Brangelina, Britney, Tinky-Winky, Minnie and more, tonight on BubbaHump!

Heidi Ho folks Doc B. here.

It turns out it was Bubble' s husband who was staking out my house. He made an attempt to rescue Bubbles but he failed. Now Antonio has taken her to a hidden location. At least that's what Bruce tells me. I still don't remember much but it's good to be home. Every day that goes by now I thank my lucky stars for having a good friend like Bjork. Anyhow here's the news.


But first…

“The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating......and you finish off as an orgasm".
“George Carlin”


It Could Be Worse, He Could Be A Felon.

"Minnie Driver says the father of her unborn baby will play a major role in their child's upbringing," by remaining nameless, anonymous, nonexistent, so to speak. She has remained silent about the identity of the baby.
"I'm just unorthodox. I'm taking full responsibility for being a mother but he will still play some part. I'm not married and I'm not getting married to this person. So I don't know what's going to happen. I sort of just take it moment by moment. Everyone's grown up, everyone is cool. You just want to create as happy and loving an environment as you can." Which loosely translated folks, means the father is either a dirt bag, broke, or totally irresponsible. Rumors were that the sperm donor was musician Craig Zolezzi. Humph... a musician you say eh. That would explain it. I think I nailed two out of three in my translation, I guess only Minnie knows if he's a dirt bag. Oh well, accidents happen. Source Here


Is This Going To Take Much Longer?

"The Babegelinies Are Still in the Brangelinewomb" reports Celeb-edge. I only wish my bladder was as resilient as Angie's womb. I can't take much more of this, and it's costing me a fortune in laundry soap. I keep refreshing the pages I'm on, waiting for the big news. This birth thing is taking forever, months even. When the hell is she due anyways? Aww... August! Hmmm... maybe I can steal some Depends from grandma. Source Here


Well What Did You Expect, Reginald?!

It's a case of, you asked for it, you get it."Gwen Stefani is involving her two-year-old son, Kingston, in choosing the new baby's name". The possibilities so far are, Pooh-Pooh, Thirsty, No!, Dipsy, Laa-Laa, Po, and Tinky Winky. Oh, and Barney. Hmm... I think I like No! Whew. Well that's enough nursery tales, let's move on shall we. Source Here


Beating The Odds.

Well how about that, she made it. Amy Winehouse performed at Mandela's birthday blowout and by all accounts, " rose to the occasion and defied critics". Way to Go Amy, now let's go get f**ked up! Oh yeah, bad idea. My bad. Source Here


Oh What A Lovely Train Wreck.

It looks like MTV is toying with the idea of letting Britney Spears back on the Video Music Awards telecast. The president of MTV Network Music Group is trying to play it coy, saying. “Everyone deserves a second or third chance, right?" Hmmm... what the hell is he talking about, she only had that one rather uninspired performance last year. He ain't married to her, so what does he mean second or third chance? She's gold! Gold I tell you! It'll be a ratings bonanza. I'm pretty sure Britney wants to appear MTV will find a way to accommodate her. You know what would be a real coup? If they could get Britney and Amy Winehouse to duet on a song we'd have replied chance of seeing two possible train wrecks at the same time. I know I'd tune in. Source Here


Who's My Daddy?!

The New York Daily News reports "Lohan's father may have secret love child".
The secret love child in question replied, "my dad is Michael Lohan? F**k me! Does he know were I live? He does! Well that's just f***ing great isn't it. Shit!"
Michael on the other hand seems to be taking it all in stride. Michael Lohan said he's willing to take a paternity test.
"I will do what's necessary to find out the truth and handle the matter as I should," he said. Hmmm... he seems rational, for now. I'll keep you folks posted. Source Here


Well that's it folks, I gotta go. Bruce has been staying in the garage through this whole ordeal. Luis says the smell curls his whiskers, so I guess I know what I'm doing this afternoon.

Doc B. Gone baby gone

Brangelina Babies Aducted by Aliens ?/Gay Men and Their Legumes

Heidi Ho folks Doc B. here

I'm staying in Bjork's hotel, she was kind enough to offer. She tells me I've been through quite an ordeal. Funny thing though, I hardly remember anything. Bjork tells me we can't go to my house because it's being watched. So I've been in bed all day watching pay-per-view, enjoying room service and pretty much just chillin'. Bjork had to attend some function so I have the place all to myself. Hmmm... maybe I'll get a massage. Or a pedicure. I can't decide. Anyhow here's the news.

