Jamie Lynn Names Baby-- Sponge Bob?!/ Winehouse Is Not Dead Yet.

Heidi Ho folks, Doc B. here

The song remains the same folks. Antonio still has Bubbles, and they still got me. They've only given me a half an hour to post, so I was a little bit rushed today. Here's the news.

But first…

“Gay Liberation? I ain't against it, it's just that there's nothing in it for me.”
“Bette Davis”


A Salmon Colored Shirt With Lavender Bermuda’s

I'm sure you've heard by now that Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson have gotten back together, and now some strange comments by her mom are making the rounds too. The actress - who has been married to Kid Rock, Tommy Lee and Rick Salomon - revealed that her mom Carol thinks her love life is so troubled she should turn gay. Hmmm... the thought of an extra woman in his bed shouldn't put Tommy off the idea, but still it seems an odd thing to say.
I Don't know about you but Pamela Anderson's mother seems like a strange old bird to me. Pam says" Lately my mother has said, 'I wish you were gay, considering your choice of men!' Ahhh yes... just what every child wants to hear. I remember when my mother said the same thing to me. I haven't worn lavender and salmon colored fabrics since. (Although I kept my Streisand records). Still the remarks left me a little... confused. Thanks mom. However, Pam is still balancing other plates in the air. Such as Tommy. She added to Radar magazine: "I can't get rid of him. For some reason, Tommy has me Google Alerted. He'll always be like, 'What's this?' 'What's this?' He gets every single thing. And I'm like, 'Honey! Stop Google Alerting me!' He loves me. I love him. But I don't Google Alert him!"
Pam dear, he Google alerts because he cares. Source Here


Jamie Lynn Spears Names Her Baby Sponge Bob (I Wish!)

Jamie Lynn Spears big day has finally arrived. No not her prom. She isn't going off to college. And no, she hasn't reached the legal voting age. But she has given birth to a brand spanking new baby girl, who has been named Maddie Briann. Humph... nothing special about that. They couldn't come up with something better, something a little jazzier, with a little bit more edge to it? Or something ironic. Or better still whimsical! The world's a better place with a little whimsy in it, don't you think. Oh well, maybe next time. Everybody is doing well, by the way. Source Here


Keith Richards Shocked About Amy's Behavior

Four days have passed and Amy Winehouse is still in the hospital. Noooo... she's not in a morgue, silly.
The doctors are performing more tests on her. " The doctors are still unsure what happened and tests were inconclusive.". Hmmm... you don't think abusing drugs in such a way that even Keith Richards is taken aback, or drinking more than frat boys on spring break in Fort Lauderdale could have something to do with it? Do you? Without being able to examine the patient, you could call my opinion an educated hunch. Despite evidence to the contrary, her dad Mitch remains un-fazed, saying, "Amy is doing fine, she's staying in as long as possible."
But hopefully not too long, or else she will be in the morgue. This guy is either blind to the facts, or he just simply doesn't care. My money's on simply not caring. Source Here


OK Then

I think Keira Knightley is a bit too eager to please. She said: "I always bare my breasts in sex scenes. So when the director said take the bra off, I said 'OK then'."
The rest of the people in the elevator were a little bit stunned however. Source Here


That's it that's all folks I gotta go, my captors are bored, and now they want me to sing show tunes for them. Who do you think I am? David Hasselhoff?

Doc B. Gone baby gone

Withdrawal for Lindsay Lohan/Jessica Simpson Follows Her Dad's Advice

Heidi Ho folks Doc B. here

Well not much has changed since yesterday, my captors still have me, and Antonio still has Bubbles. It's a stalemate. My captors no longer know what to do when they been bickering all night, drunk on cheap wine. One of them is really, really, sorry he didn't go work with his father-in-law deactivating landmines in Bosnia. His mistake, when you see your chance you've got to reach out and grab it. However, on the bright side, their bickering has pre-occupied them enough to allow me to post today. Here's the news.

But first…

“A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.”
“James Dent”


