Someone sent a strippers to my boss house on Mother’s Day. A male stripper. His wife’s leaving him. His mother is in stable condition. He thinks I sent the stripper. But it wasn’t me. It was Bubbles Dammit. Heres the f@&$ing news.
But first…
“Alright brain… It’s all up to you”
“Character: Homer Simpson”
Jennifer Love Hewitt Says Skinny Is Ugly
Jennifer Love Hewitt picked up the torch from a Misha Barton's flailing hands.
“I think it’s great,” Hewitt, who has also been subject to magazine and blog criticism for her bikini body, told Access of Barton’s stand.
That's right girl, you tell em.
“I think it’s OK for them to take pictures and everything and I think it’s OK for us to defend ourselves and speak out against it. I think it’s really brave and really cool and that’s what makes us people.”
OK,... just a minute. You lost me there. What are we speaking out against again? Which part makes me cool and brave? Taking pictures?! I'm confused. Anyhow, you may remember that Jennifer went after the paparazzi when she was photographed in Hawaii, looking a little less then Photoshop perfect.
“To set the record straight, I’m not upset for me, but for all of the girls out there that are struggling with their body image."
I'm back on board baby. Don't stop now you're on a roll.
“A size 2 is not fat,” she continued. “Nor will it ever be. And being a size 0 doesn’t make you beautiful.”
OK,... you lost me again. I sorta agree that a size 2 is not completely, no... gigantically, no... humongously, no...super hmmm... (!) exactly fat, but how can you say a size 0 doesn't make you beautiful? I'm not seeing it. It's almost like you're saying a size 0 is ugly, and that's just crazy talk, hmmm... you've got issues Hewitt. You should worry about your own ass and stop picking on other people. It's juvenile. Source Here
Rabbit Stew
I've never watched a cable show "Sex and the City" (although I've googled some image of Kim Cattrall from the show... for research I was doing. No, really!) Anyhow I noticed this article at the sun.co.uk
£30 adult toy, named after the show's heart-throb Mr Big, is being released to celebrate the 10th anniversary of the Rabbit’s appearance in the programme.
Color me dumb but, what's the rabbit anyways? Fine, sit there and giggled. I'll Google it while you read this next line.
Bosses at LoveHoney are giving anyone who sees the film the chance to buy one for half price.
Head buyer Bonny Hall said: “Part of the Rabbit's success is due to it being featured in an early episode of the show.
There, I'm on the site now... Oh my. It's a ... Oh my. Hmmm.... I wonder if that's why the girls at the café were laughing. Long story short. A friend gave me a bunny rabbit that was ill. I nursed it back to hell and it became attached to me. Anyhow when the bunny rabbit was in my arms, it's purring was so deep that my thighs vibrated from the soft rumble of the tranquil bunny. It may me feel special that I was able to help nurse another living creature to good spirits. Anyhow, at the café I made a passing reference to the rabbit to the girls at the counter. I think I said something to the effect that my rabbit makes me feel special when it vibrates on my lap and I feel it's rumble all the way down in my thighs. It's an extremely satisfying feeling, I remember telling them… Oh! Oh my! People think the ugliest thoughts sometimes. Honestly! Let's move on! Source Here
My Hero
Somewhere, in the chatrooms on the net, a million geeks just passed out as all the blood just rushed to a very excited “member”.
Heroes beauty Hayden Panettiere has claimed she would happily bed Angelina Jolie
Hayden Panettiere addresses rumours about entering the “Lezzie hood”
She said: “That’s fine with me. If I’m going to be linked with someone, I could do an affair with Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba or Charlize Theron.
“And Kate Beckinsale is gorgeous. There are so many beautiful girls.”
I like this girl. She sets her sights high. Grrr… go get’em tiger. Source Here
And Then The Pencil Pierced The Eardrum
Shoot me now!
Bee Gee Robin Gibb has confirmed that a new musical based on his band's songs could be debuted on London's West End within the next year and a half.
