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Saturday, March 15, 2008

Burritos with Onions, hot rods of the gods

Guten Tag my little wiener-snitzels

Hollywood’s new weight loss plan

Apparently both Christina Aguilera and Naomi Watts have claimed that breast-feeding helps them lose weight. Hmm, I smell a new diet craze here, and hopefully a new career opportunity for myself. Just need to shave my head, practice my crying and relax my bladder. This could be gold, gold I tell ya.
Source: TheWest.com.au.

Simon say’s peek-a-boo

It seems Simon Cowell has bought himself a telescope, and he likes to check out his neighbors. Simon says “It isn’t powerful enough to see into their home – so you can’t see them in the shower – but you can see their gardens.” His neighbors include Leo Dicaprio, John Travolta, and Christina Aguilera. I bet Simon peers into his telescope, critiquing their yards. The fact is these gardens are a mess he would hiss. The grass needs water and a good trim, the roses look a bit drab, the hedges need a manicure, and the tulips look thirsty and tired! And please, get rid of the gnomes, they’re hideous! Look, if I’m being honest, the whole yard looks dreadful, very cabaret, sorry. I’m sure that’s what he tells them eh.
Source: Daily Mirror

What’s in my bun?

Lindsay Lohan flipped her lid when she discovered onions in her burrito. “I didn’t f…ing order this!”, she screamed at some poor bastard just doing his job. No doubt it was purely accidental that onions ended up in her burrito. With behavior like that, Lilo’s bound to find something worse than onions the next time (like the secret sauce Anthony Anderson's pushing in Harold and Kumar).
Source: Daily Mirror

Everything’s coming up lesbians

Staying with Lindsay Lohan, it seems Lilo’s become very chummy with a D.J. named Samantha Ronson. They’re over in Japan, and there’s been much speculation about all this. This Ronson girl look’s pretty scraggly and dresses like a reject from a John Hughes movie. I’m sure this is just a passing fad, like Sanjaya, or Kabala.
Source: Ninjadude.com

Spooky Williams say’s the truth is out there.

Robbie Williams is now said to be considering buying an observation site in the U.S. desert, said to cost millions, to watch for little green men, hot rods of the gods. Boy, he really seem’s serious about this. Well it’s an honorable profession, he deserves kudo’s for his honesty and passion. Hey, maybe he’ll discover life beyond the stars and win the nobel prize, It could happen (Of course, he might be a bit cuckoo)
Source: yahoo

Time to drain the snake.

Moce

Doc B.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Justin’s the wannabe.

Greeting’s people of Earth,

Justin is Michael Jackson’s bitch

Justin Timberlake say’s some of his ex-girlfriends were Madonna wannabe’s. Pow! Take that Britney. Bam! You wannabe you. Loser. Is it just me but isn’t a teensy bit cruel to dump on the girl when she’s already been flattened by the big pancake spatula, that is the media. Besides, talk about the cow calling the pig big-boned, seems to me Justin’s been a wannabe all his career the Mickey Mouse club, the boy band. Next going solo, he copped Wacko Jacko’s dance moves and style. Hell he even groped and undressed the king of pop’s sister in front of a live worldwide audience. Next he’ll turn his skin white, and… oh… wait, never mind.

Flipping from “Survivor” the hockey game and “Lost” not enough time to blog.

See ya, wouldn’t wannabe ya.

Doc B.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Naomi Watts best friend spills the can of worms.

Hey Ho

Mary-Ann, drug mule?

Gilligan’s Island castaway Mary-Ann was stopped by police while driving her car, and was busted by them when some pot was found in her vehicle. Sweet little Mary-Ann, a pothead! "Well Professor, try these muffins, I use a secret ingredient, you’ll love it, offers Mary-Ann". No wonder the castaways of the SS Minnow never got off that freakin island. You take a reefer mad pony tailed nutbar pumping you with drugs, flirting with ya, all her plan to divert attention away from what really caused the shipwreck. All that freakin GANJA she stored in the hull of the boat. It’s all becoming much clearer now, the truth will surface one day. I’m sure of it.
From the Associated Press.


