Danica Patrick’s Cheap, 50 Cent Acts Like It

Hows it hanging folks.

Doc B. here I’ve been out all day so I missed out on any happening’s in Luis, the cats murder trial.
Last I heard, he was making argument’s to exclude the four mice on the jury and replace them with two salamanders one gopher, and a garden slug. I have no idea if that got worked out or not. I was busy shopping for the perfect coasters to go with the coffee table. I saw some Paris Hilton coasters but they were really just cardboard rings with a deep hole in the middle. Pretty useless. There were also coaters of the Green Bay Packers, But I don’t need coasters that hold your drink, salsa, and corn chips, so I didn’t buy them. I finally settled on some environmentally friendly coasters made from old tires. I’m all for saving the planet, but I wish they would have trimmed off the air valves. Some are a little greasy, but at least they have good traction. Anyhow, heres the news.

But first…


“When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before.”
“Mae West”


Guide To Parenting: By 50 Cent

Rapper 50 cent is refusing to let son Marquise live in one of his mansions. The rhymer hated the 10-year-old and mother Shaniqua Tompkins sharing the $1.5million (£850k) New York pad with her boyfriend and had them evicted. Source Here

I sure this is just a case of tuff love for 50 Cent’s boy. I’m sure once he earns his colors on the mean streets, selling drugs, beating homeless wino’s and perfecting his standing on a street corner looking tough posture, 50 Cent will welcome him to his pad. That, and a few gunshot wounds, should soften up the old man’s stance, right. C’mon,Cent,wheres the love.


Bobby Brown: Class Act

More words of wisdom from Bobby…

I reached my third single on the Don’t Be Cruel album, I was one of the biggest stars in the world. And then…With success comes the women! At this time, I probably had dated half of the industry, including Madonna. Source Here
See, what a classy guy. No comment from Coolio, Counting Crows. Or Wilson Phillips on why they and the other half of the industry slept with this ass. That’s what he’s suggesting, right. This friggin’ guy and K-Fed are cut from the same cloth.


Anna Nicole Smith = Mensa?

From the man who brought you Jerry Springer, the opera comes Anna Nicole the opera.
Thomas said: "It's an incredible story. It's very operatic and sad. She was quite a smart lady with the tragic flaw that she could not seem to get through life
without a vat of prescription painkillers."
Look. I know we’re not supposed to speak ill of the dead but, smart is not going to be the first adjective I use in describing Anna Nicole .Or the second adjective, or the third, fourth, fifth…. Maybe # 42. No wait. Nope. Sorry, # 42 would have to be virtuous Source Here


Soprano’s Paulie Walnuts Not Queer.

It seem’s Tony Sirirco (Paulie Walnuts “Sopranos”) was giving comedy writer Jeffrey Gurian pointers on how real men pose for pictures “he slipped his arm through mine, with his hand in a fist, and that's how we took the picture!" laughed Gurian. "He showed me how real men take photos."
Source Here
Later on in the evening Tony showed Jeffrey how real men stand at the urinals, staring forward blankly. Then, he showed him how many shakes of the weasel a man does before it’s considered playing with himself. Then before exiting the washroom, Tony demonstrated how to cup your package properly, shifting it gently, but forcefully to the left to give off the proper pleat in a pair of slacks, Damm, I wish I would have had Paulie Walnuts mentoring me on these important issues. I could have avoided that ugly incident in the mens room at the Hyatt. Stare forward blankly… Got it, won’t happen again.

Dog Days for Norah Jones

Some anonymous friend told someone that Norah’s looking for love.
A friend of hers said, "Norah is dying for a small puppy in need of a home." Source Here
Norah Jones is looking to adopt a little dog eh. Well I got one in the doghouse out back that I wouldn’t mind parting ways with still, he’s not small. Hmmm… I wonder if I taped his leg to his stomach and put some wagon wheels under his torso. If I could pass him off as small… hmmm.


