Mel B. Wins Gold At Celeb Olympics

Heidi-Ho folks Doc. B. here,

I finally received some good news about Bubbles today. It seems she’s no longer after me. She’s met someone else. Some crazy outdoorsman she was buying a bear trap from. They’ve apparently flown to Sweden to get married (He’s a Swede) Thank god for small mercies. Now my life can finally get back to normal. Here’s the news.


But first…


“The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.”
“George Carlin”


Celebrity Olympics

Mel B. of the Spice Girls dished about her personel life to a U.K. Magazine in which she revealed among other things. “I’ve always felt sexy,” she explains. “I’ve never looked in the mirror and moaned about the way I look. “I have boobs, a bum and a bit of a lazy eye, but I’m comfortable with myself.
Hmmm… a lazy eye huh. That might be a little off putting, but go on Mel.
“Me and Stefan have a pretty hot sex life,” she reveals.
Don’t stop now Mel. You have my utmost attention.
"I have a husband who never stops grabbing me, and even I admit I look quite good in my underwear or a bikini.”
umhmm… continue please.
Asked if there was an Olympic sport she'd win a gold medal for, she replied: "Sex."
Yes folks, you read that right. she won the gold. It was a huge upset, as the years previous winners were kept out of the medals. Only I, Doctor Bubbahump has a copy of the secret results of the Bi-Annuel Celebrity Olympics. As you already know Mel B. captured the gold, below are the results of her event and other notable winners.

Best Over All Sex

Gold – Mel B (Excellent form + Good use of Music)
Silver – Alyssa Milano (Works With MLB pitchers in the off season)
Bronze – Kim Cattrall (First medal since 1999)
Out of the medals : Pam Anderson, Paris Hilton (lifeless performance)

Best Oral (Penis)

Gold – Clhoe Sevingny (Pure method actress)
Silver – Tila Tequila (A rising star)
Bronze – Clay Aiken (his third medal in as many years)

Best Oral (vagina)
Gold-- Tila Tequila (a bi-competitor)
Silver – Colin Farrell ( the only Irish medal)
Bronze – Charlie Sheen ( A veteran)

Best Mile High – Charlie Sheen

Best Underwater Sex – Elizabeth Berkeley

Best Self Sex
Tie—Al Reynolds, Star Jones ( Coincidence?)

The next Celebrity Olympics takes place in Prague
Source Here, and Here


A Rappers Lament

Remember the rapper Remy Ma? She shot another woman in the stomach and was sentenced to prison for her crime. She was supposed to marry her fiancée Papoose (Yes, you read right) at Rikers Island. However, they were unable to marry because the groom is a complete moron. Einstein tried to sneak a key into Rikers. The key that was found today easily opened handcuffs that we and other law enforcement officials use," the official said. Geez what a maroon.
Now Remy’s victim has spoken up. Makeda Barnes-Joseph said she still cries when she remembers the night of July 14 when Remy Ma accused her of stealing $3,000 from her purse and then pumped two bullets into her in a car outside a meat packing district.
"This thing makes me cry every time I talk about it," Barnes-Joseph said.
"I have these ugly scars. ... My stomach is crazy." Uh oh, when the stomach starts acting crazy, theres not much modern science can do. Barnes-Joseph was talking on radios Hot 97 FM, and she had a captive audience listening. None other than Remy herself .
Remy phoned the station from jail and spoke to the deejay, known as Miss Jones.
Remy, who was found guilty of two counts of first-degree assault, attempted coercion and criminal possession of a weapon by a Manhattan Supreme Court jury, expressed no remorse but questioned Barnes-Joseph's version of events.
"I don't care if 12 million say 'guilty.' The same way she was there, I was there," Remy said.
"[She's] bending the truth. She's stretching it to make it seem like she did nothing wrong. ... I don't got to shoot no girls." No, you don’t gots to, buts you did. Now shut up and do the time. Source Here


Minnie The Moocher

Minnie Drivers still keeping the identity of the father of the baby she’s carrying secret but she did divulge some other things Minnie - who was appearing at London's Arts Theatre to showcase songs from her second album 'Seastories' - told the intimate crowd: "Sorry I'm late. I had to pee. I always have to pee at the moment!"
That’s perfectly normal dear,, but you could have spared us. Then she said "I feel really good, happy and healthy. It's great just to be able to eat. There is no guilt! No guilt about anything."
And with that, Minnie Then proceeded to eat the first two rows of theatergoers. Source Here


Don’t Answer the Doorbell

For the last couple of months, medical investigators in the city of Dearborn in Michigan State have been trying to solve a mysterious phenomenal that has afflicted a large section of the city. In certain neighborhoods obesity and diabetes have risen shockingly in the last 12 months. The investigators are at a loss to explain this serious medical crisis. However, I believe I have solved this health crisis. Here’s the culprit.
Jennifer Sharpe, a 15-year-old from Dearborn, Michigan, sold 17,328 boxes of Girl Guide cookies this year, which shatters the old record for her local scout group and is believed to be a record, though the national organisation, Girl Scouts of the USA, doesn’t track individual sales.
Yup, she’s one ruthless girl guide relentless in her pursuit and one-minded in her purpose. People of Dearborn, you’ve been warned. Exercise your right to bear arms and protect yourself from the evil that rings your doorbell. She brings with her the demons from hell and calories, trans-fats, and sugar.
Source Here


Time For A Take Down

Former model Janice Dickerson tells it how she sees it in a rant to page 6 of the NYpost Dickinson showed us the torn-out magazine photo with a caption saying Banks was on her way to speak with young girls and offer her advice.
"And she's using my book," Dickinson fumed. "I mean, the thing looks so worn it's like she's been reading it on the toilet. It's pathetic. Where's her originality? Does she have no shame?" Next, she said Federline "makes me sick. His earlobes are stretched out from all the diamonds he stole from Britney Spears. He's a pig and a loser and I want to take him down."
Well count me in honey I’m ready to take him down too. What do you say we meet at Taco Bell, and mull over a plan. I’ll be the guy wearing the pink Carnation.


Rugs Or No Rugs

Cameron Diaz discusses some likes and dislikes with In Style magazine. On body hair: "I love chest hair. Mm-hmm. I'm not saying I want a huge amount, but the right amount is very sexy. I don't like the smooth, hairless body."
So, I’m a little unsure what she wants here. Does she want a Burt Reynolds special or a George Clooney groom? Maybe she’s talking about more of a Matthew McConaughy style chest weave. Humph… women are so schizo sometimes. But wait, what about sex. On sex: "Are you kidding? I love men. Sex is the best! ...You have to really enjoy [being sexy]. Not fake anything. Sexy is being in the moment, whether that means being coy or coming on hard. Faking is always lame and it never comes across the way you want it to."
That’s right. Faking comes off a little bit insincere. Might make some people distrustful, and therefore is (as you aptly put it) Lame. Hmmm… do you think she meant hairy like Brad Pitts Patch? Humph, you never know what women will want. Except for shoes and chocolate. Source Here


Well that’s it, that’s all. I gotta go remove the last message Bubbles painted on the front of my house before I get some complaints.

Doc. B. Gone baby, gone.