They saw their shadow, two more weeks of pregnancy dammit!

Heidi Ho folks Doc B. here.

I managed to convince Antonio to consider another safe house other than his car to keep Bubbles under wraps, or bubble wrap, so to speak. I still had the keys to the apartment my boss kept in the city, for those long nights when he was too tired to drive home, you know. No, it's true, really. Never mind. Here's the news.

But first…

“I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.”
“Mitch Hedberg”


I'll Get A Mop

More shocking revelations in the Amy Winehouse saga. Well, not really shocking. Actually not shocking at all, but rather predictable and sad. Pathetic even. In a Rolling Stone interview she gave last month she confesses to never really trying to clean up. She says- "I've never been to rehab, I mean, done it properly. I'm young, and I'm in love, and I get my nuts off sometimes. But it's never been like, 'Amy, get your life together.'" Oh good, I'm glad to hear it's never gotten that far, that she's in total control. But she does have an excuse for her behavior, like every good junkie in denial. She rationalizes it this way. "To be honest, my husband's away, I'm bored, I'm young. I felt like there was nothing to live for. It's just been a low ebb." A low ebb? Her ebb was so low I saw Mini Me doing the limbo under it on his sex tape . Her ebb was so low it clothes-lined Tom Cruise at a red carpet event. (Yep, he's that short.) Her ebb was so low a deep core oil mining rig had to map out another path. Her ebb was so low that even Britney Spears began to worry. (Pause) wow... that's low. Anyhow, ebb aside, she also went on to discuss how she nearly collaborated with Pete Doherty on a record, but he seemed less than enthusiastic. When she discussed the idea with him, she says "he looked at me like I'd pooed on the floor".
Which she had. Involuntarily of course, but offputting nonetheless. She explains it this way."He wouldn't do it. We're just really close." Well, as close as two people can be when one smells of feces, and looks ravaged by the plague. It just makes it hard to get a really good table you know. Source Here



Better Than A Bag Of Shit.

Ever since Alec Baldwin has costarred on the TV show "30 Rock", he has been receiving the acclaim an actor of his stature deserves. And this week he received another accolade as the Horse and Carriage Association of New York has honored him. "The group "honored" him by naming the diapers attached behind the steeds to catch manure "Baldwin Bags". Hmmm... it seems an odd way to honor such a fine actor. There must be more to this story, and of course, there is. It seems Alec led a protest against the Horse and Carriage industry from earning a living in Manhattan. Jeez, what a prick. And with the price a gas so expensive these days, sheesh. These poor horses are only trying to earn an honest living, otherwise it would be the glue factory for them. And what about the drivers? Wouldn't they become drunk, dirty, smelly homeless people on the street if they were not able to earn a living? As opposed to being drunk, dirty, smelly people who live in their horse carriages. Hmmm... Alec has ambitions to run for office one day, and I hope he wasn't planning on running in Manhattan because I'd say he's angered a least one constituency there. You wouldn't think it, but the Horse and Carriage Association is an extremely powerful group. They've got the pictures nobody wants to see ever hit the light of day. The powers that be would never let that happen. They can't let that happen. Source Here


And No More Dylan.

Finally some good news. The wise and brutally honest Simon Cowell has banned all Alicia Keys songs from being performed on American Idol. The mirror reports that Alicia said, "At first he stopped people singing Falling, but now none of my songs are allowed!". Humph... why stop there? I've got a list of songs I don't want to hear butchered anymore, I just need to finish cataloguing them. I'm going alphabetically and I've only gotten to the D's so far. That's a total of 792 so far. Hmm... maybe I need to be a little less fussy. I suppose we can let them sing Dokken, and the Dave Clark Five. And Duran Duran sucks rocks anyways, a baby with colic singing one of their tunes would be an improvement over LeBon's wailing . I guess we can give them the Depeche Mode but scratch off the Dropkick Murphy's, Deep Purple, the Doors, Def Leppard and Deaf Cab for Cutie. Hmmm... I'm just going to look forward to the E's for a sec. The first one is the Eagles, scratch that. Well, maybe I can get the list ready by next Christmas and e-mail it to Simon, you know, as a suggestion. Source Here


