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Saturday, May 10, 2008

Hefner’s Looking Out For The Perv’s; Gwynneth’s Got A Bad Temper

Heidi Ho, folks Doc B. here.

Have you ever slept with someone that you wish would go away, but doesn't. Bubbles left me a strange phone message. Here's a portion of it. "Doc, Doc, Doc, Doc, Doc," (this went on for 11 minutes.) Doc, I know you're there. I can see you. Well not really, but I wish I could. I wish I could see you all the time, you and your little friend Felipe. Doc, pick up the phone. Doc, Doc, Doc, Doc, (another 26 minutes pass) Doc, if you don't pick up this phone I will come to your house while you're sleeping take a switchblade and free Felipe and bring him back home with me. Doc, pick up the phone, Doc, Doc, Doc, Doc, (12 minutes more pass) that's it, if you're going to ignore me then maybe I need to get your attention. You'll be seeing you soon. Yeeeaaaghh!!! YOU'RE DEAD MEAT BUBBAHUMP!!! AND YOUR LITTLE DOG TOO!!!”
Frankly folks, I'm starting to become a little concerned. Here's the news.


But first...

“There's no doubt about it, show business lures the people who didn't get enough love, attention, or approval early in life and have grown up to become bottomless, gaping vessels of terrifying, abject need. Please laugh.”
“Dennis Miller”


SOMEBODY CALL MENSA, I FOUND ANOTHER GENIUS

Just another example of the genius, that is Hugh Hefner. Playboy's 82-year-old founder scoffed at the fuss over Cyrus' spread. "I think to make such a big to-do over something as innocent as those photos, I think is a reflection on how schizophrenic America is about sexuality," he said.
He's right about that. The other night I was starring at the Statue of Liberty and I was shocked that I could tell she was wearing nipple rings. My God. What was she thinking? What about the children? It's disgraceful. Still, she is originally from France. French slut, they should deport her. Anyhow this all comes about thanks to news that Hef wants Miley Cyrus to pose for Playboy when she turns 18. Boy that Hef, whatta guy he's always on the ball, trying to fulfill every perverted fantasy a man can have. The man's a genius. Source Here


CAREFREE AND CALLOUS

Idol judge, Simon said this the other day about his fame. "IT'S fantastic. Honest to God. I have had zero problems being well-known but not exactly a celebrity. Couldn't care less if someone wants to take my picture."
He sounds like he really means it. I hate him just a tad more as a result. Humph, why don't you go back to England, to your fish and chips, warm beer, topless page 3 girls, free healthcare, and higher currency and higher life expectancy and... ... could I come with you? Source Here


SHE LOOKS SO YOUNG

It's a Rosario Dawson's birthday today. I don't have a story or anything, I just like Rosario. She's nice. She's 29.

THE WORLD NEEDS BARTENDERS TOO

Seems to me Rickey Smith (season 1 Idol) is where he belongs. For USA TODAY, Andrew McGinn catches up each week with a former finalist:
On a recent Friday night, Rickey Smith had to interrupt a phone interview to go sing Happy Birthday. Again.As the only American Idol finalist working at Coach's Bricktown, a sports bar in Oklahoma City, it comes with the territory.But depending on who's celebrating, it's an occupational hazard for the guy who once compared his style of R&B to the creamy sounds of Brian McKnight. "I don't want to sing Happy Birthday all tenderly to a grown man," Smith says. "It's as embarrassing to him as it is to me."
Tell that to Antoine, he left in an extremely emotional state after Rickey refused to be tender with him. Boy I tell you, 15 minutes of fame, and some people really get a fat head. Poor Antoine. I hope Rickey gets salt in his paper cuts while making margaritas. Source Here


THE PERSECUTION OF O. J. CONTINUES

Geez, how many bogeys on the back 9, while searching for the real killers must O. J. commit before people are satisfied that he has suffered enough. In addition to the shocking claim made in Mike Gilbert's upcoming book that O.J. confessed to the 1994 murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman -- Gilbert also claims to have helped O.J. keep money away from the Goldman family.
The Goldman's lawyer, David J. Cook, is pissed.

