LOHAN FAMILY THERAPY/BUSH'S UGLY KID?

Heidi Ho folks Doc B. here.

Have you ever been awaken in the middle of the night because all the trees on your lawn are on fire. No? Lucky you. It happened to me last night. The fireman said it might be the work of an arsonist. To which I replied, "no shit"! How else do 8 trees suddenly catch far your all at once. This has to be the work of Bubbles, but they checked and she was at work last night, waxing the stage with her ass. She must have an accomplice. But who?... hey, where' s Luis gone lately... Nah. Here's the news.

But first...

"Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings... and lawyers."
"Richard Pryor"


SONGS FOR TO BEAUTIFULLY IMPAIRED

The Prez's kid got hitched yesterday. It was all very private and low key, (guess you don't want the public who's worrying about the economy, the war, and the f$&$ing price of gas to see the decadent extravagance) held at Bush's ranch near Crawford or, Texas.
The president and the bride picked "You Are So Beautiful" for their father-daughter dance,
hmmm... "you are so beautiful, to me, can't you see?" Hmmm... I always thought this was a song for ugly chicks, you know, because of the "to me" part Isn't it about a plain Jane who's blind? No, my bad. Let's move on. Source Here


SPICE GIRL DREAMS

Spice Girls Geri Halliwell talks about her brat... er kid.
The single parent insists she will stand by her daughter Bluebell Madonna, who turns two on May 14, no matter what choices she makes in life.
She told British radio station Magic FM: “If she turns out to be a goth lesbian who works in dental surgery then that’s OK.”
Hmmm... but what if she's only turns out to be an emo bisexual who becomes a professional dog walker, or a member of a polygamist cult who cuts hair for a living. What if she's just some dull normal who answers the phone at a car dealership, what then, what if she doesn't turn out to be some hot lezzie dental technician straight out of a teenage boys horny adolescent fantasy. What then I ask you! What then! Whew, I need to cut back on the caffeine. I'm sure with good parenting and guidance, Geri’s you will turned out just like moms envision's. God help us. Source Here



MATCHING COLLARS

Paris Hilton has finally settled down... don't snicker, it's rude. She says she's become quite the "housewife" material.
“I love to cook for Benji, I cook great lasagne.”
Great lasagna, just great. Once you peel away the Burnt cardboard box and melted plastic cover wrap, it tastes great... well, edible, in a been on a desert island for 60 days type edible. She's so in love she's already talking about having some kids.
Nicole is our first friend to have a baby. Seeing her daughter Harlow, it really makes me want one. I've always wanted to have a baby."
OMG, just think of the possibilities. You can dye the babies hair to match your eyes, or your lipstick, or purse. There totally the hot new accessory you got to have. Everyone's doing it, Nicole, Ashley, Beyoncé. C'mon Paris, you're supposed to lead the change for new fads and mindless trends. Don't miss the boat, hurry and be like all the other cool kids and start a family. If nine months is too long you can always adopt, just like Madonna and Brangelina. Hurry, the window is closing fast. Source Here


IT TAKES A DOG...

Ashton Kutcher's life has gone completely to the dogs.
“I pee with the dogs. They’re marking their territory and I’m marking mine.” “Demi’s not happy about it but I’ve 13 women in my house sometimes — my wife, housekeepers, cook, nanny, my assistant and three daughters. “Everyone in my life is a woman — so I have to mark my territory.”
that's right Punked boy, the inside of the house is for ladies, your place is out back where the dogs shit! Don't you all feel better now folks, I know I do. Source Here


LAW & ORDER, SOMEWHAT

I always liked show from the 80's, Crime Story. So I was a little surprised when I saw this bit of news.
Farina was busted at LAX this morning after airport security saw he was carrying a loaded .22 caliber pistol in his briefcase at a security checkpoint.
Geez, you guys the ex cop, you'd think he'd know better. I guess old habits die hard. He should get a hobby, or a newborn. I hear they’re "in". Source Here