Summer's Here And The Time Is Right…

Have you noticed it yet? The wind is no longer brisk but just cool, everything starts to look a lot greener, with a beautiful golden yellow hue this time of year. Summer is almost upon us and soon we'll be rummaging through our garages looking for our summer things. Like the water-fountain with the likeness of the Las Vegas Elvis made out of cement, or the flesh colored garden hose with a special penis shaped nozzle, bought in New Orleans. (OK, my taste might be more prurient than yours) But nothing beats my hammock, made of leather and shag carpeting with built- in electronic mosquito repellent and CD player. There's no better way to relax. And with that in mind, what does one need while relaxing in the hammock? A good book. So if you're looking for a good book to read this summer,...Bruce Hulse, a former Calvin Klein model has written a tell all book. Sorry, sorry, this ain't it. However it might make for some good light reading in between naps on the hammock.
Some of his female conquests over his career you ask? Among his trophy catches are Paulina Porizkova, Andie MacDowell and Tatjana Patitz.
"I arrived at Paulina's hotel room ... only to find her wearing next to nothing," he wrote.
In "I was doomed."Within seconds we were all over each other."We completely tore up the hotel room." Humph..I don't want to hear about the architecture, what about the sex man?
Hulse's alleged liaison with MacDowell was hot in more ways than one.He wrote a table lamp in MacDowell's room "was way too bright for us both, so I gallantly took off my T-shirt and threw it over the top"."Just as we began to kiss again, the smell of something burning broke the spell," he wrote.
Damnit man, I don't care about the lighting or the furniture. What about the sex man?
Maybe he'll go into a little more juicy details about his tryst with German model PatItz. "I crossed a boundary and did something I had never done to another male model before," Hulse wrote. Hmmm... I'm not sure I want to read where this is going."I ratted (him) out. (He) had told me about another model he'd had amazing sex with, so I told Tatjana."I felt guilty for stooping to such a level, but I was crazy about Tatjana."
Well now, he sounds like a silly teenage girl . This guy seems like a real jerk actually. Deeply insecure.
(Sigh) I guess I'll just have to keep looking for a good book, because this surely is not it. And you know what? I think Las Vegas Elvis would look good in the living room, that's what I think.


Get your media fix here—Lilo

How big of her. How absolutely ginormous of Lindsay Lohan to take her name out of voting contention for an Emmy, for her guest spot on the TV show Ugly Betty. "We felt that the appearance wasn't enough and look forward to the next five episodes," Lohan's publicist, Leslie Sloane Zelnick, explained to the Daily News. The troubled star, apparently, is gunning for an Emmy win in 2009.
Remember this is the same girl that wants to win an Oscar before she was... what was it, 25? Boy is this girl deluded, she really thinks she's all that. Saaay... couldn't she technically be nominated for her appearance on her mom's reality show. You know the part where Dina checks out Lilo's sword fighting technique on the web. Oh no, she can't, that's right. It would only be eligible next season. Anyhow it got her name out there, isn't it? It's been a more than a few days since anyone's talked about her in the newspapers, or on the Web. She must've been clawing at the walls, biting her nails, picking at dead skin, irritable, unreasonable, just plain unpleasant to be around.
That kind of behavior is normal when you're suffering from Hype withdrawal. Hopefully she'll stumble across this blog and just chill, knowing that I only mention her because she's begging me to. Here you go honey. Dr. BubbaHump's got your medicine.


Playtime

12-year-old actress (Little Miss Sunshine), Abigail Breslin needs some time to just be a kid, me-thinks . She just had a movie (Nims Island) come out not long ago, and she's got another one coming out soon. So when she does have a some down time, you know you'd think she'd be reading Tiger Beat, or going swimming or something. But no. It seems like she's researching for her next part. “I would like to play Helen Keller or Lady Jane Gray. I just read a book about her, and she was the Queen of England for nine days. I just thought that was really interesting.
You and me both, Abbie dear.... (!?) For Christ sakes, somebody get this kid a pogo stick, a hula hoop, a frisbee, crayons, a bowl of chocolate icing, David Archuleta, Jell-O, the Jonas brothers, shiny beads! Homemade cookies, puppy dogs, a tire swing, something kids like! Take away her books on The History of the Monarchy, the Spanish Inquisition, Ulysses, Einstein's theory of relativity, and A Brief History of Martyrs and chuck them out the window, burn them, --destroy them! And when you see her for her yourself folks, slap that book out of her hands and buy her an ice cream cone for gods sakes.


What Jessica Simpson Was Really Thinking, Was...

Jeez-- that was funny. What was you ask? Well it seems Jessica Simpson was having lunch in a restaurant in New York when a fellow diner told Simpson that “she was her No. 1 fan from back in the ‘Idol’ days,” reports OK! magazine. Having been there, I was able to clearly read the thought bubbles plainly visible above Jessica's head. [Thought bubble; Gee the people in this restaurant seem pretty busy with their meal, I wonder if they'd notice if I'd slap this bitch upside the head? They probably would. What should I do? I know. What daddy always tells me to do. Smile and look pretty, and stick out your chest, cause they were expensive.] An eyewitness told the mag that Simpson “didn’t correct her, and she started to laugh when the girl asked how she was doing since her devastating split from Chace (Crawford).” [Thought bubble; I want to strangle her now but I can't. What if I just pretended to fall forward and accidentally stab her in the throat with my knife? It would be an accident. And they can't send me to jail because I'm famous... oh yeah... Martha Stewart. (Sigh) Do like daddy always says, smile and look pretty. Oh! Almost forgot to stick out my puppies.] She straightens up in her chair, puffs out her chest-- popping off a button that nearly blinds the waiter. She reportedly was “not pleased” about being mistaken for Underwood. [Thought bubble; No shit Sherlock!]


