Britney Vs SuperNanny: To The Death

Heidi Ho folks Doc B. here

I'm really worried folks, against my wishes Bruce contacted Antonio and told him about Bubbles threatening me again. Antonio can get a little flaky and I'm worried he'll do something stupid like he did to the paperboy. He claimed he was stalking me. But he was just doing his job and my paper was always there and on time. Until an accident befell my paperboy and he no longer had the use of his big toe's, therefore affecting his balance and crippling the strength he needed in his feet to peddle his bike efficiently. We never spoke of it but I know somehow that Antonio was behind it. If Antonio and Bubbles meet up, expect mayhem. Here's the news

but first…

“It is occasionally possible to charge Hell with a bucket of water, but against stupidity the gods themselves struggle in vain”
“Doris Fleeson”


Britney Versus SuperNanny; Last Woman Standing

Good news folks help is on the way for Britney Spears and her kids. None other than the Super Nanny herself has said she'd be willing to take on the task of the comedy of errors that is Britney Spears parenting skills. I can only sit here and hope that Britney takes her up on her offer and this somehow, someway actually makes it to the airwaves. And, is the Super Nanny up to the challenge I do believe [Spears] loves her children very much and I’d be more than happy to help her,” Frost told OK! Magazine.
I don't think she realizes just how much work is ahead of her trying to teach Britney how to be a better parent. Quite frankly, I think this time she may fail. I' Ahh, I can see it now [fade to black]
[broadcast begins] this week on the super Nanny, Joe has her work cut out for as she visits Britney Spears at her home to see if she can instill upon her to parenting skills only Joe the SuperNanny can [fast-forward this crap... come on... going to commercial already, hmm]
SuperNanny ; Britney what is it you think you need to work on become a better parent for your boys?
Britney; Well I don't know, I think I'm a pretty good mommy... but, some of my friends would don’t agree with me. They're such meanies. And I know, I have to try to remember little things, like you know, buckling their seatbelts. And when they can't stand anymore it's probably because their diapers need to be changed. And that they need things. Like they need to eat you know, every day. Sometimes more than once. I know I'm not a perfect mom, and that sometimes I spoil them. Like you know, I give them chocolates, Candy, coffee. And I know I shouldn’t let them like my cigarettes anymore, but they look so darn cute when they do it. But I know it's wrong, because they'll just play with my lighters until there's no more gas in the thing. Then I’d have to buy another. Inconvenient. [Camera pans back to face of a horrified SuperNanny]
SuperNanny; I think we need to turn the camera off right now so Britney and I can have a little chat, just like girls, BFF's. [Commercial break; I love PVR's, fast-forward this crap]
Super Nanny; Britney it's a nice day, why don't you go outside with the children?
Britney; Why? What's there to do in the yard? There's nothing back there but trees and grass, what are they supposed to do with that? I suppose they could pretend to role a joint with the grass, I think I have papers in my purse. [Camera pans back to face of a horrified SuperNanny]
Super Nanny; I think are going to have to stop the camera again. I need another chat with Britney [screw this! Let me fast-forward to the good stuff]
[SuperNanny enters the laundry room]
SuperNanny; Oh my God, Britney what are you doing? [SuperNanny rushes to the industrial size dryer and opens the door]
Britney; Well, it started to rain outside so we came inside, they were soaking wet and dripping all over my new carpet. What's the big deal, it's a lot of fun and they're perfectly safe in the clothes-dryer. I told them it would be just like in a car that flips over a bunch of times. What a rush.... what's wrong SuperNanny? Why are you making that face? Is it time for another one of those talks, isn’t it?
[Fast-forward to end]
Britney; [Cut to scene of Britney and her kids waving] goodbye. Thanks for your help. Wave to the super Nanny kids. Wave I said you little brats. [Camera zooms in on the SuperNanny strapped to a gurney being lifted into an ambulance]
Britney; Bye SuperNanny. That seems so familiar, I think I'm having Deja Vu, or is it Deja zoo? She's so lucky, I love riding in ambulances.Gawd I'm thirsty. Which one of you angels would go get mommy's drink. It's beside the pool out back. Whoever brings me it the quickest can play whit mommy's taser. [Cue crappy theme song, roll credits]
We can only dream folks, we can only dream. Because I don't think it's never going to happen. Source Here