WHITESTREAK TO OPEN FOR LED ZEPPELIN

David Coverdale, singer of some band called Whitestreak says Led Zep's going to reunite for one last time. Huh, what's that... oh, Whitesnake. My bad. Anyhow, this is what he says.
"I'm expecting a call from Jimmy any day asking my band Whitesnake to support them on their world tour. Am I on board? You bet. Probably worth billions!
That's right David, you stay by the phone waiting on Jimmy. I'm sure Dane want to tour with a band of "never was" whose only claim to fame was having the crazy ex-wife of a baseball player wiggle around the on the hood of your car in that video. Oh and exposed her nipples too. Thanks for that by the way. Rock on Dave, and I hope you and the rest of whitestreak make some money. Source Here


THERAPY DAYS FOR THE LOHANS

Lilo's dad speaks out about Dina's "Top Mother" accolade. He was a little perturbed.
“Look at her off-screen antics, her lack of morals and how she conducts herself. I guess they forgot to mention how this top super-mom leaves her kids alone at night and even parties in their presence.
Don't hold back Michael. Tell us how you really feel. Let's explore.
Michael claimed the honoree recently came “stumbling out of Butter at 3:15 a.m. with bloodshot eyes and a red runny nose, yelling ‘Oh, (bleep),’ when she saw the paparazzi.”
there that's it. Release this negative energy, it's not healthy. Feel better.
He also told Page Six that Dina skipped a family therapy session just to pick up her top mom award, which he dubbed “a joke.”
(sigh)... no wonder Dina got a restraining order. I sense a lot of anger and jealousy. He should get a hobby, or a kid, I hear there "in". Oh yeah, forgot. He has kids. Hey, how'd they turned out? Oh well, never mind. Source Here


WHORE TODAY PARIAH TOMORROW

Speaking of the brats. Looks like Lilo's not going to be making that movie "The Manson Girls" after all. She had to be dropped from the indie flick because none of the other actors want it to work with her. Boy, you know you've become a pariah when a low budget film that hopes to get noticed drops you because of the King Kong sized baggage that follows you wherever you go. The writings on the wall kid, the other boys and girls don't want to hang with you. You've officially become the loner who eats lunch at a table all alone. Source Here


BON JOVI KNOWS CRAP WHEN HE HEARS IT

It seems Jon Bon Jovi is selective about the music he listens to.
" Bon Jovi told Philadelphia Style magazine that if one album makes him wince, it's "Fahrenheit," adding, "My whole second album I try to avoid."
I agree, but my dislike isn't limited to just that album. I'd also include "Slippery When Wet", "Crush", "New Jersey", "Keep the Faith", "These Days", "Bounce", "Have a Nice Day", "Lost Highway". Hmmm... come to think of it. I don't listen to any of this crap. But I did like that song he sang... called... nope, my mistake, it is all crap. Oh well, let's move on. Source Here


VEGETABLES OR FRUIT?

David Archuleta's meddling dad has been booted from backstage. Apparently he was really getting on some peoples nerves.
Despite a warning, Jeff Archuleta insisted on altering "Stand by Me," one of two songs his son sang on the show Tuesday. By adding a verse from Sean Kingston's "Beautiful Girls," the father incurred additional costs for "American Idol," the person said.
Might be a good thing for David. I'm sure the kid doesn't want to come off on TV like a castrated geek without a clue, which is the impression I certainly gotten. Three times I've fallen asleep while David Croons. Once while I was driving. The kids completely in a vegetative state. A wet rag is more seductive than this twerp. Someone needs to get him completely hammered, hooked up with a real hot Mamer-Jammer (or some reasonable facsimile) to deflower the hapless sap. Then maybe he'll wake up out of his coma and perform like he has some sort of clue what boobies and of vagina can do. (Not that I condone any of the suggestions put forward) Hey David, wake up. The old man's out of the picture. Time to shake it up, live a little. Whaddya say? (Pause) you're hopeless. Source Here


Well that's all I got folks, I gotta go now. Bruce has tracked down Luis' signal from the tracking device in his tail implant. (Long story) he's somewhere in the house! Where? The basement? That's impossible, the door to the basement has been sealed ever since Nanny Natasha had that freaked ironing accident.: [cue dark, foreboding music] a gotta go in the basement, I've no other choice.

Doc B. Gone baby, gone