Ushers No Pimp, Tom Cruise is an “Authority of the Mind”. Not!

Heidi-Ho folks Doc. B. here.
Well the police called, it seems they ‘ve found my car. In Philadelphia, abandoned. No sign of Antonio or Lance, and no sign of foul play either, say the police. Yet. Anyhow here’s the news.

But first…

“Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it”
“Lily Tomlin”


And The Couch Let Out A Sigh Of Relief

Tom Cruise appeared on Oprah and left without so much as a shoe print on the couch. Color me very disappointed. Still Oprah did grill him on the rumour that Nicole Kidman doesn’t see the brats..er, kids they adopted. Cruise dismissed the reports, telling Winfrey: “No, that’s ridiculous.” He also said
“We share custody. Whenever. Whenever. That’s when it is”.
Hmm..sounds a little defensive don’t it. Wonder if Kidman doesn’t see them because she never wanted them, Tom did. Tommy Too Much also talked about the leaked interview on the net about Scientology. He ominously said that he and other Scientologists were“authorities on the mind”. Riiight, nothing creepy or delusional about that. In his defense, the interview was not meant for public consumption. “It was a very private moment. I’m actually talking to my congregation,” Cruise explained
That’s right, and all that talk about aliens and mind control that’s private too. So let’s cut the Grand Chief of Nutbar Town a break , ok. It’s called freedom of religion folks, just cause I think it’s all very silly and of a dubious set of ideals and Dogma doesn’t mean it’s not legitimate.(snicker, chuckle, guffaw.)Pardon mean, … something stuck in my throat. Let’s move on shall we. Source Here


Baby Photo Scam Update; Usher Fights Back

Finally someone is too embarrassed to be making money off the current baby photo scam that some celebs are doing so they don’t have to work. The world needs more stand up guys like Usher, who pretty much calls out the celebs and their newest quick fix for cash so I can get a new yacht, or new tits, or sweet Moroccan hashish, or a new island, or a….well, you get the picture. He said “In no way would I ever pimp out my child for money." Good on ya man, I say. Men should stick to pimping out their wives and leave it at that. There has to be a line people, otherwise we’re no better than the monkeys. (They’re totally shameless, the furry little buggers.) In all seriousness folks, baby photo vending is a heinous and vile act, that affects more than half of all celebrity babies. However, there is way of preventing this unnecessary affliction with pro-active awareness campaigns, and education. But the best measure of prevention is your voice. So speak up and speak out! You can help stop the madness, and God willing, spare us another Dakota Fanning. Hurry, before it’s too late. Source Here


Faye Dunaway’s In A Bad Way

I think an intervention is in order soon, for Faye Dunaway. The Wackness director Jonathan Levine said "Faye freakin' Catwoman Dunaway [was] sitting right in front of us and acting like a crazy woman, raising her hand like Horshack on 'Welcome Back, Kotter' and wearing a fedora . . . She was also furiously taking notes." I’ve seen this before, I only hope that the intervention can be performed in time. When they start acting like Horshack folks, there ain’t much time. She’s in a bad way. If she starts speaking like JJ. from Good Times it’s all over but the crying. Listen to your cats Faye. They’re right, you need help. Be strong. Source Here


Who’s Cooking In The Kitchen With Kim

That cougar Kim Cattrall isn’t all that particular when it comes to dating. She said: “I'm limitless as far as age is concerned - as long as he has a driver's license. I don't want to pick him up!
Wow she really leaves the door wide open to drive right in, don’t she. Guess that means there’s a lot of 16yr old boys that can’t wait to pass their drivers exam, and slide up to the Porky’s star on the street driving Dads puke green colored Dodge Shadow, hoping she’s just as insatiable as she appears. Kim also addresses the rumours of her cooking in the kitchen au natural. She said “my boyfriend always puts a little oil in the pan and that can hurt.”
Hey wait a minute I thought we were talking about cooking not what lubricates he’s using. Then she say’s “I was in a grocery store over the weekend and someone slipped me an apron and said, ‘Just in case it might be true, here, protect yourself, girlfriend.’”
Now how is he supposed to put the oil in the pan if she’s wearing an apron? Geez, some people really need to get a clue. Source Here