Angelina's Pregnancy = Bladder Loss = Polyester Slacks…

Aawww... weeks! Weeks! That's what some French quack said today discussing Angelina Jolie's pregnancy. I don't know if I can take much more this, and I've been getting these really odd, sharp pains lately which I think is from agonizing over the impending birth of the twin poop dispensers . God knows my bladder is just shot now! Now I get the feeling we won't be able to revel in the awesomeness of Angelina's blimp physique since I think pictures will be hard to come by from here on. Angie "is expected to remain in medical care until she has the children she is not expected to give birth imminently". Wait a sec... wait a sec. Does imminently mean what I think it means? Where's my thesaurus... ah here it is. Aawww... shit! That's what I thought it meant. Shit, shit , shit!... oops! I did it again. I peed in my pants . And I am all out of clean underwear, all out of Depends. And now, all of corduroy pants dammit! Have to move on to polyester slacks now. They need to hurry up this pregnancy, maybe they should induce labor, before I induce a stroke, or at the very least, before I become a victim of a huge fashion faux pas! Hmmm... and why be so vague by suggesting it could be weeks? You'd think they'd be able to narrow it down a bit. I mean, I do have a life you know. I can't be expected to hover around my PC all day waiting for the big event to happen.
Oh OK. I'll stay on it. I want you to know I'm only doing it because I love you. It's gratifying to know the feeling is mutual. (Pause) what was that? I couldn't make it out between your dry heaving jag, could you repeat it?
Jeez... there you go again. You should see a doctor about that. Take a breath. Hmmm... let's move on. Source Here


Mini Bars And Mustangs

Sheryl Crow, Peter coyote in Viggo Mortensen are just a few celebrities who are participating in the enlightening documentary "Saving the American Wild Horse". (And God knows this blog is dedicated to enlightenment) it would seem in a rush for land grabs, the wild horse is in danger of being wiped out. Sheryl explains. "If any of these politicians visited these sites where our indigenous animals are being slaughtered in an inhumane way and being sold for meat, I feel that there would be a different take and a different approach to what's happening,". Humph... don't hold your breath waiting on any of those lazy, fat- cat, corrupt bastards coming down to see it. Most of them can't bear to be more in 20 feet away from their mini bar, let alone attend an event that might anger the very people that contribute to their campaigns. God forbid that they should actually get behind a cause as worthy as this. No, I doubt it and they only care about their polls, focus groups, and political aides, and their perk-laden career's. They are certainly not about saving a piece of the American old West. Far from it. Source Here


Well that's all there is tonight folks, I gotta go. There is like a million messages on my phone from the office. Oh shit. No one told them about my adduction. They probably think I flew off to Jamaica or something, again.

Doc B. Gone baby gone

Please God Make Angelina Deliver Now

Heidi Ho folks Doc B. here.

Pardon me if I'm brief, I'm multitasking. I'll fill you in at the end, until then here's the news.

But first…

“I'm not offended by dumb blonde jokes because I know that I'm not dumb. I also know I'm not blonde.”
“Dolly Parton.”


Did You Hear The One About...

It seems Gossip Girl star Blake Lively despises comparisons to the more famous (infamous) blonde, Paris Hilton. She whines, "Since I have a dog and blond hair, that must mean we're alike. It's a dumb thing to say. I don't think that makes us similar,". Hmmm... that reminds me of a good one, "What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"
The nympho says, "Are you done already?"
The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige." He he... funny. Anyhow, she goes on to tell Seventeen magazine that "I don't know her, but I don't like being compared to anyone by somebody who doesn't know me." (snicker, snicker) Have you heard this one? "Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?