But first…

“I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic.”
“George Carlin”


A Serious Bang, Followed By Obsession

After reading story after story about celebrities selling their babies photos, or their wedding pictures, or vid-caps of their circumcision.( well only Mickey Rourke so far) It's nice to come across a story where they don't want money for their photos. The reality TV show The Two Corey's will become especially revealing in an upcoming episode. Actor Corey Feldman's wife, Susie will have her Playboy cover shoot featured. Of course Cory, having his priorities in order, was moved and honored that his wife would be in the pages of Playboy. Says Cory, "When Hugh Hefner asked us himself, it was very moving,” Corey tells In Touch. “Hef has been a friend for a long time — he was at our wedding. It was hard to say no.” Hmmm... let's have a glance at my priorities list... check... check... check... check. OK then, I'm good.
“Being that it was art, we didn’t want to make it a business thing,” explains Corey. “So she basically did it for free. Free huh! Now I'm moved. It warms my heart to know that there are still good, and decent people out there who know what's right, and what's important in life. Living life to the fullest (and free porn). So you may be asking yourself, is Corey happy with the photo shoot?I’m very proud,” he says. “She’s a beautiful girl and deserves to be worshipped!” Whoa.. whoa.. whoa!
Worship?! Well I don't know about that. Worship takes quite a commitment. How about I start just with ogling first? Then maybe slowly I could move on to wanting to seriously bang her. And with a little luck, I'll become obsessed. Then! Then maybe we'll talk about worship. But slowdown Cory, let's not put the horse before the cart. Source Here


Where The F**K Are The Babies!

There are so many rumors floating around out there, about Angelina Jolie's babies. They've been born, they haven't been born, been kidnapped, they've been abducted by aliens. It's hard to know what to believe anymore, isn't it? I've been so anxious about it that I haven't been able to sleep properly (although my abduction could have something to do with that too) but today I came across a photo of her and I finally got my answer. She still pregnant. I peed myself when I saw the photo (I told you I was anxious). Over at the In Touch Weekly website they have a helicopter photo of Angie outside of her house looking like she is very much with child, several in fact. Her stomach is that freaking big! it's not normal, it's creepy looking.She looks like Tyne Daly! You couldn't pay me to touch it... brrrr! Anyhow the point is, if you've been sitting on pins and needles like I have, you now have your answer. The cigars have not been passed out yet. And so we must wait.(pause) How long has it been? Let me refresh.... damn nothing new. (Yawn) I'm really tired... dammit Angie, just have the freaking babies why don't you, so we can all get some f***ing rest! .............. Shit! It happened again! I need to go change.


Hey Good Looking! You Like Beans?

Filmmaker David Furnish describes a perfect evening with his partner Sir Elton John.
“What we really enjoy doing and what we will need is a quiet night in. Our favourite thing in the world is to get the box-set of Sex and the City or Six Feet Under and watch six episodes on the trot while eating beans on toast. That, for us, is heaven.” Heyyy... what are they? Gay?... (awkward pause) oh yeah, forgot. My bad. Still, who eats beans on toast anyways? I guess gay men do. Learn something new everyday, hmmm. Source Here


Ohhh... I Can't Find The Vein. Stupid Patches!

There's perhaps, finally some hope in the Amy Winehouse saga. It seems she's decided she's giving up smoking , with a little help of course.The Back To Black star has covered herself in the plasters in an effort to stop puffing.
We're told: "Amy's been advised to give up to have any chance of cleaning her lungs.
"But it's the pleading from Mitch which has really helped.
"She's covered herself in nicotine patches as she's desperate to preserve her voice and is promising to clean up her act." Hmmm... shouldn't someone be monitoring her. It can't be wise to put so many patches on your body. What dosage are these patches anyways? What? No one knows? Who's in charge here?..........(silence! ) Oh great, she'll probably drop dead of a nicotine induced heart attack. Brother! If it's not one thing with this girl it's another. She's such a long shot, that I don't think Vegas is accepting any wagers. She still is scheduled to perform at the Nelson Mandela 90th birthday concert tomorrow. God willing. Source Here


Exclusive: The 10 Best Ways To Please Your Dwarf

Over at TMZ, the identity of Vernon Troyer's costar in that sex tape of his has been revealed. She's a 22-year-old aspiring model from Kentucky.(Did you hear that? The whole state just groaned in unison.) She has a little white dog named Lacey who is the real love in her life. Oh, and has an affinity for little people.
Little people? Is that the proper terminology? Weren't we just having this conversation yesterday folks? Yes I recall, I was searching for the politically correct name for little elves.. er... dwarves... (???) Trolls??! Ah forget it! There's probably not much to see on the tape anyhow. Wait... that didn't come out right. I meant it's probably a short film,.. not worth watching...er... I' Aww ...skip it!( P.S.,there’s no dwarf list,sorry to deceive you.) TMZ.com


Well that's all folks, I gotta go. There's a knock at my door. It must be the tailor... he's late.