Odd Jobs

Without spies there would be no news, so here’s what one the nosy bastards spotted. Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard were both dressed in ski hats and sweats with big jackets, like they just woke up from a long winter's nap," said our spy. "They were dancing in the aisles and laughing, and oddly, buying packages of baby wipes.”
Nothing odd about that. If I have to tell you what the baby wipes are for, then you should be ashamed of yourself. They’re for wiping a baby’s ass, silly. Source Here


Shark Attacks Betty

Is the TV show Ugly Betty a celebrity image rehab destination or what? First Naomi Campbell was stunt cast, now comes Lilo.TV Guide reports Multiple Ugly sources confirm to me exclusively that the comeback-hungry actress is in advanced discussions to guest-star in the show's May 22 season finale, which is currently in production. It’s a sure sign a show is in trouble when they start stunt casting in hopes of big ratings. Yet, what is this shift in the biz to capitalize on celebs in damage-control mean? When a celeb appears on a TV show these days, I immediately google to see what salacious bit of news they’re trying mock, deny, apologize, or just plain avoid. When someone like Lindsay Lohan shows up on Ugly Betty it’s because she’s worried when the next paycheck comes, not where. Because movie producers have stopped calling and she’s become toxic. I think I’m going to call it folks. Ugly Betty has officially jumped the shark. It’s all over, but for the crying. Source Here


Lilo’s Lobbying For Alcohol?

All Lilo, all the time folks. Her mug shots being used in an ad paid for by the American Beverage Institute, a trade group that supports the interests of the alcohol industry. The ad says "ignition interlocks are a good idea for" Lohan, "but a bad idea for us." You know you’ve made it folks, when the American Beverage Institute, is using your photo to peddle alcohol. Congratulations kid, you deserve it. You’re on top of the world baby! You’re not famous, you’re infamous. They can never take that away from you. Source Here


That’s all folks, I gotta make some calls, see what the going rate on bounty hunters is these days.

Doc B. Gone baby gone.

It’s Naked Time At Rob Lowe’s House, Even Rosie Is Dumping On Tom Cruise

Heidi-Ho folks Doc. B. here.

Sorry about my absence yesterday. I’d rather not go into details, but suffice to say that’s the last time I help out a Nigerian diplomat, I’ve met only on the Internet. I guess I should thank Bruce for filling in for me yesterday, but the fact that he figured our my password is a little disconcerting. Anyhow here’s the news.

But first…

“Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women”
“Groucho Marx”


It’s Naked Time At The Lowes

So Rob Lowe and his wife Sheryl like to walk around the house naked. I ask you, is that a crime? Apparently some people think so. Former Nannies Laura Boyce and Jessica Gibson have accused the couple of inappropriate behaviour. Nanny Jessica says Rob the actor repeatedly exposed himself and inappropriately touched her, while Nanny Laura claims Sheryl created an "extremely sexually offensive and hostile work environment ... behaving in a ... perverted, disgusting and crude manner."
Boyce also alleges that Sheryl used the "n" word in reference to Boyce's boyfriend, who was an NBA player. Sheryl also allegedly "walked around naked, completely exposing herself" to Boyce, asked about her boyfriend's private parts and talked about Sheryl's sex life with Rob.
Hmmm, this smells folks. This smells worse than the insides of a fisherman’s boots. This smells even worse that container on the second shelf of your fridge, you know, the one all the way in the back, … been there for a month, hasn’t it. Yup, this story stinks even worse than that container. It’s all just a little too convenient don’t cha think? The Lowes had originally filed a pre-emptive law suit against the two nannies. The lawyer for the Lowes mentioned something about “breach of confidentiality” which makes me think that if you work for Rob + Sheryl, you should be prepared to get an eyeful of T an A. This should drag on for awhile. Source Here


