The Crazy Ass Ex-Wives Club

Heidi Ho folks Doc B. here

I’m feeling a little under the weather today folks, I think I’ve caught the flu. It’s really dragging me down and I have so much work to do before my boss’s arrival. All the donkeys I interviewed were pathetic, they needed dozens of Viagra to perform, and don’t even get me started on the platypus’. Here’s the news.


But first…


“I still miss my ex-husband, but my aim is improving”
“Anonymous”


Bitter Ex-Wife Part One

Well this is shaping up to be the biggest showdown since the OK corral, and that took place like, forever ago. In the red corner we have that bitter, crazy ass ex-wife Denise Richards, in the blue corner we have the lying, cheating dog of a ex-husband, Charlie Sheen. She claims her new reality show “It’s Complicated” is necessary for her to make ends meet. She made appearances on the View, Larry King Live and the Today show to promote her show. She also used the opportunity to denying she sent an e-mail asking for Charlie’s sperm. Apparently she has a tough time figuring out how to live on $52,000 a month tax-free, plus some of the earnings from Charlie’s TV show “Two And A Half Men”. And that could total as much as 25 million bucks. However will she survive? Next, she told the New York Post "For him to slam me saying I'm exploiting the kids, well, he's exploited our entire situation," Richards fumed to us yesterday. She claims Sheen obsessively sends her rage-filled text messages.
"Last week, I sent Charlie a text message asking him if he's going to Family Day [for daughter Sam's school] and letting him know Sam was sick with a cold," Richards said. "His response was, 'I hope you and your worthless retarded father get cancer and join your stupid mom. Rot in hell you [bleeping] whore.' My mom died of cancer. This is what I deal with on a weekly basis.
Hmmm…seems a tad harsh, if it’s indeed true, I trust these two about as much as I trust a crack-head with my silverware.
Then to prove her point about the sperm e-mails, Denise stated “I don't want Charlie's prostitute-tranny-infested sperm. I have two beautiful kids. We'll leave it at that. I am so over him. He's the one who can't move on. He's disgusting and he's hit an all-time low."
That should be an interesting conversation in a few years, huh. Mommy why do the kids call me a prostitute tranny freak? They said you know what that meant. But you know, folks, I’m sure she meant that in only the most positive sense possible. But Charlie’s Rep fired back, and they are about to go all CSI on her ass. "Denise seems to be denying the existence of [the] e-mail. This goes beyond a he-said-she-said. We have an offer from a [live] TV show. They will bring a computer expert to diagnose the e-mail and to verify it was sent by her e-mail address and to verify it was neither altered nor edited. Computer DNA - it is conclusive.
So who should we believe folks, the crazy ass bitch of an ex-wife, or the lying , cheating dog of a husband.
All I can say is, God help the children Source Here


Bitter Ex-Wife Part Two

Stop me if this sounds familiar, but a crazy ass ex-wife is now promoting her new reality TV show, and the ex-husband is not liking it one bit. Michael Lohan says "I gave her the house, the furniture, the dogs, the bank accounts, the $200,000 she owed me, just to see my kids," he said. "She doesn't bring them to see me. I haven't seen my kids in two months. She brought them to Vegas for her reality show, then to California. Before that, she missed 15 out of 29 appointments. She breached the contract."
Nah, that can’t be the same woman who won Long Islands Top Mother award could it? "She went to [the] David Letterman [show]," he told us. "She brought Ali. She never showed up or sent the kids. The taping finished before our appointment. She doesn't care. She does what she wants." says Michael. Hmmm… if Denise and Dina ever teamed up for a reality show ,what a wonderful train wreck it would be.
Maybe Dina can help Denise find some good sperm, not that prostitute tranny stuff. I hear the kids turn out all freaky like. Source Here


Say What

Reports say that supermodel Naomi Campbell is to be charged for her bad behavior while flying the 38-year-old was hauled off an LA-bound flight in handcuffs at Heathrow last month after allegedly losing her temper with BA cabin crew.
this smacks of persecution I can’t imagine the lovely and talented Naomi Campbell losing her temper. This is either a case of mistaken identity or just plain racism, because this is certainly out of character for Naomi. Source Here