Doc B. Gone baby gone.

Aunt Britney’s Gift / Ron Jeremy For Tea

Heidi Ho folks Doc B. here.

I awoke to the sound of breaking glass. Then all I could hear were some voices muffled, whispering in the dark. The voices sounded worried, panicked even. And yet they were too afraid to yell out. It was the voices of my captors, and they were quite clearly scared shitless. Moments passed, and like the cliché, they felt like hours. Then I heard another strange sound, almost like something snapping but I can't be sure. A large thud followed. Something heavy had hit the floor, but what? Now I could clearly make out one of my captors calling to the other, "get up Horace, get up"! Silence. Horace either refused to reply, or simply could not reply. Minutes passed, quietly and without incident, then I heard the unmistakable sound of car keys rattling. One of my captors was going to make a break of it. But what had shaken him so. I could hear him maneuver to the door... yet there he stayed, on pause, so to speak. What was beyond the door that frightened him so much. What had this man reaped. It was now so quiet I could clearly make out the sound of factory not far from here. It had to be the tire plant, I never even had paid attention to the smell for I had become accustomed to it. A large creak sound pierced the night, he had opened the door. Snap! Followed by a large thud, again. I cowered in the corner of the room, wondering what fate awaited me. In the other room I could hear my captor wheezing, his breath labored and weak. He let out one final gasp and I heard nothing more from him. I dreaded the next few moments knowing that by I would either be free, or dead. Someone had entered the next room, I could sense it. The doorknob in my room began to turn and so did my stomach. The door swung open and to my disbelief, there in the doorway stood Bjork. I was saved. There are some lapses in my memory after that, but as she helped me out of the house that had been my prison this last week, I didn't notice any bodies on the floor. My captors were nowhere to be found or seen. They had vanished. I never thought to ask Bjork exactly what she had done to them. Maybe one day I will ask her, but for now I let myself believe that she released the swans upon them and they were carried away, faraway, to Iceland……………. here's the news.

But first…

“One Can Never Know For Sure What A Deserted Area Looks Like”
“George Carlin”


Charlize is ripe, if you know what I mean. We a is an old one to on him and I

Actress a Charlize Theron was on the Letterman show the other night and she revealed quite a few interesting details about herself . Such little details like when and how often she showers. (relax fellas, it becomes less erotic as it goes on ) " When I do have a little time off I like to get down and dirty like camping or traveling to countries that don't have the luxuries I'm a tough girl and I can not shower for a week - I'm fine with that." Well great, Im glad you're fine with that Charlize, however that sounds a little too Parisian for my tastes. She went on to add "There's a time and a place for everything and sometimes there's a time for not showering." Hmmm... that's funny I can only really come up with one good time for not showering. Driving your car,... that's about it. And sometimes when you're eating, like when you're having sandwiches, the bread gets all soggy and wet. Other then that, there's always time for a shower. For Christ sakes if you shower every day, you're not that dirty , and it only takes two minutes. Jeez. Must be fun to be her boyfriend huh! Imagine them working in the garden together spreading the a manure, they've just finished for the day. He looks over at her and says "you know what honey, all this hard work is making me horny, what say you we hit the shower and make whoopee?". She turns to him and answers, "this is not the time nor the place for a shower dammit, take me now like the dirty sow I am, you pig!". Brrrr... how's that for an image folks. Chew on that the next time you watch her in Mighty Joe Young. Source Here


Ron Jeremy Stops by for Tea

British singer Lily Allen hates her fans. I mean, there's no other way of putting it really. She doesn't want to meet them because she thinks they're all freaks and geeks, nut cases and stalkers. Or least that's the interpretation I got, you can see for yourself. She said: “There was one group of girl fans who flew all the way over from Texas just for one night to see me. I met them briefly. It was really flattering. I told my mother and she was like, ‘Oh my God, that’s so sweet, well you should let them stay here!’ And I was like, ‘You what? Are you f***ing mental?’ See what I mean folks, and my God what a potty mouth. She should be ashamed of herself using that kind of language in front of her mother. And she's just so rude and insensitive, calling her mother mental. Really, what a hurtful comment. Anyhow she continues, "I’m scared of home in case my mum meets random fans and brings them home for a cup of tea!” Oh brother how arrogant can she be, now she's going to tell her mother who she can and can't bring home for tea. And what if she meets someone? A certain someone special. A man, a man say like... Ron Jeremy? You know her mother has a life too. What if she met Ron Jeremy and wanted to invite him for tea, and more. Will Lily still be telling her what to do then? Will she really tell her mother to pass up an evening with the Hedgehog? One would like to think the answer would be no, but these kids today. Flaky! Source Here