A: She missed".
Or this one? "How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her."
Or this one? "How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone."
Sorry, sorry, anyhow Blake goes on to say, "I'm my own person. I don't go to clubs, I don't party, I don't dance on tables and I don't like sex tapes." ... yeah! But do you have one? Huh! Don't skirt around the question, we're assuming you have one already anyways. Humph, guess we'll have to wait. In the meantime that reminds me, How does a blonde moon walk?
A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor! Source Here


A Glorious Return To Form

After performing admiringly at the Nelson Mandela concert it seems Amy Winehouse had a glorious return to form singing in Glastonbury. It seems she sang the first portion of her show well but her performance quickly deteriorated, say onlookers. Many were questioning what was in the glass she was drinking from. (liquid mental unstableness, I would imagine) Despite boos from the crowd she continued to rant on about her hubby Blake who's in jail awaiting to be sentenced for assault ".Amy defended him, saying: "Don't boo. I'll find your phone and ring your mum and tell them about your bad manners. Manners cost you nothing." Yes, too bad Amy, you can't trade them in for dope. Anyhow, after insulting JAY-Z and Kanye West, Amy saved her best for grand finale."The troubled star shockingly punched an audience member.
Glasto boss MICHAEL EAVIS defended Amy saying: “The man deserved it. He grabbed Amy’s breasts as she went past him.”
However another fan in the front row said it was actually a GIRL called Claire that was hit and she only tried to give the singer a high five." In any case, man or woman, they are lucky that Amy didn't spit on them. Emphysema is contagious right? Oh well, let's move on. Source Here


A Delusional Drug Addict... Go Figure

Moving not too far, actually not moving at all. It seems Amy Winehouse has lost her mind, when it concerns her hubby Blake who's rotting in jail. It would appear she left hospital early from her rehabilitation because she wants to make the house look tidy for when Blake gets out of the slammer. A source revealed: “Amy’s in another world. She’s like a child in a woman’s body. Yeah! A child with track marks all up and down her arm, who smokes like a Russian soldier, and drinks more than an American senator. I assume that's the child you were talking about? Because if I had to render a description to the police describing Amy, that's pretty much how I'd sum her up. Oh, and dark hair. Anyhow sources say “She has it in her head there is no way Blake can stay inside after he is sentenced in two weeks. She started sorting the house out for his return". Hmmm... I wonder if she can handle the truth? " . So! How did that work out? "
Her inner circle were then forced to tell her a few home truths — saying she needed to accept he could remain inside after he is sentenced for assault and trial-fixing"Amy was rattling on about Blake throughout her night out, when she trawled a string of late-night drinking dens with pals until 4.30am yesterday. Oh my! I'm shocked! I was so sure she turned the corner (sigh),... I'm so naïve.
Yet again, she was telling anyone who would listen about his “impending release” — just as she did at Glasto on Saturday". ... Cuckoo-cuckoo, (sigh), keep the faith Amy, keep the faith. Source Here


The Curse Of A-Rod

The New York Daily News is reporting, that Us Weekly is reporting that New York Yankees superstar Alex Rodriguez is hooking up with Madonna. A- Rod?
Madonna? I guess he likes them old, wiry, and bitter. The Yankees will never win another World Series with this guy in uniform. He's not a leader, he's nothing but a flake. Source Here


Please God

No word yet on whether or not the Twins up actually arrived, but numerous websites are reporting that Angelina Jolie is holed up in a French hospital getting ready to unleash the hounds, so to speak. I don't want to get my hopes up. I've learned my lesson, I won't be fooled again. Until I have actual proof that she's had these talking babies, I'm not taking off these Depends dammit. I've ruined enough pairs of pants, thank you very much. Anyhow, I'll keep you folks informed.


Well that's it that's all folks, I gotta go get back to Antonio and Bruce. Bruce is on a Greyhound (literally) to Stowe to visit his mother, and Antonio is on MSN. Antonio told me he found a great new place to hide Bubbles. So I asked him, it's not the trunk of your car is it? Quite a few minutes passed before he replied,... maybe? when I asked him if she's had a meal recently? He replied... possibly? Right now I'm trying to convince him that he should calm down and relax. I'm safe and sound now, and that's the most important thing, isn't it He replied... perhaps?
Which leads me????????????????

Doc B. Gone baby gone