Star Jones; YAK?, With Lilo, Watch Your Purse

Heidi-Ho folk, Doc. B. here.

Well I’m back, and just in time. Luis was planning on tearing down the wall in the kitchen to open it up more. He does this every time I leave the house for more than a few hours. I keep telling him that if anything happens to me that the house goes to Bruce. He won it fair and square in a poker game. Anyhow, I’m a grown man, and every now and then I need to blow off some steam, and Bubbles was the strong Northern wind. And now I know why she’s called Bubbles. Nice girl. Anyhow here’s the news.

But first…

“The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.”
“Oscar Wilde”


Thousands Of Copies Of “Barb Wire” Available Cheap

Pam Anderson had a little garage sale to raise some money for her pet project PETA.
The former Playboy Playmate also opened her saucy accessories closet, which included a chain-mail bra, satin negligees, a flurry of feather boas and seven-inch stilettos, plus a Playboy necklace and more lacy lingerie. Open-minded literati enjoyed sifting through her eclectic book collection, which included political pundit William J. Bennett's moral tome "The Book of Virtues," and Eddie Muller and Daniel Faris' "Grindhouse: The Forbidden World of 'Adults Only' Cinema"
There were a few celebs in attendance bargain hunting (the cheapo’s) apparently Pam’s seven inch high stilettos and feather boas were scooped up by Clay Aiken, while Rosie O’Donnel grabbed the chain mail bra (Brrr…) While someone looking like Charlie Sheen with a Fu Manchu bought all the porno books. (It’s Charlie all right!) If you bought 3 or more items, she threw in her tape she made with Tommy, remastered. Source Here


Madonna (Yawn)

Madonna continues to try and titillate us. (It ain’t workin). Madonna said to the crowd of 1500: “Why do I have this relationship with France? I’m always drawn to working with French people - and Frenching French people. Viva la France!”
I can answer that.
1 – She’s pretentious
2 – She’s a slut
3 – She’s not very smart.
It’s “Vive la France”, not Viva, Madge.
Source Here


The Kids Aren’t All Right

Lilo’s mom just won an honor as a top mom in Long Island as I mentioned in a previous post. I need to update the litany of misdeeds that Lindsay has committed and add theft. The coat’s rightful owner, Masha Markova, told the paper she attended a private birthday bash back in January. Lindsay also showed up to the celebration, but left before Masha and helped herself to the 22-year-old student’s $11,000 pale mink, which was placed in a communal coat bin.
She’ll no doubt claim that she was too drunk to know what she was doing. Hey if you got it, may as well use it right. We can only hope to raise our children as well as Dina Lohan has with Loopy, …er Lilo.
Freudian slip, sorry. Source Here


Super Sparks = Not Gay

Neil Patrick Harris explains love in a way that even the slowest of people would understand (thank you Neil) “She’s the coolest nicest chick ever,” Neil told Howard Stern. “She’s an absolute catch, and I thought, ‘If I’m not going to feel the super sparks with her … it probably means I’m gay.’” So that’s how the gays know. They should use fabric softener.
You know what folks, he’s right. I never felt any super sparks with Bubbles. Oh… once, when she did that little trick with her… let’s move on. Source Here


Star Jones; YAK?

Star Jones has got her back hairs up (seriously if she doesn’t wax regularly, she looks like a YAK) Over some little details in Barbara Walters new memoir. Barbara writes that she and the other members of the cast of the view didn’t like to lie about Star’s super secret gastronomical bypass surgery. (That everyone knew was a lie) "Joy [Behar], in particular, resented having to go along with a lie that implied all one needed to do was sit-ups and ingest one cookie," she wrote.
One cookie eh. Only if it was a 2 by 4 feet wide chocolate chip cookie, would I believe that. And I seriously doubt Star Jones would ever do a sit up unless someone put a gun to her head. Star accuses Barbara of divulging these little tidbits only to sell more copies of her new book. Perhaps she did, or maybe Barbara just hates Star Jones as much as most people I know. The only one in this household that likes Star is Luis. Because she’s a lawyer, he thinks that makes her smart. She’s made lots of money and a name for herself he tells me. This usually is around the time when I remind Luis that he shit’s in a box and is afraid of the vacuum. Source Here


Well I gotta go now, I’ve suddenly got a serious burning sensation in the crotch. Geez, you don’t think Bubbles gave me… Nah… I was wearing protection… except when Bubbles did that trick with her… Oh No!

Doc. B. Gone baby, gone.