".

Her only regret ? Not actually having spat on her. Source Here


"‘Lost’ creators know how series will end".

Here's a hint. Patrick Duffy and Victoria principal are said to be involved. Source Here


"Hollywood writers protest ‘American Idol’".

Humph... don't you think it should be the songwriters doing the protesting? Source Here


"Lohan makes 'girlfriend' joke about Ronson"

Said Lindsey to a friend; I' ve got to be careful not to drink too much with the ole ball n chain hanging around. She's been on the rag lately. Source Here


From Hero to zero (tough on stains)

If you asked me, Hayden Panettiere sounds awfully spoiled. Just look hear what she says to OK magazine. “I still want a mom and dad to take care of me and do my laundry, ’cause I can’t do it. No, I’m kidding. I can do laundry!” I just refuse to do it. Besides what else do they have to do, it's not like they have hundreds of thousands of people screaming at them at Comic Com now do they? And if they say no, I'll just get my assistant to do it. But I'd rather not bother her, she has a hard enough time getting me my Iced Bombay Tea when I want it. It would take her days to just do my blouses, my mom only works 40 hours a week so she has lots of time.


Well that's all folks I gotta go. It seems my boss at a charity auction agreed to pose nude for an art class. So guess what I have to do tonight posing as him? I hope the room is not too cold. I is sometimes suffer from shrinkage. Don't giggle girls, it's a real problem. Seven out of 10 men suffer from it and it causes deep emotional scarring. Most of these men are under severe peer pressure and are too embarrassed to come forward to discuss their issues with their issues and low self-esteem. A casually tossed acerbic one-liner comparing a man's penis, to that of a eight-year-old nephew can cause severe permanent damage to a man’s psyche and his personal well-being. So don't mock us ladies, it's a real problem, it's serious and can ultimately lead to fatality. Those penis enlargement products are really dangerous, they rank 374th on the top 500 list of ways men die. So keep your thermostat set at room temperature and watch out for drafts, and for god’s sake, keep your windows closed.

Doc B Gone baby gone.

Madonnas sex tape... it's got goats (?!)/Country Music Snobs Snub Jessica

Heidi Ho Folks Doc B here.

Can't talk. Must wash clothes. On a deadline. Heres the news.

But first…

“Before I speak, I have something important to say.”
“Groucho Marx”


Country Crowd Too Cultured for Jessica

That poor girl Jessica Simpson, she just can't catch a break. Unable to cut it as a pop star. A total failure as a film star. A walking punchline as a reality TV star. What else was she to do but turn to country music. So on the weekend she squeezed back into her Daisy Dukes to perform songs off her new country album at something called the "Country Thunder USA festival in Randall, Wisconsin". Hmm… "Country Thunder USA " you say,... it must be culture week in Wisconsin, but I digress. It seems poor little Jessica's stab at performing country music got off to a bit of the inauspicious start. Sensing hostility she tried to warm up the crowd with some old-fashioned country goodness, all natural, just like mom's, humble pie."I don't know what your perception is of Jessica Simpson or what tabloid you buy, but I just want you to know that I'm just a girl from Texas, I'm just like you. I'm doing what I love and dating a boy." Humph! Well I'm not exactly doing what I love, but I would like to know how she found out about the boy I'm dating. Still, unfortunately for Jessica her cute little psychic tricks about love didn't cut her any slack with the audience."Just because she's dating Tony Romo it doesn't make her country," one concertgoer told the Kenosha News, a local paper. Hmmm... he has a point, "it doesn't make her country". No, I suppose it would take a lobotomy, a pickup truck with a gun rack, and a general (or intimate) knowledge of livestock for that. Still I'm not so sure that the concertgoer that the Kenosha News interviewed was "country". Did anyone happen to take notice of his diction? I mean it's obvious,... listen to his grammar. He says"it doesn't make her country". You see, you see, right there. Well can't you see it? It's a big red flag, how could you miss it? The concertgoer says "it doesn't". When in fact the proper "country" phrasing would be, "it don't". And when used in a sentence it would sound like this; "it don't make her country". There. You see the difference? Clearly this concertgoer was some Northerner with an agenda, or ax to grind against poor little Jessica. (pause ) Honestly you would think the Kenosha News would screen their interviews a bit more thoroughly huh. One yokel even went so far as to say that Jessica was,"an embarrassment to country music." Really! More embarrassing than the TV show "Hee Haw". More embarrassing than Toby Keith? I think not. Is it more embarrassing than a whole genre of fans turning their backs on one of their own, simply because they've voiced an opinion about a certain elected president from Texas? Hmmm... somehow I doubt it. And while we're talking about embarrassing,... dudes, you' ve got to do something about those silly shirts. Well regardless of the IQ of her audience, it certainly appears that Jessica Simpson still has some work cut out for her if she wants to cross over into "country" music. Source Here