Danica Patrick Dumps on Small Towns

I read this piece with race car driver Danica Patrick where she says…
"There isn't much culture in little old towns, so we learn to party." Source Here
So I called the mayor of Greenfield (a small Midwestern town) and asked him what kind of culture and party habits they have.

Doc B: Thank you Mayor Bumsquat for speaking with me today.

Mayor B: Well, that’s quite all right.

Doc B: Danica Patrick says there’s not much culture in small towns. How do you respond to that.

Mayor B: Well this one time. I had to get me a culture. The doctor checked it out and everything was hunky doory.

Doc B: (Pause) Well… That’s good, how’s the party life in Greenfield

Mayor B: Well, there is a party coming up for old Doc. Graves. Celebrating his 1000th birthing.

Doc B: Wow, 1000 babies he’s delivered in his profession, that’s amazing.

Mayor B: Yes… well, thems mostly calfs and pigs and such. Not many of the town’s women have their babies birthed by Doc Graves on account of the incident.

Doc B: Eh, what incident would that be?

Mayor B: I’d rather not say, it’s a rather lewd and salacious bit of old news. Best to forget about it, much like women’s right to vote, let bygones be bygones and just move on.

Doc B: Who delivers the babies in Greenfield if Doc Graves doesn’t do it.

Mayor B: Well, Wheezer does most of them. Some of the women choose to do it on their own, though it ain’t recommended.

Doc B: (Pause)…. Who’s Wheezer?

Mayor B: He’s the mechanic over at the Texaco on the corner of Baker St. and Pine St. He’s very good with his hands. He can change yer oil, and fix yer flat tire faster than a horse can shit

Doc B: (Silence)….

Mayor B: Hello…. Hello?

Doc B: Yes, I’m here. Sorry. Is there any other wild parties panned in Greenfield coming up.

Mayor B: Well, over at the town hall in May will be Mrs Palm’s Springtime swap party

Doc B: (Yawn) and what that about, are you swapping recipes or dentures of something?

Mayor B: Well, at the party we drink to the springtime weather. Then we square dance to celebrate the up-coming crop season. At the end of the dance Mrs. Palm pulls names out of a hat. Who evers names comes out together have to spend the night together getting all greasy on top of each other, poking holes and slapping bottoms, to please the great corn gods of the fields. It’s a tradition that’s been going on for years. The only downside is sometimes you get a partner with a sausage and not a peach, but other than that, a good time is had by all.

Doc B: (SILENCE)

Mayor B: Hello… Hello? You still there?

Doc B: (Click)

FIN

Well I gotta go find a new coffee table to match those f#@%ing ugly ass rubber coasters I was guilted into buying because of this environment fad. Sheesh

Later Doc B.

Yoko And K-Fed Should Date, Hurricane Heather Slam's NY

Halito folks

Well I warned my cat Luis not to defend himself. Today they selected the jury, and Luis somehow let 4 mice and 2 birds on the jury. He's so screwed, he thinks he's Jenna Jameson. He keep's asking me for Johnnie Cochran's cell, but I tell him he's dead, he just shrugs me off muttering something about a Ouija board, and if it don't fit you must acquit. I think he's losing it. Well enough about that, here's the celeb news for today.

But first…


"Individually, we are one drop. Together, we are an ocean."
"Ryunosuke Satoro"


Naomi, free at last

Yes, yes, yes. We can all take a deep breath and exhale slowly now people, she's free. Naomi Campbell is free on bail, and a great injustice has begun to be corrected. Now, there's just the matter of clearing her good name. First, someone need's to lose their job over this. Then of course there will be lawsuits, (I drink your milkshake) many, many lawsuits, and they will pay, oh yes, they will pay dearly for besmirching the name, and reputation of Naomi Campbell. What were they smoking man, when has Naomi ever been anything but, the lovely, charming, dignified, super-goddess that we all know and love. Honestly, why do people out there gotta hate, and make up petty lies to make themselves feel just a little bit less small. Oh yes. They will pay. Source Here