Attack of the Six-Foot Bunny Rabbit

With the arrival of her niece Maddie, Britney Spears went shopping to celebrate her transition into aunthood. (Not that she needs a reason to go shopping.)
So with the baby only a few weeks old she went in search of the appropriate gift for someone so small.So what did aunt Britney buy you ask? Britney Spears has ordered a customised six-foot tall bunny from a Los Angeles store. I hope she bought a lot of diapers too! Because the kid is going to shit her pants when she sees a six-foot tall bunny rabbit in her room. And what exactly do they mean-- customized. I mean c'mon folks! This is Britney Spears were talking about here! The rabbit probably has a functioning bar, complete with corkscrew and can opener. It probably only plays songs off Britney's last album, and when you press the button in the middle of its stomach it says, Justin, save me. Please forgive me, and then the bunny crawls into a fetal position onto the floor and just shakes violently. At least that's one theory. Another theory is that the bunny will be broadcasting secret sermons from Mel Gibson. Sermons meant to prepare her for adulthood or human sacrifice, whichever comes first. If you want my opinion Jamie Lynn should be very wary of her big sister. With Britney's track record with her own kids, Jamie Lynn might want to consider getting a restraining order.
It's not the first gift Britney has bought the baby however. "She also ordered a custom made, six-foot tall elephant with a blue bow which she wants to sit in the middle of the nursery." When Jamie Lynn suggested the elephant would look better in the corner, Britney went beserk. She threw her glass of gin and tonic against the wall and screamed, "the elephant sits in the middle of the room or I torch the place!" Then she kicked over the coffee table, spilling Doritos all over the floor and grabbed little baby Maddie yelling, "Maddy and I are going for a drive, were going shopping! And because you being such a good girl Maddie, auntie Britney is going to let you sit on her lap while she drives. Won't that be fun!" Brrr... I know this is all hypothetical, but it's still chilling isn't it? Source Here


The Immaculate Looking Woman; Oblivious.

Well if you've ever wondered what the vertically challenged look like when they're having sex you're about to find out. TMZ reports that a sex tape featuring Verne Troyer might be in circulation soon. (And now folks if you will indulge me)Brrrrrrrrrrrrrr……….! Kevin Blatt, who brokered the deal for Paris' video, is entertaining a $100k offer from SugarDVD to distribute the nastiness. Well if it's from the makers of One Night in Paris then it must be good huh! And isn't it nice he met a girl who wasn't self-conscious about being with a man whose of a disabled height (what is the proper terminology for a Mini- Me anyways?) Speaking of semiconscious…..eh, self-conscious women, a friend and I had a conversation a couple months ago about whether a woman is conscious of her surroundings at all times. My friend and I went to the movies and we had to park far from the theater in another lot. Now this was on the busiest Blvd. in the city, with off ramps along the way to get onto the highway. Now, there's no lights or stop signs to help pedestrians get across these exits and avoid the oncoming traffic, so you have to wait and pick your spots. It's one of those amusing little games we like to play in Québec to keep us all on our toes, pedestrians and drivers alike. While waiting for break in traffic we noticed a woman across the road from us, also trying across. She was in tight running short shorts, with a clingy top. She had been running and was listening to an iPod. While waiting for traffic to subside so she could cross the road, she decided to bend over and start doing some serious stretching. Right there! On the side of the road. She nearly made the traffic worse as there were three near accidents because of some people's rubber-necking. It was then I turned to my friend and asked him "could she possibly be that clueless?" I mean she was a real looker, and she had to know it. In the sun she looked immaculate, sweat glistening off her arms and legs, really in shape, like zero body fat. But like I told my friend, she had to be cognizant of the fact that people were watching... hard. What type of person invites that type of attention, I asked my friend? Could she really be so wrapped up in her own little world, busy exercising, trying to remain perfect. Or was she really just trying to stop traffic, literally. Perhaps she was just calculating in her head how much calories she needed to burn off. Maybe she was just doing the math of how much distance she had done, her rate of speed, beats per minute, who knows! Maybe, just maybe she was figuring in her head how much more running she needed to do to burn off the cake she ate at the office to celebrate her coworker Dolores' birthday. Maybe inside her head she was thinking, "I need to run three more kilometers to completely eliminate the cake plus the cream I had in my coffee this morning. God 3 km is a lot, I knew I should've passed on that cake. Of course Dolores had to have chocolate fudge cake. She’s such a hippo she doesn't give a shit any more and has clearly given up on trying to look half decent. God, three more kilometers, I'm going to kill that bitch Dolores". Perhaps that's what she was thinking, who knows really? Maybe she was really focused on her running and was lost in her own little world, unaware of her surroundings. Maybe she was stretching because she wanted to stay limber and loose for her remaining kilometers while waiting for a right time to cross. It's possible. It's possible sure, but unlikely. No , what is more likely is that she knew she was being watched, and even though she couldn't see every single pair of eyes that were gazing upon her, she was secure in the fact that she was being ravished. Properly. So the conclusion my friend and I came to was... she knew exactly what she was doing, and what she was doing to all who were around her. And she loved every minute of it. My friend said it reminded him of his ex-wife. After the divorce, unfortunately. So fellas the next time you see a woman who appears to be oblivious to how she's making you feel, don't be shy. Give her a wink and a thumbs up. She'll appreciate that you noticed. Source Here


