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Saturday, May 31, 2008

Eva Longoria And Bodily Fluids / Double-Mint Twins

Heidi Ho folks Doc B. here


I received a rather disturbing package in the mail today, a box, which I opened, only to find wrapped up in newspaper, a fish wearing a pair of silk boxers I left at Bubbles apartment. Confused, I took the box with me across the street to my neighbors house, Luigi. He's the owner of our local Chinese restaurant (??!!) Anyhow, I showed him the contents of my box and asked him if he knew if it t meant anything to him. Well it's obvious, said Luigi, this newspaper is only good for wrapping up fish and training your dog.
Having settled that, I went back into that house, put the fish in the refrigerator so as to save it for Luis when he gets back. Then I took a nap. And that was pretty much my day, exotic, huh. Here's the news.


But first…


“I like someone who is a little crazy but coming from a good place. I think scars are sexy because it means you made a mistake that led to a mess.”
“Angelina Jolie”


Ladies And Gentlemen Introducing Bon Jolie And Arm Pitt

Brad and Angelina's brood is growing exponentially, the couple continue to strive for a family large enough to field a soccer team. Now they welcome to newborn twin daughters. Now don't get your hopes up because the names of the new brats are not ridiculous or silly as we have become accustomed to from celebrities. The poop machines are to be called Isla Marcheline and Amelie Jane, apparently after each of the couple's mothers. All together now,… Awwwww. How sweet, yet disappointing at the same time. I mean couldn't make have come up with something a little more original. Like say if the kids are using Brad's last name, Pitt, then logic says you would name your kid Arm or Mosh. Or if the kids are going to use Angie's last name, Jolie, then you would call them Bon and Holly, or something. Isla and Amelie is a bit of a letdown don’t you think. I know I was hoping for something better, something juicier. Oh well, I guess I have to pin all my hopes on Ashley and Pete's baby now. I guess it would be too much to ask of Ashlee if she has a boy to name him OJ wouldn't it? Ooh... what about Homer? You know, from the Greek literature, people hardly use it anymore. She could bring it back. Anyhow, after this Brangelina fiasco, it's up to Ashlee and Pete to carry the torch of celebs naming their babies badly. Hmmm… When's she due? Source Here


Kathleen Turner Is Unhinged

Hey there Kathleen Turner, bitter much. I noticed that Kathleen has turned up in Wales [you go where the money is] to attend something called the Hay Festival. Sounds quaint doesn't it. Anyhow in a story that she told to the Mirror, she tells how she hitch hiked to get to the store. [My mom says that's dangerous]A man called Martin stopped and picked Kathleen up and took her to a nearby petrol station with a shop. She described how on the way she revealed her identity to the shocked driver. “He said he was going to the Hay Festival and I said, ‘So am I. I’m the American actress Kathleen Turner. “He said, ‘You’re not?’
This triggered a switch in her head and she suddenly went postal. Are you calling me a liar, she screamed. Michael Douglas once called me a liar, once. I fixed him, I was surprised to know he was still fertile. He got lucky. By now she had one hand on the poor drivers package ,and her other hand was holding a rather large, sharp hairpin under Martin's chin. Pull over! She told the driver, and he did rather hurriedly. Get out of the car she screamed, which he did again rather hurriedly. Kathleen got behind the wheel, stuck her head out the window and screamed at Martin. Who am I now huh! You f***ing believe me now motherf***er, huh. You'll remember who I am now won't you motherf***er. I'm Kathleen Turner, bitch! And with that, she sped off to the Hay Festival.
And if grand theft auto wasn't enough for one day, Kathleen also trashes today's celebs.“To me a celebrity now isn’t necessarily based on work at all. People are known for nothing now – it doesn’t matter what you do as long as you’re famous and people adore you.” Well, duh! Isn't that the whole point. For people to adore you, for you to be famous, isn't that what life is all about. I mean c'mon lady, aren't you just being a bit bitter here. Because you were once a famous actress, before you were labeled troublesome and a bit of a lush, doesn't give you license to demean today's celebs. Besides, what is your body of work giving you today. A Hay Festival, that's what. Just because go to sleep from no one remembers you, doesn't mean you can sh*t on the Britney's and Lilo's of the world. They are infinitely more interesting than you, and way more talented. And if you need proof Kathleen, just check out One Night in Paris. Now that's talent. So why don't you just shut up, you're just jealous as nobody knows who you are. What exactly is the War of the Roses anyhow. Is it about rival florist, sounds pretty stupid to me. Honestly, these old actresses just don't know how to disappear and go quietly into that good night. Source Here


Drools So Not Cool

The short, but sultry Eva Longoria sure knows how to please the man in her life. Her hubby, basketball player Tony Parker, is a big fan of the Alien vs. Predator movies. [My 11-year-old cousin is a big fan too] anyhow Eva bought him to rather large statues of the characters from the movies. Eva talks about seeing them for the first time. "When they arrived I was like, 'Oh my God, they're so scary.' "The alien even has the drool - they are absolutely terrifying!" They’re you go all you freaks, fan boys, and stalkers out there. Wipe that the drool off your chin when you meet Eva. Not cool dude. So not cool. And neither is the pocket organizer, so bitch that too. And can we do something about those zits, they're disgusting. They have stuff to clear that up now you know. Awww... don't sulk, it makes you look feminine. Source Here


Do Ya Think I’m Breathy

It seems some of the UK papers are making a big deal about some oxygen backstage at Rod Stewart's concerts. I don't know why it would be such a big deal, I mean the guy's friggin' 63 years old, I can picture him getting a little winded. Anyhow Stewart's spokesman fired back about Rod needing the oxygen "Preposterous. Totally not true," said Stewarts’s spokesman Arnold Stiefel when asked if his client had required oxygen at any time during the tour. "He's in the shape of a 25 year old and works out all the time. What he does in two hours onstage is nothing compared to what he does in the gym." Hmmm... I want pictures of this 25-year-old that he supposedly is in the same shape of. I want proof. His spokesman continued "We don't use oxygen," confirmed Stewart's long-time road manager Lars Brogaard. "It's been on the rider as part of the first aid kit for ever and ever when we play higher altitude gigs, but it's never been used." Well that's not entirely true, sometimes for recreational purposes we might have used it. You know, for a little fun. If you ask me the British media is blowing this way out of proportion. As they’re apt to do. Source Here


Well that's all their news tonight folks. Just crumbs, really. I gotta go take care of the bikini line, summers right around the corner.

Doc B. gone baby gone

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