What was the phrase that came out of that trial? If the ugly ass shoes don't fit, you can't convict. Or was it the glove? I can never remember. Let it go people. Bogeys = pain = suffering = time served. Enough already. Source Here


BAWDY BALDWIN GOT BATS IN THE BELFRY

Coocoo for cocoapuffs. That my friends is what Alec Baldwin must be. Alec Baldwin says he's ready to be Mr. Nice Guy - and he's mulling a run for public office.
The Massapequa, L.I., entertainer, eldest of the four Baldwin brothers turned actors, says in an interview airing Sunday that politics looks appealing now that he's turned the corner on 50.
"There's other things I want to do," besides acting.
Geez, it's going to be hard for the person running against Alec, because Alec carries so little baggage to attack him with. Should be a cakewalk. Although in the past I recall Alec gently criticizing the current administration. He has called Dick Cheney a terrorist, then said the vice president wasn't a terrorist but rather "a lying, thieving oil whore and murderer of the U.S. Constitution.
Hmmm... I guess he'll be running as a Democrat eh? Shouldn't this guy be rowing a boat down the Rhonelle river in France. Isn't that where he's was supposed to live. He would like it too, I hear the women are sluts. (If I've offended you French readers you may send your e-mail in French. Parce que, je suis parfaitement bilingue). Source Here


A SUCKER BORN EVERY MINUTE

Are you rich and bored? Do you think you need a medium size yacht to go along with the small one, and the large one. Do you have any monetary worries in life. If not, then this could be you.
Johnny Depp will be starring alongside one of his biggest fans in his new movie Public Enemies.
The fan paid a staggering $91,000 to appear as an extra in a non-speaking role opposite the Oscar-nominated actor in the film.
Other experiences available in the auction, which runs until May 14, include the chance to meet Will Smith at the premiere of his new film Hancock and the opportunity to star in hit US TV show Numb3rs.
Oh boy, meet Will Smith at the Red Carpet Premiere. Wow, why stand behind the velvet ropes with a throng of people to catch a glimpse of Will and maybe get a photo, when you can pay big bucks to stand on the other side of the ropes and meet Will for 30 seconds before his publicist shuffles him off to another waiting media outlet. That sounds reasonable folks. No. Good, nice to have a readership that are not a bunch of rubes. Source Here


DMX: DOG KILLER

Ho hum (yawn) another rapper's been arrested. The raid was organized after an August search of the rapper's home. At the time, detectives seized 12 pit bulls, dug up remains of three others and found marijuana. During yesterday's raid, officials said, more drugs and weapons were found. Additional charges were possible.
Sounds like DMX is going to be doing some deep cover research for material on his next CD. From deep inside the American penal system. This doesn't sound a lot different than what that other dog killer Michael Vick was sentenced for. I can only hope a big fat con who has fond memories of his little puppy “Sniffer” ends up as his cellmate, rents him out as a little bitch. Dog killers, can't stand them. Source Here


FAIR AND BALANCED: PSYCH

Is the body cold yet? Guess so, and the E! Network is planning an expose on Heath Ledger.
Our intentions are to produce a thoughtful and heartfelt program about one of the greatest talents of his generation,” Dana Drake, US producer of the Emmy-nominated show, said.
Hey folks, this is an E! Network production, so I'm sure it will be extremely tasteful and thoughtful in how it explores this subject. Ha, Ha, Ha, just kidding, can't fool you folks. It's bound to be some turgid, crass, piece of tripe. But hey, no one's going to watch right? Source Here


MUST BE THAT TIME OF THE MONTH

OK magazine asked Gwynneth Paltrow if she wanted to pass on any well wishes on to her long-since ex-fiancĂ© and expectant papa Brad Pitt, she simply said, “No!” …
Not knowing when to drop it, they asked another question. Will you be sending a little gift perhaps, in which Gwynnie replied, Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast, I won't be sending a gift. Still oblivious, the interviewer pressed on, and asked Gwynnie if she felt a little tiny, teensy, weensy bit of happiness for Brad. Then, all of a sudden Gwynneth jumped out of her chair, grabbed her right high heel stiletto and jammed it in the interviewer's throat. A little word to the wise, Brads still a bit of a sore subject around Gwynneth. Source Here


