Sculptures And Cavity Searches

Heidi Ho folks, Doc B. here

Well finally that flu I got seems to be slowly going away, the only problem is the last few days have left my rectum feeling mighty raw. So I have no choice but to stand while typing this, which leaves me the target of Bruce’s lame sense of humor. He thinks it’s funny to stick little signs on my ass that’s says Warning Toxic Gas, Old Faithful, next eruption at 4 p.m. and his favorite Quarantined. Anyhow I only put up with it because he picked up the bathroom for me after I promised him I would set him up with the bitch next-door. Anyhow enough about my tender, swollen anus, here’s the news

But first…


“Only the shallow know themselves”
“Oscar Wilde”


Attn: readers, today’s blog is Britney free and Lilo absent, so all you haters out there, enjoy.


Bronze Goddess

Well this is more like it, after the public embarrassment of a cooked up story, and then being charged for this phony baloney mess, someone’s finally showing Naomi Campbell a little bit of love. Yes the ebony goddess is going to be immortalized in “a series of larger than life sculptures. Photographer Nick Knight is creating three sculptures which will stand more than 9 m.” 9m high - that’s perfect, this way Naomi can look down on all the jealous little people who make her life miserable. Now and forever will they be able to stand in awe of the Omni-present power and beauty that is Naomi. This Knight fellow seems like a pretty smart guy; here he reveals his motivation behind the sculptures. He believed she deserved a sculpture to remind people she was "one of the most famous and beautiful women in the world".
Amen brother, you’re preaching to the choir. Hmmm… I wonder if any of the sculptures shows her lying down… provocatively. You know what, forget that, let’s move on shall we. Source Here


Now J’ai Un Maux De Tête

Do the names Sarah Dash, Nona Hendryx and Patti Labelle mean anything to you? Well if they do, you probably remember big hair, freaky space alien spacesuits, and high heel boots that Japanese cars can drive under. Of course I’m talking about 70’s trio Labelle, who are supposedly reuniting in the music studio. They're working with Lenny Kravitz and some other biggies to bring their tight, soulful harmonies and flashy style up to date.
Of course they sang the original version of Lady Marmalade, but somehow I don’t see Patti squeezing into the same costume she wore in the 70s. I think now she needs to shop at big and tall. Source Here


More Chicken Of The Sea For Dallas Fans

Giants fans are elated, and Cowboys fans have just punched their mothers in the face. The on-again, off-again, on-again, off- again romance between Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo appears to be on again. The couple, who reportedly split several weeks ago, spent Memorial Day weekend together in Dallas.
Simpson and her Dallas Cowboys quarterback beau had a Saturday night date at N9Ne steakhouse with two pals, according to the Dallas Morning News. She munched on a burger; he had the steak. All that red meat apparently set the mood - the on-again couple engaged in a lil' PDA on their way out of the restaurant, and hit up another restaurant the next day for brunch. Come on Cowboy fans, cheer up. So what if your football season is screwed, you can always watch hockey, you have a team remember.
Source Here


They Walk Among Us

Is there such a thing as the blacklist in Hollywood? Drea DeManteo believes there is. "She was saying 'Joey' completely ruined her career," said our spy. "She called it horrible and said she hasn't been able to really work since then. She said she's really been out of the business and is trying to get back in.
Hmmm…she can’t be trying that hard, last time I looked the casting couch policy was still in effect. However, I haven’t seen anyone from the cast of Joey lately. I’ve heard about to big incinerator behind the lot of NBC but I didn’t think they actually still used it. I hear that’s where a fried the Golden girls, shhh, keep that a secret though, the Bea Arthur you see in public isn’t real, she’s an android. Back in the Must-See TV days, they made androids of all the stars, just in case, you know what I mean. Source Here


The Return?

Ahhh… Madonna’s marriage might be on the rocks, boo-freaking-hoo. The coldhearted bitch and her drunk has been husband apparently hardly speak anymore. And now, word comes that Madge is tired of Britain and is looking forward to being back in the US. Friends say the couple have been living virtually separate lives since the start of the year and have even divided their homes into his and hers quarters so they can avoid each other. There are indications that Madonna is now planning to live in New York.
She has owned a 2000sq m apartment overlooking Central Park – complete with gymnasium and beauty salon – for 20 years and is enlarging it to accommodate her children and staff.
She has recently bought an adjoining apartment in her maiden name.
One source told the Daily Mail: "Madonna is miserable and has lost her desire to live full-time in the UK."
Damm, they should have come up with some kind of law when she was in Britain to keep her out, now like locusts she’s come back to invade and to nest. Well, maybe I’m overstating things, but she is a flake.
Source Here


Indiana Jones Review

I’ve seen some the comments on the blogs, and now I’m going to put my two cents in. The new Indiana Jones movie is… extremely disappointing. There is virtually no resemblance to the cliffhanger moments of the previous films. Harrison Ford sleepwalks through his role, and Karen Allen looks like she’s had plastic surgery to engrave a permanent smile. That, or she’s stoned. And smile she does, through the light moments of the movie, and the supposedly dark moments. And that’s what the movie lacked, drama. The script just didn’t seem finished, or worse, rushed. Quite frankly, the script and dialogue was pretty bad, perhaps this has something to do with the writers’ strike but all the talk of waiting for the right script seems like a bunch of bullshit. And what happened to all the exotic locales, it seems like they didn’t feel like leaving their backyard to film this. And if this was a setup for Shia Labeouf to take over the series they certainly didn’t give him much to do, as a matter of fact his performance was as muted as everyone else’s. I like everyone involved with the movie, but unfortunately I did not like the movie. Do yourself a favor and go see Harold and Kumar instead.


Well that’s all I got folks I gotta go now, Bruce is taking this joke a little too far, now he’s outside in a hazmat suit, putting police tape on my front door! Awww, not again. The cops said they perform a cavity search if they had to come back here one more time. Ooh, that dog is just begging for a time-out.

Doc B. Gone baby gone