Sex and lies,and pine tar

I found this rather amusing when I came across it. If it's true, and let me reiterate, big f**king If! There are reports that sex tape between Alex Rodriguez and Madonna exists. It's a I know I know there's a lot of people out there get excited right now. Yeah you know who you are. You can't wait to see this sex tape to find out if Madonna really can walk the walk, like she talks the talk. I hear you. Oh how many fantasies would be ruined if by chance she just happened to lay there, frigid and unresponsive like a wet rag. The story goes like this. " A cameraman claims to have a video of Madonna and baseball player Alex Rodriguez romping on a sofa.
He is trying to sell the tape - allegedly shot with a hidden camera in an apartment owned by a friend of the cameraman which was used by the couple for secret liaisons – for £1 million.
The unnamed owner of the tape claims he visited the property and hid a camera, pointed at the sofa which captured the X-rated footage two months ago." Hmmm... I'm no lawyer that sounds slightly illegal. Fun. But illegal nonetheless. Could this story be true? I suppose it's possible, maybe even plausible. However, Madonna is embarking on a tour for her album, therefore she could be behind all this talk to garner media attention to sell more tickets. Yep, I have my doubts, but I think it may be true. It just so happens a friend of a friend got his hands on some audio of the tape and sent me the transcript. I've received permission from my friend to present to you an excerpt, unedited of course.

Alex; I can't believe this is happening... that were here together,... now.
Madonna: O... you can believe it loverboy. [Zipppp] batter up!
Alex: You know, I never really found you good looking, or beautiful, you know. But you got that look. That look that says you've got something, and that something... is really good.
Madonna: Shut up ball boy, the time for talk is passed. You're in the playoffs now and it's time for action.
Alex:Uh... Gee I don't know, I usually choke in the playoffs. Can't we just pretend it's a spring training?
Madonna: Whatever floats your boat loverboy... did you remember to put pine tar on your bat?
Alex: Pine tar? Won't I get all sticky?
Madonna. Only if you're lucky lover. Take me now or lose me forever.
Alex: Was that the go signal... I'm always get in my signs mixed up?
Madonna: Please don't talk anymore
Alex: (silence)
Madonna: Good!

[Inaudible] This part here was a little muffled folks. But from what my trained ear could decipher, sounded a lot like naked flesh on leather. You know, that sound that happens when you get out of your car seat on a sticky day after you've been driving for an hour. That sound, lots of it, for about 40 minutes. Towards the end of the tape, it started to get a little freaky. I can't be sure... but I'm positive I heard some goat noises. And then, and once again I can't be sure... but I'm positive I heard someone talking Flemish. Baking muffins. They sounded delicious. But the ending was absolutely surreal. Alex was moaning... presumably from pleasure? Then I heard it, that unmistakable voice I've listen to throughout my childhood. Clear as a bell. It was Harry Carey singing, "Take Me out to the Ballgame". Time for the seventh inning stretch. When I get more you'll be the first to know. Promise. Hmmm... I feel like... muffins. Source Here


Into the abyss

So Amy thought she was going through a low ebb huh. I wonder how she'll colorfully describe this crevice she's about to fall into,hmmm. "A London judge sentenced singer Amy Winehouse’s husband today to 27 months in jail for assault and obstructing justice".
You may recall that I mentioned before on these very pages that she was quite delusional about the fact that Blake would be coming home any time soon. She'll no doubt find some loony way to protest this judgment, and then punch some fan in the face. And then she'll get drunk. Ba-da-dum-dum. Thank you, thank you. You're a smart audience. And what's the deal with this weather,huh? Weird. Source Here