Sharon Stone Needs Better Treatment

It would seem that Sharon Stone needs to up her meds. While acting as an auctioneer at a charity auction Sharon made a tasteless joke at Sean Combs expense Stone hopped on Sean Combs' lap in attempt to "coax him into bidding on a Julian Schnabel portrait," reports our source. But when the mogul stopped bidding at 300,000 euros, Stone joked, "Come on, you spend more on crack."
Hmmm… maybe she needs a full-time nurse you know, to keep her properly calibrated.
Source Here


Well that’s all I got folks, now if you’ll excuse me I gotta go see if I can get the stains out of my carpet. F#@&ing donkeys.

Doc. B. Gone baby, gone.

Save Bacon Before It Is To Late

Heidi Ho folks, Doc B. here.

My boss is returning home this week and he’s asked me to organize a reception for him and his ex-stripper companion, Mr. Huge. Humph… bet that’s not his real name. Anyhow it’s going to take some work to get everything together. I’m not sure where to start. Re-assembling the cast from “Can’t Stop The Music” or finding a large donkey, 21 llamas, 40 blue flamingos (?!) and a pair of sloths. Not to mention a pool large enough for 300 people and 10 platypus. I guess I should start with the “special” invitations inscribed on large latex condoms. (my idea)
Apparently Trojan has a press set up for this exact purpose which is lucky. Oh! Does anyone know anyone who can make shapes by blowing bubbles out their ass. If you do, I want you. Anyhow, here’s the news.


But first…


“The critic has to educate the public; the artist has to educate the critic.”
“Oscar Wilde”


#1 On Billboards Hot Flakey, Obscure Chart

Scarlett Johansson has recorded an album. No word on a release date, but Scarlett reveals some of the technical aspects of the recording process.
Scarlett Johansson has been staying up until 5.30am and drinking whiskey to - wait for it - record owls and see fairies. She says her producer, TV On The Radio's David Sitek, wanted Anywhere I Lay My Head - her album tribute to Tom Waits - to sound "like we've drunk cough medicine and seen Tinkerbell".
Cough medicine! Tinkerbell! I smell a #1 hit baby. #1 I tell ya. You can take that to bank and cash it.
Source Here


Miracles Do Happen

I have found irrefutable proof that there is indeed a God
The Genesis frontman was awarded the International Achievement gong and during an emotional speech said “the timing was appropriate” to stop performing as he had decided to concentrate on bringing up his two young sons in Switzerland.
Thank you lord. This is almost better than a cure for cancer. Almost! OMG! What if Phil Collins causes cancer… Nah, he’s not that old. Source Here


Save Our Bacon And Our Souls

Hurricane Heather Mills touched down long enough to spread her evil commie, beatnik, agenda, on Wall St. of all places.
Heather Mills hosted a benefit for Farm Sanctuary, a charity devoted to the rescue of the creatures that become beef, veal, pork and poultry.
Hold on a sec, hold on one damn second. Does this also include bacon. Tell me this doesn’t include bacon. (Pause) Bruce says it does! This is insidious! This woman is a plague. Scratch that, she can’t be a woman. She must be a spawn from hell trapped on an earthy plane ,who’s sole purpose is to turn our lovely paradise into the pits of Hell. What other rational explanation could there be. You know there’s no bacon in Hell folks, and no steak, beer, or doughnuts either. She must be a spawn from Hell. I need to warn the Vatican. This could take awhile though. It’s been a while since I’ve used the stove to release small puffs of white smoke to chat. Source Here


Mensa Couples

The Mirror reports that there’s something going on between two stars on a movie set (that’d be a first, huh) Winona Ryder and Keanu Reeves, currently filming new movie The Private Lives Of Pippa Lee, all becoming rather close on set. Apparently, the two stars are very touchy-feely and are spending all their spare time in each other's trailers.
What a fascinating couple. I can just imagine the witty banter the two would engage in. Such as…

Winona: Check out this cute new watch I sto…- bought at the mall.

Keanu: Whoa

Winona: You like it?