Hurricane Heather Threatening East Coast

You think the economy's bad in the U.S. right now. Hold on to your hats, tighten up those belts, save those used aluminum foil sheet's, better think twice about paying for that emergency medical procedure because Heather Mill's, Paul's ex greedy, trashy, bitchy, selfish, shrewish, shifty, slutty, lying, (what too much) wife is coming to America. (with a huge, dark cloud of locust's following closely behind her) to find an apartment. I know, I know, it sends a shiver down your spine, don't it. Manhattan, NY. appears to be the front runner, ( and will no doubt be swept away clean in a huge sandstorm) for the Mills sweepstakes. No doubt, as we speak Manhattan's real estate market has taken a down turn toward the center of the Earth. Panic has already set in, and once magnificent streets and neighbourhoods are already turning into slums, and barter town's Awww c'mon, cheer up NYC., maybe she'll change her mind and move to L.A., it's already dammed. Source Here


Shotgun Wedding

Rapper Remy Ma is going to prison for a shooting accident and now she's getting married to her fiancé Papoose… Papoose. (sorry… cant'… breathe……hyperve… need…. Paper… bag!.... ….. ….) Ah, that's better, couldn't stop laughing there for a moment… hey, you look pretty flush in the face too. Hmm… Papoose! (heh heh) Papoose! C'mon, you know you love it. So Remy and P. are getting married at Riker's Island Jail. If you're planning to attend, I'd be very careful to check the old wallet and pure for anything iffy before being searched at the gate. If you want to send congratulation's to Remy, I can't help you there, but you might want to try the NY State Corrections Department. Source Here


K-Fed + Vegas - $ = BANANAS

Do you guy's remember what I said I would be doing if I were Britney, after reading that Kevin's kid's dictate his schedule now. Then he was on a extended 5 day weekend at Vegas, drunk and blowing all kind's of dough in the casino's. Do you remember what I said I'd be doing. That's right, you got it. I'd be screaming "This Shit Is Bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S. This Shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.
I bring this up because I noticed this article dealing with K-Fed's spending habits. I told you then, and I'll tell you again. This guy is a worthless, slimy, suckhole of a little bitch. Oh yeah, I forgot, he's devoid of talent as well. Still sucking on some woman's teat to get by.


" Congratulations, Yoko Ono, assassins, cancer, and one-legged gold diggers: You're no longer the worst thing to happen to the Beatles."
"Joel McHale, About American Idol Contestant David Archuleta Butchering Beatles Lyrics, On The Soup"


OH NO YOKO ONO

Just when I thought I could stomach Yoko Ono a little bit, she say's something that make's me vomit thru my nose and nearly choke on the chunks in my throat.
"It's not very easy for a woman to be associated with The Beatles. I think all the wives did suffer, but suffer quietly and endured."

How can she defend Heather Mills, even a little bit. My Gosh, the devil doesn't need a lobbyist, and Heather Mills don't need Yoko Ono. Heather just has to speak in her ancient wiccan way's and all will shrivel up and cease to exist around her. Yoko, don't defend her. Just shut up (oh, and stay out of Manhattan, pestilence has descended upon it) Just F.Y.I.
Source Here


Jay-Z + Beyoncé Marry Tonight Guaranteed

Look I know I was wrong about Wednesday, but tonight is the night. Jay-Z + Beyoncé. It's on. It's on like a fat man and butter waffles. I assure you, they are getting married tonight. And if I'm wrong, it'll be soon (by soon I mean within the next calendar year) tonight the night, I can feel it, I can feel it like Phil words.


Well that's it for now.

Gotta go see this man for a horse.

Doc. B.