Mariah’s Music Soothes Dumb Animals

Reports out there about Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon eloping may be true. That nice, and I hope they’re a happy couple. I’ve always played Mariah’s music in the house, particularly when I want to calm down my dog Bruce. For some reason, ifs he’s hyper, a little Mariah usually settles him down. When I play one of her songs, he goes in the kitchen, humps a chair leg and then sleeps on the couch with his face between the 2 pillows wearing a very odd look on his face. Hey, whatever floats your boat I guess.
Source Here


Alec’s A Sucker For Punishment

Alec Baldwin has gone thru some rough times over the last few years. The kind of stuff most of us would rather forget, but not Alec, he wants to tell us all the nasty details in a book. Due out in September, Baldwin's A Promise to Ourselves: Fatherhood, Divorce, and Family Law, with Mark Tabb.
Hmmm… he seems to invite this stuff upon himself. That sound you hear is people sharpening their knives, (because the knives will come out folks). Here’s some free advice Alec. Just be quiet, do your work and keep the trap shut. And no more books… or crazy ass phone calls to your kid. She’s a little girl, not Tony Soprano. Just shut up for a while Alec. Source Here


The End Is Nigh

Snoop Dogg is set to work on Lindsay Lohan's new album, according to US reports.
The rapper has joined a host of rumoured producers working on the actress's third album. Absolutely no good can come of this. Source Here


And Then, World Domination

Barbara Walters gave quite a revealing interview on Oprah ,Walters admits to an affair in the 1970s with the married U.S. Senator Edward Brooke, the Massachusetts Republican who was the first African-American popularly elected to the Senate, in 1966.
Do you see folks? Do you see the Obama effect now? He’s breaking down the walls that separate Americans. Obamamania folks, there no denying it, look what it did to Bab’s. Do you see folks? (Pause) You don’t? But it’s right in front of you, can’t you see it? No? Aw well, f@&k it! it was stretch anyway. Barbara has a book coming out soon, so that explains the reveal. Source Here


Tommy Too-Much Is Slipping

Boy you know Tom Cruises popularity is starting to really hit the skids when that nutball Rosie O’Donnell (A Cruise admirer) jumps ship. Rosie, or the whale (as Donald Trump calls her) told Rachael Ray that “Tom knows, I wrote him an e-mail: ‘Sorry it’s happened, I didn’t think it would. When you can’t even hold onto the crazy loud-mouthed lesbians in your core of fandom, it’s time to make a sequel to one of your hits. I hear there’s another Mission Impossible coming, whoopie. Source Here


Freak On A Leash

Boy it’s been a day of surprises. Here’s another; Ex-NBA star Dennis Rodman arrested in domestic violence case
Ok. Not so much.


Bust A Deal, Face The Wheel

Some good news. No really. Tina Turner is hitting the road again for her first tour in the United States in seven years. The 68-year-old singer announced on “The Oprah Winfrey Show” that the tour will begin Oct. 1 in Kansas City. Boy I tell you, is there a law that says that Oprah gets first crack at the biggest scoops. It’s all one big conspiracy I tell you. She controls all the media, and soon the White House. She’s puppeting both Democratic Candidates, trust me. She’s watching you read this right now. Put some clothes on quick.

Well that’s all folks. I gotta go talk to Bruce, I can’t seem to access some private pics I had in a file. Man’s best friend my foot!

Doc. B. Gone baby, gone

Who Let The Dogs Out Woof, Woof, Woof, Woof

Hi, I’m Bruce. The Doc. is out I’m filling in today.

Sit, beg

“Heaven goes by favour; if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in”
“Mark Twain”

Good boy!


Chew Toy

Cancel the search for the giant inflatable pig, its bacon bits have been found in a yard, two couples found tattered halves of the inflatable swine in their yards, a few miles from festival grounds in the Southern California desert. Concert organizers had offered a $10,000 reward for the pig’s return. On Tuesday, pieces of the plastic carcass were examined
I once found a brief case of money in Doc’s backyard while looking for a bone I hid. I left the money hidden. I’m keeping to go back to obedience school when I feel ready to have people bark orders at me again. Source Here