Keanu: Nice.

Winona: It’s blue

Keanu: … Yeah

Winona: (Smiles)

Keanu: (Smiles)

Winona: (!)

Keanu: (?)

13 minutes pass.

Winona: you like my watch

Keanu: Whoa

Winona: It’s blue

Keanu: Yeah

Winona: (smiles)

Keanu: (smiles)

Winona: (!)

Keanu: (?)

Yup, a match made in heaven, can’t wait till they have kids. Source Here


Mice Make Bad Agents

Amy (my days are numbered) Winehouse received an honour recently for her song “love is a Losing Game”
The song won the Ivor Novello award for best song musically and lyrically at a ceremony in London on Thursday. Her father, Mitch Winehouse, accepted the award after the 24-year-old singer-songwriter arrived too late to collect it in person.
When she finally did arrive, she only spoke thru her agent. A small pet mouse that Amy held up in front of her face and moved the mouse’s mouth to appear that it was speaking. The mouse (Amy’s voice disguised in a high pitch squeal) demanded that in lieu of an award, Mrs. Winehouse would prefer cash. Or heroin. Whichever is faster to get. When a reporter told the mouse that there was no monetary value attached to the award, Amy threw the mouse on the ground and stomped off. When reporters caught up to her to ask her what was wrong, Amy replied, I need a better agent. So, it would appear if you are a small rodent with preliminary knowledge of hard narcotics, this is your lucky day. There’s a job opening. But be warned, the last guy was crushed. Literally! Damn Vespa’s. Source Here


Lilo’s too good for Reality TV. (Tee-hee)

Lindsay’s mother explains her reason why her reality show is just about her and her daughter Ali.
"I told Lindsay I don't want her on the show." Humph… with her problems who would.
"Doing reality TV would almost be taking a step backward as far as her career goes." Well, backwards is a direction at least. And I’m not sure selling V.I.P. passes to your birthday party like Lilo’s, is a signal that your careers on fire. Not that Dina has a clue to what’s a good career move anyways. Still, young Ali Lohan has confidence in mom and wants the world to know it.
"I want everyone to know that my mom is not a crazy freak mom who's just trying to be famous and be in the spotlight," said Ali. Good girl Ali. Now run, go see mommy. She’s got another Malibu Wave Margarita for you and your Malibu Stacey Doll. That’s it. Drink up. Now you lie down while mommy go’s and shakes her money-makers. Source Here


Well that all I got folks, I gotta go do a background check on a donkey I found on the Internet. You know, make sure he’s had all his shot’s. Better safe than sorry.

Doc. B. gone baby, gone.

Lilo’s: Mink-Gate / Oops I Did It Again (Part 26)

Heidi Ho folks, Doc B. here.

Sorry I couldn't post last night folks, and sorry that you had to put up with Luis’ condescending tone. The egotistical son of a bitch hops onto my laptop every time I'm out the door. I don't know how he gets my password. He doesn't even know how old I am, or what my favorite color is. He could care less about me, except when I bring home the salmon. By the way does anybody know how to get shit out between the glass of a watch? If you've got any helpful hints, please e-mail. Did I ever tell you how much trouble my grandfather went to, to get that watch to my father. Well, it's a long story. It would take the talent of Tarantino to do it justice. But we'll save that for another day. Here's the news.


But first...

“I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming”
“Homer Simpson”


Boldly Going Where No Trekkie Wanted Him To Go (Or Did They?)

I see that George Takei is planning on getting married. Of course you would remember George as Sulu on Star Trek . The show that never ends, like a bad marriage. Anyhow, here's a little bit of what George said: Our California dream is reality. Brad Altman and I can now marry. We are overjoyed! At long last, the barrier to full marriage rights for same-sex couples has been torn down. We are equal with all citizens of our state!
That's right George, and I'm sure you'll be hearing from your taxman very soon to remind you just how equal you are. Hmm... I wonder what gift would be appropriate in this situation. Romulan ale? Borg K. Y. jelly? Hmmm... I had better think a bit about this. Until then, Mr. Sulu, lock torpedoes. Source Here


