Is It Prison For Bill Murray And 50 Cent?

Heidi Ho folks Doc B. here

I've received a couple of postcards today, one from my brother Lance who's on the road with a band called The Semen Discharge. And the one other from Bubble's. Lenses postcard is from Germany, and it's features a picture of a rather large woman with a huge mug of beer placed in her "hoo ha". Bubble's postcard is from the convenience store at the corner of my street. She only when wrote two words, "I'm baaack".
(Gulp) the hairs on the back of my neck just did cartwheels. I got to admit, I'm starting to feel a little worried again, what with Luis visiting his family, and Antonio still out of town at the MTV Porn Awards, (they're new) and Bruce still unable to walk, much less be able to defend me. Almost makes me wish I didn't trim his nails so short. Almost. Anyhow, here's the news.


But first...

"The first half of our life is ruined by her parents and the second half by our children."
"Clarence Darrow."


The Guide To Piss Poor Parenting: By Dina Lohan

Dina Lohan continues to strive to be America's top mother [she's the reigning Long Island mother] by being bold in her approach and avant-garde in her method. Viewers of E!'s "Living Lohan" were disturbed by the scene in the first episode where Dina is at her computer watching a sex tape of a Lindsay look-alike, when Ali, 14, walks in and asks, "Is that Lindsay?" Well dear I'm not sure yet I'm waiting to see if I recognize her fillings, but it doesn't look like her technique anyways. But seriously folks, is she for real, I mean you know, is this how she really is, because if she is,
** this shit is bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S. This shit is bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S.
honestly folks, I'm beginning to think these kids never had a f***ing chance. Maybe what's needed here is some divine intervention, come on folks, let us pray. OK, OK, let's not and say we did. Source Here (**Gwen Stefani)


My Foot Your Foot

Here's a good one, earlier this month Steve Tyler of Aerosmith checked into rehab, but apparently it wasn't for addiction, it had something to do with his feet. Yes you read that right, his feet. "The doctors told me the pain in my feet could be corrected, but it would require a few surgeries over time," said the singer in a statement. "The 'foot repair' pain was intense — far greater than I'd anticipated. The months of rehabilitative care and the painful strain of physical therapy were traumatic. I really needed a safe environment to recuperate where I could shut off my phone and get back on my feet."
Yeah cause every time I get a headache I like to check myself into the mental Ward at the hospital and just relax in a padded cell. It's a good thing Steve isn't a salesman trying to sell a vacuum cleaner to your average housewife. He's not very convincing and I'm sure not buying his spiel about rehab being a good place to heal his foot. Or maybe he's been in and out of so many over the years he just missed the place. Source Here


Is Bill Murray Walking On The Razor's Edge

Actor and comedian Bill Murray is rarely in the news and I'm sure he wishes he wasn't in it today. The divorce papers, obtained by a local newspaper before the courts sealed them, state that Mrs Butler Murray moved out with their four children to a house in Sullivan Island, South Carolina, due to Mr Murray's "adultery, addiction to marijuana and alcohol, abusive behaviour, physical abuse, sexual addiction [and] frequent abandonment". Jeez there is some pretty serious charges in here, and Murray has always seemed a little odd so I can't say I'm completely surprised. However I didn't think he would physically abuse someone [“What About Bob” is pretty close though] I guess this is just another case of a comedian's dark side coming to light. Well, when he’s on his deathbed he'll receive the gift of total consciousness, so at least he's got that going for him. Source Here


Batpiss

Christian Bale talks about squeezing himself back into the bat suit once again [mine is at the cleaners] and he seems like quite the pussy, too. He says, "I was standing on the back lot where they were creating the suit, and I had a few minutes to myself... just thinking, 'This isn't going to work. I'm claustrophobic, I can't breathe, I'm getting a headache already, and this is all going to go very badly." Badly indeed, for Bale pissed himself, causing the microphone attached inside the suit to short out and catch fire. Now Bale has third-degree burns all along where the frank meets the beans to go along with that wicked headache of his. I heard Bale is a method actor, maybe he should use his method to see if he can play someone who actually has a set of balls on him. Honestly maybe he should choose projects more to his liking, like Sex and the City, or the sequel to Driving Miss Daisy II: Daisy Dons Depends. Source Here


Hot In Herre

Do you folks remember a little while ago, I told you about 50 Cent refusing to support a child he had with an old girlfriend? Well I have an update, and this story might have legs. 50 Cent's mansion burned to the ground yesterday - and his enraged ex-girlfriend, who was living in the house with their son, accused the entertainer of torching the $2.4 million Long Island home. Damn that's a lot of money to see go up in flames, think how many times he could've made it rain at the strip club, but instead it's nothing but a pile of cinder and ashes. He's ex-girlfriend, a Ms ShaniquaTompkins says the rap superstar is the one behind the blaze."He threatened me on Monday. He said, 'Watch what I'll do. I'll have someone come kill you,' " said Tompkins, who has filed a Manhattan Supreme Court suit claiming she's entitled to half of 50 Cent's fortune and the house that's now in ruins. In her suit, Tompkins claimed the rapper promised to give her the house 12 years ago and a judge stayed the eviction until the facts were litigated. "That's a moot point now," said Tompkins' lawyer Paul Catsandonis."He tried to kill me and his own child," Tompkins claimed, as she stood screaming outside the decimated mansion hours after the inferno. Humph ... the windmills of my mind are turning,... and in the background I hear something. What could it be? Why, it's music.
**The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
We don't need no water let the motherf***er burn,
Burn motherf***er burn.
Yes sirree folks, Fiddy' might have stepped into a big pile of a dog shit here. If this turns out to be true, it's Fiddy who will burn. Source Here (** The Bloodhound Gang)


The Icewoman Cometh

It doesn't sound like Nicole Kidman will be winning any mother of the year awards either. Kidman talked to a gossip magazine from the UK about her relationship with the children she adopted with Tom Cruise."It's a pity they have been manipulated by the father to distance themselves from me." Really Tom Cruise is manipulative, go figure. Who knew! Nicole went on to talk about Mother's Day with the kids.The Moulin Rouge star adds that she had planned on spending Mother's Day with her children, but they ended up spending the day with father Cruise and wife Katie Holmes instead."They are closer to their new mom now," she adds. Hmmm... come to think of it I never see Nicole with her kids, maybe they give her a rash. All I know is the impression Nicole gives off is an extremely cold one. Boy hand jobs from her must be a bitch. Source Here


It’s Hedley

And finally some sad news, comedy legend Harvey Korman is passed away, he was 81. Korman died at UCLA Medical Center after suffering complications from the rupture of an abdominal aortic aneurysm four months ago, his family said. He had undergone several major operations. Actually my grandfather passed away under the same circumstances. And it was with my grandfather that I watched the Carol Burnett show which featured Harvey. Those are memories that I cherish, not only of my grandfather, but of Harvey on the show. Of course later on, Harvey would appear in many of Mel Brooks films, and as always he was comic gold. Goodbye Harvey, you brought laughter into our lives, you will be missed.
Source Here


Well that's all folks, I gotta go, see about an alarm system, or buying a gun, or FBI, or at least enlist the help of the mob. I gotta do something! The bitch is back!

Doc B. gone baby gone.