Abracadabra Abdulkareen

Maybe I’m just a dumb mutt (mom’s Irish, Dad’s Mexican) but isn’t David Blaine supposed to be a magician or something , if so when’s he going to do something remotely interesting, submerged in a water-filled sphere on the stage of “The Oprah Winfrey Show” during a live broadcast, Blaine held his breath for 17 minutes and 4 seconds. That bested the previous record of 16 minutes and 32 seconds, set Feb. 10 by Switzerland’s Peter Colat, according to Guinness World Records.Thats nothing, I know a beta-fish named Abdulkareen that can hold his breath 3 times longer than that. Source Here


Dog Days

A man who survived a 152 meter plunge into a Pennsylvania strip mine said Monday he doesn’t remember much about the ordeal. That’s nothing, I’m a dog, I’ve got real problems, I can’t remember 5 minutes ago.(pause) Hi I’m Bruce the Doc is out. Source Here


That A Lot Of Milk-Bone’s

Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bundchen remains the highest-earning catwalk queen after raking in more than $A37.55 million last year, Forbes.com has revealed. Grrr. Bundchen, it sounds like smoked sausage doesn’t it? Source Here


MY HUMPS

Mariah Carey's keeping mum about that ginormous diamond ring she started wearing on her ring finger last week, but a source tells us it's definitely from her new beau, Nick Cannon - and that the duo are now engaged. She’s nice. I’d like to smell her bum and rub up and down against her leg inappropriately… (pause) Hi I’m Bruce the Doc. is out. Source Here


That’s all I see, I’m going to leave now. “Cops” is playing and then I got to bark at the moon.

Good Evening, Sincerely

Bruce Escobedo

Paula Abdul Is Bat-Shit Crazy, C.S.I. Actor Busted

Heidi-Ho folks Doc. B. here,

Thanks to Antonio and Lance, I was without transportation of my own. Refusing to be stuck inside I walked to the nearest bus stop. This would be my first ride on a bus in 20 yrs so I was curious and a little anxious about the trek. Things started well as I found exactly the amount of the fare in my pocket. However things quickly disintegrated after that. The only seat available was completely in the back in between a large dark haired woman in a long black dress, and a scruffy bearded fellow with sunglasses on , a fedora on his head and a ragged pink Elton John T-shirt. Shoe’s, on the bus are apparently optional these days so I got a good look at his long yellow toenails. I squeezed into the spot and was immediately struck by the smell of cat urine. The woman next to me must have owned several cats because she reeked of cat piss, and feline hair adorned her dress from head to toe.
Benny and the jet beside me looked over and gave me a wink. I glanced down at my watch casually to see how much time had transpired. To my horror I discovered my watch had stopped, it was official, I had now entered the Twilight Zone. I looked out the window peering over the cat lady expecting to see a gargoyle hanging from the roof of the bus. Nothing doing. There was a sign however. It read CITY ZOO next exit. A thought occurred to me, I should visit the zoo today. Then another thought occurred to me. I need my car. This is the last straw. Antonio must pay for my inconvenience. And my dry cleaning. The rest of my ride I made plans for Antonio’s return. And a shower. Phwew. Here the news.

But first…

Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog.”
“Groucho Marx”


O.J. Knows Who The Real Killers Are

Gary Dourdan, Star of “C.S.I. was arrested Monday. He might be in a wee spot of trouble though. Seems Gary was asleep in his car with the dome light on, at 5-ish in the morn’.
When the officer approached the vehicle, the officer found Dourdan (whose real name is Robert Gary Durdin) “disoriented and possibly under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs,” police confirmed to Access. Upon searching the vehicle, the officer “subsequently located suspected cocaine, heroin, Ecstasy, miscellaneous prescription drugs and paraphernalia.”
Boy he sure was ready for any occasion that may arise. Well prepared, he probably had a wetsuit, and a tux in the trunk, just in case, you know. In any case I’m going to reserve any opinion to his alleged crime. He may very have been set up. I’ve seen it before. When you have as many years in this profession as I do, you know that some things are not what they appear to be. In this case, it could be the work of the Angel Dust fairies. This is just the kind of mischief the little flying, sparkling pricks are renown for. They were totally behind Mel Gibson’s anti semetic rant. They’ve dogged Robert Downey Jr for years. The poor bastard nearly lost his mind. If you don’t believe me, you don’t have to take my word for it. Go ask O.J. he’s still searching for them. So let’s not jump to any conclusions now. Source Here