Oops I Did It Again (Part 26)

Well folks, there seems to be a new sex tape out on the market, and if you haven't already guessed, it's Britney. You know I'm starting to feel a little sorry for Britney, the wackiest things keep happening to her. I hope she had a good vacation in Costa Rica, because she might need a return trip if this turns out to be true.
“The video starts with Britney undressing. She was wearing some cheap clothes. The sex wasn’t particularly kinky but Britney wears a pink wig throughout.“At one point in the tape Adnan asks Britney to remove the pink wig but she refuses, saying ‘Take what off? There’s nothing left to take off’.”
What's left to take off? How about another shred of your dignity, another scrap of your credibility, that final strand of your humility. Sigh, you know this really hurts folks, you know that deep kind of hurt when you can't bear it anymore but you know you can't get off the toilet. That kind of hurt folks, that's the kind of hurt that Britney's forcing me to feel. Because I care. Sometimes I care too much.
However she has only herself to blame, she was duly warned about the rat bastard that she was dating at the time. That paparazzi prick, Adnan Ghalib is no doubt the culprit, I'd wager.
Sigh, it's a sad, sad day when a mother of two, a platinum seller, gazillions of dollars in the bank, allows a fink weasel into her life to spoil her image with a touch of a “hot pink” wig. Source Here


Does He Do Any Tricks

I see that the beautiful and talented Mariah Carey runs a tight ship in her personal life. She recently got married to that Nick Canyon fellow, and she's keeping him on the short, tight, chain-link leash. Nick was partying with P. Diddy and Quincy Jones when he got a call from Carey. "He was summoned home by her at 1:00 in the morning," a source said. "He didn't look happy about it."
Hmmm... Mariah is already had one marriage that's failed, maybe this time she's found a Dawg that's been housebroken. However, I believe Nick's pride will get the better of him, and he might not want to look like the cuckold husband in front of his friends. Something's got to give folks, I ain't saying it's going to happen, but it's probably going to happen. Source Here


MINK-GATE

So it looks like that student from Columbia University is planning on suing Lilo for stealing that mink coat after all. You might remember that Lilo had the coat for a few weeks until a photograph of her surfaced in OK magazine wearing the mink. The student a, Maria Markova, is asking for “unspecified damages”, of course. I don't really have a story here, but as much as I sympathize with Britney, I loathe Lindsay Lohan. So I just thought I'd bring it up. I know, I'm an asshole. But we all need one, right? Let's move on shall we. Source Here


36D’S!

So Owen Wilson seems to be handling his breakup from Kate Hudson a little bit better this time. He's traded in razor blades for dollar bills, and bathrooms for private suites at the strip club. Yeah baby, “that's the way you do it, money for nothin' and chicks for free. I want my MTV. Sorry about that, my bad. Anyhow, here's what went down, "He spent 4½ hours at Rick's Cabaret and was in an upbeat mood," one spy said. "He watched the Flyers game, drank beer, and when a parade of 75 half-naked girls caught his eye, he asked for dances from several and definitely had a preference for blondes. He tipped at least one with a $100 bill." Well if he was watching the Flyers get pummeled by the Penguins, I'm sure his attention would turn to the luscious entertainment. But, is all really well, really? One who would know had this to say Usually, my 36D boobs can hypnotize anyone - but his mind was elsewhere," she said. 36D! I can't think of anything else, and I'm not even looking at them right now. Hmmm... maybe his mind was elsewhere, but that's no excuse for ignoring a great big pair of 36D’s. If this is the way Owen paid attention to Kate's B cups, no wonder she dumped him. What a maroon. Source Here


Wasn’t Me

That Jesse Metcalfe from Desperate Housewives probably didn't make any friends at the Ivy Hotel in San Diego last week. Reports from a source say the room was trashed. "There was major damage," we're told. "His suite had cigarette burns in the furniture. There was food all over the walls and a broken door. All of the alcohol in the bar had been drunk." Metcalfe tried to stay Friday night as well but was "asked to leave, instead."
Some flack for Metcalfe gave the old “Wasn't Me” routine, blaming it on some friends. Right, like we haven't heard that before Hmm... for a guy just recently out of rehab, you'd think he'd be a little wiser at covering his tracks. You know, I once stayed in a suite with food all over the walls, a broken door, cigarette burns in the furniture, dead naked woman's body on the floor... you know what, let's not go there. Let’s move on shall we. Source Here


The Team 990 Salute’s Pennsylvania

And just a word for P.J. Stock. Hey buddy, you better keep your brains in your pants, glued firmly to your car seat, while driving in Pennsylvania. Someone's liable to take a shot at you. Just kidding, you rock Stocker.


