Tom Cruise Sucks Up / Jessica Simpson Need To Dump Papa Joe

Heidi Ho folks Doc B. here

I'm still locked away at the safe house and Antonio is still at my house lying in wait for Bubbles to show her face there. And if you'll indulge me for one moment folks I'd like to issue a warning to a personal friend. Fozzie man, don't be dropping by my place, I think Antonio laid some mines! Thank you folks and here's the news.

But first…

“The secret to success is to offend the greatest number of people”
“George Bernard Shaw”


Papa Joe Is Sticking His Nose Where It Don't Belong

Run Romo run. Run as fast and as far as you can from Jessica Simpson and her greedy, evil, manipulating Papa Joe. The truth about Tony Romo and Jessica's on-again, off-again romance is beginning to surface.
It would seem Joe Simpson thought he could weasel his slimy, fast talking, used car salesman's ass of his into Tony's business, both personal and financial. First Joe suggested that Tony drop his agent and let Joe handle his Dallas Cowboys career and the $65.7 million contract that comes with it.
Now I know of Tony gets crashed into by football players heavier than a small Japanese car, but I think he still has enough wits about him not to let his possible father-in-law have another reason to be around all the time. I mean come on Joe what were you thinking, Tony may be a dumb jock but the last time I looked he was conscious, and probably doesn't like the feeling of your hand inside his back pocket either. Joe, ever the entrepreneur had more ideas to help line his pockets... er, their pockets, If you guys have a marriage, I can (sell it) the same that I did with Ashlee,” Joe said, according to the insider. Geez what a scuzzy little bastard. I don't think Papa Joe realizes that Tony Romo isn't like his daughters, a product that needs to be pushed upon the masses. He's not a product like his daughters are. To sell and promote every single little thing they ever do. Tony doesn't need this shit. Every Sunday in the National Football League he plays in packed stadiums in front of screaming adoring fans who love him, or on the road in the opponent's stadium versus rabid enemy fans. Whichever the venue, Tony is not lacking an audience. It comes as no surprise that Jessica and Tony's relationship is in a trial period with Papa Joe trying to position himself behind Tony's ass, metaphorically speaking of course. Personally folks I think this relationship is doomed to failure so long as Jessica continues to let her father butt into her personal life. However she's been handled by him so long that I doubt she knows who's voice she's hearing inside that pretty little head of hers. Is it the voice of her father, the snake oil salesmen. Or can she hear in the back of her mind that sweet little voice who asked if this tuna was chicken. I miss that voice. Source Here


Think Saving Private Ryan, But As A Musical

Tommy too much and his mail order bride Katie Holmes had a big housewarming party with lots of guests, [I wasn't invited... humph] with the theme of their party being " Help My Career Please" you may remember that Tom has a movie that was supposed to come out this summer, preview audiences were rolling in the aisles with laughter apparently, although it's not a comedy, so that could pose a problem. The movie is named' Valkyrie', and Tom plays a German officer who is planning to assassinate Adolf Hitler. Hmmm... you know folks I think I know a way to make this movie more accessible to audiences. Three words "big musical number" I'm telling you it would work folks. There hasn't been a great comedy musical war movie since the Marx Brothers 'Duck Soup'. Anyhow the party included people that Tom has rubbed wrong, or just plain pissed off, like Steven Spielberg, Summer Redstone, and Oprah Winfrey, who's still complaining about the springs in her couch by the way. Anyhow there seems to be some kind of dogma or commandment in Scientology that says "after you cut people off, you have to invite them back in,"
Hmmm... that could be .. awkward, don't you thinkThen there were all the gays, which was hilarious, because Scientology 'cures' gays.", the source revealed. Like I said before folks,.. awkward. Anyways, we'll see if all the ass kissing pays off, Tom does seem a little desperate these days. Maybe being the King Nut Bar of a crazy ass cult/ religion is finally taking its toll. Source Here