Lust And Tequila

Reality TV star, Tila Tequila threw out a lot of compliments to Christina Ricci,the actress [Addams family, Sleepy Hollow] in interview with Extra "I love Christina Ricci, [compliment]."She’s really hot [again compliment] I think she looks kind of odd like me [Backhanded but still a compliment] I fell in love with her when I saw Black Snake Moon.
[Big compliment] She was naked in that one. I kind of drooled over her naked scenes…" [icky, but technically still a compliment]
Aawwww... it's nice to be loved, or at least lusted. Source Here


Who Finished Second... Gary Busey?

Boy, they sure give out honors like their candy, don't they. It seems some club in Las Vegas named Prive, is bestowing on Kevin Federline the title of Father of the Year.
Jeez first Lilo's mom is mother of the year in Long Island and now K.- Fed. And if you can believe it, this is not his first title.
The unofficial honor is Federline's second such recognition in a relatively short time. Last November, Details magazine also anointed him father of the year . Don't do that, I see you shaking your head. This is the world we live in, a world in which we care what Brad and Angie name their kids, how much Lilo drinks, who's got new boobs, and boy don't you wish yours lookrd like that. Hmmm... no doubt this club will treat K-Fed right, free booze and all he can eat. Poker chips and hot chicks for Kevin, TV, chocolate and Ritalin for the kids. Should make for a fun weekend. Happy Father's Day Kevin. Source Here


No Love For Paul Giamatti

AfterElton.com conducted a poll of the hot hundred gay icons. Who topped the list you ask? Actor Jake Gyllenhaal that's who.The website said: “What accounts for Jake’s ongoing appeal to gay men? His doe-eyed, boy next door (yet somehow smouldering) looks certainly don’t hurt. Humph... is looks all that counts these days. No wonder Paul Giamatti never tops this f***ing list. It's not just what's on the outside people, it's about what's on the inside too. There's more to people than just good looks and a pretty face. Sometimes have to settle for less than perfection. Take for example Angelina Jolie, she's not perfect. No she isn't. She's got a lazy eye. What, you don't believe me? Study the tape if you don't believe me, blow it up, and enhance it, and play it at slowest and check out her right eye. Then you'll see, she's not perfect. But I am a big enough man to realize that sometimes you just have to settle, and not hold out. Source Here


Sniff Sniff... Is That Me?

Celebrities don't like the way we smell folks, and that's just the plain honest to God truth folks. Why else would they be always coming up with new and exotic fragrances to cover up are hideous body odor. The market is flooded celebrity endorsed perfumes, and you can add one more, Queen Latifah. Here's a bit of what she said, and boy does she lay it on thick. "For me, beauty really does start on the inside," [um hmm ] the musician and actress said in a news release. "It's like a state of mind - a state of love, if you will. [Baloney] So, I see fragrance as just a natural expression of this state of love: Scent expresses a woman's confidence and sensuality. [Keep talking, sensuality’s good] It's how she embraces her body, [yeah baby! That's what I'm talking about-let's get it on] her mind and her strength." [Whoa,, you're going too fast,. Let's go back to the part about embracing your body OK. Headache? No problem, rain check.] Her odor camouflage lotion will be released in the fall of 2009. You might want to pick some up you smelly bastard. No, not you. The guy with the eye patch. Reeks! Source Here


Well that's all I got folks, I gotta go call my old paperboy. It's been a while since I talked to him and I miss him a bit. He always got me the nicest presents on my birthday. And he was pretty handy too, he was always around when I had a flat tire………oh.

Doc B. Gone Baby Gone