Well that's all I got folks, I gotta go listen to Bruce practice. He's joined a barbershop quartet. He's actually pretty good, but I don't want him to get a swelled head.


Doc B. Gone baby gone.

Ashton Is Your Savior, People Of The Internet

Saludos, It is I, Luis. The Doctor is out celebrating some English woman’s birthday, so I shall honour you with my thoughts, people of the internet. I must admit you are a curious species, so naïve and simple. I sometimes pity you, because you do not comprehend the greater meaning of existence. But enough of these pleasantries, here is some baby pabulum for your minds.

Pero primero (but first)


“I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It's not. Mine had me trained in two days.”
“Bill Dana quotes”


Hablar de papas y camotes( talk about apples and oranges)

Here is a story the Doctor was looking at.
"Hollywood Babylon: It's Back,"
Borrowing the title of filmmaker Kenneth Anger's classic scandal bible, authors Danforth Prince and Darwin Porter have dared to publish the pictures and stories too explicit and actionable for even the pulpiest supermarket tabloids.
Among those featured in full-frontal shots are Mick Jagger, Daniel Radcliffe, Ewan McGregor, John Malkovich, James Woods, Richard Gere and Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger. We leave it to you to decide whether all the snaps are authentic.
I am often puzzled at why the Doctor would be interested in such things, it’s very odd. Back in the old country, such status among the males was not a secret, in fact the size of one’s phallus was often flaunted. The males of your species, people of the internet, are more cautious and too insecure to settle matters in such a way. I believe until this obstacle has been conquered, man will continue to be the laughing stock of the planet.


¿Te comió la lengua el gato?(cat got your tongue)

Here people of the internet, is a male of your species enlightened enough to lead you out of the dark ages. I hope for your sakes he is one of your elected officials. Ashton Kutcher has no problem modelling thongs in public. "When I was spotted as a model they flew me to Italy for an 'audition' and I was asked to try on a lot of thongs. I was stripped to the buff and I started pulling them on and off. All colours and shapes." Ye-e-s-s-s-s, this one may be the one, the one who fulfills the destiny of Mankind.

Modelling is fun, I do enjoy doing it, because you have to look hot. That comes easy to me, you know? I'm blessed with that." (Hissss) Perhaps he is the chosen one, but I’ve left behind fecal matter in the litterbox that comes off less strong than this swollen-headed fool.


Hablar de papas y camotes ( catch 22)

There is a show on one of the networks that appeals to me and my superior intellect. It is called THE VIEW, and it’s very entertaining. that lovely cat person Barbara Walters has written a book and in it she explains what became of that refreshing flower of a woman, Rosie O’Donnell. "In the early weeks of the program, we were all rather anxious about what kind of mood Rosie would be in when she entered the dressing room. One day she would be upbeat and smiling , the next day dark and subdued. Gradually, we learned to go with the flow..."
Ye-s-s-s-s, being a cat, I can relate . So what is the problem? Rosie had originally said she wanted to ride the bus, not drive it. But this backseat role simply was not her nature. Rosie is a big talent, funny, smart, opinionated, passionate - and controlling. .
Once again, I reiterate, what is the problem? Can’t you handle it when someones fur gets up, and the claws begin to show? No, you cannot, which is very disappointing because it made for good television.