My god people, they must be stopped! have we forgotten the massacher that was “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Heart Club Band” that the Bee Gees did. I haven’t Every night I wake up screaming, covered in sweat. It was (whimper) horrible! Source Here
It Takes 4 AAA
It seem Lindsay Lohan got into a big tiff which left Lilo sobbing at the bar. You know folks, I feel a little sorry for Lindsay right now. I know what’ll cheer her up. I’m gonna send her the new Rabbit 2.0. It’s a girls best friend (so I hear) Source Here
Man Of The Year: My Foot
Robin Williams, out of rehab was spotted at an LA jewelry store, picking up some helpful reminders
buying himself a symbolic pendant meaning "Fearlessness" and a beaded "Wisdom" bracelet . . .
Hmmm… he could have used that wisdom bracelet before he made R.V. timings everything.
Source Here
Bubbahumped
Playboy has coined a new phrase.
To Spitzer: To request 'bare back' sex [no condom] from a call girl, as in "I Spit zered her.
hmmm… it’d be nice to come up with my own popular term.
Hmmm… Bubbahump,… Bubbahump… Bubbahumped. Nothings springing to mind.
Source Here
Hurricane Heather Blows Out Of Paul’s Life
Hey, (sniff… sniff) you smell that? you can’t smell that? I sure do. Some one’s puffing a big fat splif, and I know who it is. Sir Paul McCartney’s marriage to that slutty gold-digger Hurricane Heather formally ended today. I can’t help but point out that inhaling smoke is extremely harmful to your body Sir Paul. However, I can sympathize so I guess if a former Beatle wants to get fried and suppress the horrifying memories of the past 6 years it would be all right this one time (Hey, what are you going to do? The man wrote “Live and Let Die”, hes earned it Dammit) Source Here
Peas Of A Pod
Brits little sister Jamie Lynn confided to someone what happened at her baby shower in Louisiana
She said: "It was wonderful to be able to spend time with (Britney) and just be girls again.
I’m confused. What were they being prior to this meeting… Oh yeah, preggars! Anyhow she continued.
We painted our nails and did stupid stuff.
Like going “Commando” to the hardware store and getting pregnant. Oh yeah, been there, done that. There was more, and we had our private time too.
Hmmm… guess she means breaking down and weeping in a corner.
To be able to be in the privacy of our own home and just be sisters again was wonderful."
Until she pops out a baby and garners all the attention of her parents leaving Britney alone and frightened again, until she goes on another midnight shopping spree/hit and run excursion. What?!? I’m simply reading between the lines folks. Source Here
Madonna’s Ass Is Made Of Coper
“Diva Extraordinaire” Madonna made a whole bunch of new friends at a festival in England. The “Like a Virgin” (cough) singer held her breath until she was blue to force festival organizers to fly her by helicopter from her home to the show. A big whopping 37 miles! (How very “green” of her) Her Royal Bitch showed up with a posse of at least 70 people, and was late to boot. Screwing up everyone else’s rehearsal times to accommodate the “Material Girl” (No Shit!) Some of her other demands were also met special Kabbalah water shipped in and demanded bouquets of white roses which remained unopened. While she only ate fresh fruit, the same can't be said of her friends. "They arrived early and wolfed down free food and booze reserved for the artists.
Hmmm… bet she counts every penny twice and stuffs them up her ass for safe keeping too!
On a less extravagant note, Madge dished out goody bags containing... a lollipop, a T-shirt, a badge and sweets.
Yup I told you. Madonna bent I told you. Madonna bent over and farted out some cheap trinkets and candy. No wonder her ass looks rock hard, it’s made of copper. Cheap bitch. Source Here
I gotta go, I gotta bring some flowers to the boss’ mom. Hopefully the fits of urination have stopped.
Doc. B. Gone baby, gone.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Bubbahumped / Jennifer Love Hewitt Says Skinny Is Ugly
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