F***Ing With Hockey

Is Canada about to become an aimless nation adrift at sea? The answer could quite possibly be yes. The nation's national broadcaster, the CBC, announced a deal to retain the rights to the Hockey Night in Canada theme song has fallen through, Copyright Music & Visuals said it had offered the public broadcaster a chance to renew its license to use Claman's song — a staple on HNIC since 1968 — on terms that were "virtually identical to those that have existed for the past decade." Previously, each use of the song cost the CBC about $500, the agency said.
After the first two years of a new agreement, the rates would rise about 15 per cent, an increase Copyright Music & Visuals president John Ciccone called an industry standard. Instead the CBC plans to hold a contest in which submitted pieces of music will be judged to find a new theme song for the hockey night broadcast. Now I know Canadians are easy-going and all, but when it comes to the hockey, and especially the Saturday night game, something tells me they won't sit idly by. There is a few Québecois sayings that come to mind, like 'sautez une coche' or 'sauté dans tête’ which loosely translated mean, the shit's gonna hit the fan. There's only so much a hockey loving Canuck can take, governed by boring politicians all cut from the same cloth, in an overtaxed, overly bureaucratic system, with poor regional representation, we should demand better but are too forgiving or just plain complacent. The CBC is a government- run broadcaster paid with taxpayer's money, so they better not start f***ing up Hockey Night in Canada. If they somehow don't resolve the rights issue and go ahead with this submit a song contest than that can only mean one thing 'son't fou tabarnac' Source Here


Ringo Worried

The backbone of a good band is the percussion , is it not? Members of the country group Alabama don't think so.
The drummer for the country group Alabama has been sued by his fellow band members, who say he was overpaid $202,670. Wow... that's a lot of scratch. He must really suck! In a related story, Ringo Starr has stopped taking Paul McCartney's calls. Coo-coo ka-choo folks. Source Here


Do-Gooder Or Do-Badder

Apparently wonder woman's still got the moves, she lept from her invisible jet into the Potomac River and snagged a drowning woman with her lasso and saved the day. Life's not like that, sorry. This is what unfortunately happened Lynda Carter told The Washington Post she was alone in a boat when she saw the body on Wednesday.
She said she didn't have a mobile phone with her, so she yelled to some fishermen and asked them to call police.Carter waited until rescuers arrived and directed them to the body. Yes, yes she was most helpful and very cooperative, yet I can't help wondering what she was doing on the water. There must be something more to this. Maybe she was smuggling cigarettes or guns. Or drugs! Why, she could have planted the bodyfor all we know, this could be all some big diversion.....(pause) nah! That's pretty f***ing thin. Skip it. Source Here


That's it that's all folks I gotta go dye my hair, then finish my disguise.

Doc B. gone baby gone

Hide “Little People”, Hide From Ron Wood

Heidi Ho folks Doc B. here,

Well I'd moved into a safe house that Antonio has secured for me. I should be safe here while Antonio is back home lying in wait for Bubbles. Fortunately I was able to MacGyver myself a way to post, so without further ado, here's the news


But First...

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”
“Mark Twain”


Gemini Know Thyself

Mary Kate Olsen granted an interview to Ree Hines and the two of them talked about Hal Mary Kate inexplicably ends up on the cancel dressed list one night and next on the worst. It turns out Mary Kate's not sure why herself but she does offer this.“I think there’s a real disconnect between the media’s perception of fashion and the fashion world’s idea of fashion.” Well said Mary Kate, who well said indeed. I would have to do quite a bit her research to find out why that is, would have to give a shout out to my Peeps at GQ and all my sisters over at Elle. Hmmm... when I have a bit down time maybe I'll look into it.
When asked about her own outrageous getups, Mary Kate replied “I don’t know why I wear some of the things I wear," she admitted. “I like wearing crazy things sometimes. I like being playful. Sometimes I feel like I’m playing dress up and becoming a character. It’s sort of like an art. It can change your mood or the way that people are attracted to you.”
Ah ha, spoken like a true Gemini. One can always spot another, we are free, kindred spirits, who know themselves well. But are still at a loss to explain why they do what they do sometimes. Mary Kate's birthday will be on the 13th of June. Same as her sisters. What a coincidence huh? Source Here