BRIT BLOWS MILLIONS

Saw this about Brit and thought it was interesting. Several gossip outlets, including In Touch Weekly, claim that the year Britney Spears spent behaving fast, furious, and out of control cost her $US61 million ($65.48 million) in wasted spending.
Bah! She probably has that kind of change in between the couch cushions. Seriously though, she spends all that dough trying to have fun, but is as miserable as ever. It's almost enough to make you feel sorry for her right... right? Honestly, some of you people are really cold. Source Here


BITTER BETTY

Looking forward to the new "Indy" movie. Me too. Some people however, are just plain bitter Betty's. John Hurt, who plays Indy's colleague, disdains the flick and executive producer George Lucas. "It's cops-and-robbers stuff," Hurt told the Times of London. "And it's all to make Mr. Lucas an extra billion, as if he needs it."
Humph, how dare he criticize George Lucas. Without George there would be no sites devoted to Leia's bikini, no cheap plastic tie-ins with McDonald's and no Jar Jar Binks. Then where would the world be huh, Mr. Hurt. (P.S. "1984" sucked!) Source Here



That's all folks, I gotta go see how much a bulletproof vest costs. I'm just a little concerned. Not more than that.

Doc B. Gone baby, gone.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Survivor's Biggest Dumbass Ever

Heidi-Ho folks Doc. B. here,

I wasn’t going to post tonight and I don’t usually talk all that much about my favourite shows but thanks to Bubbles all the animals think I’m contagious, so I’m alone. And I want to say something about what happened on Survivor tonight

But first…

“If I stand here, I can see the Little Red Haired girl when she comes out of her house... Of course, if she sees me peeking around this tree, she'll think I'm the dumbest person in the world... But if I don't peek around the tree, I'll never see her... Which means I probably AM the dumbest person in the world... which explains why I'm standing in a batch of poison oak.”
“Charlie Brown quotes”



What A Dumbass

On survivor tonight, Erik became the biggest dumbass ever. Cirie, Amanda, Parvati and Natalie have blindsided the last 3 guys. Erik wins immunity but suffers a stroke or a aneurism and gets talked into giving his necklace to Natalie what a grade “A” f#@%ing idiot. This is survivor you moron Never give up immunity. Even people who don’t watch survivor will know what this jackass did. I just googled the name Erik and the first 2 items on the search page are;

Popularity of the name Erik plummets within an hour.

One expectant mother says the name just kinda sounds dumb, you know.
The second result of the search says Wikipedia adds new entry, Eric; a dumbass, a grade A idiot, a very slow player on TV show Survivor .

How is he ever going to live this down. I can’t believe he did that. I guess he’s going to go live with Steve Bartman at his secret hideaway. They seem like they’ll be kindred spirits…… Man I don’t believe what I saw…. without a doubt he’ll be remembered as the biggest dumbass ever on Survivor.

That’s all folks Lost then Supernatural next. Best night of the week for shows, now I gotta go find the ice-bag, it feels like someone’s trying to circumcise me with a blowtorch.

Doc. B. Gone baby, gone

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Star Jones; YAK?, With Lilo, Watch Your Purse

Heidi-Ho folk, Doc. B. here.

Well I’m back, and just in time. Luis was planning on tearing down the wall in the kitchen to open it up more. He does this every time I leave the house for more than a few hours. I keep telling him that if anything happens to me that the house goes to Bruce. He won it fair and square in a poker game. Anyhow, I’m a grown man, and every now and then I need to blow off some steam, and Bubbles was the strong Northern wind. And now I know why she’s called Bubbles. Nice girl. Anyhow here’s the news.