Bobby Was Whitney’s Bitch, Naomi Arrested, Again

Selamat petang Folk’s

Good news, Antonio has set a date for the trial. It will start on April 10 (Talk about a speedy trial date) Luis still plans to defend himself, even though I told him his eyes would distract the jury. (One eye looks straight forward, but the other eye rotates continuously from left to right.) He’s stubborn though, he once refused to eat until I switched to Geiko.
My Dog Bruce is in the doghouse (literally) I caught up to him cavorting with two bitches, trying to talk down some guy on the price of some “Shady” jeans. (he’s a follower, not a leader) There he can stay until the trial, he doesn’t need to worry about Luis. Right now Luis is too busy trying to line up expert witnesses to testify at the trial (I had to tell him Gus Grissom was a fictional character (he looked like someone whose cat toy got run over) so, as you can see, it’s a real zoo around here. Anyhow, here’s the news.

But first…

“I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.”
“Hunter S. Thompson”


Bobby Brown: Bananas?

Boy, what a classy guy Bobby Brown is. Real salt of the earth. Look what he says here

"I never used cocaine until after I met Whitney. Before then, I had experimented with other drugs, but marijuana was my drug of choice,"

“I was using everything I could get my hands on, from cocaine to heroin, weed and cooked cocaine." Source Here

Yeah, boo hoo. She pinned me down, and she shoved coke upside my nose. Den, she tied me up when I was napping after smoking my big-ass joint’s. That bitch is cold blooded. She shot me up with heroin and I couldn’t stop her. Bitch then force fed me some crack cocaine while I was taking a dump, I had nowhere to go and we were out of toilet paper. Den she told me, Bobby take this here ecstacy, and I did, it was like I was possessed, I couldn’t stop myself. Like I was brainwashed or something, den I smoked some more weed and forgot all about it.

Whata a frigging jerk. If you think like I do, then you think this guy just hate’s women right. Check this out.

One of his most public indiscretions was an affair with former exotic dancer Karrine "Superhead" Steffans. "Yes, I've slept with her," he confesses.
"Yes, I've spent several nights at her house. But she was only good for what her nickname stood for." Source Here

Like I said, a real classy guy.


You Know what’s Funny. Brakes.

Jerry Seinfeld was in a harrowing rollover wreck but was unhurt after the brakes on one of his vintage cars failed.

I dunno about you, but I’d start looking into where Jason Alexander was, I mean c’mon, he’s got motive. He’s been keeping a real low profile. I’m just saying I’d check it out.
I wonder if any so called “architect’s been to Jerry’s house. Maybe a certain Mr. Vandelay… hmmm. Source Here


No Way

Supermodel Naomi Campbell has been arrested at Heathrow Airport's Terminal 5 for allegedly spitting at a police officer, Sky News television reported Thursday.
A London Metropolitan Police spokesman said a woman was arrested at the terminal for an assault on police, but refused to disclose her identity or give her age.

What no way. She such a nice girl, this must be some kind of misunderstanding. And honestly it’s a no, no to ask a woman her age. Airport security, hmmph. Source Here


The Donald Gets No Love

DAVID Beckham is the man most porn stars would want in bed.

Donald trump finished at the bottom of the poll. Go figure. The guy’s worth millions, jeez, where’s the love for a powerful tycoon? You think it’s the hair. Yeah it’s the hair right!
Source Here


Another Idol Loser

Another girl kicked off Idol last night *Yawn* Wake me when they get to the final four (David C. David A. Carly, and Michael).


Who’s Timbaland. I’m Lilo, Now Get Me A Drink.

Lilo’s been skipping meeting’s with super producer Timbaland, to work on her album due this year. Is she smoking weed with Bobby Brown, this guy’s a hit-machine (And Lindsay could use a hit right now) If she keep’s blowing off talent like this, she’ll be lucky to get booked to sing on Rosie’s cruise ships.
Source: (CJAD 800 AM)


Well that’s all I got, sorry. I gotta get some sleep. I want to be out of here early tomorrow, before the potential juror’s arrive.

See ya later.

Doc. B. Gone, baby gone.