Rosie Kills Howard Stern's Libido

Rosie O'Donnell turned up on the Howard Stern radio show this week where she fielded questions about her ex- View cohost Elisabeth Hassellback. One of the questions Howard posed was whether or not Rosie was attracted to her perceived nemesis on the show, Elizabeth and if she ever wanted her. Well she wouldn't be Rosie if she didn't have a big mouth, here's how she replied
See, the 'want' is the big thing," O'Donnell responded, suggesting she doesn't desire Hasselbeck. "I find her very attractive. She's very attractive, I think.
Hmm... she didn't really answer the initial question did she? She kinah worked all around without really answering it. Sorta like a nondenial denial. Anyhow, she did admit to lusting after Angelina Jolie [get in line, bub] same she found her dark and with a little kind of weird sexuality going on." Humph, she should talk, I saw Exit to Eden, it put me off pork for weeks.
Rosie also said that of all the people that sat next to her on the view, Howard's fiancée Beth Ostrosky was the one that was the most doable Brrr... she really knows how to f**k with a man's libido., Rosie's one cold bitch! Howard's going to need a psychiatrist to deal with this image of Rosie and a Beth together in bed. Or a hypnotist to make him forget. An exorcism, something, anything to make it go away. I pity the poor bastard, I only hope he can recover. Hey Howard, I'm here for you buddy. Source Here


Swedish Meatballs

Hmm..Kate Beckinsale sounds nice, maybe I should go live with her. She told Glamour magazine: “I’m the worst wife in the cooking department. I always thought you can’t be good at food and sex, but you can always order the food in. That sounds good, but the reverse sounds more intriguing. One night a Swede and her meatballs, then next, some spicy Thai. A little variety does a relationship good, don't you think Kate? “I’d rather he didn’t order in the sex.” Jeez, what what a ballbuster. I don't think I like her anymore.... Nope, I don't like her anymore. Let's move on shall we. Source Here


Ronnie Wood's Trippin'

The Sun newspaper reports that Ronnie Wood of the Rolling Stones, is gathering up all the midgets, little people, dwarves, elves, [add your affectionate derogatory term here] munchkins, Lilliputians, Mini Me's, vertically challenged, stunted growth humans he can find. Unfortunately it's not for a sequel to the film Under The Rainbow, dammit.
No, apparently it's all some wild cockamamie idea Ronnie has cooked up for his daughter's wedding. They will leap out of bushes to surprise guests with stunts such as stealing ladies’ hats. Hmm…...... pardon me folks, I was just imagining all the lawsuits that will probably come of this. Honestly I thought Ronnie had quit doing acid, because he's got to be trippin. He Probably Sent out an Invitation to Brian Jones too. A source says The pint-sized posse must stay in character all evening on June 21 — and sign confidentiality agreements to stop them giving away star guests’ secrets. Yeah, that makes sense, you wouldn't want wanted a little buggers blabbing to the papers about who's got a dye job. Because you know folks, sometimes the view from down there can be quite revealing. As a matter of fact that reminds me of a funny story, there's a 'little person' who lives near my house, and he tried to sell me some up skirt photos of some of the women in the neighborhood. I didn't buy any..............many. Source Here


Bananas Make Me Puke, with Gwyneth Its Children

Harper's Bazaar had an interview with Gwyneth Paltrow in which she talked about her desire to super size her clan and pregnancy in general.“I wanted to throw up all the time.” Yeah you know what makes me feel that way? Bananas. They always make me feel like I want to puke, but I never feel like I want more, so maybe she's just a glutton for punishment. And it's looking like she might pull a Madonna,“I’m very open to (adoption),”Humph, I'll bet she is. Why just yesterday, my faithful readers, you will remember I posted a story about her hubby Chris Martin, in which he declared he could never find the crotch. Poor girl, her she has to resort to the Rabbit 2.0 for pleasure, now she has to look to adoption to increase her family size, all because her hubby is a stupid British twit who can't find her pussy without GPS. [pssst. I'm a good navigator] stay tuned folks, I can't see her sticking it out with this ass. Source Here


That's it that's all folks, I gotta go see if Antonio less any toilet paper. Dammit I feel a movement, coming on. Stupid spicy Thai food.

Doc B. Gone Baby Gone

Britney's Ex-Scumbag Stabbed / Rabbit 2.0

Heidi Ho folks, Doc. B. here,

I received a message from Antonio, my trusty chimp in this time of crisis. He thinks I'm being bugged! And watched! I have to try and stay away from the normal routine. Here's the news.


But first...