Pam Anderson, U.S. Citizen, High Five

Vancouver native Pamela Anderson is now legally a U.S. Citizen. Now like every good celeb from the U.S. Of A., Pam should dye her hair, maybe get some Botox, liposuction, a boob job.
Hmmm,
Hair, check.
Botox, check.
Boob job, hell yeah.
For all intents and purposes, Pammy has been an American since arriving on it’s soil all those years ago. So long Pam, we hardly recognize you, eh. Source Here


Paula Abduls Nails In Fabulous Technicolor

Paula Abdul still seems a little Bedtime for Bonzo, you know what I mean. Cracked in the head. Some bats in the belfry perhaps. Off her rocker, lost and confused maybe OR maybe she’s just plain bat-shit crazy. Tonight on Idol, the singers sing 2 songs. After they all sang one song, the judges critique them, all the idols on stage together. At Paula’s turn, she seemed completely unaware that they only sang one song each. So friggin clueless was she that she was critiquing songs they would only sing later. Although Paula clearly thought she heard them sing each two songs. Ryan and Simon tried to intervene but she kept babbling anyways. She was reading from prepared notes she had in front of her in case her mind wandered off to that special magic place, where has-been pop singers wishes are granted and she doesn’t have to make any decisions but the color of her nails today. There must be great freedom and tranquility in ones life when you have some space to rent between your ears.
They must just wheel her in for the show, give her an injection to wake her up a bit. When the shows over, sedate her, paint her nails and wheel her back to the soft padded room with happy faces painted on the walls. Ahh… bliss.


Sexual Fantasy #9

Kristen Bell has a Scooby snack for the lucky dog who commits to holy matrimony with the hot blonde. Naughty girl has kept her old Catholic high school uniform just for that special night. What a thoughtful young lady. (I wonder if I have to convert?) Fortunately, the stars have aligned for the lovely Ms Bell and myself. For I too have kept a special outfit from my glorious past to share on that enchanted evening after all the vows have been spoken. The guests have filtered out, quite inebriated and weary. In a room where one can hear the Falls rumbling softly in the background. Alone at last. She exits from the washroom, coquettish, and eager, in her uniform. She approaches the bed where I lie. I remove the covers to reveal my special outfit. My 10th grade Boy Scout uniform. I’m only missing three badges. I know Kristen will be able to help me finish two of them.I hope I can remember how to do my knots, the condom I kept in the back pocket always seemed a bit big. The uniform should still fit me… with a few alterations, here or there. Now I just need to work up the courage to pop the question to Kristen, and then tell the Rabbi I’m converting. Again. Source Here


When Pigs Fly

If you’re out driving folks, and a giant pig named OBAMA floats by, over your car, relax. No it’s not a flashback, and no you are not having a stroke, or aneurism, or a bi-polar attack. You are fine, you’re not hallucinating, although you may have driven off the road. The floating pig escaped from the Coachella Festival. Other mistreated inflatable animals also escaped. So keep your windshield wiper fluid reserve full and your windows clean and you can safely revisit your drug addled past without actually having to do more drugs. FreeBird!! Source Here

Well that’s all folks. I gotta go get an inflatable love doll for my master plan to get Antonio once and for all. I think I put her in the basement.

Doc. B. Gone baby, gone.

Miley Cyrus: Hell Fire Awaits, Joe Pesci Lives

Heidi-Ho Folks, Doc. B. here.

Short and sour. That’s how Antonio described his marriage to the koala bear. They got married in Vegas and divorced in California on a little jaunt to WallyWorld (Don’t Ask) By the way, did I mention Koala’s are marsupials? They are, and they’re from Australia (Not Austria) Anyhow, Antonio has returned. And left already. With Lance. They’ve gone to Philadelphia to watch the Canadians play the Flyers. With my car. Antonio’s was impounded by the police. Something about it being evidence in a crime? Anyhow, here’s the news.