Tienes que ponerte en los zapatos del otro (to wear someone elses shoes)

Finally people of the internet, I leave you with a story of a woman who is revered, and respected at the highest levels of your society.
Welcome to the bizarro world of so-called "mother of the year" Dina Lohan.
There's Googling of yourself to do - or rather to have your assistant do.
There are a pile of tabloids to read, a half-dozen blogs to browse and your daughter's alleged sex tapes to watch.
"You need to get it down immediately, because I'm in touch with my attorney," she tells one blogger. Yes-s-s, a model of patriarchy , trusting enough of her litter to allow them to cat around before settling down with a mate.
As an alleged Lindsay sex tape shows up on a blog, Dina just clicks on the link and stares at the screen, trying to judge if it's her daughter.
"It's a big game of chess, and it's our move. Bring it on now. Let's go," she says. Yes-s-s, Lets go indeed. It must be very comforting for the offspring to know that their mothers there to protect them, fangs bared, claws out. Now if only this woman would mate with the Ashton fellow, there would hope yet for your backward species.


That is all there is. I must go now people of the internet, for that show that truly embodies what the human species is made of, is about to play. I believe it is called American Gladiators.

Despeidida.

Luis ends this dialogue.

Mel B. Wins Gold At Celeb Olympics

Heidi-Ho folks Doc. B. here,

I finally received some good news about Bubbles today. It seems she’s no longer after me. She’s met someone else. Some crazy outdoorsman she was buying a bear trap from. They’ve apparently flown to Sweden to get married (He’s a Swede) Thank god for small mercies. Now my life can finally get back to normal. Here’s the news.


But first…


“The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.”
“George Carlin”


Celebrity Olympics

Mel B. of the Spice Girls dished about her personel life to a U.K. Magazine in which she revealed among other things. “I’ve always felt sexy,” she explains. “I’ve never looked in the mirror and moaned about the way I look. “I have boobs, a bum and a bit of a lazy eye, but I’m comfortable with myself.
Hmmm… a lazy eye huh. That might be a little off putting, but go on Mel.
“Me and Stefan have a pretty hot sex life,” she reveals.
Don’t stop now Mel. You have my utmost attention.
"I have a husband who never stops grabbing me, and even I admit I look quite good in my underwear or a bikini.”
umhmm… continue please.
Asked if there was an Olympic sport she'd win a gold medal for, she replied: "Sex."
Yes folks, you read that right. she won the gold. It was a huge upset, as the years previous winners were kept out of the medals. Only I, Doctor Bubbahump has a copy of the secret results of the Bi-Annuel Celebrity Olympics. As you already know Mel B. captured the gold, below are the results of her event and other notable winners.

Best Over All Sex

Gold – Mel B (Excellent form + Good use of Music)
Silver – Alyssa Milano (Works With MLB pitchers in the off season)
Bronze – Kim Cattrall (First medal since 1999)
Out of the medals : Pam Anderson, Paris Hilton (lifeless performance)

Best Oral (Penis)

Gold – Clhoe Sevingny (Pure method actress)
Silver – Tila Tequila (A rising star)
Bronze – Clay Aiken (his third medal in as many years)

Best Oral (vagina)
Gold-- Tila Tequila (a bi-competitor)
Silver – Colin Farrell ( the only Irish medal)
Bronze – Charlie Sheen ( A veteran)

Best Mile High – Charlie Sheen

Best Underwater Sex – Elizabeth Berkeley

Best Self Sex
Tie—Al Reynolds, Star Jones ( Coincidence?)

