CHRIS AND RIHANNA: FINGER LICKING GOOD, LILO’S HARD UP FOR CASH

Heidi Ho folks

I’ve been feeling weak all day, like I’m coming down with something. And all Bruce is doing is making me feel paranoid about it. He thinks Bubbles has somehow poisoned me. I googled poisoned , and the symptoms are pretty similar. Then again it could be the sushi that was in the fridge. It’s only been there since …F@#k !


But first…

“I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are”
“Groucho Marx”


Flat Head Or Star?

Kelly Rowland is thinking of moving to Britain. You remember her, she was in Destiny's Child. Remember? No. She's the one who got a boob job so her clothes would fit better. ... Ahh... now you get it. Anyhow she and her pals Nelly and Usher were partying at Amika's ,enjoying the British hospitality, no doubt.
As a welcome they were given a magnum bottle of Cristal, but the trio refused it due to previous controversial comments made by the firm’s boss.
The Amika owner soon swapped the Cristal for some complimentary Dom Perignon – before the DJ hit on an ingenious plan to boost the club’s profits.
Kelly’s friend revealed: “Jarren C decided to make Kelly’s new single Daylight, Nelly's Hot In Here and Usher's Love In This Club the champagne songs - so each time someone spent £5k or over on champers they were played.
“They wanted to keep hearing their singles so kept ordering more and more drinks. They found it hilarious.
Humph if I had to listen to Nelly's "Hot in Here" one more friggin time I think I’ll stick a friggin’ flathead screwdriver through my ear. As for Usher, I've got to cut him a pass because he refuses to comply with the babies for pictures cash scam. (They must be stopped) However, I didn't realize that Kelly was a singer. I thought they just needed her in Destiny's Child for ballast. Source Here


Deflector Shields Up

William Shatner wrote an autobiography just to gloat about the spaced-out hippie chicks he scored one Shatner also reveals he was treated like a rock star and had his pick of groupies. He says: "I grasped a great many of them, but never at warp speed."
I'm sorry Captain. I just don't get it. Repeat last message as I set my recorder to maximum and adjust the ion crystals to eliminate the interference. I repeat, I did not comprehend your last message. Are you talking about sex? That's not fair. I'm a Trekkie dammit. I don't get laid. You can be so mean. I hate you! No! Wait, that's not true. I could never stay mad at the great and wonderful James Tiberius Kirk. Phasers at full power Capt. I'm ready. (I'm gonna get a lot of tribles stuffed in my mailbox, me thinks.) Source Here


Help Support Lilo(For My Sake)

Wonder how Lilo keeps food on the table Don’t. But if you can’t help yourself, she’s started a line of clothes( made by a incredibly talented tailor in Taiwan. His name…NO. 7) So it comes as no surprise that’s she’s gonna try and sucker us dull normals into buying something.
Lohan has been working on her own line of Lycra legwear. The 21-year-old - rumoured to be running low on cash - launched the range by modelling racy thigh-highs.
But that’s not all she’s going hawking. Look out for some other products that Lilo uses everyday, coming to a variety store near you. First up is “Mean Girls Rasberry Rolling Papers.” Flavor your weed just like Lindsay does. And for after the big joint you’ve smoked, theres Lohans Clear Eyes Solution, for those important meetings with movie producers and the men in suits who insure the film. Also coming soon is Lilo’s safeway cocaine pen. Just pour your coke in the handy compartment and screw on the cap. Just stick it up your nose for a toot while no one is the wiser. The pen actually writes too. Cool huh. If these lines of products are successful, expect to see Lindsays Freaky Friday Heroin spoons, Panty alarm, to warn you when you are without them and too drunk to notice (All prices subject to change) Source Here


Like Viagra, Only With Gravy

OMG it must be love for Rihanna and Chris and the Colonel.
Rihanna and Chris Brown publicly declared their love in a KFC with a kiss. The singers had been very quiet about their relationship despite canoodling at public events.
Ah yes, there’s nothing like KFC to get the hormones going. All that greasy, succulent ,skin, mmmm. The thick hot peppery gravy, crispy fries, buns, spicy wings mmmm. The arteries in my boner are hardening
as we speak. Source Here


Pam! Your Tommy Forever Is Dragging

Father time has way of taking the piss out of what is perceived as cool.
"She's not a kid anymore. She doesn't want blurry ink all over her wrinkled arms."
Pammie, who has etchings on her arm and back, has denied she would remove her body art in a bid to appear more responsible.
Yeah when you have to use a clothesline + clothespins to hold up skin to make out your tats, it may be time to put away childish things. Source Here


Bar-B-Q Blues

Imagine grabbing a couple of thick steaks to Bar-B-Q but the grill refuses to light, so you take some fluid to help get her started. Steaks in 10 minutes right ,even if the flames are a bit high, there's nothing to worry about right. Unless you have a complete moron as a friend that's there while you're cooking, which is exactly what happened to a poor German fellow.
A friend standing next to him panicked and dropped the canister containing the petrol, causing it to ignite and spill on to the man's car parked below.
The car went up (in) flames. Two other vehicles were damaged in yesterday evening's blaze, which police said caused no injuries but more than $A50,000 worth of damage.
OOPS! You wouldn't blame the guy if he broke his foot in his friend’s ass would you. ... I didn't think so.
Source Here


5 O’clock Shadow

Spice Girls Geri Halliwell pays the Queen of England a big compliment.
Spice Girl, 35, said: "I'm sure that, like all of us, she's had days where she didn't feel like showing up but she always does. "She has never spazzed out and lost her decorum."
well, there was that one time when Prince Charles presented Camilla Bowles as his lover to her Majesty. She really spazzed out then. She was finally able to gain her composure when she realized that Camilla was just a really ugly woman and not a man. In the Queens defense, Camilla forgot to shave that morning so its easy to see how she could make that mistake. Source Here


That’s all I got folks, now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go hurl.

Doc B. Gone baby gone