Lindsay Lohan’s hot new career, Zac Efron’s closet opens, and Winona Rydes again.

Welcome, step into my office, take off your pants and stay a bit…….fantastic.

It seems Britney, Lilo, and Zac crossed into my peripheral vision and found themselves featured on this page just below,…but first.

T’was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
“W.C. Fields”


Lilo’s “I know who taped me”

Well, well, well, it seems Lindsay Lohan has joined the celeb porn ranks. It would seem her boyfriend, Callum Best taped her while she was polishing his mantle and now (shock) the tape has been leaked (horror). Does this even surprise anyone anymore? Every time some B list starlet or neo-celebs 15 minutes seem to be up, another tape surfaces for all to click and gawk, at the poor pathetic soul lapping up some guys meat muscle in some cheap hotel room, or bathroom stall. Ironic isn’t it, that these starlets who think the worlds on a string for only them, always end up with rug burns or scrapes on their knees as they perform the most degrading sex acts in the seediest of places. Lilo’s reps are denying it’s her in the tape, but only Howdy Doody has freckles that are more recognizable than Lindsay’s. But hey, cheer up girl, there’s way more people checking you de-bone Callum’s flesh puppet, as opposed to your performance in “I know who killed me”( and my career) and that’s a good thing, because you want to put that turkey of a movie far behind you don’t you. I thought so, relax, and lap up the attention you’re getting now, because almost all the sands in the hourglass have fallen.
Source: page six NYPost


Sorry Girls, bad news.

“High School Musical’s” Zac Efron says Liza Minelli is one of his greatest inspirations. Yah,sure, cause all teenage boys grow up dreaming to be just like Liza, puh-leese. Seem’s like the closet door has just cracked open a little bit. (you don’t think a powerful movie studio would manufacture a romance to protect one of their brightest assets, do you?) Next he’ll be spotted picking up Barbara Streisand CD’s and hanging out with Rosie. C’mon Zac, quit hinting at it, and just spill the beans. It makes no difference in anyone’s mind but yours, and come on, Hollywood is a forgiving and nurturing place in the world, where secrets are unnecessary, and everybody’s tits are real. So relax and just be yourself. That’s the prescription to happiness, that, and Cher’s wardrobe.
News.com


Farewell Jericho, we hardly knew you.

C.B.S. announces TV show “Jericho” will be cancelled. “Jericho”, eh… hmmm doesn’t ring a bell. Are you sure its on TV cause I have a TV. Guide, I read the entertainment news and I’ve never heard of it. I think its about a wrestler or something, oh well, if you’re a fan, last shows on Tuesday March 25th.


The pig’s mistress has spoken

Is everybody trying to flay the skin off Britney or is it just me. Now some slut who cheated with Brit’s boyfriend tells all.

“Amanda Pagel” who claims she slept with (Adnan) Ghalib for three months behind Spears back, said: “Britney used to call all the time when he was at mine. She sent hundreds of texts a day, sometimes just seconds apart.” www.news.com.au

Jeez, c’mon Brit, chill, dog’s don’t like being on a leash. Texting a guy all day long isn’t going to look good. He might think you’re desperate or needy, or worse unstable (although there’s no evidence of that is there) Give him space if you don’t want to lose him. Unless, of course you suspect he’s a dirty, cheating, lying son of a pig. Unless you suspect that some skank has got her meat hooks in him, then perhaps your behaviour would make sense. However, recent history points to you being a little flaky and prone to bizarre shopping spree etiquette “faut pas”. (and mental ward lockdowns) But you know what, I’m on your side here that’s what. So some floozy made time with your man, so what. You’re better than her, so keep your chin up and your skirt down and lay low, and this too shall pass, trust me, I’ve got a degree.


Another one!

Kristin Davis sex tape hits the web… (yawn) “Sex and the City” the movie comes out in May. Coincidence, you think? Nah!


Winona Ryder: Thief of hearts

Oh no, I hope this isn’t true but it would seem Winona Ryder (she of lovely dark brown hair, little waist, and big round…Eyes) might have sticky fingers again. The National Enquirer reports “an alarm went off and a security guard reportedly found some makeup on her she didn’t have a receipt for.” A store employee said “We took the unpaid items back, and she left the store.” Girl, what are you doing stealing makeup, you don’t need that stuff, you’re beautiful in a clean natural way. You steal hearts, isn’t that enough, you sure stole mine, you little minx, you. Ahhh. I’m sure it’s all a misunderstanding, you can’t trust these store employee’s and their crazy hidden agenda’s. Winona, you don’t need this kind of publicity, it smells desperate. Next thing you know, a sex tape of hers is going to go viral, you just wait and see. (P.S. Winona, you don’t have a receipt for that heart of mine, and I’d like it back, ok. Ok.)


Well I hate to be crude and rude, but I gotta go now, gonna drop a loaf just like Vincent Vega. Gonna catch up on my reading.

Until next time, keep your feet dry and your pants on.

Doc. B.