Brain Cramp

That Kid Rock, what a funny guy. Still, he's got some 'splaining to do. Apparently, the Kid posted a message on YouTube encouraging people to steal cars, clothes, and iPods. And that's not all, he also suggested that his fans should either legally download his music. (Gasp!)
Here's a little bit of what he actually said, Kid Rock says in the video that he's so rich, he can't complain if fans steal a song or two off the Internet without paying him.In fact, he says, people should "level the playing field" by stealing anything they need from wealthy corporations. Can you say-- brain cramp! There's no other word for it. Tune in tomorrow when I'm sure I'll have some nondenial denial about what kid rock actually said. Source Here

That's it that's all folks I gotta go, Bjork is taking me to Taco Bell and she's buying. She says a Gorditta does a body good.

Doc B. Gone baby gone

Karma Is A Bitch/When Surfers Attack… Run Away.

Heidi Ho folks Doc B. here.

I no longer know what day it is, I only know I want this ordeal to end. Isn't there anyone out there who can save me? What I need right now is a hero? I'm holding out for a hero. Here's the news.

But first…

“You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans”
“George Carlin”


Any Day Now

It looks like Amy Winehouse 's scheduled performance at the Nelson Mandela birthday celebration is to be her last. Or should I say, probably will be. Although there are conflicting reports, the general consensus is that Amy has been diagnosed with emphysema. So naturally she was pictured having a smoke not hours after being released from the hospital. Soon there is going to be a picture of her in the dictionary next to the word stupid. She should just get help now, because there is no way she can fulfill the old adage of leaving behind a good-looking corpse thank you very much. That bridge has already been crossed, and burned thank you very much. May as well try and get better and buckle up for the long haul, I say. Unfortunately, clear and reflective thinking does not appear to be one of her qualities so all bets are off. Source Here


And Those Surfers in Point Break Were Pussies

"This was about us against the system. That system that kills the human spirit. We stand for something. We are here to show those guys that are inching their way on the freeways in their metal coffins that the human sprit is still alive. Don't worry about this guy, okay? I know exactly what to do with him" (Patrick Swayze; Point Break).
It seems some paparazzi learned the hard way not to invade surfers on their turf, because we all know they can be very territorial. It seems a major fracas ensued on a Malibu Beach when some photographers were trying to get some pics of Matthew McConaughey surfing. One website compared it to Benny Hill skit. Jeez, I'm sorry I missed that, I just love the French maid costumes the women in those skits are always dressed in. Funny. However the way it is described in this story it sounds like a meeting between the Jets versus the Sharks, cue the orchestra.Postulating and guzzling beer, the rowdy surfers aggressively approached the paps and told them to leave the beach.
When the paps insisted they were "just doing their jobs", the surf dudes opted for an all-out smackdown and went in for the kill.
One pap's nose was broken, while another was tossed into some rocks and had his camera smashed, according to videos captured by TMZ.com and X17.com. Ah yes, what is it the wise Bohdi say's about fear and intimidation. I think it goes something like this, "It's basic dog psychology, if you scare them and get them peeing down their leg, they submit. But if you project weakness, that promotes violence, and that's how people get hurt". Ah yes the tried and true code of the surfers, one never can follow the wrong path when sticking to the code. And it appears that's simply what the surfers did folks, they applied to code and the paparazzi back down like little scared dogs leaving a trail of piss behind them as they run away. Said one of the paps"This looks nasty," . Well sure it looks nasty, how do you think your hair would look after being in the ocean with that harsh salt water covering your hair, the sun baking it into another color and making it all dry and straw-like. You would think it looks pretty nasty too. But what remains clear about this story is at the paparazzi were simply no match for a surfers. They neither had the will, nor the nerve, to occupy a part of that beach. So they may as well be off into their metal coffins and hit the freeway, for they were surely outmatched on this day. They didn't want it enough. They were willing to pay the price they get their pictures, and when it comes time for a cosmic convergence, their karma's will come up wanting. But why don't I let Bohdi tell it. "If you want the ultimate, you've got to be willing to pay the ultimate price. It's not tragic to die doing what you love". That's really deep dude, that's like, poetic. Source Here and Here


Bad Boys, Bad Boys. Whatcha Going To Do?