Rabbits Stew

I'd watch your back girls, Miss June, Miss July, and Miss August are waiting in the wings. It seems there's some friction going on at the Playboy mansion. Hugh Hefner's bunnies are getting on each other's nerves on the set of the TV show, The Girls Next Door. With the main culprit being Hef’s favorite Holly Madison. TMZ reports that everyone "hates" Holly - especially fellow Hefner girlfriend, Kendra Wilkinson.
Apparently, the two can't even be in the same room together, which is causing problems for the show's producers, who are having trouble shooting around the fighting. Cat fights huh! Sorry, my bad, Bunnie brawls. What's stopping them from filming, are they not naked. Well get them naked and let them go at it, I say. Should make for great TV. Hugh Hefner, what a lucky bastard. I wish I had one iota of his problems with the ladies...er… bunnies.

That's it that's all folks, I gotta go. I can't spend too much time on the computer. One of my captors thinks it's the devil's work. More like the devil's playground I think.

Doc B. Gone baby gone

Is Denise Richards the antichrist? /Is Paris Hilton flawed?

Heidi Ho folks thought B. here,

Well I still got all my toes folks. Antonio has come through for me big time. The reason my captors haven't heard from Bubbles is because Antonio has captured her. Things seem to be at an impasse for the moment, and my captors are in the other room contemplating their options and getting drunk. Solar let me blog today as they try and figure out what they're going to do with me. And without further ado, here’s the news.


But First…

“Sometimes you've got to let everything go - purge yourself. If you are unhappy with anything . . . whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you'll find that when you're free, your true creativity, your true self comes out.”
“Tina Turner”


The Muse

Singer George Michael says that he's so content and happy in his personal life, he has to rely on the misery of other people when writing songs.
Well, isn't that special? Of course a blissful existence comes with a price... George Michael - who has been dating Kenny Goss since 1996 admits his happy personal life has stifled his creativity and cost him chart success.
I was most successful when I was the loneliest," the musician told the Los Angeles Times newspaper." Yeah right, talk about using his boyfriend as a crutch. Wonder how long the relationship will stay joyful when Kenny finds out that George blames him for his personal and musical failures. That ought to be a lovely conversation, huh. I really love you Kenny, I do. But you just don't inspire me. At least not like chance encounters with strange men in public washrooms. That really gets my juices flowing, my creative juices that is. I hope you understand Kenny... please stop crying .
I jest, of course. Gay relationships are the same as your moms and dads. George elaborates further "Gay relationships are a bit different. I'm sure we'll be allowed to roam if we want to. But we love each other dearly," Michael said. Hmmm... I stand corrected, "love each other dearly". Humph... that doesn't sound like mom and dad. He had me right up to "roam if we want to" then he lost me. Hmmm... must be a European thing. Source Here


Nice skirt Michael!

I think Michael Douglas needs to get back to work... and soon."Here's why ! His better half Catherine recounts an assignment her son received at school. The teacher said, ‘You have to go home and ask mom and dad what they do for occupations.’
“We were trying to explain to Dylan that we made movies and he went, ‘Hang on a minute! Mom makes movies, you make pancakes!’ (That's right kid your dad make pancakes. He's made pancakes with Sharon stone, Demi Moore, Glenn Close, Anne Archer, Jeanne Trippenhorn, the list is endless, the lucky bastard.) So my two-time Oscar-winning husband who has a career of 40 years looks at me and says, ‘Oh! It’s come to that!’ ”... That's right Mike, it's come to that. You are now officially wearing the skirt in the family. You're the homemaker now, not the bread maker. Why I bet you could tell me who's having whose baby, which character has amnesia, and who's sleeping with who on All My Children without hesitating. It's time to put down the apron Michael, put on some makeup, pick out something nice to wear and start making the rounds. But fast. Source Here


Is Paris Hilton's flawed?