“Apparently Arnold was inspired by President Bush, who proved you can be a successful politician in this country even if English is your second language.”
“Conan O’Brien”


Remember Brownie

"American Idol" creator Nigel Lythgoe didn't want President Bush to appear on the "Idol Gives Back" show. Hmmm... well better get in line Nigel old buddy, most of the country doesn't want Bush anymore either.
Of course I don't blame Nigel for not wanting Bush on the telecast, not exactly a ratings booster I would imagine. Apparently he had no choice in the matter. Since the Democratic candidates were to appear on the show, the president's office insisted that he be able to come on and say thank you. Yeah, cause the last two terms of his presidency has been all about giving hasn't it? I'm sure to viewers at home will I have full confidence in sending their money to a cause that Bush seemingly endorses. Gee, he must think people have really short memories?, Why it seems just like yesterday that Bush stepped off an airplane, held a press conference, and declared to the world that,' Brownie is doing a great job'. What did Kanye West say? Oh yeah, something about George Bush hating black people? I don't think it's the color of the skin folks, more likely the color of the money. Source Here


No, I Don't Want To Hear About Woodstock

Came across an article about Heather Graham, nothing interesting really, she just kind a confirmed what I thought about her. Such as I'm a little bit of a hippie. Like I meditate, I do yoga, I'm into nature!
Somewhere in Vermont, in an old school bus, up on blocks, painted up with flowers and peace symbols , a wood furnace chimney coming out the roof, an aging hippie with long frazzled hair, wearing a 'Dead' T-shirt, sits at his computer and smiles.... Way to go Heather! You've given an old relic from an antiquated by- gone era hope.
You may think it's cute Heather, but the reality is, he only likes your tits. Source Here


Nip It In The Bud

As you may already know the new X-Files movie is coming out this summer. And now it's been revealed that star Gillian Anderson is pregnant.
You know what folks this smells, this smells worse than that Turkey sandwiche that sat in my car all Cornelson in 90° heat. She hasn't been in movies much lately, at least not Hollywood productions anyhow. With the exposure from this new X-Files movie I suspect she's trying to pad her purse with some baby photo money. Granted she's not an A-list celeb, but if the movies a hit, you never know she might be in demand. Fortunately folks we have time to nip this one in the bud, all we have to do is make sure the movie flops. If we act as one, we will be victorious. Source Here


It Is As It Was Foretold

I noticed this story that doesn't seem to be about much of anything, so of course I've included it. The story mentions TR Knight of and his boyfriend Mark Cornelson have not, I repeat not exchanged vows in a same-sex marriage. TR explains why, To clarify, we are not having a commitment ceremony," TR said. "once you are given something that you were never allowed before, you realize how much of a second class person you were before. That is horrible and fantastic at the same time. It makes me want to sob and scream with joy all at the same time.
Hmm... TR seems like a half glass empty type of person, doesn't he? Well he can be forgiven for being a little bitter.
However, it's obvious what this story is, this story is about a bellwether wedding. What's that you say? You don't know what that means? Well I'll tell you. If you played the Village People's song In the Navy backwards it purportedly speaks of a historic wedding, predetermined by fate. The story goes, that this union would cause all the worlds armies to put down their arms, and the nation's would come together living all as one in a utopian society. In the story, the initials of the two men matched that of knight and his boyfriend. Hmmm... that doesn't sound half bad. However, there was rumored to be another prediction in another song, by Donna Summer. It told of a union that would ruin mankind. That the church would take over the state, and that the people would be oppressed. Hmmm... You know what folks, I'll keep an eye on this for you, and keep you informed. Source Here