Actor Shia LaBeouf continues to build on his reputation of being Hollywood's next bad boy, case in point. The National Enquirer reports,LaBeouf was at the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum in Washington, D.C., filming a new movie, when he reportedly lit up a cigarette in the bathroom, the Enquirer reported.
Sources told the magazine that LaBeouf was reprimanded by officials at the museum for the incident. The Enquirer claims the actor was told he could be kicked off the property if he lit up again. Hmmm... kicked off the property eh! That ought to teach in the little bastard huh! If he keeps up this crazy behavior be lucky to find work, Hollywood doesn't like troublemakers. Just ask Robert Downy Jr. Hmmm… Never mind. Source Here


The Stitch Work Is Simply Divine

Have you seen those ads with David Beckham for Emporio Armani underwear yet? Apparently the new design of underwear by Armani is absolutely fabulous and to die for, but all everyone seems to want to talk about is Beckham's...eh.. package. Or lack there of, or enhancement of, however you want to spin it. It seems some cracker jack journalist at the Daily Mail has uncovered some... dirty laundry, so to speak.The Daily Mail uncovered a photo of Becks on the beach sporting a similar look. The surfside shot, taken in 2006, features the L.A. Galaxy player in a white bikini with one notable difference from the Armani pics — the fabric appears less, um, inflated.
The paper offered a side-by-side comparison and speculated that the difference could be the result of digital manipulation, but a spokesperson for David denies the claim. Actually, I think the Daily Mail is making a big deal out of nothing really . I mean we've already covered this ground haven't we, scientifically speaking that is. There's a technical term for it. Shrinkage. George Costanza first popularized the phrase on the TV show Seinfeld. It's quite a normal phenomenon really. It happens, you know. It's not like we control what's going on down there, is it. A representative for Beckham felt compelled to reply.
“There wasn't any enhancement to that said region,” the rep insisted. See folks, no medical procedures. It's all done with mirrors, mirrors I tell you. Let's move on. Source Here


At Least He Does It On The Newspaper.

It seems singer Mariah Carey has her new puppy...eh.. hubby housebroken and obedient already. Why else would his friends say that their marriage is already on the rocks? They're just trying to muck up the works, to have things the way he used to be, before Mariah laid down the law.
The source told Life and Style Weekly magazine: “I give the marriage six months, tops. I can’t see it lasting. (That's like 3 1/2 years in dog years, that's not bad for a celebrity marriage)
“Nick does whatever Mariah wants him to - he’s like her puppy. It seems like he spends more time in the stores with Mariah’s credit card than he does with Mariah herself. Hmmm... if the roles were reversed, would anyone be questioning whether to marriage would last? I mean, in this case Nick appears to be the trophy husband, as opposed to the trophy wife. He's out having a good time on her credit card, not having to work. I ask you, what's wrong with that?
“Mariah’s assistants and friends call him ‘Whipped Nick’ behind his back. They have little respect for him because he won’t stand up for himself.” Humph... a likely story if you ask me. What's more likely is that her friends and assistance are just jealous and wish they had a guy like Nick to boss around. Because isn't that every woman's perfect man, one that does whatever she says, without question. As a matter of fact it wouldn't surprise me in the least if one of these so called friends of hers tries to get in between Nick and Mariah. A friend of Nick's quickly shot down the accusation though, "insisting Nick and Mariah are perfect for each other". Well of course they are, he's spineless, and she's needy.A match made in heaven, if you ask me. Source Here


No Kidding
Say what?
"Celine Dion's version of 'You Shook Me All Night Long' has obviously shaken voters, who named it the world's worst cover song in the latest issue of Total Guitar, a European rock magazine". They actually had to put this to a vote? Seems kind of redundant doesn't it? Source Here