Sharon Stone and Madonna, Mmmm: Drew + Playboy Bunnie = Hotdog

Selamat pagi folks,

Well, I can’t get in my foyer now, as it’s all been taped off as a crime scene. There’s still no date set for Luis the cat’s murder trial. I told my chimp Antonio, that I was going to buy another fish, but he say’s it’s irrelevant. He’s hungover again, so there’s no talking to him. Bruce is in hiding but I got a lead to where he’s holed up. (He charged 8 boxes of Milkbones to my credit card). I’ll let you know, when I know, what’s going on. Ok. Lot’s of news, let’s get busy.

But first…

“Society is like a stew. If you don’t stir it up every once in a while then a layer of scum floats to the top.”
“Edward Paul Abbey”


Idol’s David Cook has an “episode”

"American Idol" contestant David Cook was rushed to an L.A. hospital after last night's show. He was experiencing stress-related heart palpitations.”

Despite feeling light-headed, Cook went on with the show and was taken to the hospital after his performance of "Little Sparrow" to be checked out for high blood pressure and anxiety.
Source Here

David, David, David, lay off the blo my man. I know you hurtin’ bro, but it’s your time to shine, embrace it. Just say no dude.
Ahhh… I’m just kidding folk’s, he’s not a coke fiend. But as a doctor I must advise David from drinking six Red Bulls, 2 mocha lattés, and a little tequila, and to stop eating Jello with sugar and pieces of dark Peruvian chocolate sprinkled on top, before performing. The combination of these items may make you hyper. So David, cut back on the Jello my man. Doctor’s orders.


Ryan Seacrest Is A Real Man

It seems Ryan Seacrest had a rough night too, but he has a high threshold for pain.

Ryan hurt his knee when he bashed his leg against the metal railings while running across the set. And he also stayed at his host post.
Seacrest told listeners this morning, "That's gonna leave a mark!"
Yeah, that’s gonna leave a mark, just like when I tried on Paula’s corset.
Just like when Simon bitch slapped me.
Just like when Ruben and his brother tackled me.
Just like when Randy snatched the jelly donut out of my mouth.
Just like when Kelly Clarkson clocked me for asking about her weight.
Just like when Clay Aiken pinched me on the thigh, when I told him no means no.
Yeah, that gonna leave a mark.
Just kidding, we all know Ryan’s a man’s man. Just like Rock Hudson..
(Crickets)… Sheesh, tough room.
Source Here


SCOTT WEILLAND IS A DICK

Velvet Revolver has broken up, or at the least, lost their lead vocalist. Singer Scott Weilland sure sounds like a dick, if you ask me…. What’s that,.. you’re not sure, check this

“After reading the comment by Duff, Matt, Dave and the illustrious “GUITAR HERO,” Saul Hudson, a.k.a Slash, I find it humorous that the so called four “founding members” of Velvet Revolver, better known to themselves as “the Project” before I officially named the band, would decide to move on without me after I had already claimed the group dead in the water on March 20 in Glasgow. In response to Slash’s comment regarding my commitment, I have to say it is a blatant and tired excuse to cover up the truth. The truth of the matter is that the band had not gotten along on multiple levels for some time. On a musical level, there were moments of joy, inspiration, fun…at times, but let’s not forget the multiple trips to rehab every member of the band had taken (with the exception of one member, no need to mention his name). Personally speaking, I choose to look forward to the future and performing with a group of friends I have known my entire life, people who have always had my back. This also speaks to my commitment to my music and my fellow band mates in STP and to the fans who I feel would much rather watch a group of musicians who enjoy being together as opposed to a handful of discontents who at one time used to call themselves a gang.

p.s. don’t be fooled by veiled trickery

p.p.s good hunting lads, I think Sebastian Bach would be a fantastic choice.”

Full story here

See, told ya, He’s a dick right. I’m so happy we agree, you know what they say, “Great minds think of sex, no, wait a minute…that’s not it. It’s right on the tip of my di…., no, that’s not it either. You know what. It doesn’t matter let’s move on shall we.