But first…

“Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes.”
“Oscar Wilde”


Waiting For Miley Cyrus Train Wreck

If you haven’t heard by now here’s what going on in the world of “Hannah Montana” star Miley Cyrus. The 15-year-old, who plays kid-friendly Hannah on the Disney Channel is stunned by the topless shots taken by famed photographer Annie Leibovitz.
"I took part in a photo shoot that was supposed to be 'artistic' and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed," Miley said in a statement.
"I never intended for any of this to happen and I apologize to my fans who I care so deeply about," said the teen, who is considered a role model to girls.
At the Vanity Fair photo shoot, "a situation was created to deliberately manipulate a 15-year-old in order to sell magazines," a Disney spokesman said.
Who’s at fault here. The parents, Vanity Fair, the media, Miley herself.
Who cares. This story seems all too familiar, hit TV show, music career, all before her 16th birthday. There were all kinds of interviews and articles stating how strong her ties with her family keeps her grounded, how her faith keeps her on the straight and narrow. Baloney! Now the waiting game starts. Waiting for her to be photographed drunk or stoned, or topless, of bottomless, or committing a sexual act, or sacrificing goats, or robbing a 7/11, something, anything. Waiting, everybody’s just waiting to see what happens next. Just because we’ve seen it all before, doesn’t mean we don’t want to see it again. I’ll be here, waiting. Source Here


Joe Pesci’s Body Surfaces

Where, O where have you gone Joe Pesci? You remember him folks?
“My Cousin Vinny”, “Goodfellas”. Ring-a-bell. He doesn’t do movies anymore, he’s basically vanished from sight. Which brings me to Angie Everhart, the swimsuit model and (some what) actress. It seems Angie was busted for DUI.
"She was arrested for drunk driving," a Los Angeles County Sheriff's spokesman told the Daily News. Once engaged to Sly Stallone, the ravishing readhead, 38, was picked up at 2 a.m. last Thursday on Wilshire Boulevard a few blocks east of the world-famous Wiltern Theater.
She was released several hours later on $15,000 bail.
What does Angie have to do with Joe Pesci you ask? There are (were) rumours that the two were engaged!? I know, I know, it’s hard to believe. Still if a little guy like Joe (with a face only a dog could love) can score a swimsuit model. Then there’s hope for all of us. Hey Joe, why don’t you come out of retirement. After all, you are still a performer, you’re here to amuse us. It’s been so long since you’ve done a film. I’ve almost forgotten “what’s so f@$%ing funny” about you.


Rocket Roger Is Toast

It seems Roger Clemens has his hands full these days first, Jose Canseco outs him in his book as a drug cheat. The Federal Government brings a case against him with Roger’s former trainer testifying that he supplied steroids to Roger. Roger denies the allegations and even throws his own wife under the bus when it was revealed she wanted to look in shape and took steroids to do it. Still, she stands by her man. But what about now? Sources tell the NY Daily News that Roger Clemens has a decade-long affair with country star Mindy McCready, a romance that began when McCready was a 15-year-old aspiring singer performing in a karaoke bar and Clemens was a 28-year-old Red Sox ace and married father of two.
Do you still stand by your man now honey. If this proves to be true, it could drasticly affect every aspect of Rogers life after baseball. I mean come on. Who’s he think he is? Jerry Lee Lewis? Elvis? 15 yrs old vs. 28 yrs old is getting into a seriously sick and creepy area, that you find on 20/20 profiles or Dateline. All I can say is…. EEWWWW! This juggling act that Rogers playing, what with the Feds, with his wife, his legacy, and his freedom is about to come crashing down on his head. Serves him right too (I hate jugglers). Source Here


Who Punched The Hoff

David Hasslehoff was seen sporting a black eye at the Coachella Festival. I know what you’re thinking. One of those rejects from the Hoff’s show “America’s Got Talent” caught up with him and shared his opinion, fist meets eye. Kablué! Maybe he tried to sing one of his songs and an angry mob attacked him. The Hoff declined to comment but the bruise is probably from the treatment he received in the hospital to fix a problem with one of his eyes. Still, you’re free to dream. Source Here