Don't Start The Revolution Without Me

After Martha Stewart's visa was denied by UK authorities, it was to be expected that the U.S. would retaliate.
"U.S. Customs is denying Boy George his visa, cutting off his hopes for a U.S. tour." BAM!!!
Take that you lousy wankers! That stinging sensation you feel in the seat of your pants is from getting kicked in it by good old American shoe leather! (Actual shoe made in China). And that's just the start, wait until they get their hands on Helen Mirren. Oh yeah folks! The gloves are definitely on. We're talking full body extra ream cavity search. Extreme, I meant extreme not ream. But now that the Americans are pissed, anything's possible. I wouldn't want to be Piers Morgan going through airport security right now... brrrrr! I anxiously await Britain's next move. I'll keep you informed. Source Here


Karma Damage

Speaking of Piers Morgan, he claims to have introduced Paul McCartney to Hurricane a Heather Mills. "Paul asked who she was after seeing her give a speech," Morgan told Howard Stern on his Sirius radio show yesterday. "I introduced them. I'm not sure if Paul knew that she was missing a leg at the time."
Morgan said he had no idea Mills would turn out to be a "grasping, gold-digging little bimbo . . . I was fooled into thinking that she was a good person,". No shit Sherlock, what was your first clue? Humph... he's got a lot to work ahead of him to repair the damage he's done to his karma. But you can't really blame him, she's pure evil. She can easily manipulate the weak minded and the naïve, which Piers clearly is. Still, he brought all this upon a Beatle and the British still hold them in high esteem. Come to think of it, I don't think I'd want to be Piers Morgan going through airport security in the UK either. He appears to be a man without a homeland. Just like Tom Hanks in "The Terminal", only funnier.
Of course peers is one of the celebrity judges on America's got talent, along with Sharon Osbourne and the Hoff, David Hasselhoff. As a matter of fact Piers calls fellow judge Hasselhoff, a "tool." (Sigh) no shit Sherlock, what was your first clue. Morgan said they often have to wear the same clothes for continuity on the show, but Hasselhoff doesn't seem to care.
"One day, he went out and got a spray tan in the middle of the shoot, so it looks like he tanned during a commercial break,". Hmmm... well what else are you going to do during a commercial break silly. You've got to realize that the Hoff has a certain eccentric kind of reputation to maintain. And maintain it he will, dammit! So just lay off, you limey bastard! Hmmm... I hope your visa is in order buddy. You mock the Hoff, and you can expect men in suits to show up at your door to find out , you effeminate redcoat jerk off. Better watch what you say , Uncle Sam is listening. Source Here


A Great Barbecue Chicken Recipe And Kate's Abortion, After Al Tells Us About The Weather.

And finally comes a report about a TV morning show that apparently is avoiding the tough questions when celebrities appear. TV insiders have noticed a pattern of softball questioning in the interviews at "Good Morning America." Hmmm... yes because in between what not to wear, the weather, and new barbecue recipes , what I really want is truthful answers to hard hitting questions. And when I'm looking for answers I turn to "Good Morning America". Don't we all? Source Here


R.I.P.
And finally, sad news. George Carlin has died. In my mind he'll be remembered as the greatest standup comedian ever. Not only did he make you laugh, he made you reflect. His was a gift.
“Always do whatever's next”
George Carlin


That's it that's all folks I gotta go. There's nothing I can do anymore except put my faith in the Lord and the 72 virgins.

Doc B. Gone baby gone.

It's Emphysema For Amy Whitehouse-- Congratulations Kid!

Heidi Ho folks Doc B. here.

Upon orders of my captors I am only to talk about the stories that I post and nothing of my personal life. This way I can not give out clues to my whereabouts. Here's the news.

But first...

“It's a shame to call somebody a 'diva' simply because they work harder than everybody else.”
“Jennifer Lopez”