The Vatican drops the hammer

The Vatican, in its great wisdom has seen fit to issue a few more “Deadly sin” for some of us to commit I guess 7 ain’t enoff. Wonder how this affects our star’s. Let’s look at a few shall we.


Abortion = Not so bad, celebs have taken to pregnancy and having babies like a fat man takes a interest in donuts. A few souls might be spared.

Polluting the environment: Hey everybody’s trying real hard on this right. They drive hybrid cars to the Oscars right. They fly to faraway to perform concerts to raise awareness right. They recycle old scripts, old TV shows, old faces, and boobs and stuff don’t they. They do enough alright. Come on now. OK let’s move on. What else was there, next.

“Accumulation of wealth” = Oh shit!
Next, lets move on people.

The taking of, or dealing of drugs
Shit, shit, shit. OK, wait, this doesn’t apply to everyone. There’s eh… Tom Hank’s, Dennis Hopper um… there’s a lot OK, next.

Paedophilia: Not touching that one. Nope. You know what? These are really more like guidelines than hard fast doctrine ya know.

Source from London times + AAP



EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW


I conducted an exclusive interview with Naomi Watts best friend from high school to talk about her next film.

Doc B.: Hi Daniel, thanks for this.

Daniel: No worries mate.

Doc B.: Now I know you’re favourite beer is Victoria’s Bitter, you’re favourite song is “the land down under”, favourite film is “Mad Max”, but what is you’re favourite Naomi movie.

Daniel: Who?

Doc B.: Naomi Watts

Daniel: Crikey…(pause) “Eastern Promises”

Doc B.: Great! So what’s Naomi really like huh?

Daniel: Dunno.

Doc B.: Come on.

Daniel: I don’t know er mate.

Doc B.: You’re from Australia right?

Daniel: Yup.

Doc B.: But you don’t know Naomi Watts?

Daniel: Nah, don’t

Doc B.: Humph, Ok then. So Daniel, tell me what it was like having Hugh Jackman as your uncle.

Daniel: hmmm, he’s not my uncle.

Doc B.: He’s not? You sure?

Daniel: Positive mate.

Doc B.: Nicole Kidman,

Daniel: Nope.

Doc B.: Well, Mel Gibson then, your related right?

Daniel: No mate. Never met him.

Doc B.: Ok, well, Ok then, thanks Daniel, and hey, put a shit on the Barbie for me Ok.

Daniel: It’s shrimp.

Doc B.: Whatever bye.

Man, those sneaky, lying Aussie bastards, you can never get a scoop out of them. But Daniel, tell me how you got that cut on your lip then eh. Don’t know Naomi my foot.

Gotta go scrape the wax out of my chimps ears.

Toodle’loo

Doc B.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Brit and Sanjaya bottom out

Zdravstvuite comrades

Reality Puke

The History Channel has a new show called “Ax Men” “What?” you ask could a show called “Ax men” be about. “Not guys chopping down trees is it?” You say. Why yes, yes dear reader it is about guys chopping down trees. Sounds great doesn’t, lets move on then. Honestly, what’s next, “Dish men”, all about the young men who slave at Paulie’s Pizza Palace?

Mommy’s little girl

From TMZ.com . The judge decided it would be ok for Britney Spears mommy to give her a debit / credit card for spending money. The cash limit you ask? A measly 1500.00$ bucks a week for the princess of pop. Cover your head Brit darling, there’s a lot of rungs on the ladder of life you’ve slipped off of. Ouch!

Exodus

Also from TMZ.com Sanjaya, the former Idol contestant sang at a Long Island Batmitzyah. After having endured Sanjaya’s warbling the boys had truly passed into manhood Mazel Tov!

adiós

Gotta go dig my car out of the snow again.