The Rabbit 2.0,Keeping Her Warm

Chris Martin, singer for the band Coldplay reveals more than he probably should. The 31-year-old star said he experiments with dance moves while in the privacy of his own home. Hmmm... I wonder which dances practices. Line dancing? The Twist maybe? He is a British rock star, so he's probably pretentious. I bet he's dancing that silly French dance craze, La Dance De Les Canards. Humph... thinks he's special. He drones on that he tries all kinds of things in the bedroom”. Really what sort of freaky deaky things do you like to do in your bedroom, huh Chris? Does it involve balloons? A McDonald's uniform perhaps? Balsamic vinegar, artichokes, marshmallows, peanut oil, pigs feet and rhubarb turn you on Chris,,! Does it! Answered the f***ing question, don't leave me hanging! [fuming] Skip it. You think you're so special don't you? Of course he never shuts up, he doesn't tell you what you want to hear, but he doesn't shut up either. “I’d love to be a crotch grabber but I can never find it."
First question. Are we talking about your crotch or Gwyneth's crotch? The public has a right to know dammit! What is it say about Chris as a man, if he can't find his own crotch? We know what it would mean if he can't find her's. It means he's gay. But if he can't find his own, well that's just all whole other jar of bumblebees isn't it? Humph! Stupid pretentious British twits. I feel sorry for Gwyneth, while he's practicing is dance moves, she lies in bed with nothing but her trusty Rabbitt 2.0 to keep her company. Hey Chris, I think you better find the crotch soon. Source Here


Like A Fine Bottle Of Colt45

Jack Black says it was his wife's fault that he accidentally revealed that Angelina Jolie was expecting twins. Ooh... I'm sure your wife's going to like you passing the buck on this one to her. Anyhow, Black says Jolie wanted to spill the beans, but didn't know how to and I did it for her."
Black then goes on to say that Brad really wanted to be a dad, but he didn't know how to do it. So Black went and did it for him. He then added that Angie is 'extra fine' in bed. Like a good bottle of Colt 45. He also noted, that he only did it because Brad is a really good friend. That's the kind of guy I am, Black said. Gee what a really great guy. Source Here


It’s Britney Bitch

Payback, can be a bitch. Just ask ADNAN GHALIB, Britney's ex-scumbag. You remember him, that paparazzi prick who now is allegedly shopping around a sex tape of him and Britney when they were on vacation in Mexico. It seems the scumbag was stabbed by another scumbag who is angry at Britney's ex-scumbag after a video of Brit performing a private striptease for him was set to hit the web..It's like Chris Crocker said. Leave Britney Alone. Beyotch! Source Here


That's it, that's all. I gotta go... hide.

Doc. B. gone baby gone.

Britney Vs SuperNanny: To The Death

Heidi Ho folks Doc B. here

I'm really worried folks, against my wishes Bruce contacted Antonio and told him about Bubbles threatening me again. Antonio can get a little flaky and I'm worried he'll do something stupid like he did to the paperboy. He claimed he was stalking me. But he was just doing his job and my paper was always there and on time. Until an accident befell my paperboy and he no longer had the use of his big toe's, therefore affecting his balance and crippling the strength he needed in his feet to peddle his bike efficiently. We never spoke of it but I know somehow that Antonio was behind it. If Antonio and Bubbles meet up, expect mayhem. Here's the news

but first…

“It is occasionally possible to charge Hell with a bucket of water, but against stupidity the gods themselves struggle in vain”
“Doris Fleeson”


