Lilo’s: Mink-Gate / Oops I Did It Again (Part 26)

Heidi Ho folks, Doc B. here.

Sorry I couldn't post last night folks, and sorry that you had to put up with Luis’ condescending tone. The egotistical son of a bitch hops onto my laptop every time I'm out the door. I don't know how he gets my password. He doesn't even know how old I am, or what my favorite color is. He could care less about me, except when I bring home the salmon. By the way does anybody know how to get shit out between the glass of a watch? If you've got any helpful hints, please e-mail. Did I ever tell you how much trouble my grandfather went to, to get that watch to my father. Well, it's a long story. It would take the talent of Tarantino to do it justice. But we'll save that for another day. Here's the news.


But first...

“I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming”
“Homer Simpson”


Boldly Going Where No Trekkie Wanted Him To Go (Or Did They?)

I see that George Takei is planning on getting married. Of course you would remember George as Sulu on Star Trek . The show that never ends, like a bad marriage. Anyhow, here's a little bit of what George said: Our California dream is reality. Brad Altman and I can now marry. We are overjoyed! At long last, the barrier to full marriage rights for same-sex couples has been torn down. We are equal with all citizens of our state!
That's right George, and I'm sure you'll be hearing from your taxman very soon to remind you just how equal you are. Hmm... I wonder what gift would be appropriate in this situation. Romulan ale? Borg K. Y. jelly? Hmmm... I had better think a bit about this. Until then, Mr. Sulu, lock torpedoes. Source Here


Oops I Did It Again (Part 26)

Well folks, there seems to be a new sex tape out on the market, and if you haven't already guessed, it's Britney. You know I'm starting to feel a little sorry for Britney, the wackiest things keep happening to her. I hope she had a good vacation in Costa Rica, because she might need a return trip if this turns out to be true.
“The video starts with Britney undressing. She was wearing some cheap clothes. The sex wasn’t particularly kinky but Britney wears a pink wig throughout.“At one point in the tape Adnan asks Britney to remove the pink wig but she refuses, saying ‘Take what off? There’s nothing left to take off’.”
What's left to take off? How about another shred of your dignity, another scrap of your credibility, that final strand of your humility. Sigh, you know this really hurts folks, you know that deep kind of hurt when you can't bear it anymore but you know you can't get off the toilet. That kind of hurt folks, that's the kind of hurt that Britney's forcing me to feel. Because I care. Sometimes I care too much.
However she has only herself to blame, she was duly warned about the rat bastard that she was dating at the time. That paparazzi prick, Adnan Ghalib is no doubt the culprit, I'd wager.
Sigh, it's a sad, sad day when a mother of two, a platinum seller, gazillions of dollars in the bank, allows a fink weasel into her life to spoil her image with a touch of a “hot pink” wig. Source Here


Does He Do Any Tricks

I see that the beautiful and talented Mariah Carey runs a tight ship in her personal life. She recently got married to that Nick Canyon fellow, and she's keeping him on the short, tight, chain-link leash. Nick was partying with P. Diddy and Quincy Jones when he got a call from Carey. "He was summoned home by her at 1:00 in the morning," a source said. "He didn't look happy about it."
Hmmm... Mariah is already had one marriage that's failed, maybe this time she's found a Dawg that's been housebroken. However, I believe Nick's pride will get the better of him, and he might not want to look like the cuckold husband in front of his friends. Something's got to give folks, I ain't saying it's going to happen, but it's probably going to happen. Source Here


MINK-GATE

So it looks like that student from Columbia University is planning on suing Lilo for stealing that mink coat after all. You might remember that Lilo had the coat for a few weeks until a photograph of her surfaced in OK magazine wearing the mink. The student a, Maria Markova, is asking for “unspecified damages”, of course. I don't really have a story here, but as much as I sympathize with Britney, I loathe Lindsay Lohan. So I just thought I'd bring it up. I know, I'm an asshole. But we all need one, right? Let's move on shall we. Source Here


36D’S!

So Owen Wilson seems to be handling his breakup from Kate Hudson a little bit better this time. He's traded in razor blades for dollar bills, and bathrooms for private suites at the strip club. Yeah baby, “that's the way you do it, money for nothin' and chicks for free. I want my MTV. Sorry about that, my bad. Anyhow, here's what went down, "He spent 4½ hours at Rick's Cabaret and was in an upbeat mood," one spy said. "He watched the Flyers game, drank beer, and when a parade of 75 half-naked girls caught his eye, he asked for dances from several and definitely had a preference for blondes. He tipped at least one with a $100 bill." Well if he was watching the Flyers get pummeled by the Penguins, I'm sure his attention would turn to the luscious entertainment. But, is all really well, really? One who would know had this to say Usually, my 36D boobs can hypnotize anyone - but his mind was elsewhere," she said. 36D! I can't think of anything else, and I'm not even looking at them right now. Hmmm... maybe his mind was elsewhere, but that's no excuse for ignoring a great big pair of 36D’s. If this is the way Owen paid attention to Kate's B cups, no wonder she dumped him. What a maroon. Source Here


Wasn’t Me

That Jesse Metcalfe from Desperate Housewives probably didn't make any friends at the Ivy Hotel in San Diego last week. Reports from a source say the room was trashed. "There was major damage," we're told. "His suite had cigarette burns in the furniture. There was food all over the walls and a broken door. All of the alcohol in the bar had been drunk." Metcalfe tried to stay Friday night as well but was "asked to leave, instead."
Some flack for Metcalfe gave the old “Wasn't Me” routine, blaming it on some friends. Right, like we haven't heard that before Hmm... for a guy just recently out of rehab, you'd think he'd be a little wiser at covering his tracks. You know, I once stayed in a suite with food all over the walls, a broken door, cigarette burns in the furniture, dead naked woman's body on the floor... you know what, let's not go there. Let’s move on shall we. Source Here


The Team 990 Salute’s Pennsylvania

And just a word for P.J. Stock. Hey buddy, you better keep your brains in your pants, glued firmly to your car seat, while driving in Pennsylvania. Someone's liable to take a shot at you. Just kidding, you rock Stocker.


Well that's all I got folks, I gotta go listen to Bruce practice. He's joined a barbershop quartet. He's actually pretty good, but I don't want him to get a swelled head.


Doc B. Gone baby gone.