Ashton Is Your Savior, People Of The Internet

Saludos, It is I, Luis. The Doctor is out celebrating some English woman’s birthday, so I shall honour you with my thoughts, people of the internet. I must admit you are a curious species, so naïve and simple. I sometimes pity you, because you do not comprehend the greater meaning of existence. But enough of these pleasantries, here is some baby pabulum for your minds.

Pero primero (but first)


“I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It's not. Mine had me trained in two days.”
“Bill Dana quotes”


Hablar de papas y camotes( talk about apples and oranges)

Here is a story the Doctor was looking at.
"Hollywood Babylon: It's Back,"
Borrowing the title of filmmaker Kenneth Anger's classic scandal bible, authors Danforth Prince and Darwin Porter have dared to publish the pictures and stories too explicit and actionable for even the pulpiest supermarket tabloids.
Among those featured in full-frontal shots are Mick Jagger, Daniel Radcliffe, Ewan McGregor, John Malkovich, James Woods, Richard Gere and Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger. We leave it to you to decide whether all the snaps are authentic.
I am often puzzled at why the Doctor would be interested in such things, it’s very odd. Back in the old country, such status among the males was not a secret, in fact the size of one’s phallus was often flaunted. The males of your species, people of the internet, are more cautious and too insecure to settle matters in such a way. I believe until this obstacle has been conquered, man will continue to be the laughing stock of the planet.


¿Te comió la lengua el gato?(cat got your tongue)

Here people of the internet, is a male of your species enlightened enough to lead you out of the dark ages. I hope for your sakes he is one of your elected officials. Ashton Kutcher has no problem modelling thongs in public. "When I was spotted as a model they flew me to Italy for an 'audition' and I was asked to try on a lot of thongs. I was stripped to the buff and I started pulling them on and off. All colours and shapes." Ye-e-s-s-s-s, this one may be the one, the one who fulfills the destiny of Mankind.

Modelling is fun, I do enjoy doing it, because you have to look hot. That comes easy to me, you know? I'm blessed with that." (Hissss) Perhaps he is the chosen one, but I’ve left behind fecal matter in the litterbox that comes off less strong than this swollen-headed fool.


Hablar de papas y camotes ( catch 22)

There is a show on one of the networks that appeals to me and my superior intellect. It is called THE VIEW, and it’s very entertaining. that lovely cat person Barbara Walters has written a book and in it she explains what became of that refreshing flower of a woman, Rosie O’Donnell. "In the early weeks of the program, we were all rather anxious about what kind of mood Rosie would be in when she entered the dressing room. One day she would be upbeat and smiling , the next day dark and subdued. Gradually, we learned to go with the flow..."
Ye-s-s-s-s, being a cat, I can relate . So what is the problem? Rosie had originally said she wanted to ride the bus, not drive it. But this backseat role simply was not her nature. Rosie is a big talent, funny, smart, opinionated, passionate - and controlling. .
Once again, I reiterate, what is the problem? Can’t you handle it when someones fur gets up, and the claws begin to show? No, you cannot, which is very disappointing because it made for good television.


Tienes que ponerte en los zapatos del otro (to wear someone elses shoes)

Finally people of the internet, I leave you with a story of a woman who is revered, and respected at the highest levels of your society.
Welcome to the bizarro world of so-called "mother of the year" Dina Lohan.
There's Googling of yourself to do - or rather to have your assistant do.
There are a pile of tabloids to read, a half-dozen blogs to browse and your daughter's alleged sex tapes to watch.
"You need to get it down immediately, because I'm in touch with my attorney," she tells one blogger. Yes-s-s, a model of patriarchy , trusting enough of her litter to allow them to cat around before settling down with a mate.
As an alleged Lindsay sex tape shows up on a blog, Dina just clicks on the link and stares at the screen, trying to judge if it's her daughter.
"It's a big game of chess, and it's our move. Bring it on now. Let's go," she says. Yes-s-s, Lets go indeed. It must be very comforting for the offspring to know that their mothers there to protect them, fangs bared, claws out. Now if only this woman would mate with the Ashton fellow, there would hope yet for your backward species.


That is all there is. I must go now people of the internet, for that show that truly embodies what the human species is made of, is about to play. I believe it is called American Gladiators.

Despeidida.

Luis ends this dialogue.