Hefner’s Looking Out For The Perv’s; Gwynneth’s Got A Bad Temper

Heidi Ho, folks Doc B. here.

Have you ever slept with someone that you wish would go away, but doesn't. Bubbles left me a strange phone message. Here's a portion of it. "Doc, Doc, Doc, Doc, Doc," (this went on for 11 minutes.) Doc, I know you're there. I can see you. Well not really, but I wish I could. I wish I could see you all the time, you and your little friend Felipe. Doc, pick up the phone. Doc, Doc, Doc, Doc, (another 26 minutes pass) Doc, if you don't pick up this phone I will come to your house while you're sleeping take a switchblade and free Felipe and bring him back home with me. Doc, pick up the phone, Doc, Doc, Doc, Doc, (12 minutes more pass) that's it, if you're going to ignore me then maybe I need to get your attention. You'll be seeing you soon. Yeeeaaaghh!!! YOU'RE DEAD MEAT BUBBAHUMP!!! AND YOUR LITTLE DOG TOO!!!”
Frankly folks, I'm starting to become a little concerned. Here's the news.


But first...

“There's no doubt about it, show business lures the people who didn't get enough love, attention, or approval early in life and have grown up to become bottomless, gaping vessels of terrifying, abject need. Please laugh.”
“Dennis Miller”


SOMEBODY CALL MENSA, I FOUND ANOTHER GENIUS

Just another example of the genius, that is Hugh Hefner. Playboy's 82-year-old founder scoffed at the fuss over Cyrus' spread. "I think to make such a big to-do over something as innocent as those photos, I think is a reflection on how schizophrenic America is about sexuality," he said.
He's right about that. The other night I was starring at the Statue of Liberty and I was shocked that I could tell she was wearing nipple rings. My God. What was she thinking? What about the children? It's disgraceful. Still, she is originally from France. French slut, they should deport her. Anyhow this all comes about thanks to news that Hef wants Miley Cyrus to pose for Playboy when she turns 18. Boy that Hef, whatta guy he's always on the ball, trying to fulfill every perverted fantasy a man can have. The man's a genius. Source Here


CAREFREE AND CALLOUS

Idol judge, Simon said this the other day about his fame. "IT'S fantastic. Honest to God. I have had zero problems being well-known but not exactly a celebrity. Couldn't care less if someone wants to take my picture."
He sounds like he really means it. I hate him just a tad more as a result. Humph, why don't you go back to England, to your fish and chips, warm beer, topless page 3 girls, free healthcare, and higher currency and higher life expectancy and... ... could I come with you? Source Here


SHE LOOKS SO YOUNG

It's a Rosario Dawson's birthday today. I don't have a story or anything, I just like Rosario. She's nice. She's 29.

THE WORLD NEEDS BARTENDERS TOO

Seems to me Rickey Smith (season 1 Idol) is where he belongs. For USA TODAY, Andrew McGinn catches up each week with a former finalist:
On a recent Friday night, Rickey Smith had to interrupt a phone interview to go sing Happy Birthday. Again.As the only American Idol finalist working at Coach's Bricktown, a sports bar in Oklahoma City, it comes with the territory.But depending on who's celebrating, it's an occupational hazard for the guy who once compared his style of R&B to the creamy sounds of Brian McKnight. "I don't want to sing Happy Birthday all tenderly to a grown man," Smith says. "It's as embarrassing to him as it is to me."
Tell that to Antoine, he left in an extremely emotional state after Rickey refused to be tender with him. Boy I tell you, 15 minutes of fame, and some people really get a fat head. Poor Antoine. I hope Rickey gets salt in his paper cuts while making margaritas. Source Here


THE PERSECUTION OF O. J. CONTINUES

Geez, how many bogeys on the back 9, while searching for the real killers must O. J. commit before people are satisfied that he has suffered enough. In addition to the shocking claim made in Mike Gilbert's upcoming book that O.J. confessed to the 1994 murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman -- Gilbert also claims to have helped O.J. keep money away from the Goldman family.
The Goldman's lawyer, David J. Cook, is pissed.
What was the phrase that came out of that trial? If the ugly ass shoes don't fit, you can't convict. Or was it the glove? I can never remember. Let it go people. Bogeys = pain = suffering = time served. Enough already. Source Here


