Stay Still Dogg, Cruise-A-Palooza

Heidi-Ho folks, Doc. B. here,

Well, Lance did get arrested and he didn’t even call to let me know. Apparently he used his one phone call to call Antonio instead. I didn’t even know Antonio had a cell phone. It would seem he sent Lance’s bail via Western Union, so he got out. Stupid ass has gone back to St-Catherine Street to wait for the parade, again, what an idiot. Here’s the news

But first…


“I dislike modern memoirs. They are generally written by people who have either entirely lost their memories, or have never done anything worth remembering.”
“Oscar Wilde”


My Life, In Crayon

Tween phenom Miley Cyrus is going to be releasing her memoirs. Fans can expect the inside scoop on her first “mullet” haircut, losing her first tooth, (spoiler alert) discovering that there is no Santa Claus, and her first love (Elmo) Shouldn’t she abuse drugs or alcohol, get married, divorced and all that first. I mean come on. Source Here


Stay Still Dogg

Look folks, I don’t care one way or another whether Snoop Dogg is allowed into Britain or not, but come on! Make up your friggin mind and let’s move on shall we.
The hip hop star - real name Calvin Broadus Jr. - was banned from entering the country after he was involved in a brawl at Heathrow Airport in April 2006.
Ok good that’s that then right?
That ruling was overturned in January this year after immigration judge Nehar Bird ruled there was no evidence the star had been responsible for any public disorder.
No evidence, so he’s innocent, case closed right?
Britain's Border Agency challenged the decision.
Are we done yet, huh, Huh!
But that in turn was overruled yesterday when another senior immigration judge, George Warr, said he did not find that Judge Bird had overlooked evidence or made a material error of law.
Won’t get fooled again.
The Home Office has until 30 April to decided whether to appeal.
Why would Snoop wanna go there anyway’s, the weather’s lousy, the food sucks, and then there’s the whole issue surrounding their teeth. (Big, gangly, snarly ole teeth) Haven’t heard the end of this yet.
Source Here


Wasn’t Me

Jackass star Stevie-O pleaded innocent to charges of cocaine possession. Hmmm, this better not be a jury case, cause I imagine It’ll be hard to find many people who don’t think he was hopped up on something. He should tell them he was on a Red Bull and Grey Goose high. I hear that’s the “it” thing to do this day’s. Of course he could just show them clips of the show Jackass and they would surely find him not guilty for reason of insanity. Source Here


Hurricane Hooker

That awful shrew, Heather Mills is back in the tabloids. Denise Hewitt, claims that she and Hurricane Heather were high priced hookers in the years before she met Paul McCartney. Denise say’s that Heather had a talent for manipulating men. So dear readers, what have I been saying all along. She not just bad news, she’s a plague right out of the bible, and now, Thanks to Trump, she’s on our side of the pond. There must be some kind of ceremony we could perform to expel her from our shores. I’ll call Shirley McClain and I’ll get back to you later folks with a plan. Source Here


Cruise-A-Palooza

Extra thick foam, check.
Super strong steel coils’ check.
Stain and water repellent fabric, check.
Fast tracking camera, check.
What is all this you ask? Why it’s Oprah’s “set decorators list to make sure the couch can withstand another visit from Tom Cruise. The world waits with baited breath to see what bizarre behaviour happens this time.I hope Tommy Too Much doesn’t disappoint. Source Here


Terrell Owens Shy?

Rumours of Cowboys receiver Terrell Owensin a cameo in a porn film is false. He apparently walked into a shoot by accident. (It, happens all the time right?) Anyhow here’s the statement from his attorney
The beaming Owens was unaware when the snapshot was taken that it would appear on the web or link him to the adult entertainment industry, said the two-page letter.
Anyhow, pornos are more fun when there’s lots of action, Owens past history suggest the camera would be focused solely on Terrell as he makes love to himself. Source Here


Smooth As A Baby’s Bottom

Harrison Ford really really cares about the planet.
Harrison Ford has had his chest waxed to highlight the problem of deforestation.
The Hollywood star - who is the Vice Chairman of environmental group Conservation International – underwent the hair removal treatment in a bid to shock people into going ‘green’.
Now if only other celebs like Rosie O’Donnell and Amy Winehouse would follow suit, it’d be progress. Seriously though, I helped my brother Lance wax his chest once, but I made a slight error and the fireman had to be called in with the jaws of life to free Lance from the table. To this day, he won’t take his shirt off around me. Hmm… Source Here


Well that’s it folks, I gotta go change my locks, so Lance will think he’s at the wrong house.

Doc. B. Gone baby, gone