He really loves me, he just hasn't told her yet

Lance Bass thought he had found true love, and the right man. A personal trainer named Sebastian Leal. But..and girls, you can relate, it turns out the guy is married! And get this! To a woman,...en plus! It seems Sebastian "married US citizen Jessica Gannon nine years ago - and never got a divorce. The two separated three years ago, due to what Gannon told us through a rep were "irreconcilable differences". Hmmm... that term is so vague. It leaves a lot open to interpretation. Hmmm... I wonder just what irreconcilable differences" got in the way of their marriage? Anyhow what could go wrong, they're in love. A friend of Lance offered this. "Lance and Sebastian are very open with each other and have no secrets."
Out of concern, I called up Lance myself, and asked him to comment about the fact that his boyfriend Sebastian was married to a woman.
He replied, He's what!............ He's f**king married!..............Son of a....... suddenly., I feel fat.
Cheer up Lance I'm sure he'll leave his wife for you. Don't they all? Source Here


Well that's all folks. I gotta go buy some more Shout. Some of these stains really don't want to come out. And what the hell is this? Mayonnaise!.......................Shit! It's not mayonnaise.

Doc B Gone baby gone

If I Had A Million Dollars... I'd Be (Allegedly) Stoned. Dina Loves Her Newly Gay Daughter Lindsay.

Heidi Ho folks Doc B. here.

I've been really busy trying to get on my boss’ good side again, so I've been really busy. So no f***ing around. Here's the news.

But first…


"I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that”
“Groucho Marx”


Who?

This headline caught my eye, "Mellencamp calls himself an ‘ex-rock star’". And this is news? Anyhow I guess it's nice to know he's no longer in denial. I'm not sure he ever technically could have qualified as a rock star, one things for sure, he is a long way from being one now. It happens to everyone, they lose their motivation, their drive, their inspiration. That, and he's been hanging out in Willie Nelson's bus too much. Source Here


Is Lilo Gay? Her Mom Sure Hopes So.

Another day, and another story over at the New York Daily News about Lindsay Lohan, and her alleged lover Samantha Ronson. And why not, everyone's doing it? Over at Life & Style magazine
they get right to the point, and ask "Is Lindsay Gay?" Well that is the million dollar question is it not? (or could be if Lilo plays her cards right.) So, is she or isn't she? Whichever it is, her mother isn't taking any chances and is trying to appear accepting and supportive. At a club in Manhattan, Dina "followed the supposedly Sapphic couple around the Sephora party all night, gushing over Sam. Lindsay finally dodged mommy dearest and camped out behind Samantha in the deejay booth, emerging only to have a quick chat with performer Natasha Bedingfield. Couple or not, Lindsay and Sam couldn't have looked happier and Dina was all smiles, telling partygoers just how cute she thought the pair looked, making sure reporters were never out of earshot". I guess it's better than the alternative, such as going through video trying to determine if legal action is warranted, or a settlement is needed. All because your daughter was we stayed again, called up, out back of a nightclub, in the alley, cleaning some guys pipes. All caught on film. Oh joy. No,... something tells me that Dina would much prefer to see Lilo this way, then on some site where you have to pay $19.95 to see her, in all her trailer trash, skanky glory. Muff diving or no, I'm sure Dina will appear to accept this end milk it for all it's worth, to garner favor in the courts against her husband, and the gay demographic she hopes will watch her pathetic reality show. Humph... Mom of the year, indeed. Source Here


... I'd Be Stoned!

If I had $1 million, I could buy a... brick. Hmmm... but with $50 I can get a half a gram.
It seems Steven Page , a member of the Canadian band The Bare Naked Ladies "was charged with fourth-degree criminal possession of a controlled substance, a felony that carries a maximum penalty of up to 15 years in prison" Holy shit! 15 years... for a fourth degree criminal possession! In Canada a child can carry that much coke on him as long as it isn't separated into little bags with the intention of selling. If the kid can prove it's for personal use, then he gets nothing but a slap on the wrist. If that? Anyways, this arrest comes at a bad time for the group as they have just released a children's album entitled "Snacktime". Songs included on the album are Munchies Munchies Munchies, Zig-Zag All the Way to School, Blow the Man down, Fun with Glue, Whippets, and a whimsical cover of Guns and Roses "Mr. Brownstone". Manager Terry McBride had this to say "We cannot comment because the matter is before the courts, but we are confident our client Steven will be completely exonerated," McBride said in a statement. "Until that time, it's business as usual for the Barenaked Ladies."
And thanks to some special magical Colombian powder, business is good. Source Here