You know until now, I never suspected that Paris Hilton had any flaws. However after reading an article in the New York Post, I've come to the conclusion that she might be just a tad bit spoiled. I don't know, you read and you decide. "Paris Hilton was on her way to a photo shoot and "wanted a puppy in the picture with her so it would look cuter." Hilton waltzed in and tried to buy a Yorkie but was rebuffed by an employee who said it was clearly "an impulse buy." Hilton, who has a menagerie of neglected animals, went "ballistic," we're told. "She started screaming, 'I love my puppies! I want my baby!'" She then stomped her feet and held her breath until she was blue in the face, but to no avail, she had to leave puppy-less. I got to tell you folks, I was shocked when I read this. She always seemed like she had it together, so down to earth, so caring and conscientious. No matter where she went she always took the time to let us know what the weather was like. And she was pretty lucky too because wherever she went it was "hot". This has totally changed my perception of her, now I'm not even sure if I want to watch that musical she made that my friend lent me. What the hell is the name of the title again.? I have it right here. Oh yeah, " One Night in Paris". Looks like it's shot in black-and-white, I guess they're kicking it old school. I guess I'll wait till mom visits, she loves musicals. I can't wait to prove her wrong about Paris, my mom is always putting her down, saying she's a no talent, white trash, rich bitch whore. Finally with this movie musical of Paris' I'll be able to prove my mom wrong and shove her words down her throat. Figuratively speaking, of course. Source Here


When the Spareribs Stick to the Wall

As if being trashed by her ex-husband Charlie Sheen wasn't enough for Denise Richards, some salvos are being lobbed her way from a close friend of Heather Locklear's, who claims, rather bluntly that Denise and her reality show "It's Complicated" is nothing but a crock of shit. According to the unnamed friend "For Denise to claim that not only did she not initiate contact with Richie but that she and Heather weren't friends for three months before she took up with him, well, that's just absurd and an outright lie.
"Denise also claims she's still friends with Richie - which is not true. He doesn't speak to her at all." That's right folks, technically they're just f**k buddies. Since neither of them respect themselves they certainly can't respect a friendship, so technically they're not friends. So Denise wasn't lying after all!! This is just some kind of smear campaign, they're simply throwing stuff at the wall to see what sticks. And if you're a pasta lover such as I am, you know when you throw enough noodles at the wall it becomes sticky, so sticky anything will attach itself to it. Why I've managed to have a whole side of ribs stick to the wall for a full 20 seconds. But this... this made-up story by this anonymous friend of Heather needs to go back in the water because it ain't sticking to Denise. So you got anything else anonymous friend, huh.! On her show, Richards also says she has five dogs, four cats and three pigs. But an insider said, "Please - she has over 20 dogs, five cats, three pigs and several guinea pigs. Her place is like a zoo. She collects animals." Hmmm... three pigs and several guinea pigs... hmmm... very suspicious indeed, but it doesn't prove anything. Now if she had 10 dogs on the other hand, then that could mean something. Otherwise they're just trying to blow this all out of proportion, she's not the antichrist after all. Richards, via a rep, told us: "I will not respond to these tireless rumors. It's such old news. I will say I have 10 dogs. Is there a law against having a lot of animals? My family loves animals, I live on a ranch, and I provide a great environment for them, so I am not sure why there is so much drama about how many animals I have". Oh shit shift shit shit shit! The baby back ribs are sticking to the wall, it's official folks. She is the antichrist! That's the last sign, it's been foretold,... man I'm blown away, I mean come on, the antichrist is a total hottie! Well that's it then, the earth is doomed. I'll post to let you folks know when it's check out time. (Maybe if we all watched her show and it's a hit we could put off the whole end of the world as we know it thing?). Source Here


That's it that's all folks, I got a go get some sleep, keeping one eye open. One of my captors said I had a real Purdy mouth. I don't know what that means, but I know I don't like the sound of it.

Doc B. gone baby gone

Winehouse Lives… Still/ Fiddy’s a Hypocrite/I Still Got 10 Toes

Heidi Ho Folks Doc B. Here

After a couple of days spent blindfolded my captors have graciously let me surf today . Although I'm a little worried for my safety... I overheard one of them say "that smelly bitch hasn't paid up yet!" (Gulp) here's the news.

But first…

“If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.”
“George Burns”


A Imminent Danger... No Way!

