Speed Bumps and Pizza, Are the Death of a Couple

Heidi Ho folks Doc B. here

There isn't much I can say, save to tell you that I have been captured. I have been allowed to post, but nothing much else really. These men in hoods mean business. Anyhow here's the news


But first…

“People always get tired of one another. I grow tired of myself whenever I am left alone for ten minutes, and I am certain that I am fonder of myself than anyone can be of another person.”
“George Bernard Shaw”


Speed Bumps and Pizza, Are the Death of a Couple

Aww... gee whiz, there seems to be some speed bumps on Jamie Lynn Spears's way to a blissful perfect life .“Jamie Lynn and Casey have been fighting non-stop about everything, from what to name the baby to what to eat for dinner,” a source told the magazine. “And now she's called off their wedding plans.” Yeah, I hear it was getting pretty ugly. He wanted to eat Red Barons Thin Crust Sausage and Pepperoni and she was dead set on having a Freschetta Brick Oven Spinach and Mushroom pizza. Personally I think they both should be eating a Tombstone pizza, to signify where this relationship is headed. This must be how they do things in Louisiana, it must be some kind of culture gap. Where I'm from you usually get married, have a kid and after a few years of indifference, get a divorce . Not the other way around. They sure do things ass backwards in Louisiana. Still, it's pretty funny that they think that this is going to work. They' were too young and stupid to use protection and truly understand the consequences. God knows I don't know why nine months later they would think they'll be any wiser. And on a selfish note, I hope somebody divulges the names they've been throwning around to call the baby. Call me curious. Source Here


The Olsons, Prunes, Creepy Old Brit Dude

Secretly, I have always wondered what celebs to perfect their smiles for the cameras. A source close to the Olsen twins has leaked out their secret.
It's prunes. Yes prunes. You know, the kind your mom used to give you when you were having a little problem with # 2 , and you never wanted to eat them because the insides were all so mushy and soft,. And they certainly looked a lot like the problem you were trying to fix, which made putting them into your mouth that much more difficult. Didn't it? But I digress. Anyhow, a source close to the Twins says “Every time they pose and smile, they say the word ‘prune,’”. Jeez, they must a spent hours going through the dictionary practicing in front of the mirror, to see which words formed the perfect smile. So I said to myself, self, if it's good enough for Mary Kate and Ashley, then dammit to hell, it's good enough for me! The funny thing is though, when I practice it in front of the mirror and say the word prune, my chin juts down and out, and my lips pucker together like they would if I was trying to (not) kiss my aunt with the big, fat , hairy mole on her cheek. It's really not a good look for me. I'll have to get a dictionary and keep working on it, I'll let you folks know how it's working out. Oh, and by the way, Mary Kate is actually going to turn up in a movie soon. The film is called The Wackness, (I'm just going to let that one alone) and it stars none other than Brit actor Ben Kingsley. Apparently they share some pretty steamy scenes together in the movie (including one in a phone booth) and Kingsley tells Elle about working with Mary Kate.“She was a joy to work with... I was quite taken by her, especially how astute she is about art. We spent a lot of time between takes talking about her art collection,” Humph, yet I just bet he was interested in her art collection. That's always a Brit's angle, everybody thinks they're so refined and dignified. Smokescreen people, nothing but a smokescreen ... he's just a filthy old coot dressed in a nicer suit! Source Here


Thrifty and sexy, what a combination

In a recent post I told you about Mariah Carey and her husband what's his name were accepting gifts despite the lack of a wedding. Now comes word that the reason there was no second wedding on this side of the Atlantic, is because they couldn't find anyone who would pony up enough cash for photo's of the event. “Mariah was willing to pay for the wedding, but the way she hoped to pay for the wedding was through the sale of photos. No one was interested,” the source revealed. Oooh, that Mariah is a smart and thrifty woman. I'm surprised in this current market that there wasn't anyone willing to put up the dough. I mean come on, what's the price up to now for Brad and Angie's baby photos huh! Still, there's time and you know what they say there's a sucker born every minute. Source Here


Seriously, Shut up Now!

Chris Martin really does know when to shut up folks. And it's becoming quite clear that, that little mechanism in our brains. You know that thing, the thing that actually stops you from saying something completely stupid, embarrassing, awkward, and just plain wrong? You know, it's called common sense. Well Chris ain't got one. In a recent post, I pleaded with Chris to seek help, to enter rehab, and deal with his addiction. But as the days go by it's becoming clear, very clear, that an intervention will be needed it's gotten to the point that Chris can't even answer to simplest of questions anymore. At least not without subtlely endorsing a lifestyle that could very well be harmful to one's self. Every day now while promoting Coldplay's newest album, Chris reveals a little more about his sordid junkie habits.When asked to name his favourite chocolate bar, Chris said: “Any chocolate – it’s like crack you know - you can never have a bad one.” Gee Chris I'm sorry, but I don't know. And quite frankly I don't want to know! You're sick man, sick. Pretty soon the band is going to have to hire a babysitter for this jerk. If you're going to persist in not seeking help Chris, you should really just shut up and stop poisoning the minds of all the impressionable kids out there. It's disgraceful. How did Gwyneth Paltrow ever fall for such a loser like him? You know he's British don't you folks? Smokescreen, nothing but a smokescreen I tells you. He makes me sick to my stomach, let's move on shall we. Source Here


No Seriously, Shut up Now Part Two

More antisocial behavior from Chris Martin, this time a radio interview for something called Radio Four's Front Row . It seems all the drugs he's doing is making it hard for us him to sit still and they hate what proper manners. According to BBC News Online, Martin appeared uncomfortable with the interview from the outset. When asked if the album's full title Viva La Vida Or Death To All His Friends - was a morbid reflection of the band's lyrical obsession with death.
Martin snapped back :"I wouldn't agree with you there at all, no. I'd say you're journalistically twisting me into saying something I don't really mean." And with that, Chris bolted out of the room in search of chocolate and crack cocaine. Like I said before folks, that little mechanism in his brain, it ain't working....
Shut up Chris, for God sake shut up! Source Here


Speedos and the Scum of the Earth

Mike Myers film The Love Guru had its premiere on Wednesday night, and costar Justin Timberlake was on hand. Hmm… this guy is a real comedian. Here's an example of him trying to crack wise, with a little helpfull advice for women. “The only thing women must do is keep away from the guy in the Speedo,” Timberlake offered.
Um... they don't need to be told about that Justin. I'm pretty sure that's one of the first examples of advice on men a mother gives to her daughter. They tell them to find one that's polite, courteous, gentlemanly, and has a job. And always, always stay away from the one with the speedo. They're nothing but scum, they're even worse than ex- members of boy bands. Source Here


Well that's it folks I gotta go. No really I gotta go, it's not like there's a gun at my head or anything. Now.

Doc B. Gone baby gone