Stone + Madonna = Wet Dreams.

This caught my eye.
Now - because there is a god - these two legendary femme fatales will join forces to do a good deed in a naughty world. On May 22, at Le Moulin de Mougins restaurant on the Riviera, Madonna and Sharon are to preside over Harvey Weinstein's annual "Cinema Against AIDS" gala at Cannes, benefiting AmFAR.

Bold Films, Chopard and the Weinstein Co. are sponsoring, and Seal will perform.

Sharon Stone + Madonna together. Why doe’s the first thing that comes to my mind, is the image of these two, withering on the floor on top of each other like some tawdry, girl on girl action at a seedy, grimy; dark strip club that you have to go thru an alley, and climb two flight’s of stairs to reach the club. I dunno, maybe it’s just me… Yeah, it’s me. Sorry.
Source Here


Drew + Playboy Bunnie = Heart Palpitations

April 2, 2008 -- DREW Barrymore can now add Playboy photographer to her credits. The actress, an amateur photographer in her free time, borrowed a camera from the house fotog at Saturday's Playboy Golf lingerie party and started snapping away at Bunnies. "One Bunny was bent over, balancing teacups on her butt that Andy Milonakis had placed there, and Drew said, 'I have to get this shot,' " said our spy.

Now, why is it, the next thing I think of is Drew and this playboy bunnie withering on top of each other like some tawdry, girl on girl… Sorry bout that. My bad. Let’s move on
Source Here


It’s Official, Val Kilmer’s Career is in the Shitter.

Knight Rider get’s the green light to become a series’ Val Kilmer will apparently continue to be the voice of K.I.T.T., the talking car, Val Kilmer, my God, is his career that far into the toilet, that he needs a plunger like K.I.T.T., the talking car to unclog the mess his career is in. Couldn’t he just leak a sex tape, or go on the Bachelor to jump start his way back on top (or in the news, at least) K.I.T.T. the talking f#@%ing car. Sheesh!
Source Here


Well that’s it

Gotta go get my dog Bruce before he orders clothes from the GAP again, like the last time.

Chào, Doc. B.

Beyoncé + Jay-Z Wedding Wednesday

Ni hao Folks,

Well folks, the mystery disappearance of my fish has been solved. It took some badgering with a squeaky toy, but the dog finally talked. It seems it was the cat who did it, with some unintentional help from my pet chimpanzee. It seems my chimp, Antonio, was drunk. (scotch with ice) He became too inebriated to get off the foyer wall unit and simply relieved himself into the aquarium, causing the water level to rise and my fish Pedro to spill onto the floor. There on the floor, Pedro was at the mercy of my cat, Luis. Luis ate Pedro. There, now we know the truth. What’s that? How come I didn’t see the water on the floor you ask. Because my Dog Bruce licked up the evidence. That, and Pedro’s gold necklace was found in Luis’ litter box. A lot can happen in the little bit of time you’re out of the room to get a manwich. Anyway enough about my sandwich, here’s the news.

But first…

“I'm so ugly - I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get”
“Rodney Dangerfield”


Beyoncé + Jay-Z Wedding Wednesday

It looks like Beyoncé and Jay-Z are finally ready to tie the knot.
The pair reportedly got the license yesterday morning, which means the earliest they could get hitched is Wednesday. (Link below)

Stay by the phone people, I’ve already got my suit and tie picked out and I’m raring to go. As soon as I get the call to where the wedding’s at I’m ready. Uh… Can someone stop by and pick me up, my cars in the shop…please. I’ve got tic-tac’s.
Source Here


Kill Me Now

Barbara Walters host TV show called “Live to 150” Hmmm… count me out, if Barbra Wawa is still going to be on TV.
Found Here


Britney’s Phat Sis

Jamie Lynn Spears was spotted shopping, wearing a T-shirt that read “Phat-Lady” .Her fiancé better get used to that phrase. Soon she will be a Fat lady.
Source Here


Scots Do it Best

Madonna gave a very revealing interview, in which she said
“I’m sure loads of couples have their BlackBerrys in bed with them”. Of course she’s talking about Angus Blackberry, her young Scottish man-servant. (it’s good to be rich)
Source Here


You Drunk, Me Cheeta

He was the hardest working chimp in showbiz and, like any true Hollywood legend, Cheeta, Johnny Weissmuller’s costar in the Tarzan movies, has completed his autobiography, "Me Cheeta."