Somewhere Slash Is Smiling

That jerk Scott Weiland has been sentenced to jail. Scott, ex-STP singer and most recently ex-Velvet Revolver singer was charged with one misdemeanor count of driving under the influence of alcohol with a prior conviction, and with an allegation that he refused a chemical test as required by law. We are told he was over the legal limit of .08%, but not by much.
According to the police report, he failed the field sobriety tests and refused to take a blood or urine test. He was booked for DUI and released on $40,000 bail.
This is the same jackass that criticized his band mates when leaving Velvet Revolver about members of the band going in and out of rehab. He’s to serve 192 hours of jail time. Well deserved, I say. Source Here


Capt. Kirk Kicking It At The Y

The NY Post reports that William Shatner is boldly going where no "Star Trek" actor has gone before - the 92nd Street Y - to dish the dirt on his on fellow Enterprisers.
I love the guy, but what more can he tell me that I already don’t know. Scotty was missing a finger, Uhura dispised him, Spock was a drunk, and Sulu is gay.Now if he were to spill the beans about which drugs he took when he recorded that awful album, or when he started sporting a beaver on his head. Then that would be interesting.


Well that’s all I got for now. I gotta go try and find my wallet, … I haven’t seen it since Antonio swatted that fly he saw on my…. Dammit!

Doc. B. gone baby, gone.

Jamie Lynn’s Getting Fat, And So Is Eminem: Whitney’s All Messed Up Again

Heidi-Ho Folks, Doc. B. here.

You ever feel good about yourself? Then someone has to go and ruin it for you. Happened to me today I was walking along, minding my own business in a real dangerous part of town when I see this poor blind man. Realizing that the traffic was bad and it was a bit foggy, I decided I better help him across the street. Well, what an adventure. We nearly got hit twice. Finally we reached the other side of the street and the blind dude starts giving me shit. Something about how he had arranged for a taxi to pick him up and he said something to the effect that, I should take out the shit between my ears cause he was telling me he didn’t want to cross the street but I ignored him. Humph some people just don’t want help I guess. So I left him, and his miserable disposition with a “Kick Me” sign on his back. The ingrate. Here’s the news.


But first…


“There are no straight backs, no symmetrical faces, many wry noses, and no even legs. We are a crooked and perverse generation.”
“William Osler “


Whatcha’ Talking Bout Willis

Poor Gary Coleman picked a winner when he married Sharon Price. It seems like she just doesn’t get the little guy "If he doesn't get his way, he throws a temper tantrum like a five-year-old does,"
Well duh, he’s a little man. This guy has had big…er, huge…um, large, no… Serious, yeah that’s it serious issues all his life. She then says "He like stomps the floor and yells, 'Meehhhh,' and starts throwing stuff around. He bashes his head in the wall, too."
Hmmm… he does sound like a real joy to be around eh! In any case Coleman has his reasons right? This is how he justifies his tantrums. "When I try to state my case or explain things to her or try to get her to understand my point of view," Coleman says, "my point of view doesn't matter."
Hmmm… I guess when that doesn’t work is when he holds his breath or yells I hate you. He also seems like quite the loner, "I don't have any friends and don't have any intention of making any," he says. "People will stab you in the back, mistreat you, talk about me behind your back, steal from you.
Wow, guess he’s been burned quite a few times. I guess that could make a little man, a little bitter. He must hate any publicity or attention right. It must tough to be a walking, talking punch line. I’m almost starting to feel sorry for him, almost. Coleman and his wife are scheduled to appear in the May 1st and 2nd episodes of “Divorce Court.” Hmmm… seems like the most appropriate setting for a bitter, angry dwarf to settle his problems. Source Here


Just Shut Your Trap

Madonna continues to open her mouth and speak. Most annoying. She was speaking to “Inside Edition” about a film she made about the orphans in Malawi "I've learned that my complaints are silly and ridiculous in comparison to most peoples', and going to Africa has really put things in perspective for me on that level,"
Really! Why just last week you compared Tom Cruise’s plight with orphans in Africa. When Tom jumps up and down on Oprah’s couch, does that give you perspective as well. Humph. Source Here