But first…

“The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.”
“Oscar Wilde”


Thousands Of Copies Of “Barb Wire” Available Cheap

Pam Anderson had a little garage sale to raise some money for her pet project PETA.
The former Playboy Playmate also opened her saucy accessories closet, which included a chain-mail bra, satin negligees, a flurry of feather boas and seven-inch stilettos, plus a Playboy necklace and more lacy lingerie. Open-minded literati enjoyed sifting through her eclectic book collection, which included political pundit William J. Bennett's moral tome "The Book of Virtues," and Eddie Muller and Daniel Faris' "Grindhouse: The Forbidden World of 'Adults Only' Cinema"
There were a few celebs in attendance bargain hunting (the cheapo’s) apparently Pam’s seven inch high stilettos and feather boas were scooped up by Clay Aiken, while Rosie O’Donnel grabbed the chain mail bra (Brrr…) While someone looking like Charlie Sheen with a Fu Manchu bought all the porno books. (It’s Charlie all right!) If you bought 3 or more items, she threw in her tape she made with Tommy, remastered. Source Here


Madonna (Yawn)

Madonna continues to try and titillate us. (It ain’t workin). Madonna said to the crowd of 1500: “Why do I have this relationship with France? I’m always drawn to working with French people - and Frenching French people. Viva la France!”
I can answer that.
1 – She’s pretentious
2 – She’s a slut
3 – She’s not very smart.
It’s “Vive la France”, not Viva, Madge.
Source Here


The Kids Aren’t All Right

Lilo’s mom just won an honor as a top mom in Long Island as I mentioned in a previous post. I need to update the litany of misdeeds that Lindsay has committed and add theft. The coat’s rightful owner, Masha Markova, told the paper she attended a private birthday bash back in January. Lindsay also showed up to the celebration, but left before Masha and helped herself to the 22-year-old student’s $11,000 pale mink, which was placed in a communal coat bin.
She’ll no doubt claim that she was too drunk to know what she was doing. Hey if you got it, may as well use it right. We can only hope to raise our children as well as Dina Lohan has with Loopy, …er Lilo.
Freudian slip, sorry. Source Here


Super Sparks = Not Gay


Neil Patrick Harris explains love in a way that even the slowest of people would understand (thank you Neil) “She’s the coolest nicest chick ever,” Neil told Howard Stern. “She’s an absolute catch, and I thought, ‘If I’m not going to feel the super sparks with her … it probably means I’m gay.’” So that’s how the gays know. They should use fabric softener.
You know what folks, he’s right. I never felt any super sparks with Bubbles. Oh… once, when she did that little trick with her… let’s move on. Source Here


Star Jones; YAK?

Star Jones has got her back hairs up (seriously if she doesn’t wax regularly, she looks like a YAK) Over some little details in Barbara Walters new memoir. Barbara writes that she and the other members of the cast of the view didn’t like to lie about Star’s super secret gastronomical bypass surgery. (That everyone knew was a lie) "Joy [Behar], in particular, resented having to go along with a lie that implied all one needed to do was sit-ups and ingest one cookie," she wrote.
One cookie eh. Only if it was a 2 by 4 feet wide chocolate chip cookie, would I believe that. And I seriously doubt Star Jones would ever do a sit up unless someone put a gun to her head. Star accuses Barbara of divulging these little tidbits only to sell more copies of her new book. Perhaps she did, or maybe Barbara just hates Star Jones as much as most people I know. The only one in this household that likes Star is Luis. Because she’s a lawyer, he thinks that makes her smart. She’s made lots of money and a name for herself he tells me. This usually is around the time when I remind Luis that he shit’s in a box and is afraid of the vacuum. Source Here


Well I gotta go now, I’ve suddenly got a serious burning sensation in the crotch. Geez, you don’t think Bubbles gave me… Nah… I was wearing protection… except when Bubbles did that trick with her… Oh No!

Doc. B. Gone baby, gone.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Pope Benedict XVI Worship Cats

Saludos, I am Luis, the cat who chooses to dwell in this household with the Doctor, until something better comes along. The Doctor has been out with the smelly female from yesterday and has not retuned therefore, I am in charge.
People of the Internet, do not think of me as your superior. Think of me only as your friend, somewhat. But enough of these pleasantries. What follows is a story that I find very relevant.


Pero primero (but first)…

“Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.”
Anonymous

Reason For Your Existence

People of the Internet, read and enrich your knowledge.
The Pope brought with him to the United States a lifelong love of cats.
Benedict’s kindness toward the strays of Rome is already the stuff of Vatican legend. His house in Germany, its garden guarded by a cat statue, was filled with cats when Benedict lived there full time before he was posted to the Vatican in 1982.