Mea Culpa

Never let it be said that I, Doctor BubbaHump, is not a big enough man to admit when he has been wrong. Yes faithful readers, even I sometimes err in my judgment. Case in point; in this very blog I have defended Naomi Campbell on numerous occasions, convinced, I was, that she was being railroaded by the big nasty airline company British Airways. However, in light of a transcript of her rant being revealed in court yesterday, it would appear she overreacted a tad. After being told by the plane's captain that her bag had been lost , Naomi forgot to use her "inside" voice and told the captain "I can't believe you have lost my f****** bag. Bring me my f****** bags now.
"We are not leaving until you find my f****** bag. F*** you, f*** you, captain. You are a racist. You wouldn't be doing this if I was white." (hoo-boy). Crew members tried to get her to calm down, but to no avail. Naomi continued her screaming, believe in the old adage, that the customer is always right. "You can't f****** touch me. F*** off, I have paid £5,000 for this. I have a right to be on this plane." When that didn't seem to work, she went to the litigious route, and threatening to mouth off to the press. She screamed into her cell phone "They have lost my f****** bags, get me another flight, get the press, get me my lawyer." Hmmm… I don't think the reporters are going to bite on this story? What would that headline be? Airline Loses Luggage. Somehow I don't think that qualifies as news anymore. Anyhow, the crew didn't have any luck getting her off the plane so the police were called in. Everything then got smoothed out, sort of, "the 38-year-old went even more berserk, kicking, spitting and lashing out at two officers before being dragged from the aircraft at Heathrow." Yikes... at least calm was restored, sort of, backspace."Jabbing her fingers at the officers, she yelled: "It is because I am a black woman, you are all racists. I am going to sue you. I am going to f*** you up. I'm going to sue your f****** a**e". Well at least they got her off the plane, and she'd calm down enough to be led back inside the terminal. At this point though, you'd think the airline would have been happy that she was off the plane. But nooo... they decided that a cursory search was necessary. Naomi then politely told the airport officer that was to perform the search "You blonde bitch.""c***". That does seem a little personal, doesn't it? Naomi then decided to elaborate to the officers exactly what she was going to do--"I'm going to screw you like a motherf*****." Oh my, that doesn't sound very pleasant. Anyhow, that about sums it up, I'm a little bit embarrassed to think that I defended her so strongly on this. But honestly, I never saw it coming. She always seemed like such a levelheaded, kind soul. I mean, this comes right out of left field doesn't it? Who knew she had such a strong temper? I certainly didn't. Source Here

Greedy Timberlake

According to a story from the west.com, Justin Timberlake is struggling to adjust since his girlfriend, Jessica Biel moved in.
A source said: “Justin has been a bachelor for a long time. They are both used to doing things their way and having specific things in the fridge." Humph... yeah they must be really bought are some that have someone that looks like Jessica Biel hogging up a bit of fridge space. Isn't this freaking doofus rich enough to buy enough fridges to put in every room in the house. Geez , what a freaking ordeal to share some of his space with a looker like Jessica. Something tells me he has less of a struggle sharing the space of his bed with Jessica. What do you think? Source Here


The British Have Scruples?

I also noticed this little headline at the West.com, " British authorities have refused to grant American lifestyle guru Martha Stewart a visa because of her criminal convictions." Hmmm... my opinion of the British continues to develop and change, first they deny Snoop Dogg, and now Martha. You know what folks? They might be onto something here. Source Here


No Firearms For Fiddy

This story about 50 Cent and his ex girlfriend, with whom he has a child, is bound to get out of control soon. Fiddy has filed a suit against their for defamation of character after she accused him of set in her house on fire (well technically his house) . Now a judge has ordered Fiddy to give up all his guns. Here's what Fiddy's lawyer said, and folks trying to picture him saying this with a straight face (bet you can't). Said lawyer Brett Kimmel, he would contest the order and that 50 Cent did not have guns or access to guns. “To my knowledge, he has no guns,” said lawyer Brett Kimmel. I see you rolling your eyes... I had the same reaction too. I'm surprised his lawyer didn't claim that Fiddy didn't even know what a gun looks like. Talk about laying it on thick. Of course I'm sure Fiddy will do everything he can to abide by the judges ruling. It's not like there is anybody out to get him or anything. All that stuff about rappers and gun violence is nothing but the stuff of urban legends. Tupac's not dead you know. He's on an island in Fiji somewhere with Elvis . Working on a new single to be discovered in a vault somewhere, no doubt.
Source Here


Amy Has Emphysema... Congratulations Kid You're Halfway There.

And finally, Amy Winehouse lives yet still. For the moment. However, it does seem like she might have taken one step closer to the grave. Reports are swirling that the singer has emphysema.... her father has revealed that the singer has contracted emphysema and could be confined to a wheelchair within a month if she doesn’t quit drugs. In an emotional interview the cab driver told how doctors have warned his daughter – who was rushed to hospital last week – that she may be forced to wear a permanent oxygen mask to survive if she doesn’t follow medical advice. Hmmm, color me impressed. Contracting emphysema at such a young age is impressive, at the least she can't be accused of not giving it her all. And by her all, I mean trying really hard to die. Because in my opinion, that's what she seems dead set in her ways to do. Isn't it usually people in their 80s that end up with emphysema. Hmmm... I hope I'm wrong folks, but I have a bad feeling that this story will not have a happy ending. It appears that Amy refuses to let that chapter be written. It seems like she won't be happy until she's in the obituaries. Source Here


That's it that's all folks, I gotta go get blindfolded, were moving to a new location.

Doc B. Gone baby gone.