The next Celebrity Olympics takes place in Prague
Source Here, and Here


A Rappers Lament

Remember the rapper Remy Ma? She shot another woman in the stomach and was sentenced to prison for her crime. She was supposed to marry her fiancée Papoose (Yes, you read right) at Rikers Island. However, they were unable to marry because the groom is a complete moron. Einstein tried to sneak a key into Rikers. The key that was found today easily opened handcuffs that we and other law enforcement officials use," the official said. Geez what a maroon.
Now Remy’s victim has spoken up. Makeda Barnes-Joseph said she still cries when she remembers the night of July 14 when Remy Ma accused her of stealing $3,000 from her purse and then pumped two bullets into her in a car outside a meat packing district.
"This thing makes me cry every time I talk about it," Barnes-Joseph said.
"I have these ugly scars. ... My stomach is crazy." Uh oh, when the stomach starts acting crazy, theres not much modern science can do. Barnes-Joseph was talking on radios Hot 97 FM, and she had a captive audience listening. None other than Remy herself .
Remy phoned the station from jail and spoke to the deejay, known as Miss Jones.
Remy, who was found guilty of two counts of first-degree assault, attempted coercion and criminal possession of a weapon by a Manhattan Supreme Court jury, expressed no remorse but questioned Barnes-Joseph's version of events.
"I don't care if 12 million say 'guilty.' The same way she was there, I was there," Remy said.
"[She's] bending the truth. She's stretching it to make it seem like she did nothing wrong. ... I don't got to shoot no girls." No, you don’t gots to, buts you did. Now shut up and do the time. Source Here


Minnie The Moocher

Minnie Drivers still keeping the identity of the father of the baby she’s carrying secret but she did divulge some other things Minnie - who was appearing at London's Arts Theatre to showcase songs from her second album 'Seastories' - told the intimate crowd: "Sorry I'm late. I had to pee. I always have to pee at the moment!"
That’s perfectly normal dear,, but you could have spared us. Then she said "I feel really good, happy and healthy. It's great just to be able to eat. There is no guilt! No guilt about anything."
And with that, Minnie Then proceeded to eat the first two rows of theatergoers. Source Here


Don’t Answer the Doorbell

For the last couple of months, medical investigators in the city of Dearborn in Michigan State have been trying to solve a mysterious phenomenal that has afflicted a large section of the city. In certain neighborhoods obesity and diabetes have risen shockingly in the last 12 months. The investigators are at a loss to explain this serious medical crisis. However, I believe I have solved this health crisis. Here’s the culprit.
Jennifer Sharpe, a 15-year-old from Dearborn, Michigan, sold 17,328 boxes of Girl Guide cookies this year, which shatters the old record for her local scout group and is believed to be a record, though the national organisation, Girl Scouts of the USA, doesn’t track individual sales.
Yup, she’s one ruthless girl guide relentless in her pursuit and one-minded in her purpose. People of Dearborn, you’ve been warned. Exercise your right to bear arms and protect yourself from the evil that rings your doorbell. She brings with her the demons from hell and calories, trans-fats, and sugar.
Source Here


Time For A Take Down

Former model Janice Dickerson tells it how she sees it in a rant to page 6 of the NYpost Dickinson showed us the torn-out magazine photo with a caption saying Banks was on her way to speak with young girls and offer her advice.
"And she's using my book," Dickinson fumed. "I mean, the thing looks so worn it's like she's been reading it on the toilet. It's pathetic. Where's her originality? Does she have no shame?" Next, she said Federline "makes me sick. His earlobes are stretched out from all the diamonds he stole from Britney Spears. He's a pig and a loser and I want to take him down."
Well count me in honey I’m ready to take him down too. What do you say we meet at Taco Bell, and mull over a plan. I’ll be the guy wearing the pink Carnation.


Rugs Or No Rugs

Cameron Diaz discusses some likes and dislikes with In Style magazine. On body hair: "I love chest hair. Mm-hmm. I'm not saying I want a huge amount, but the right amount is very sexy. I don't like the smooth, hairless body."
So, I’m a little unsure what she wants here. Does she want a Burt Reynolds special or a George Clooney groom? Maybe she’s talking about more of a Matthew McConaughy style chest weave. Humph… women are so schizo sometimes. But wait, what about sex. On sex: "Are you kidding? I love men. Sex is the best! ...You have to really enjoy [being sexy]. Not fake anything. Sexy is being in the moment, whether that means being coy or coming on hard. Faking is always lame and it never comes across the way you want it to."
That’s right. Faking comes off a little bit insincere. Might make some people distrustful, and therefore is (as you aptly put it) Lame. Hmmm… do you think she meant hairy like Brad Pitts Patch? Humph, you never know what women will want. Except for shoes and chocolate. Source Here


Well that’s it, that’s all. I gotta go remove the last message Bubbles painted on the front of my house before I get some complaints.

Doc. B. Gone baby, gone.