I am blessed. Do you see now, people of the Internet, even God’s disciple worships the Feline race. He is wise, for a man. This Benedict, he can teach you a great deal people of the internet. Cats have a superior intelligence, and as such, we must be patient with you humans.
And Benedict is, without a doubt, the first pope to have had an authorized biography of him written by a cat — Chico, a ginger tabby who lives across the road from Benedict’s old house in Germany.
And this fellow cat is considered a bit slow in some Feline circles. Some say he has over-achieved.
Source Here

That is all there is. I must go now people of the Internet, for tonight I shall watch “Conan O’Brien” while lying in the large mattress. Alone! If the Doctor has not returned by Friday, I shall begin redecorating.

Despedida.

Luis ends this dialogue.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Lindsay’s Mom Dina Honoured, Nobel Prize Sure To Follow

Heidi-Ho folks Doc. B. here,

Antonio and Lance are back. And so’s my car. It cost me 400.00$ for the towing, so am a little cranky today. I’m hoping to make back some of the money when I sell Antonio’s strippers pole. I have a potential buyer coming over to look at it. I think she said her name was Bubble’s. Anyhow here’s the news.

But first…

“When it comes to having a central nervous system, and the ability to feel pain, hunger, and thirst, a rat is a pig is a dog is a boy.”
“Ingrid Newkirk”


They’re On Staff, Just Like In Ratatouille

The always interesting John Leguizamo rattled on about his time working at KFC. “He said he was in charge of bringing the chickens up from the basement . . . There were two rats in the basement, and John said he befriended and had a name for each of them."
That’s right, Ripley and Hudson are their names. They come over every Easter with John. They’re very well behaved, as rats go. Source Here


Why Don’t We Give Her The Nobel Prize While We’re At It

I nearly died when I read this story this morning. Seriously folks, if my dog Bruce hadn’t taken that St-Johns Ambulance course, I would have perished. Death by Lucky Charms ironically enough.
With Mother's Day just around the corner, the Mingling Moms Organization just released their 2008 Top 20 Long Island Mothers of Celebrities, whose famous - and some infamous - children include Lindsay Lohan, Jerry Seinfeld, Natalie Portman.
Hmmm… so let’s see now. Using Lilo as an example of the result of good parenting should set the bar low enough that a crack whore who abandons her child in a public wastebasket, would be commended for not littering. It makes you wonder what Lindsay would have had to have done for Dina to lose out on this. Boil kittens and serve them to unsuspecting school children. Maybe Lilo needs to caught on tape standing on a street corner telling men passing by, “Ohh me so horny, I love you really long time, sucky, sucky, you want some. 5 dollars.” Cheap. Ok maybe that’s going a wee bit too far.
And how did Michael Jackson not get an honourable mention. Oh yeah he’s not a Long Island resident… I hear ya groaning, but I bet his kids call him mommy. Seriously folks, if your kids been caught on tape drinking, passed out, naked, drug binging, talking to the sausage, arrested and you’re still honoured as a top notch parent. Write a how-to book all about it. It’ll be a best seller baby, I can smell it! Source Here


My Big Fat Christian Complex

Now, I’ve never liked Elizabeth Hasslebeck, she always really annoyed me. But at least now I know what annoys her. "I came to grips with my bum. Before, I always tied a shirt around my waist when I went for a run. It was ridiculous." She goes on, “I've got a bubble butt, but I don't mind, because it's what powers me forward when I run." Silly me I always thought it was the legs. So now we know what bothers her.
So does Elizabeth Hasslebutt sound good to you. Me too. We should develop a site that focuses solely on her big ass. Pictures taken from behind, so we can highlight the enormity of her Ba-donka-donk, and we could all snicker at her big fat complex. It’s just a thought. Source Here


It Was The Lead In His Ass That Slowed Fiddy Down

50 Cent ripped off by a fan while performing in Luanda. It's not known exactly how much the jewellery was worth, but according to reports, it's not been recovered, despite the gig being stopped immediately.
What, no shots fired! I’m shocked. Cent’s gonna lose some cred for not bustin a cap in da guys ass. Source Here


Oh, Behave!

