Beyoncé + Jay-Z Wedding Wednesday

Ni hao Folks,

Well folks, the mystery disappearance of my fish has been solved. It took some badgering with a squeaky toy, but the dog finally talked. It seems it was the cat who did it, with some unintentional help from my pet chimpanzee. It seems my chimp, Antonio, was drunk. (scotch with ice) He became too inebriated to get off the foyer wall unit and simply relieved himself into the aquarium, causing the water level to rise and my fish Pedro to spill onto the floor. There on the floor, Pedro was at the mercy of my cat, Luis. Luis ate Pedro. There, now we know the truth. What’s that? How come I didn’t see the water on the floor you ask. Because my Dog Bruce licked up the evidence. That, and Pedro’s gold necklace was found in Luis’ litter box. A lot can happen in the little bit of time you’re out of the room to get a manwich. Anyway enough about my sandwich, here’s the news.

But first…

“I'm so ugly - I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get”
“Rodney Dangerfield”


Beyoncé + Jay-Z Wedding Wednesday

It looks like Beyoncé and Jay-Z are finally ready to tie the knot.
The pair reportedly got the license yesterday morning, which means the earliest they could get hitched is Wednesday. (Link below)

Stay by the phone people, I’ve already got my suit and tie picked out and I’m raring to go. As soon as I get the call to where the wedding’s at I’m ready. Uh… Can someone stop by and pick me up, my cars in the shop…please. I’ve got tic-tac’s.
Source Here


Kill Me Now

Barbara Walters host TV show called “Live to 150” Hmmm… count me out, if Barbra Wawa is still going to be on TV.
Found Here


Britney’s Phat Sis

Jamie Lynn Spears was spotted shopping, wearing a T-shirt that read “Phat-Lady” .Her fiancé better get used to that phrase. Soon she will be a Fat lady.
Source Here


Scots Do it Best

Madonna gave a very revealing interview, in which she said
“I’m sure loads of couples have their BlackBerrys in bed with them”. Of course she’s talking about Angus Blackberry, her young Scottish man-servant. (it’s good to be rich)
Source Here


You Drunk, Me Cheeta

He was the hardest working chimp in showbiz and, like any true Hollywood legend, Cheeta, Johnny Weissmuller’s costar in the Tarzan movies, has completed his autobiography, "Me Cheeta."

At 76, Cheeta, also known as Jiggs, is Guinness Book confirmed as the oldest living chimp

Britain’s Daily Mail got hold of Cheeta's thoughts on fame and his legacy: "I can't deny that I'd like my own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, but I have been turned down for the last three years. I'm not bitter. I've had a rich career. Every day is a blessing."

Cheeta later spills the bean’s on Maureen O’Sullivan, accusing her of calling at all hours of the night, which eventually caused some serious problems with Cheeta’s wife. He also speaks foundly of Johnny Weissmuller, except when Johnny drank cider he would become quite clingy, and overly affectionate pinching Cheetah’s bottom, and hugging juust a little too long. Cheeta also asserts that the chimp that played in “Bedtime For Bonzo” was a terrible heroin addict, and Ronald Reagan wanted nothing to do with him, for fear this association would hinder his political aspirations (If you ask me, I think there’s some embellishment in there)
Source Here


R.I.P. Sophie, R.I.P. Pedro

Winfrey Dedicates Show to Her Late Dog
And I’d like to dedicate this post to my dearly departed fish, Pedro. (Keep your fin up in the sweet, sweet ocean that is the after-life.)
Source Here


Well, that’s the news. Thanks for reading.

I gotta go now, Antonio should be ready to set the trial date for Pedro’s murder. (Antonio got his degree when he was test animal at U.C.L.A. he studied and worked at the time, smoking 2 packs a day in the research study.) Luis will defend himself (never a good idea) And Bruce is already in witness protection. I’ll keep you folks informed.

Ta-Ta Doc. B.