Get Over It (Go Habs Go)

Québec nationalist and separatists (aren't they one and the same?) have been an uproar over Paul McCartney performing a free concert as part of Québec's 400th anniversary celebrations. A group of Québec artists and politicians have gotten together and it sent an open letter that denounces McCartney's free concert, saying that his appearance "misrepresents the spirit of the 400th anniversary celebrations, which commemorate the fight for the survival of the French language in North America". Hmmm... it seems to me having Eric Lapointe, or Roch Voisine, or say Les Cowboys Fringants wouldn't pack in 200,000 people. It's a celebration people, not a political rally. However that's not how some people see it. Artist Luc Archambault wishes that "McCartney would invite Quebec folk legend Gilles Vigneault up on stage Sunday night to sing Gens du Pays, Quebec’s unofficial anthem." Reports dennis9962.wordpress.com
Oh great, I hope you have the words written down, because no one can freaking remember them. Anyways you already had Celine Dion set to perform and (unfortunately) remind everyone that she's from the Belle Province. Isn't the humiliation and embarrassment of Celine enough for one celebration? Throughout all this Sir Paul has remained unflappable."I think it's time to smoke the pipes of peace and to just, you know, put away your hatchet because I think it's a show of friendship," McCartney said.
Damn straight... let it be people, let it be. Source Here and Here


A Rappers Cry For Help... Will It Go Unheard?

This just in, DMX arrested again.
What for this time? Hmmm... let me check. (Pause) this could take awhile. It's a really big file, takes a long time to open.
Ah... here we are D. D, Dina , Dick, DMX, hmmm... it's a big freaking file, let me see weapons charges, drug possession, weapons again, weapons again, drugs again, battery, drugs again, animal cruelty, failure to appear in court, drug possession again, and again, ah... here it is."Rapper DMX was arrested at a Phoenix, Arizona, mall Saturday on suspicion of giving a gave a false name and Social Security number to a hospital to get out of paying for medical expenses". The clearly exasperated County Sheriff Joe Arpaio said "He's back in jail again,"I don't know why judges keep letting this guy out. (Fans, I guess?) Every time he goes in there, he gets out on bond.
"I'm hoping this is the one time he's going to pay the penalty for his offense," he added. My dog Bruce thinks this is just another case of the government coming down on the minorities. Bruce claims the government has long had it in--for people whose names are all in CAPITAL letters, such as DMX. I on the other hand do not subscribe to this conspiracy theory. No, it's not a conspiracy that DMX lands in trouble all the time, it's a cry for help. It's obvious DMX is just reaching out... the only way he knows how. It's not the penal system and punishment that will help change this man's life. He's simply... misunderstood, is all. It's most likely he was lacking a father figure while growing up, possibly the child of single mother, prison won't make this man better. Where is your compassion Sheriff Arpaio? Can't you see DMX is hurting, he's reaching out. Don't slap his hand,... take it, and guide him. Make him a better person with your understanding and kindness, won't you?
Together we can make the world a better place, if you will just take take the time and be a dad to DMX, you can make the world a better place. The balls in your court Sheriff Arpaio. What are you going to do? Source Here


Sarah Jessica Is Filled With Rage And Anger.

I found what Sarah Jessica Parker said to Grazia magazine most amusing, "After Maxim.com dubbed Sarah Jessica Parker the “Unsexiest Woman Alive,” the actress told Grazia magazine she found the label “so brutal in a way, so filled with rage and anger.” Hmmm... if she would have been in the magazines feature on Women with Bags on Their Heads, maybe she'd have a point. No the people who named her the Un-Sexiest Woman Alive weren’t feeling rage or anger, although they were being brutally honest about a woman who bears a remarkable resemblance to a very unattractive eunuch. Aren't you the one feeling filled up with rage and anger Sarah, hmmm...? And by the way, why don't you get a mole to chew that thing on the side of your face, it's really offputting. Source Here


Well that's it that's all folks. I gotta go do some ironing. Not mine, my bosses. Like I said, trying to get on his good side again.

Doc B. Gone baby gone