Britney Versus SuperNanny; Last Woman Standing

Good news folks help is on the way for Britney Spears and her kids. None other than the Super Nanny herself has said she'd be willing to take on the task of the comedy of errors that is Britney Spears parenting skills. I can only sit here and hope that Britney takes her up on her offer and this somehow, someway actually makes it to the airwaves. And, is the Super Nanny up to the challenge I do believe [Spears] loves her children very much and I’d be more than happy to help her,” Frost told OK! Magazine.
I don't think she realizes just how much work is ahead of her trying to teach Britney how to be a better parent. Quite frankly, I think this time she may fail. I' Ahh, I can see it now [fade to black]
[broadcast begins] this week on the super Nanny, Joe has her work cut out for as she visits Britney Spears at her home to see if she can instill upon her to parenting skills only Joe the SuperNanny can [fast-forward this crap... come on... going to commercial already, hmm]
SuperNanny ; Britney what is it you think you need to work on become a better parent for your boys?
Britney; Well I don't know, I think I'm a pretty good mommy... but, some of my friends would don’t agree with me. They're such meanies. And I know, I have to try to remember little things, like you know, buckling their seatbelts. And when they can't stand anymore it's probably because their diapers need to be changed. And that they need things. Like they need to eat you know, every day. Sometimes more than once. I know I'm not a perfect mom, and that sometimes I spoil them. Like you know, I give them chocolates, Candy, coffee. And I know I shouldn’t let them like my cigarettes anymore, but they look so darn cute when they do it. But I know it's wrong, because they'll just play with my lighters until there's no more gas in the thing. Then I’d have to buy another. Inconvenient. [Camera pans back to face of a horrified SuperNanny]
SuperNanny; I think we need to turn the camera off right now so Britney and I can have a little chat, just like girls, BFF's. [Commercial break; I love PVR's, fast-forward this crap]
Super Nanny; Britney it's a nice day, why don't you go outside with the children?
Britney; Why? What's there to do in the yard? There's nothing back there but trees and grass, what are they supposed to do with that? I suppose they could pretend to role a joint with the grass, I think I have papers in my purse. [Camera pans back to face of a horrified SuperNanny]
Super Nanny; I think are going to have to stop the camera again. I need another chat with Britney [screw this! Let me fast-forward to the good stuff]
[SuperNanny enters the laundry room]
SuperNanny; Oh my God, Britney what are you doing? [SuperNanny rushes to the industrial size dryer and opens the door]
Britney; Well, it started to rain outside so we came inside, they were soaking wet and dripping all over my new carpet. What's the big deal, it's a lot of fun and they're perfectly safe in the clothes-dryer. I told them it would be just like in a car that flips over a bunch of times. What a rush.... what's wrong SuperNanny? Why are you making that face? Is it time for another one of those talks, isn’t it?
[Fast-forward to end]
Britney; [Cut to scene of Britney and her kids waving] goodbye. Thanks for your help. Wave to the super Nanny kids. Wave I said you little brats. [Camera zooms in on the SuperNanny strapped to a gurney being lifted into an ambulance]
Britney; Bye SuperNanny. That seems so familiar, I think I'm having Deja Vu, or is it Deja zoo? She's so lucky, I love riding in ambulances.Gawd I'm thirsty. Which one of you angels would go get mommy's drink. It's beside the pool out back. Whoever brings me it the quickest can play whit mommy's taser. [Cue crappy theme song, roll credits]
We can only dream folks, we can only dream. Because I don't think it's never going to happen. Source Here


Lust And Tequila

Reality TV star, Tila Tequila threw out a lot of compliments to Christina Ricci,the actress [Addams family, Sleepy Hollow] in interview with Extra "I love Christina Ricci, [compliment]."She’s really hot [again compliment] I think she looks kind of odd like me [Backhanded but still a compliment] I fell in love with her when I saw Black Snake Moon.
[Big compliment] She was naked in that one. I kind of drooled over her naked scenes…" [icky, but technically still a compliment]
Aawwww... it's nice to be loved, or at least lusted. Source Here


Who Finished Second... Gary Busey?

Boy, they sure give out honors like their candy, don't they. It seems some club in Las Vegas named Prive, is bestowing on Kevin Federline the title of Father of the Year.
Jeez first Lilo's mom is mother of the year in Long Island and now K.- Fed. And if you can believe it, this is not his first title.
The unofficial honor is Federline's second such recognition in a relatively short time. Last November, Details magazine also anointed him father of the year . Don't do that, I see you shaking your head. This is the world we live in, a world in which we care what Brad and Angie name their kids, how much Lilo drinks, who's got new boobs, and boy don't you wish yours lookrd like that. Hmmm... no doubt this club will treat K-Fed right, free booze and all he can eat. Poker chips and hot chicks for Kevin, TV, chocolate and Ritalin for the kids. Should make for a fun weekend. Happy Father's Day Kevin. Source Here


No Love For Paul Giamatti

AfterElton.com conducted a poll of the hot hundred gay icons. Who topped the list you ask? Actor Jake Gyllenhaal that's who.The website said: “What accounts for Jake’s ongoing appeal to gay men? His doe-eyed, boy next door (yet somehow smouldering) looks certainly don’t hurt. Humph... is looks all that counts these days. No wonder Paul Giamatti never tops this f***ing list. It's not just what's on the outside people, it's about what's on the inside too. There's more to people than just good looks and a pretty face. Sometimes have to settle for less than perfection. Take for example Angelina Jolie, she's not perfect. No she isn't. She's got a lazy eye. What, you don't believe me? Study the tape if you don't believe me, blow it up, and enhance it, and play it at slowest and check out her right eye. Then you'll see, she's not perfect. But I am a big enough man to realize that sometimes you just have to settle, and not hold out. Source Here


Sniff Sniff... Is That Me?