Elle's Alexandra Postman took a swipe at the "American Idol" star. Postman talked about choosing celebrities who create style and trends for Elle's covers. She then added, "We also have run Kelly Clarkson, but only because she sells copies."
Meow! Kelly’s gonna need to see a doctor to make sure those claw marks on her back don’t get infected. Maybe this Alexandra chick should visit Kelly at home. I hear she has a lovely birthday suit she likes to flaunt. Source Here


Clay Aiken Confesses

Pearls of wisdom from the mouth of Clay Aiken (I kid you not) "I'm not cool, you know what I mean? I'm not gonna lie," the good-humored singer told The Associated Press in a recent interview. "I'm not trying to be Justin Timberlake”.
No Kidding? A guy who sings covers of Simon and Garfunkels most boring songs and releases a Christmas album (A Christmas Album!!!?) and, and star’s in Broadway musicals isn’t cool. Go figure. It really is a cruel, cruel world. Source Here


Tinnitus Alert!

Oh Joy, this bit of news from the music scene caught my eye. UK band The Cure is planning a slow release of singles in the lead up to the band's thirteenth studio album.
And one can only hope that god sees fit to punish them with a slow painful death for torturing us with their equally painful music. Source Here



Well that all folks, I gotta go, I smell cheap perfume. I thought I closed the window. Oh I did, hmm… strong perfume.

Doc. B. Gone baby, gone

Sunday, May 4, 2008

10% Of Carrie Underwood Sucks, Nick Nolte Rocks

Heidi-Ho folks Doc. B. here,

It seems the going rate for hired mercenaries is a bit out of my budget. I guess I’ll just have to sit here at home, bidding my time with plots for revenge crashing through my mind. When Antonio and Lance get back, things are going to be different. For one thing, shower are going to be mandatory. No more pee on the floor (and that includes Antonio) No more internet, and no more playboy Channel. It’s time for a little tough love. Anyhow here’s the news.

But first…

Lassparri: "They threw an apple at me!"
Groucho: "Well, watermelons are out of season."
Groucho in A Night at the Opera


Simon Crush Comes Calling

Simon Cowell was caught off guard when the girl he shared his first kiss with called up on live TV.
Uncharacteristically flustered, Cowell immediately recognised her and asked: "Tara Miller, is that you?" He added: "This literally was my first kiss - this was my first crush."
Ahhh… I remember my first kiss. Her name was Patricia Porcine and she lived next door to my grandparents. The older kids in the neighbourhood used to call her Fatty Patty (she had a glandular problem) Anyhow we had been eating cookie dough all day and needed a break. She noticed some chocolate chip hanging from my lower lip and leaned over and kissed me. I was stunned, taken aback, and then felt something like an eel darting around in my mouth. Horrified I clamped down on the eel as hard as I could. It turns out it was only Patricia’s tongue. She never spoke to me again. Well, she couldn’t because she had no more tongue. Ahhh… Youth. Source Here


Sean John Forever

Sean “Diddy” Combs got his own star on Hollywoods “Walk Of Fame”. It was 2 362nd star on the famed Hollywood Boulevard. I really should say something silly or disparaging here, but I love the man’s T-shirts from his clothing line. Hey Sean, large or X-Large will do. Congratulations buddy, you deserve it. (P.S., sometimes I wear a waist size of 38 but a lot of 36’s fit as well, congratulations again, your BFF Doctor Bubbahump). Source Here


Real Men Don’t Wear Stockings

Soccer star Ronaldo has been playing the “Crying Game”, police inspector Carlos Augusto Nogueira said that Ronaldo, who is recuperating from a knee injury in his homeland, contracted the services of three transvestites - believing them to be women - and took them to a motel. Yeah that happened to me once but I only found out after I had sex. I thought he had a strong grip, but I didn’t catch on. Ahh… youth. Source Here