At 76, Cheeta, also known as Jiggs, is Guinness Book confirmed as the oldest living chimp

Britain’s Daily Mail got hold of Cheeta's thoughts on fame and his legacy: "I can't deny that I'd like my own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, but I have been turned down for the last three years. I'm not bitter. I've had a rich career. Every day is a blessing."

Cheeta later spills the bean’s on Maureen O’Sullivan, accusing her of calling at all hours of the night, which eventually caused some serious problems with Cheeta’s wife. He also speaks foundly of Johnny Weissmuller, except when Johnny drank cider he would become quite clingy, and overly affectionate pinching Cheetah’s bottom, and hugging juust a little too long. Cheeta also asserts that the chimp that played in “Bedtime For Bonzo” was a terrible heroin addict, and Ronald Reagan wanted nothing to do with him, for fear this association would hinder his political aspirations (If you ask me, I think there’s some embellishment in there)
Source Here


R.I.P. Sophie, R.I.P. Pedro

Winfrey Dedicates Show to Her Late Dog
And I’d like to dedicate this post to my dearly departed fish, Pedro. (Keep your fin up in the sweet, sweet ocean that is the after-life.)
Source Here


Well, that’s the news. Thanks for reading.

I gotta go now, Antonio should be ready to set the trial date for Pedro’s murder. (Antonio got his degree when he was test animal at U.C.L.A. he studied and worked at the time, smoking 2 packs a day in the research study.) Luis will defend himself (never a good idea) And Bruce is already in witness protection. I’ll keep you folks informed.

Ta-Ta Doc. B.

John Cusack Stalked, Bjork’s, Bjack,and the Fish is Gone

Annyong ha shimnikka, Doc. B. here,

I’ve looked everywhere, but I can’t find my fish. He’s nowhere to be found. The cat won’t look at me, my chimp got into the wine and passed out, and the dog’s just not talking, for a change. Anyhoo, not many big stories, but you’se gets what you pay for, I guess. Let’s move on.

But first…


"I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar."
Anonymous


No More Happy Feet

So it seems “Fall Out Boy” will not perform in Antarctica after all. The band had intended to lay claim to having played all the 5 continents. Some bad weather caused the cancellation. Yeah right, bad weather, bunch of wimps. The band is leaving legions of penguins extremely disappointed. Cheer up little guys, maybe the Artic Monkeys will drop by. Hey maybe I should call my friend Bjork? I’ll see what I can do.
Source Here


BJork’s, Bjack

Speaking of my friend Bjork, the ever daring singer has a new video online today. “Wanderlust” The video can be viewed at yahoo video. Caution: if you smoke weed before watching this video, you’ll soon have the urge to watch “Dances With Wolves” quickly followed by the urge to eat everything salty in your cupboard.
Source Here


In Hollywood It’s OK To Sleep With Your Secretary

Fred Thompson couldn’t cut it as a real politician, losing to John McCain. Now it would appear he’s headed back into acting. Yeah, that’s a good idea, because Fred acts better than he stumps. As politicians go, Fred is the acting equivalent of say, …. Lorenzo Lamas. Anyway, there’s a lot better parts in Hollywood, than there are in Washington.
Source Here