In the "Holy shit they're still alive" department.; Amy Winehouse was taken to the hospital after fainting in her London pad. Amy's dad Mitch then took her to hospital as a "precaution".Doctors may keep the 24-year-old in hospital overnight for observation as they are unsure as to what caused her to faint. Hmmm... yeah that's a real head scratcher. Jesus H. Christ! You can't be frigging serious! What caused her to faint? We doctors, have such a strange sense of humor. At least she has her doting, caring father to exploi... protect her. Amy's dad Mitch spoke out about her drug use telling BBC Radio 5 Live that his daughter and her husband Blake Fielder-Civil had "serious problems" but said neither was in "imminent danger of death". Unless they have a drug overdose, then death may be a tad more imminent. But other than that, there is no imminent danger of death. And of course when he says imminent, he means of course right now, this second. Right now, oh you just missed it. Now! damn, you missed it again! Anyhow, you get the point. It would appear her father is either delusional, not interested, or unaware of the proper definition of imminent. I'm betting it's the latter. I guess he doesn't own a dictionary. Say... now you know what you can get him for his birthday. There . Problem solved. Wait... what were we talking about? Oh well it doesn't matter. Let's move on. Source Here


Respect the Man!

Richard Dreyfuss loves boobies. So says the New York Post , who report
The "Jaws" star spent several hours at Larry Flynt's Hustler Club in Hell's Kitchen the other night, happily ogling the bare-breasted talent. "He came in with a friend and was enjoying himself so much that when the friend left, he stayed on," . ... Hey, the man was Hooper in Jaws. If the man wants to stare at some big titties, I think he's earned it. Source Here


Hypocrite in Da House.

Chalk it up as another case of someone's head becoming so big as to not remember where they came from. Case in point; 50 CENT. He tells Vibe "I've been in hotel rooms, and girls were already there in the closet - naked," the rapper tells next month's Vibe, adding that he never partakes. "Hell, no! Are you kidding me? That's like Amsterdam. Amsterdam is fun for some people, but I don't want no [bleep] that costs $50. There's too many people that got $50!" Humph... sounds like Fiddy doesn't like sharing pussy with dull normals like us. Our sloppy seconds are too good for him now. Since he's had a sniff of the high life, he wants nothing but high class trim all the time. Geez what a hypocrite. I guess all those lyrics about ho's and bitches was all bullshit! Well, you can color me disappointed, and deceived and now, ultimately disinterested....
Yeah! As if! I never listened his crap anyways, but it just goes to show you what kind of bullshit artist, as opposed to a music artist, he is. Hey Fiddy, I got an idea. If you got so much money, why don't you pay child support to the mother of your son you deadbeat? Never mind, I know the answer anyways. You're just a lucky piece of shit that caught a break. You are so wrapped up in yourself, you couldn't give a damm about anybody else. Humph... what a classy guy. Source Here


Lethal Weapons

It seems porn star Savanna Samson caused quite a stir at the New York Sports Club on 2nd Ave. Savanna apparently thought going topless at the pool was accepted at the club, saying,"I thought women were allowed to be topless like men as long as they weren't being lewd,". Seems logical. An honest mistake. So I guess the ruckus was from all the men stampeding toward her right?...When told she was disturbing the women, Samson followed up, "What about the men?" Replied the manager, "Oh, the men. They don't seem to mind." Hmmm... in defense of the women, they were probably just taking precautions. Have you ever seen Savanna's nipples? You could lose an eye! Seriously folks, if you ever happen to be in bed with her, be sure to wear the proper eye protection. Nipple punctures of the cornea are the 69th most common cause of blindness. Remember folks, you only have two eyes. And besides, you'll have lots of chances to sleep with a hot, young, limber, sexy porn star.. (.!) Humph... sight is overrated anyways. You can always develop your other senses, you know, like Spiderman. Source Here


Lost in Religion

Say it ain't so Joe. Say it ain't so. Though most awesomeness, totally rad, ultra cool, f***ing twisted, sick bastard of an auteur has found Jesus. Yeah, yeah, I didn't know he was missing either. But the movie director of the classic Showgirls (the gritty ultra realistic depiction of women searching for their goal and purpose in life), Joe Eszterhas just finished a book about his relationship with Jesus, titled "Crossbearer," and regularly attends Sunday Mass, reports blogger Sharon Waxman.
I know folks, I know. It made me weep openly too when I read it. Maybe this is just some kind of midlife crisis. Hopefully he'll see the light... oh wait I guess he did. Anyhow, I've got my fingers crossed that he'll come to his senses and grace us with a sequel. It's the only thing I really got going for me, and I'm going to cling to it. Please show, do it for me, huh! Come on Joe, the world always needs another movie about pasties. Source Here


No Shit

And finally, in the why bother department, it seems Tommy Lee and Pamela are back together again. Tommy elaborates effusively, as only he can, It's awesome man. It's definitely working," he told Rolling Stone magazine. Hmm... is he talking about the relationship, or the camcorder? Come on folks, you knew they'd be back together sooner or later didn't you? Of course you did. Source Here

That's it that's all folks, I gotta go. My captors want to count my toes (gulp)
Doc B. gone baby gone