With Whitney It’s Déjà Vu All Over Again

Whitney Houston has become more and more visible of late, and it’s not all good. The famous diva attended the Hopkins-Calzaghe fight in Vegas and was in need of assistance just to make the journey to her seats. Her, and her entourage then behaved like they were kings of the castle and were very demanding. Boy it seems like she’s making all the same mistakes over and over again. She’s still abusing, she’s still dating loser wannabe’s like her ex-husband. There’s supposedly a new CD coming out soon but I’m sure her record company is holding their breath, hoping this doesn’t turn into one giant career train wreck. She seems like she’s headed for a fork in the road and I ain’t too optimistic on her ability to choose the right direction to follow.We’ll see soon enough. Source Here


Sex Or Succubus

Well that didn’t take long did it? Nicole Ritchie is buying all kinds of new sexy undergarments to spice up a love life that has become decidedly less romantic. “They are thrilled to be parents but things have turned less romantic between them. Before Joel went on tour with his band Good Charlotte they were exhausted from sleep deprivation, which killed any sexual desire.
I hope for her sake that Joel hasn’t been turned off by her after the baby like my friend Ryan. After Ryan saw the baby come out of his wife’s uterus he was convinced she was a succubus and would devour him in a moment of intimacy. I hope what affected Ryan isn’t happening to Joel. In the end Ryan was sentenced to prison after trying to hire a mercenary to hunt and kill an evil that devours the souls of men and eats and spits out children (Ryan’s words) The judge was not amused. I doubt this is what’s happened to Joel but if I were Nicole…
Source Here


Nudity

Misha Barton says she has no problem appearing nude on film. All I can say is god bless her.
Source Here


Goose Stepping Around The Question

Apparently Wyclef Jean was a victim of racisms by a reporter interviewing him. An Australian journalist mistook Wyclef Jean for Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas.
“Did you say I was (Black Eyed Peas singer) will.i.am (will.i.am)? “Listen baby I’m going to tell you something, look at my face right - do you think all black people look alike?
Well duh, Yeah of course. These are the same people who followed the Nazis remember. Goose stepping, tanks, the SS, ring a bell, of course they think you all look the same, Huh, what’s that Bruce? Oh, I see. Sorry folks, Australian and Austria are two different countries. My mistake. They kind of look alike you know, they both start with AUST, it could happen to anyone right. An honest mistake. Sorry. I hope I didn’t insult both countries with my ignorance. Too late? I did, didn’t I. Let’s move on…
Source Here


Jamie Lynn Wants a Stunt Double

Jamie Lynn Spears has watched a video of a natural child birth (her mom’s idea) and now she’s totally freaking out. Now she wants a C-section with the drug cocktail so there’s no pain, she just wants to wake up after its all over.Gee that sounds so easy that way , almost like it didn’t happen. Except theres still a little baby to take care of. Humph, physical pain isn’t all that comes with having children, and this girl is still living in la-la land playing “mommy and daddy”. Well I think she’s going to be growing up real fast, real soon. At least, she better, for the baby’s sake. Source Here


Don’t Forget To Remember Me (Because I’ll Break Down And Cry)

Carrie Underwood apparently broke down and cried while performing the song “Don’t Forget To Remember Me”. Yeah, I break down and cry when I hear country music too, so I know where’s she’s coming from. Source Here


Eminem’s Are Fattening

50 Cent has come out and publicly stated that Eminem is not fat but in fact, is in great shape "He looks good. I seen him in Detroit. He's gonna look real good when you see him return."
Yeah right. I’ve got 20 bucks that says when Eminem surfaces, he’s going to look like Brando in “Apocalypse Now” any takers. Source Here


Copycat

Porn star Jenna Jameson Celebrated her birthday “surrounded by bikini-clad dancers” Bitch! She has to copy everything I do. Source Here


Well that’s it folks, I gotta go, there’s a secret meeting of the Jeffrey Comb’s fan club tonight. At his house… shhhh

Doc. B. Gone baby, gone.