Save Bacon Before It Is To Late

Heidi Ho folks, Doc B. here.

My boss is returning home this week and he’s asked me to organize a reception for him and his ex-stripper companion, Mr. Huge. Humph… bet that’s not his real name. Anyhow it’s going to take some work to get everything together. I’m not sure where to start. Re-assembling the cast from “Can’t Stop The Music” or finding a large donkey, 21 llamas, 40 blue flamingos (?!) and a pair of sloths. Not to mention a pool large enough for 300 people and 10 platypus. I guess I should start with the “special” invitations inscribed on large latex condoms. (my idea)
Apparently Trojan has a press set up for this exact purpose which is lucky. Oh! Does anyone know anyone who can make shapes by blowing bubbles out their ass. If you do, I want you. Anyhow, here’s the news.


But first…


“The critic has to educate the public; the artist has to educate the critic.”
“Oscar Wilde”


#1 On Billboards Hot Flakey, Obscure Chart

Scarlett Johansson has recorded an album. No word on a release date, but Scarlett reveals some of the technical aspects of the recording process.
Scarlett Johansson has been staying up until 5.30am and drinking whiskey to - wait for it - record owls and see fairies. She says her producer, TV On The Radio's David Sitek, wanted Anywhere I Lay My Head - her album tribute to Tom Waits - to sound "like we've drunk cough medicine and seen Tinkerbell".
Cough medicine! Tinkerbell! I smell a #1 hit baby. #1 I tell ya. You can take that to bank and cash it.
Source Here


Miracles Do Happen

I have found irrefutable proof that there is indeed a God
The Genesis frontman was awarded the International Achievement gong and during an emotional speech said “the timing was appropriate” to stop performing as he had decided to concentrate on bringing up his two young sons in Switzerland.
Thank you lord. This is almost better than a cure for cancer. Almost! OMG! What if Phil Collins causes cancer… Nah, he’s not that old. Source Here


Save Our Bacon And Our Souls

Hurricane Heather Mills touched down long enough to spread her evil commie, beatnik, agenda, on Wall St. of all places.
Heather Mills hosted a benefit for Farm Sanctuary, a charity devoted to the rescue of the creatures that become beef, veal, pork and poultry.
Hold on a sec, hold on one damn second. Does this also include bacon. Tell me this doesn’t include bacon. (Pause) Bruce says it does! This is insidious! This woman is a plague. Scratch that, she can’t be a woman. She must be a spawn from hell trapped on an earthy plane ,who’s sole purpose is to turn our lovely paradise into the pits of Hell. What other rational explanation could there be. You know there’s no bacon in Hell folks, and no steak, beer, or doughnuts either. She must be a spawn from Hell. I need to warn the Vatican. This could take awhile though. It’s been a while since I’ve used the stove to release small puffs of white smoke to chat. Source Here


Mensa Couples

The Mirror reports that there’s something going on between two stars on a movie set (that’d be a first, huh) Winona Ryder and Keanu Reeves, currently filming new movie The Private Lives Of Pippa Lee, all becoming rather close on set. Apparently, the two stars are very touchy-feely and are spending all their spare time in each other's trailers.
What a fascinating couple. I can just imagine the witty banter the two would engage in. Such as…

Winona: Check out this cute new watch I sto…- bought at the mall.

Keanu: Whoa

Winona: You like it?

Keanu: Nice.

Winona: It’s blue

Keanu: … Yeah

Winona: (Smiles)

Keanu: (Smiles)

Winona: (!)

Keanu: (?)

13 minutes pass.

Winona: you like my watch

Keanu: Whoa

Winona: It’s blue

Keanu: Yeah

Winona: (smiles)

Keanu: (smiles)

Winona: (!)

Keanu: (?)

Yup, a match made in heaven, can’t wait till they have kids. Source Here


Mice Make Bad Agents

Amy (my days are numbered) Winehouse received an honour recently for her song “love is a Losing Game”
The song won the Ivor Novello award for best song musically and lyrically at a ceremony in London on Thursday. Her father, Mitch Winehouse, accepted the award after the 24-year-old singer-songwriter arrived too late to collect it in person.
When she finally did arrive, she only spoke thru her agent. A small pet mouse that Amy held up in front of her face and moved the mouse’s mouth to appear that it was speaking. The mouse (Amy’s voice disguised in a high pitch squeal) demanded that in lieu of an award, Mrs. Winehouse would prefer cash. Or heroin. Whichever is faster to get. When a reporter told the mouse that there was no monetary value attached to the award, Amy threw the mouse on the ground and stomped off. When reporters caught up to her to ask her what was wrong, Amy replied, I need a better agent. So, it would appear if you are a small rodent with preliminary knowledge of hard narcotics, this is your lucky day. There’s a job opening. But be warned, the last guy was crushed. Literally! Damn Vespa’s. Source Here


Lilo’s too good for Reality TV. (Tee-hee)

Lindsay’s mother explains her reason why her reality show is just about her and her daughter Ali.
"I told Lindsay I don't want her on the show." Humph… with her problems who would.
"Doing reality TV would almost be taking a step backward as far as her career goes." Well, backwards is a direction at least. And I’m not sure selling V.I.P. passes to your birthday party like Lilo’s, is a signal that your careers on fire. Not that Dina has a clue to what’s a good career move anyways. Still, young Ali Lohan has confidence in mom and wants the world to know it.
"I want everyone to know that my mom is not a crazy freak mom who's just trying to be famous and be in the spotlight," said Ali. Good girl Ali. Now run, go see mommy. She’s got another Malibu Wave Margarita for you and your Malibu Stacey Doll. That’s it. Drink up. Now you lie down while mommy go’s and shakes her money-makers. Source Here


Well that all I got folks, I gotta go do a background check on a donkey I found on the Internet. You know, make sure he’s had all his shot’s. Better safe than sorry.

Doc. B. gone baby, gone.