Kickboxing Is The Future

A woman who has been stalking actor John Cusack, has been arrested by police. I guess the police caught her standing on the roof of her Pontiac, holding a rather large CD player blaring Peter Gabriels “In Your Eyes” over head. Wearing a T-shirt that read “I love Lyodd Dobler” Cusack could almost be heard whispering “I hate that F@#king movie, the damm thing’s 20 yrs old. If they’re such big fans why didn’t they buy thickets to Martian child”
Source Here


Like Hollywood Changes Underware

Now there’s rumours that one of the big TV Networks is considering developing a show starring Britney Spears. I guess the Network bigwigs are as schizophrenic as she is. In Hollywood ,you’re only one disaster away from a stunning comeback.If that makes any sense.
Source Here


Gotta go dust for paw prints on the aquarium, I think a crime has taken place here.

Doc. B. is on the case. Don’t leave town.

ZEPPELIN SAYS SCREW YOU, MOUSETRAP CATCHES DICK

Heidi-Ho folk's,

Doc. B. here I hope everyone is well today. Today I noticed a story about one, incredibly stupid, complete and utter moron, of a man. Just how far would an actor go to shill for a movie. To find out, just continue reading below.


But first...


"Smelling isn't everything" said the Elephant. "Why," said the Bulldog, "if a fellow can't trust his nose, what is he to trust?" "Well, his brains perhaps," she replied mildly.”
C.S. Lewis quotes


Stupid Is As Stupid Does

I think I've found my candidate for Moron of the Year. Check it out.

On September 27, 2006 Caravello appeared on a radio show to promote DVD sales for the 2003 television movie, “Windy City Heat.” In his suit, Caravello asserts he was tricked into putting his penis on a mousetrap, which then unexpectedly closed, causing severe injuries to Caravello.
Source Here
How do you trick someone into this? Did they hide it up Pam Anderson's Px#@y? Not occording to this story. This took place on Adam Carolla's radio show. Also named in the lawsuit were Jimmy Kimmel, Don Barris and Jonny Knoxville of "Jackass" fame. On Carolla's show, Jonny Knoxville offered 10 million if Caravello would put his dick in the trap.
First things first, it's radio so why didn't he just fake it, 2nd thing, why are you whipping out your dick in a room with Knoxville and Carolla, are you just trying to be friendly? 3rd, Jonny Knoxville doesn't have 10 million. And finally 4th, there's never a reason to put your dick in a mousetrap, Never, Ever. I hope the judge throws this lawsuit out of court, then, throws this guy into the mental ward. There, they can do a lobotomy, and if we're fortunate, we can only hope the mousetrap caused just enough damage that this moron can't procreate. God knows there's already too many pinheads on this planet, sheez (Hmm… think I need to switch to de-caf).


This Just In: Jack Klugman's Still Alive

Former "Quincy, Me" star Jack Klugman is suing NBC, claiming they owe him money. He say's " I recently heard that they made $250 million and it's still on TV in Germany" Hmmm…. These Geman's are weird, you can never tell what they'll like. "Quincy Me" was a decent show (and a precursor to show's like "house" and even "CSI".) but can anyone explain David Hasselhoffs musical success in the land of the Wiener Schnitzel. Klugman goes on to say " I don't want their money. I want my money". Hey Jack I can relate, I'm thinking of suing NBC as well, all those hours watching "Suddenly Susan" is precious minutes of my life I'll never get back. Damm those must see TV Thursday's ! Damm them to hell!
Source Here


DAZED AND DISAPOINTED

"Led Zeppelin won't release a comeback concert DVD". Say what, damm, … I had my tie-dye ready, I had my joi… stuff already prepared, I upgraded my sound system and now Jimmy Page say's "It was recorded but we didn't go in with the express purpose of making a DVD to come out at Christmas, or whatever." Bastard, how could he do this. This guy must really kneel at the altar of Satan like the rumours say. They could make a fortune with this concert tape. If they're not Devil Worshippers, they are clearly something else if they don't want to rake in millions of dollars. Cleary, they must be communists.
Source Here :


Well I gotta to find my cat, cause the fish is not is his tank…

Doc. B. gone