Papas Got A Brand New Kid

It turns out James Brown really could “Get Up” despite his advanced age.
The attorney says that the 6-year-old boy was tested in April, before the paternity test was ordered by a judge. "If that was James Brown's bone we tested, that's James Brown's kid," says Robert Archer, PhD, director of Genetic Identity labs of Eugene, OR.
I guess no one told the soul singer to “Think” before he was “Superbad”. He must have told the woman to “Try Me” or else he’ll end up in a “Cold Sweat”.
He must have said “Give It Up Or Tune It Loose” cause you’re wearing some mighty sexy “Hot Pants” so “Get Up Off A Thant Thing” and don’t worry cause “Papa Don’t Take No Mess” cause you know woman “It’s A Man’s Man’s Man’s World” and “I Got You”. And… Huh… Ok, you’re right folks. I’ll stop now. Sorry. “Say It Loud, I’m Black And I’m Proud” Whoops, couldn’t help myself. Sorry again. Source Here


Richie Sambora’s Freakin Delusional

Richie Sambora performed at a party on April 22nd and publicly commented on his DUI. He also made a comparison between his mug shot and Nick Noltes.
Humph.. the nerve. I know Nick Nolte sir, I’ve drank with Nick Nolte, and I’ve passed out beside him in the same bed. And you sir, are no Nick Nolte. In fact you’re barely worthy to pick up his vomit. I think Richie’s still drinking folks, he’s clearly delusional. Source Here


10% Of Carrie Underwood Is Shit

Carrie Underwood’s got some serious issues she needs to deal with. She tells InStyle magazine.
“I’m content with 90 percent of me,” she noted about her comfort with her body.
I wonder which 10 percent she doesn’t like? I bet it’s her nose. No wait that’s not quite 10 percent is it? Maybe she was talking about her toes. I’ve seen them, they’re ghastly. They look like little pickled pig ears. Ugh! Things get better though, she showers at least.
Some days I step out of the shower, put my lotion on and I’ll be like, ‘Ugh, ew, ew.’” She added, “I count calories, fat and fiber. If I put on five pounds, it’s noticed immediately.”
If you’re gaining 5 pounds after showering and applying lotion. I think it’s time to switch body lotions huh. Still, it’s really bugging me not knowing what 10 percent of herself she doesn’t like. Ooh, ooh, I know what it is. It’s got to be her ears. We never see them with all her hair. I wonder if she’s hiding those freaky kind of no lobe ears. No ear lobes are really creepy. It’s like God didn’t want you to wear earrings or something. Source Here


Don’t Be Bitter Baby

Remember Brian Dunkleman folks. “American Idol’s” first season co-host with Ryan Seacrest. In an interview he says he left the show because he and Seacrest didn’t get along, and that the show was just downright cruel. Simon (Cowell) shreds him, just kills him, and the kid's wellin' up, he's got tears in his eyes. He comes back to the couch, and I say to him, 'Well, hey, Paula Abdul said she liked you, what else matters?'”
Yeah Paula liked you. But then again when Paula’s meds are cranked up, there isn’t much she don’t like (including the young, nubile singers) Somehow I think Dunkleman’s just a little pissed he’s not part of the Idol gravy train. Cheer up Brian, There’s nothing to be ashamed of appearing on VH1’s Celebrity Fit Club. Not much to be ashamed of anyway. No one’s watching. So quit being a Bitter Brian and be a Bubbly Brian. Source Here


Destination Planet Earth

People of the city of Denver, you should be very proud of the progressive thinking that goes on there. Assistant City Attorney, Jeff Peckman wants the city to be prepared for when the space aliens arrive. He’s proposing a 18 member commission to enact a strategy “dealing with issues related to the presence of extraterrestrial beings on Earth.”
Relax, Jeff, when the aliens land they’re heading right to Tom Cruise’s house for a family reunion. Don’t worry. Tom’s got a plan. You ever hear of Soylent Green Jeff. That’s the plan. It’s all taken care of. (By the way folks, I made some inquiries and Jeff is not, I repeat, not related to singer Robbie Williams.) Source Here


Well that’s all I got folks. I gotta go now folks. I’m going to remove the leather and chain link swing, and the strippers pole from Antonio’s bedroom. Tough love Folks, tough love.

Doc. B. Gone baby, gone.