Doc. B.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Big celeb week-end smash up

Päivää my patients

X-File # 29

British singer Robbie Williams say’s he’s been visited 3 times by U.F.O.’s and is considering becoming a ufologist and start chasing after little green men. Geez luweeze, this guy’s career must really be in the toilet. (http://mirror.co.uk/)

Best song ever

This in from the Brisbane Times, Sunday is Big Gay Day, said to be a riot of colour, music and dancing. Martha Walsh of the weather girls is set to perform. Her hits include “Everybody Dance now” and “It’s raining men”. Woo Hoo! No word yet on whether Homer Simpson will attend.

Free Tibet Now.

Icelandic singer Bjork shouted “Tibet” at a performance in Shanghai and has hurt some feelings says China’s Culture Ministry (From A.P.) Hmmm. And still no word yet from the World Wildlife Fund on how swan’s were traumatized by the dress she wore to the Oscar’s years ago. Huh, I smell a cover-up.

Tailer Made?

Kelly Rowland from “Destiny’s Child” goes from an A cup to a B cup and explains it this way. “There was one really hot house of Dereon top – I just wanted to fill that out” Man, what if her glasses don’t fit? Nose enlargement, ear-plants, shrink her head. Sheesh!

T.V.s the internet that compels you.

This from Danny Noriega, recently from American Idol. “We all try and stay away from the internet but it’s hard to avoid when you turn the T.V. on in the morning.” Hey, it’s true, why just last week I dislocated my thumb on the power button from the T.V. remote.

Octopus Garden

Is it just me, or doe’s this movie 10 000 B.C. look like a bigger budgeted remake of Ringo Starr’s goofy movie Caveman. Watch where you step boy’s it ain’t mud.

Don’t Stop B…….

There’s a rumor going around that there will be a Soprano’s movie. That should please Steve Perry of Journey. He’s been royally pissed since they never did finish the last verse from the song they borrowed.


Now you see it

Jennifer Lopez doesn’t want to be called J.Lo anymore, reports http://www.tmz.com/. That’s funny, I thought she was retired. O.K no problem Jen-Then.


Now you don’t

N.B.C. may be considering Kathie Lee Gifford for the “Today Show”. Also, millions of Americans are considering leaving for work earlier, Coincidence?


Pleasure thyself


I found this in “the village voice”. Sex-ed film who’s working title is “Penny Flames Expert guide to handjobs for men and women”. Sounds great. Now where do I get a guide to convince my wife of this. (“But honey, its educational”) Yeah right. Still, it might be handy.

Trollgasm

Also from “the village voice”. “Whorelore” are porn films based on the online role playing game “World of Warcraft” the films feature performers dressed up as elves, trolls and other fantasy creatures doing the “nasty dance”. Bi-species sex, folks! Doggy-styling trolls, elf ear fellatio. Yuck! I don’t want to imagine who’s watching this stuff. Personally. I’m holding out for “Sonic the Hedgehog Sucks Seattle” DVD.

Blueballs

The “N.Y.Daily News” reports that Justin Timberlake is set to exec produce new N.B.C. show based on Peruvian Comedy “my problem with women”…? Yeah cause the first person I think of that has trouble getting a date is Mr. Sexyback. (Make you just want to puke doesn’t it.)

A bun in the oven smells good

Lisa Marie Presley announces pregnancy after London’s “The Daily Mail” asks “Like father like daughter? Bloated Lisa Marie is now the double of dad, Elvis” No announcements yet from Rosie O’Donnel, Kirstie Alley, or Monique that they are expecting. I’ll just hold my breath then.

Oprah’s oops

And finally, I see that Oprah (Empress of all things media) has backed another phony author. The woman who claimed to be a bi-racial gang-banger turned out to be a San Fernando Valley girl. named Margaret Seltzer. Seltzer answered “Well duh, like its my like, name you know. Totally.” Don’t know how the background check didn’t sniff this one out. Weird.

Gotta go practice my handjob technique now,

Sayonara. Doc. B.