100th Big Blogpost Blowout. Bigger And Better (well,…not really. But it is the 100th post.:) )

Heidi- Ho folks Doc B here.

I’m back. Back from the company boot camp, where all the un-desirables, under-achievers, and underpaid employees are forced to perform demeaning and unpleasant tasks in an attempt to prove to their employers that they are still an asset. Or at the least, convince them to give you one more shot because you’re desperate to hold onto it. Not me though baby! I’m a free man. I quit my job.Im free to do whatever I want. Like............starve. Heres the news.

But first…

“Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is like another nail.”
“Homer Simpson”


BEHIND THE CONSPIRACY OF CELEBRITY PREGNANCIES

Another celebrity pregnancy. Yes another one. This time it's Rebecca Ronijn as gone and got herself knocked up by her husband Jerry O'Connell, so reports seriouslyomg.com. And they also pose a good question as well " I don't know why she didn't have kids with John Stamos, could you imagine how beautiful those babies would've been! "Yeah weaned on the Beach boys music and watching classic moments (if there are any) of " Full House. The real question here is not who Rebecca should have had babies with, it’s how she got pregnant in the first place? It seems like every time I turn on my laptop another celebrity has gone and gotten themselves preggers. No, this can't be a coincidence. There must be some more to this. A conspiracy perhaps? I've been pondering this over the last couple hours, really giving it some thought, deep, deep thoughts, while watching reruns of Law and Order on A&E. And I think I might have just stumbled on to what is really behind all this celebrity pregnancy. I think the studios are behind all this. I think they were so worried that the writers’ strike would leave people's minds open to trying new things on their than watching TV and movies. That they were so worried people would discover other activities, they devised a scheme to keep all the celebrities in the headlines. By secretly sprinkling fertilizer on their ovaries to make the garden grow, so to speak.. This way celebrities would be in the news for months and months on end, and create chatter on websites and blogs, in newspapers, and TV. But how? How could they possibly get so many celebrities pregnant around the same time? Hmmm... they must have all been gathered in the same place, at the same time. It had to be someplace where they would have let their guard down and been exposed to a lot of gratuities and handouts, and endorsement offers and just plain free stuff that celebs love so much. With so much freebies at their disposal, it would be easy to slip something in their bottled water, or granola bar, or Botox, or anything really. It would be very simple for the studios to carry out their plan secretly. Nefariously.
Sensing that I was onto something, something concrete. I called up an old friend of mine who works in the espionage department of a pharmaceutical company, and put my question to him. Here is his reply. [The name of this expert source has been changed to protect his identity]
( Recorded phone conversation.)
Doc B: so what do you think of my theory Mookie, is it possible?
Mookie: well... anything is possible. Am I to understand you're suggesting the studios are behind him a pregnancy of celebrities?
Doc B: yes.
Mookie: are you stoned?
Doc B: I don't think so?
Mookie:How did you get this number?
Doc B: just answer my question, is it possible?
Mookie: I suppose, but this kind of stuff only happens in the movies.
Doc B: My point exactly! So can I quote you on this?
Mookie: No, and don't call me at work again. Ever. I don't know what my sister ever saw in you? (click.)
( End of conversation.)
Hmmm... it seems obvious that the studios have gotten to my friend. They must really have something on him for him to be afraid to speak to me openly. Rest assured faithful readers, Doc B is on the case. I know there is something to this. The truth is out there. I won't stop until I expose these cretins in the light of day. They must be stopped. Source Here


OMG... I'M GAY.

Is it possible to wake up one morning and suddenly be gay? It's a legitimate question. If you're homophobic. Obviously, only ignorant people would think you can catch gayness from sitting on the same toilet seat in a public restroom that a gay might have used. These same people think simply listening to too much Barbra Streisand is a risk. Now I don't know people like this, but I have heard of them.
Case in point:
Jason Solomons on Mamma Mia tonight on ABC Nightline:
"I've been humming ABBA all week. I've been humming it in bed. I wake up in the morning thinking, 'Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!' My wife thinks I've turned homosexual from seeing this film."
OMG!!! Better keep him away from the Barbara Streisand CDs.
And while his wife is at it she should check his drawers to see if he has any issues of Stud Puppy. See if her husband has any photos or postcards of Joan Crawford and Cher lie in around. Of course, if he's taking to drinking mineral water, then the alarm bells should have sounded. Screaming—Gay-Gay-Gay!!! It's Gaydom's biggest tell, everyone knows that. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Source Here and Here


A WILD AND CRAZY GUY

You know I always thought Shia Lebeouf was a bit of a pussy, but I'm beginning to change my mind, now.
It seems he was just starting slow, taking his time, feeling things out, you know preparing himself. Starting off with simple misdemeanours, until he felt the time was right, and that he was ready to advance to the next stage.
And he almost succeeded. Unfortunately his newest bad was not deemed Felony worthy. It was close, but no cigar is DUI arrest was reduced from a felony to a misdemeanour
"He made a left turn in front of another vehicle and hit another vehicle. His vehicle rolled," Los Angeles County Sheriff's Sgt. S. Wolf told the Daily News.
"Initially the incident was deemed a felony, but upon further investigation it was determined to be a misdemeanor," Wolf said. "He was cited at the hospital and is no longer in our custody."
Humph! If a man can't get arrested while driving drunk and rolling his car over, what’s he to do? Shoot someone? Saayyy... there’s an idea.
Hmmm... I wonder what Spielberg's thinking while watching his golden boy act the part of a fool? Source Here


UTTER DISBELIEF

I have shocking news, absolutely shocking. Are you sitting down? I hope you're. Now, are you ready, are you mentally prepaired? Okay then, I'll tell you. It's looks like Amy Winehouse has been hospitalized. I know, I know. I'm as stunned as you are. No, I'm more than that. I'm in disbelief.
“London Ambulance Service said it was called to an address in north London at 8:40 p.m. local time.
"We sent an ambulance and a fast response car and the patient has been taken to hospital," it said in a statement without naming Winehouse.”
I just can't believe it. Are they sure they got the right person, and sure its Amy? Well I for one will not be convinced until I see photos of the corpse. Source Here


SMITE THEM I SAY.

Please God make it stop. The Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen melodrama continues. This is becoming more ridiculous than an episode of Dynasty. What? Too retro? OK, OK, 2008 then. It's becoming more ridiculous then 24. How's that? Seriously though, I pity the poor children. Is anyone thinking of the well-being of the children? "Richards dragged Sheen into a Los Angeles courtroom early last week for a mysterious "emergency" child-custody hearing to screen videos of their girls, Sam and Lola, supposedly acting in strange and disturbing ways. Sheen's lawyers - who got the "evidence" dismissed - presented their own videos of the girls acting normally at his house.
A source said, "Denise's accusations were vile. She was basically trying to say Charlie [manipulated] the kids and acted inappropriately with them. It's disgusting and totally untrue. Charlie is furious . . . Denise has really pushed it too far this time."
Does the hand of God need to come down from the heavens and smack them behind the head to awaken these authority figures into action Isn’t it obvious that these people shouldn't be raising kids. and to think that the studios are deliberately hit Humvees celebrity morons pregnant just makes me shudder. Brr... there, I just had a chill. It's true. I shuddered, really I did. Source Here


Thats all folks, I gotta go browse the help wanted ads. Really, how bad can the job market be? Hmmm...um....hmm...I wonder how much they’ll pay me to be a BFF with Paris Hilton. Hey! Its an honest living. Don’t judge.

Doc B Gone baby gone