Celebrities don't like the way we smell folks, and that's just the plain honest to God truth folks. Why else would they be always coming up with new and exotic fragrances to cover up are hideous body odor. The market is flooded celebrity endorsed perfumes, and you can add one more, Queen Latifah. Here's a bit of what she said, and boy does she lay it on thick. "For me, beauty really does start on the inside," [um hmm ] the musician and actress said in a news release. "It's like a state of mind - a state of love, if you will. [Baloney] So, I see fragrance as just a natural expression of this state of love: Scent expresses a woman's confidence and sensuality. [Keep talking, sensuality’s good] It's how she embraces her body, [yeah baby! That's what I'm talking about-let's get it on] her mind and her strength." [Whoa,, you're going too fast,. Let's go back to the part about embracing your body OK. Headache? No problem, rain check.] Her odor camouflage lotion will be released in the fall of 2009. You might want to pick some up you smelly bastard. No, not you. The guy with the eye patch. Reeks! Source Here


Well that's all I got folks, I gotta go call my old paperboy. It's been a while since I talked to him and I miss him a bit. He always got me the nicest presents on my birthday. And he was pretty handy too, he was always around when I had a flat tire………oh.

Doc B. Gone Baby Gone

And Poof, Your Career Is Gone; Just Ask Tatum O’Neal

Heidi Ho folks Doc. B. here


Well I've set traps in front of all the doors, and I've nailed down all the windows, so all I can do now is wait. If Bubbles shows up here I'll be ready for her. I've got 911 on my speed dial just in case. It's good to be prepared, my dad used to always say. He used to always say, that's about as useful as tits on a mule, and if it smells like pipi let it be, too. So you have to be selective in which colorful sayings you're going to adhere to. Anyhow, enough about the babblings of crazy old ex-cons, here's the news.


But first…

“Let us all bask in television's warm glowing warming glow.”
“Homer Simpson”


Oupps

Britney Spears lights up fag after gym workout.
Well she's done and gone lost her mind hasn't she. All the stress from the divorce from Kevin, all the legal bills his and hers, the kids, the breakdown, the paparazzi scumbag reporter who screwed her, the constant scrutiny, as finally taken its toll. She's gone and snapped. She's gone batshit! But I can't believe she's so far gone that she would take it out on some poor soul who's just trying in to live his own life and be accepted, and she goes and lights him on fire. I got to admit I never saw this coming. She's going to be doing time for sure now.
Wait!... what's this... oh, it's an article from the UK that I think, I should have read further. I feel so stupid, so irresponsible. I'm sorry for misleading you folks, there seems to be a little something lost in the translation. It's so silly really, it turns out in Britain they call cigarettes fags. Huh! Learn something new everyday. Let's move on shall we. Source Here


Out And About

Reality TV personality, Tila Tequila thinks Lindsay Lohan should take the bull by the horns, so to speak and just admit that she's gay, and she's proud. Just go all out with it!" she said. "If you’re going to do something, do it all out:" said Tequila As for Tequila's advice, about going all out. It seems to me Lindsay's been going all out for some time. She's been going out all high on coke, she's been going out all drunk on booze, she's going all out in the familiar trappings that teenagers encounter. I think maybe it's time Lindsay stops going all out and maybe Jess settles in. Source Here


Make Movies Not Babies

They must be stopped people, they must be stopped. TMZ reports that people and OK magazine are in a bidding war for the photos of of the Brangelina twins. And apparently the bidding has reached an astronomical $15 million. 15 f***ing million dollars! I said it before folks, and I'll say it again in. This baby scam total crap has to stop. If people keep buying in these silly magazines just a sequel rules of couple little brats that are purple and Brown and pain can read whatever colors of the rainbow they come out in, and it will never end. Come on people, get with the program. Brad and Angie are actors, they should act, not mass-produce babies to earn a living. We need to be strong now people, when walking by the news stand. You might be tempted to reach for that magazine and peruse the photos, but then you would only be falling prey to the Venus flytrap that they have set. Only you can stop the madness, only you can make a difference, so you must be strong. So say it with me, and say it loud. Make movies not babies, make movies not babies make movies not babies. Source Here


