Lindsay Smacks Down Ashley + Penguins Attack

Heidi-Ho folks, Doc. B. here,

Well, I thought Lance would be back now after discovering that there’s no parade. Especially after the riot… oh man, the riot, excuse me, here’s the news.

But first…

“The world revolves around sex. But that doesn't mean that youngsters should sleep around willy-nilly. I'm all for trial marriages. The wedding of two virgins starts off with a huge handicap.”
“Sean Connery”


Au Natural For Kelly

Kelly Clarkson sounds like a woman after my own heart. She apparently walks around butt naked all the time when she’s at her house. (Note to self, buy star map + binoculars) And not just her girlfriends get a look at the melons and pie, but total strangers, Jehovah Witnesses’, boy scouts earning merit badges, the pool cleaner, the paperboy, everyone (Note to self, bring a vacuum to sell at Kelly’s) the reason for all this garden of Eden behaviour “I just really like being naked” says Kelly. Who doesn’t? I’m writing this post au natural, right now, at Starbucks (P.S. careful. the coffee is really hot.) Source Here


Tumble Dry

A man from Kansas has been convicted of child endangerment. He apparently burned his girlfriend kids in a hot clothes dryer. He explained it this way.
Pritchard said he was just trying to show them they could have fun without necessarily spending money.
Makes sense. My dad used to save money the same way. We couldn’t afford the gas to go to the pool so he taught us to dive in the bathtub. After losing about seven teeth of so, Lance and I became quite adept at the art of the shallow dive. Source Here


And The Emmy Goes To

Emmy’s to give reality TV host their own award. Hope they go to commercial break just before they open the envelope. Source Here


Lindsay Lohan: Loaded

It seems that Lilo gets awfully green around the gills when someone gets a little to close to her galpal, lover, confidante, hanger-on, loser D.J. wannabee Samantha Ronson. Apparently Ashley Olsen (Is that the anorexic one or the fat one?) tried to say hello or something and Lindsay got all up in her face. She told the Twin
“Get your 15-year-old 'Full House' a - - away from my girlfriend,
Hmmm… me thinks she over reacted a bit much. Then after Ashley made some comment about Lilo’s fat looking Marilyn Monroe pics, Lindsay really flipped her lid. She screamed, Oh yeah be-yotch, I’m about to go “Mean Girls” on your bony ass (I guess Ashley is the bulimic one, so that means Mary Kate’s the porker) However, Ashley stood her ground and Lilo continued. Ok skank, your about to get some “Freaky Friday” shit upside your head. Again, Ashley stood her ground. Lilo pulled a 9mm from between her legs and put the barrel against Ashley’s temple. Do you feel lucky bitch she snarled. Well do you. Ashley backed off and went to the washroom to puke, (as usual) and wasn’t seen the rest of the night. Before passing out, Lilo could be heard muttering that ,that would teach her for moving in on my piece of ass.
IMPORTANT: Some portions of this story have not been confirmed. Source Here


Is Al Gore A Pawn Of The Penguins

Al Gore is planning another movie on the environment. He says, I made the movie in 2006. Sure, awareness has grown and more people are concerned since scientists said we had just ten years to take action to halt rising sea levels. But the situation has got worse. The entire North Polar ice cap is melting and could be gone in some areas in as little as five years.”
Ice caps melting, my foot. This is nothing but some sketchy propaganda pushed forward by a very powerful lobby group, the penguins .Yes, I know, I know they look really cute and all in that “March of the Penguins” movie, but they are in fact the most feared group in Washington. No one running for office wants to be smeared by the penguins lobbyist as being soft on the eco-crisis. What’s that you say?You’re not buying it.Well who do you think was behind JFK getting elected?
JFK was in deep with the penguins, and with the seals. He was playing both sides of this issue and the penguins found out and that got him killed. I’ve heard stories from people who claim they are being targeted by the pen’s. They say they’ve never actually seen them but, when they come home the air conditioning is all the way up and the house smell sof fish. Coincidence, I think not, keep your eyes pointed down and your nostrils clear, you won’t see them till it’s too late. Source Here


Knockout Naomi And Ugly Betty

Ever in demand, Naomi Campbell is set to appear in the last episode of the ABC show “ugly Betty” geez, what a horrible title, why would anyone want to appear on TV with such a ghastly title. I googled it to see what it looks like and got a load of the main character. Upon further examination, I understand why they call the show the way they do. Brrr… chilling. However, Naomi being such a gracious and kind-hearted soul, will appear nonetheless. Rating should skyrocket with such a beautiful creature gracing the show. Hmmm… it says here that the shows been on a while, and doe’s well in the rating, go figure, there’s no accounting for taste, I guess.


Refund Please

A Malaysian woman has sued her husband over the loss of her virginity. Hmmm… you’d think it’d be the other way around.


Well I gotta make some phone calls, see if I can find out what kind of mess Lance stepped in now.

Doc. B. Gone baby, gone.