BAWDY BALDWIN GOT BATS IN THE BELFRY

Coocoo for cocoapuffs. That my friends is what Alec Baldwin must be. Alec Baldwin says he's ready to be Mr. Nice Guy - and he's mulling a run for public office.
The Massapequa, L.I., entertainer, eldest of the four Baldwin brothers turned actors, says in an interview airing Sunday that politics looks appealing now that he's turned the corner on 50.
"There's other things I want to do," besides acting.
Geez, it's going to be hard for the person running against Alec, because Alec carries so little baggage to attack him with. Should be a cakewalk. Although in the past I recall Alec gently criticizing the current administration. He has called Dick Cheney a terrorist, then said the vice president wasn't a terrorist but rather "a lying, thieving oil whore and murderer of the U.S. Constitution.
Hmmm... I guess he'll be running as a Democrat eh? Shouldn't this guy be rowing a boat down the Rhonelle river in France. Isn't that where he's was supposed to live. He would like it too, I hear the women are sluts. (If I've offended you French readers you may send your e-mail in French. Parce que, je suis parfaitement bilingue). Source Here


A SUCKER BORN EVERY MINUTE

Are you rich and bored? Do you think you need a medium size yacht to go along with the small one, and the large one. Do you have any monetary worries in life. If not, then this could be you.
Johnny Depp will be starring alongside one of his biggest fans in his new movie Public Enemies.
The fan paid a staggering $91,000 to appear as an extra in a non-speaking role opposite the Oscar-nominated actor in the film.
Other experiences available in the auction, which runs until May 14, include the chance to meet Will Smith at the premiere of his new film Hancock and the opportunity to star in hit US TV show Numb3rs.
Oh boy, meet Will Smith at the Red Carpet Premiere. Wow, why stand behind the velvet ropes with a throng of people to catch a glimpse of Will and maybe get a photo, when you can pay big bucks to stand on the other side of the ropes and meet Will for 30 seconds before his publicist shuffles him off to another waiting media outlet. That sounds reasonable folks. No. Good, nice to have a readership that are not a bunch of rubes. Source Here


DMX: DOG KILLER

Ho hum (yawn) another rapper's been arrested. The raid was organized after an August search of the rapper's home. At the time, detectives seized 12 pit bulls, dug up remains of three others and found marijuana. During yesterday's raid, officials said, more drugs and weapons were found. Additional charges were possible.
Sounds like DMX is going to be doing some deep cover research for material on his next CD. From deep inside the American penal system. This doesn't sound a lot different than what that other dog killer Michael Vick was sentenced for. I can only hope a big fat con who has fond memories of his little puppy “Sniffer” ends up as his cellmate, rents him out as a little bitch. Dog killers, can't stand them. Source Here


FAIR AND BALANCED: PSYCH

Is the body cold yet? Guess so, and the E! Network is planning an expose on Heath Ledger.
Our intentions are to produce a thoughtful and heartfelt program about one of the greatest talents of his generation,” Dana Drake, US producer of the Emmy-nominated show, said.
Hey folks, this is an E! Network production, so I'm sure it will be extremely tasteful and thoughtful in how it explores this subject. Ha, Ha, Ha, just kidding, can't fool you folks. It's bound to be some turgid, crass, piece of tripe. But hey, no one's going to watch right? Source Here


MUST BE THAT TIME OF THE MONTH

OK magazine asked Gwynneth Paltrow if she wanted to pass on any well wishes on to her long-since ex-fiancé and expectant papa Brad Pitt, she simply said, “No!” …
Not knowing when to drop it, they asked another question. Will you be sending a little gift perhaps, in which Gwynnie replied, Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast, I won't be sending a gift. Still oblivious, the interviewer pressed on, and asked Gwynnie if she felt a little tiny, teensy, weensy bit of happiness for Brad. Then, all of a sudden Gwynneth jumped out of her chair, grabbed her right high heel stiletto and jammed it in the interviewer's throat. A little word to the wise, Brads still a bit of a sore subject around Gwynneth. Source Here


BRIT BLOWS MILLIONS

Saw this about Brit and thought it was interesting. Several gossip outlets, including In Touch Weekly, claim that the year Britney Spears spent behaving fast, furious, and out of control cost her $US61 million ($65.48 million) in wasted spending.
Bah! She probably has that kind of change in between the couch cushions. Seriously though, she spends all that dough trying to have fun, but is as miserable as ever. It's almost enough to make you feel sorry for her right... right? Honestly, some of you people are really cold. Source Here


BITTER BETTY

Looking forward to the new "Indy" movie. Me too. Some people however, are just plain bitter Betty's. John Hurt, who plays Indy's colleague, disdains the flick and executive producer George Lucas. "It's cops-and-robbers stuff," Hurt told the Times of London. "And it's all to make Mr. Lucas an extra billion, as if he needs it."
Humph, how dare he criticize George Lucas. Without George there would be no sites devoted to Leia's bikini, no cheap plastic tie-ins with McDonald's and no Jar Jar Binks. Then where would the world be huh, Mr. Hurt. (P.S. "1984" sucked!) Source Here



That's all folks, I gotta go see how much a bulletproof vest costs. I'm just a little concerned. Not more than that.

Doc B. Gone baby, gone.