Placentas,Bongs,Enlightenment,Matt,Maroon 5,And More.Tonight On The Hump!

Heidi Ho folks, Doc B here.

I've been feeling pretty bad all day, throwing up at one end, and I don't want to tell you what's been coming out the other. Bruce thinks it was yesterdays supper that made me ill,...but I have my doubts. These days... I trust no one. Here’s the news.

But first...

"There is nothing you can say in answer to a compliment. I have been complimented myself a great many times, and they always embarrass me - I always feel that they have not said enough."
Mark Twain



Total enlightenment, bongos, and the placenta—cuckoo- ka-choo

Matthew McConaghy played in one of my favorite movies, "Dazed and Confused". And to this day I still have problems differentiating between his character and himself. Anyhow, here he talks about what he's going to do with some refuse left over from his child...."When I was in Australia, they had a placenta tree that was on the river ... and all the placentas of all that tribe, all that clan, whatever aboriginal tribe that was, all the placentas went under that one tree and it was this huge behemoth of just health and strength. This tree was just growing taller and stronger above the rest of Mother Nature around it. It was gorgeous.", said Matthew.
He then elaborated with another reporter. What follows is what I believe he said, but my microphone on my recorder hasn't been working well, and I was a bit distracted by some killer bees, so I had to kind of fill in some of the blanks (i.e.: most of it). Anyhow here goes. Matthew waxed on, saying. One day when Levi is old enough,..say around 11,...I will be able to share with him the weed his body helped nurture, to become strong and potent. Then we will sit down together, just he and I, and my favourite bong, and smoke up till we achieve a perfect state of enlightenment. Do you know what it's like to achieve total enlightenment dude? Do you even know how? No? Well, awright-- awright, I'll tell you . Get yourself some really good Skunk-weed. It's best with a bong , but if you don't have a really super tight water bong, then maybe you should go the old-school route and use papers. If you do use papers, I would suggest you have a couple a teaspoon of honey coat your throat. Because Skunk is really harsh man, and you got to smoke a lot of it to reach total enlightenment dude .but the payoff is awesome man, like you've had a 100 orgasms, you are just totally limp, and at peace,.. one with the earth. And that's what all this placenta stuff is all about man, about being enlightened. And I want my son to someday being enlightened just like his dad, and that's why I'm doing this. Once we are enlightened man, then I will tell him about the weed and his placenta. That should blow his f**king mind man! Just like when my dad told me. At that moment I felt very confused and sleepy, but very powerful, like I was one with the earth, it’s very empowering, feeling powerful , you know.I hope he'll feel the same way . Then we'll strip naked and I'll whip out the bongos. We'll play them all night long, or at least until the cops show up.
What's wrong folks? I told you I was distracted. Source Here


Maroon 5 and the root of migraines

Adam Levine of Maroon 5 sounds like your typical pretentious rock star, full of himself, and full of shit. Which pretty much amounts to the same thing, fortunately enough for Adam. Have a look at what he said to Women's Health magazine. "It's kind of the equilibrium - the yin-yang, if you will, of relationships - that I write about. That's what keeps me going, Ah yes ,..the all important yin-yang dynamic..............hey don’t scoff, it’s true. I once had a Chinese girlfriend who taught me all about it. It takes quite a bit of patience, trust, mutual understanding, good stamina, and lots and lots of soya sauce and sake. Hmmm....come to think of it, that was about something completely different, but I digress.
Anyhow where was I, oh yes Advil,... I mean,..Adam,..Sorry, I should clarify, he makes me feel like I need an Advil when I hear him singing, so I often confuse the two, if that makes any sense. Once again, I digress.
Adam continued to speak in his headache inducing gibberish-style, to Women's Health Magazine."Women are very aware of their power. Men need to live and breathe women as a sex." F**k!!... I’m out of Advil!! Just what the hell is that supposed to mean?! Is he suggesting that have we would all suffocate, and then whither up and die if we didn't smell some tart. Scent of a woman indeed. but in this guy's case, it's more like some serious neuroses, or some sick, deep-rooted sexual complex , he keeps buried deep within. Whatever it is, I think this guy is weird. What is he, a pussy? Is he still sucking from his mother’s breast? What a sorry- sack- of- shi...(sigh) but I digress. Let's move on shall we. Source Here


Headlines that scream hilarity

George Costanza for President?.... Can he really be worse than the guy you've got now? Source Here

Homer Simpson money... Dont get too excited , its only redeemable with beer & donuts...!! Wait a sec...Woo hoo! Get excited! Source Here


How 'SNL' influenced CNN... Like when Wolfe Blitzer used to call Greta Van Susteren an ignorant slut! Source Here


Clay Aiken now a father...I know I posted about it yesterday, but I still shit my pants every time I read it. Source Here


Heath Ledger's bar tribute...Hmmm...tasteless, yet somehow appropriate. Does it make it easier knowing that his dad is approves of it? No...? Source Here


Jack Black's son looks like a squid...Once again, tasteless, yet appropriate. Source Here


Ugly is the new beautiful: 27 non-traditional models...Ironically the photos were taken in a dark bar, shot through the bottom of a whiskey glass. Source Here


Hee Haw' reruns to air on RFD-TV ...Just another reason to not watch RFD-TV. Source Here


Dangerfield's Widow Sues His Daughter For Respect...Why not? Nothing else has worked. F**king kids today! No respect. Source Here


The opinions below do not represent those of this blog

I wasn't quite sure how I felt after I read this quote from US Weekly's editor- in chief , Janice Min. I really couldn't tell whether women should be insulted and outraged, or flattered and appreciative. Anyhow here's what she said.
"We proved that celebrity-magazine readers were not obese women who spent all day watching TV and smoking cigarettes. They are young and well-educated. They want a magazine that gives them a fun break from work and family responsibilities."
That they can peruse through while watching TV and smoking a cigarette. Or so I've been told. Say... I've got a crazy idea, why don't you leave a comment if you are offended by this story. Source Here


The world according to Matt

Does Matt Damon think he’s running for office or what? Listen to what Mr. high and mighty had to say to the Conde Nast Traveler. “I think many of our problems as a country would be solved if people had thick passports. There's just no substitute for actually going and seeing things.”
Who does this guy think he is? Telling me what to do huh! The nerve of this guy. He gets voted once as People's sexiest man of the year, and it all goes to his f**king head!! Humph! ...I'm a little bit steamed now. (pause)
Anyhow he rattled on some more... “You start to feel a level of responsibility to direct attention to things that actually matter more than silly things like who you're dating,” he explained.”
Yet, I'm sure who you're dating is a silly thing, but what if you dated a psycho like I did? Not so f**king silly now is it Matt!? And by the way, aren't you married you prick? Who are you to give advice on dating anyhow. People's sexiest man alive, my foot! I need another f**king Advil. And some food dammit! Source Here

Well that's all there is folks. I gotta go, my neighbors are putting out their trash, and them there's some fresh chow........................my God. What have I become???????????????????????????????

Doc B Gone baby gone