A Butane Sky, Wallpaper Willows, And The Secret Sauce. Thank God For Big Macs. Tonight On The Hump!

Heidi ho folks, Doc B. here.

Saturday night struggle, of mind over body. I wrestle with what must be.. hallucinations. Outside my window is a view of a butane sky lit up in glorious blue and yellow shades. Is this a dream? Inside is no less surreal as the wallpaper is peeling off and hanging in such a way as to resemble a forest of weeping willows. I can no longer move, for wherever I walk, the floorboards below me cry in agony. It’s a painful cry, not unlike a wounded animal. The sound haunts me and I can no longer stand to hear it, so I sit motionless, paralyzed. Bruce is at my feet, where he so often is. He seems to be saying something but I can’t hear him. Those damm floorboards won’t stop their wailing. Their voices are scarring my soul, I can feel it. Bruce is still trying to talk to me,… it seems important. I’m trying now, as hard as I can with every ounce of inner strength that I have left, to hear him. It’s hard, and I’m afraid. The wind has really kicked up in the room, odd, because the window is closed. I don’t want to move, what about the floorboards, what will they say?…. What’s Bruce saying? Can’t quite make it out. The wind is blowing harder now causing the leaves of my wallpaper to rustle loudly. It’s no longer a butane sky outside my window, it seems to be raining now, but not water. A creamy, salmon colored liquid is tap, tap, tapping on the window panes. That’s odd. I smell bacon. What’s Bruce saying?... I must try harder, focusing only on Bruce and tuning everything else out. What’s he saying?...... I think I can almost make it out. Big, I clearly heard him say big. Must… concentrate… harder. Why… am I… talking… like……… Shatner? Doc B., that’s my name, Bruce called me by my name. Oh joy! I came hear him again. I can hear. The view outside my window was returned to normal. I can hear again Bruce, what was it you were trying to tell me? A Big Mac trio… Bruce you’re a godsend. Here’s the news.


But first...

“What garlic is to food, insanity is to art.”
"Augustus Saint-Gaudens"


Headlines that scream hilarity!

Kevin Jonas takes sides in teen-queen feud: He revealed he has a crush on Zac Efron. ( join the club)

Did Jamie Lynn's fiance cheat on her?: OMG-----what if the baby isn’t mine? she screamed.

(Jennifer) Love Hewitt's reasons for slimming: The ghost were making fun of her ass every time she was out of the room. Hmmmm…ghost can be so catty sometimes.

Scoop: Stress is taking toll on Madonna's looks : So is a little thing called Internet. It's hard to be shocking and daring in a world where one can watch a man f**ked to death by a horse, or two girls eating sh*t out of a cup, Madge seems a little bit …quaint.

Elvis fans ignore rain for graveside vigil. : Elvis fans also ignore the fact that the year is 2008. (Let him go people, let him go.)

At 50, has Madonna surpassed the Beatles?: In what? Hype? What part of her catalog do ya think they'll be playing in 40 years -huh?

Scoop: Britney wants her kids to stay out of showbiz: Whatever for? She turned out alright. Source Here


Ur So Gay

For some men, attending a party at the Playboy mansion means you have truly arrived. You have now become a big enough celebrity to mingle with the Hef and his bunnies. And god willing, bang two or three of them. All at once! (God willing, for he is a kind and merciful god.) Apparently Jason Stratham didn’t get the memo.
"The Midsummer Night’s Dream party on Saturday saw The Bank Job star Jason Statham escorted off the premises by five security guards after he refused to pose for pictures with models."
"A source said: "It was rough!" So is making love to a porcupine, -but somebody's got to do it damnit!
Hmmm...refusing to cavort with a few loosely clad women ( with loose morals?) why would this simple task be too much of a chore for Jason Stratham? Is he morally offended? Then why go to the Playboy mansion at all? Has he had his heart broken by a Miss September? Is he allergic to silicone? Or perhaps he's just not that into girls. I don't know but something amiss.
Pasted from. Source Here


More Than A Nice Head Of Hair, A Big Heart As Well.

What a nice guy that Donald Trump is. Real salt of the earth that man, I don't know why people keep making fun of this guy. Oh yeah, -that hair. Anyhow, he certainly has a soft spot for old drunk has- been sidekicks, as this article portrays, Donald Trump will soon be Ed McMahon's landlord.
Trump announced Thursday he would save the television personality's Beverly Hills mansion from foreclosure by buying it for an undisclosed amount and leasing it to McMahon.
The developer told the Los Angeles Times he doesn't know McMahon personally, but acted out of compassion because helping out "would be an honor."
The only caveat is, while Trump watches TV, McMahon has to chuckle and laugh loudly every time the Donald makes (what he thinks)is a joke. Then at the end of the evening, Trump gets to fire him. (it just makes him feel good.) It's possible...that I'm a little fuzzy on this, what with the famine and all. Source Here


Say It Ain’t So Sly.

“Stallone will appear in TV and newspaper ads for Russian Ice vodka for a cool $1 million” .Is this the same Stallone who conquered the vicious Ivan Drago. Is this the same Stallone who mowed down so many Russian soldiers in Afghanistan like they were little girly men. It can’t be .Say it ain’t so Sly, say it ain’t so. “Stallone will advertise the vodka under the slogan, "There is a bit of Russian in all of us" - referring to Stallone's great-grandmother, Rosa Rabinovich, who came from the Ukrainian town of Odessa”.
Hmmm…I wonder which side of the family he gets his hypocrisy from… must be his great-granddad from the old country of --fooled you. Source Here


Well that’s it folks , I gotta go. The world outside my window has returned to normal, and my stomach is full for the time being. But.. for.. how… long?(Shatner again dammit!) I can’t go on like this much longer. I need a JOB, I NEED FOOD. I’m beginning to lose it .I can feel it. See…see that. The wallpaper just nodded in agreement,…I’m losing it.

Doc B. Gone baby gone.