Planning A Holiday, Try American Idol Wasteland

Heidi Ho folks, Doc B. here

Well, it’s official, I have the flu. Now my bathroom looks like the killing fields in Cambodia, and smells almost as bad. What’s that Bruce? That’s not funny? I beg to differ, used in the proper context it’s damn funny. And what the hell do you know, you’re a freaking dog, so just continue to smell your ass and leave me alone. I’m sorry folks, but when I’m sick, I get a little cranky. Anyhow here’s the news.

But first…


“If one man says to thee, ''Thou art a donkey',' pay no heed. If two speak thus, purchase a saddle.”
“ The Talmud”


Celebs Screwing Up Their Kids, As Usual

Joel Madden of good Charlotte was up in the Hamptons D.J.ing on the weekend. Nice work if you can get it. Anyhow it seems like he didn’t stay long being a new dad and all, this is what he told people, "The Hamptons are definitely a good place to hang out for the whole summer," he told PEOPLE. "But I'm a dad now. I'd be staying if I didn't have the girls at home. That's why I'm going home."
Hmmm… yeah I’d hang out at the Hamptons all the time too, cause you know I have bills to pay you know, and a job. But whatever. Joel also mentions some in the music daddy’s kid likes to listen to, as if we really care.
What, you want to know? Alright, alright here it is. She's a Cure fan ... She likes The Cure."
Oh god, so I guess she stays in her corner of the crib, wearing her drab black diapers, and drawing cryptic symbols on her hands. And how is she ever going to learn to walk wearing army boots, she’s liable to break her neck. I tell you these freaking parents these days, and then they wonder why their kid moves from Disney films, to underground films, to gay porn, heroin addiction, grand larceny, armed robbery, and eventually, and ultimately a tell-all hardcover. Well they only have themselves to blame, just because they thought it was cute to play The Cure while the kid was sleeping in its crib. Well it won’t be cute in 15 years when she’s on the cover of the National Enquirer kissing her ex-con girlfriend. But you know what folks, I’ve been wrong before. Source Here


BON JOVI = PUSSY’S?

I noticed this interview with Richie Sambora, not that much of interest, but I did take notice few things.
(Bon Jovi) They have a private jet and chef, stay in fancy hotels and have top of the range clobber – however their dressing room requests are pretty low maintenance.
David joked: “We’re the same as when we started out – just a little more expensive and a little older.”
Richie added: “We don’t need meditation tents or anything like that. Just give me a room and I’m there.”
that’s right Richie all you need is a room in cases Scotch in the car to drive and after. Just kidding.
So I guess it’s a little disappointing to find out they’re not like Van Halen demanding certain colors of Smarties being removed. Or was it M&Ms, ah screw it, I can never remember. Anyhow they went on Other necessities on the road include Halls soothers, hairdryers, herbal tea and Jon’s Frank Sinatra poster.
herbal tea, Hall’s, hairdryers. Are these guys a rock band or the cast members of Rent. I hope they put that picture of Frank facing the wall so he can’t see these pussy’s. Do you think Frank needed freaking herbal tea, or some cough drops, no freaking way. All Frank needed was some libation, some loose women, and a freaking pack of cigarettes. But I digress.
Richie also made mention of Steve Tyler’s recent slippage. “I don’t think I’m the best person to give Steve advice,” he quipped. “Steve is a big boy and he’s been through that drill quite a few times.
“I knew that he was having some problems and was on pain medication so I’m guessing he went in for that. Good luck to him.”
But secretly in the back of his mind Richie was thinking; Why couldn’t this dumb bastard drive his Hummer through the big window of the McDonald’s on Rodeo Drive so people would have another mug shot to stare at on TMZ. Yup I bet that’s what he was thinking. And apparently they’re looking forward to doing things that regular folks to like us, as dumb poor bastards who don’t play in front of 70,000 people, in stadiums. “We’ve been on the road for seven months now and I’m looking forward to doing normal things like changing light bulbs.”Yep that’s all I do all day, change light bulbs, and sometimes I even cook stuff, but only if the instructions on the box are clear.
but now, and I’ve been saving this for a last, the really scary part. The boys added that they hope they can match the ROLLING STONES for longevity. Jesus Christ I hope not! Somebody better get Richie good and loaded and behind the wheel of a car again, there must be some way of preventing this.
Source Here


Hey, I Only Gave Him Two Beers

It seems one of the donkeys I interviewed got into a little bit of trouble after it left my place.
Blacky was jailed for biting and kicking two men near a ranch. Oh my, not Blacky he had the most talent.
Officials freed the donkey after its owner paid a fine of $A38 and the $A120 hospital bill of the men, who suffered bites to the chest and a broken ankle. Authorities say he also must pay $A500 to each man for missed work days. Man, $1158.00, you know how many stag parties he’s gonna have to work, he’ll be working well into his old age, poor bastard. Source Here


Planning A Holiday, Try American Idol Wasteland

So you appeared on American Idol, what are you going to do with your newfound fame? Ruben Studdard is getting into the nightlife business with plans to open a restaurant/club in his hometown of Birmingham, Alabama. The as-yet-unnamed spot will serve up "Southern food with a twist," Studdard told EW.com, you want to know what the twist is, it’s the price of the freaking bill at the end of the meal. Studdard reveals that another Idol winner is setting up shop nearby: "Taylor Hicks is opening a bar around the corner from me, so it's gonna be big." Now all the neighborhood needs is fellow Alabama native Bo Bice to join in and Birmingham could become the country's prime Idol destination. Hmmm… a restaurant, a bar, what’s missing in this picture. Ooh, ooh, I know, a brothel! Yeah, I’m sure this will work. But who’s going to be turning tricks? Hey I know, I hear Nikki McKibbin and Melissa McGhee, aren’t doing much. So maybe they’ll be interested. Maybe they can even get Clay Aiken, but I hear one night with Clay is a hefty price tag. But they say he’s worth it. Personally, and I don’t know why? But Clay has always reminded me of the gimp in “Pulp Fiction”. Maybe I just want to see Bruce Willis punch him in the head. Yeah, I think that’s what it is. Source Here


Well that’s all I got folks, I gotta go see if I can find a contractor who works nights, because there is no f$@&ing way I’m cleaning up that f$@&ing bathroom. and may all your bowel movements be of the non-juicy kind.

Doc B. gone baby gone