I Hate You

I noticed this little article about Sienna Miller talking about things she likes to eat. And then I noticed, that I really don't like Sienna Miller much ,but maybe that's just me "I have loads of food fetishes. Pickled onion flavoured Monster Munch crisps, chicken and stuffing sandwiches, milk chocolate with salt-and-vinegar crisps in your mouth at the same time. And French fries dipped in chocolate milkshake." Your hips are getting bigger just reading that aren't they? She doesn't stop there however, she goes on to say" Rhys and I have this horrible addiction to caviar. We are junkies. I was given some seven months ago and now we have this full-on caviar habit. We do the whole works - blinis, chopped eggs, chopped red onion, sour cream. It is total bliss. Oh my god, it makes me sound so spoilt doesn't it?!" I don't know about spoiled, but the next time you're in the ladies room I think I'd make sure that there's no one in there that might have read the interview. You might end up with a tidy bowl wash to the face, or just plain get the shit beaten out of you. Because I'm sure there's lots of women who might be a tad jealous that you can stuff your face with all that crap and not gain weight, you spoiled rich ironing board bitch you. Source Here


House Calls

Kim Kardashian felt compelled to deny on her blog that her ass is enhanced by a padded underwear "OMG! When will people get off my a**e, literally!
"I have said it a million times before and I'll say it again: 'My booty is as real as the designer items I'm auctioning off on eBay'." Well Kim, people will get off your ass when you start to play a little hard to get, know what I mean. But that's a topic for another time. As for your problem about the rumors of enhancement, you just drop by my office a simple examination by yours truly would get to the bottom of things, so to speak. I would be more than happy to check out your ass and post the results of my findings on my blog to confirm or deny what is being said about you. Of course, I am an impartial observer, nothing more.... I know, I know, I know what you're thinking, but I have that covered too. I have special hand warmers, so you won't jump when I touch your ass. Oh, and I guess I should point out that some of my associates don't think your breasts are real either. Why not kill two birds with one stone. Gimme a ring a ding ding, and all make room for you. It be no problem, and I'd be happy to do it out of professional courtesy. Source Here


Poof

Here today gone tomorrow, that's what they say is an. Don't believe me, just ask Tatum O'Neal. Let this be a lesson to all you starlets out there, the road to a obscurity is usually paved with good times, bad friends, lots alcohol, and lots of drugs. Once again, if you don't believe me, just ask Tatum O'Neal.
Oscar-winning actress Tatum O'Neal, who chronicled her recovery from drug addiction in a memoir, was released on bail today on charges of buying crack on the lower East Side.
The 44-year-old daughter of actor Ryan O'Neal was nabbed after she was spotted handing money to a street dealer - three blocks from where she lives on East Broadway, police said.
Cops recovered two bags of cocaine from the actress' right front pants pocket when she was arrested around 7:30 p.m. Sunday. One minute you have a career, the next, Poof it's gone. Don't believe me, just ask Tatum. Source Here


Army Boots

It seems it's not just Tila tequila who wants Lilo to come out about her sexuality, I came across this story in my never ending search to discover the true direction Lilo swings in.
Insiders told Page Six that Lohan and OK! are in talks to do a cover where Lohan "comes out" about her relationship with gal pal Samantha Ronson, and the mag has offered her "around $1 million to do the cover." Hunph... a million bucks ain't nothing to sneeze at folks, and it seems anything Lilo does these days amounts to her being paid with something that has ice and it. Hmmm... I think for $1 million we should expect to see Lilo on the cover of OK magazine with a close cropped haircut, baggy kakhi pants, and army boots, hugging her girlfriend Sam real soon. Hey, a girl's got to drink, I mean,.. eat. Source Here


Bat Shit Crazy

Someone has stolen Kurt Cobain's ashes from Courtney Love's Hollywood home. Jeez, I hope you have papers. Anyhow, Courtney seem pretty distraught about it all “I can’t believe anyone would take Kurt’s ashes from me. I find it disgusting and right now I’m suicidal.” Sigh, I know what you're thinking folks, if she wasn't suicidal before, then what the hell was she. Misunderstood perhaps? Perhaps, but I think she's just batshit crazy. Source Here


Well that's all I got folks, I gotta go to my neighbors house. You folks should really see the tits on this mule, there friggin' huge man.


Doc B. gone baby gone.