Dick… Being A Dick. On The Hump

Heidi Ho folks Doc B. here.

I'm exhausted, I think I've got a cold. I think I might have to call in sick at work, although I don't know how well that will go over after the whole abduction thing and all. There isn't much to get excited about since it's a pretty slow news day. That being said, take a glance at what I scraped up. Here's the news.

But first…

“Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly.”
“Conan O'Brien”


Dick Being A Dick

Now auditioning for a part as the sleazy smut peddler in the new Tarantino movie,... Andy Dick!
Comedian Andy Dick got himself arrested Wednesday for alleged sexual battery, and suspicion of drug use. "A 17-year-old girl told police that she was outside when Dick left the bar, walked up, "grabbed her tank top and bra and pulled them down and exposed her breasts,". This all happened at a "Buffalo Wild Wings". (where all the loser celebs hang out) in Murrieta. Hmmm... yes that does seems like the typical spot one would...... lose their f***ing mind! What is this guy... retarded! Pardon me,... mentally challenged. It might sound like fun, but I'm pretty sure there is a law against pulling down women's clothes. I think in some countries, they chop off your hands, ... or even shoot you. This fella sure knows how to live up to his namesake. Don't you think? This is not Dick's first brush with the law of course, he's been arrested before after slamming his car into a telephone pole, and was found with marijuana and cocaine. And just last year. "Dick was cited in Columbus, Ohio, for urinating on the sidewalk. A comedy club owner in the city said the actor also made inappropriate comments while onstage, groped patrons, took women into the men's room and urinated on the floor and on at least one person." (Ironically, that person was R. Kelly) Hmmm... how did this guy never hit the big- time? Click on the source below, his mug shot looks like he's trying out for a part as the villain in the next Batman movie. Of course for now we have to presume he's innocent. Until he cops a plea, does some community service and, rehab naturally.
Source Here


Protective Mother Or Spurned Capitalist?

Well who are you going to believe?
There's been a lot of reports circulating, that Nicole Kidman has said she would never consider selling photos of her baby. Bravo I say, commendable. If only more celebs would step up and do the right thing like Nicole, the world would be a better place. Of course there's always going to be some haters out there, you know, jealous folk. Some people have been suggesting that Nicole just didn't get the price she wanted, that she was too demanding. "One editor at a celebrity weekly said, "She wanted $3 million and we weren't going to pay that." Who does she think she is? She's not in the same league as Angelina, or as beautiful as Halle Berry. Hmmm... I'm beginning to suspect that these reports might be true. What the hell has she done that's been any good anyways? Nothing really. Don't, please don't, bring up "The Hours". It's brutal! Just an overwrought, pretentious dog of a movie. I haven't liked much of what she's been in. Hmmm... so who you going to believe folks? Nicole or the editor? I'd like to think that she's a fine upstanding citizen who would never exploit and pimp out her children, but I have my doubts. She's always seemed a little strange, like her movies. Odd, cold, bitter, frigid, snobbish, boorish, vapid, and not very interesting . So maybe she didn't get the price she was demanding, like they claim. At this point... I have a hard time taking her at her word. After all, she is Australian. And they loved Hitler. So that's one black mark against them, right? (Pause)... What's that Bruce? What have you got there,... a map? What is it you're trying to show me boy? Oh..................... Austria. So what you're saying Bruce, is that Australians didn't support Hitler? It was Austrians? Wrong country huh? Sorry mate's , my bad. Let's move on. Source Here


Germ-Free... Or Else.

It seems Nicole Richie has developed a nasty obsessive-compulsive disorder since giving birth to her daughter."A source said: “Nicole double washes her daughter Harlow’s clothes and double sanitises her bottles, baby spoons - anything Harlow eats out of." That doesn't sound too bad, except it was only the beginning. While her fiancé Joel was away she hired a crew to come over and completely scrub the whole place down. A crew recommended by NASA. She banished the dogs outdoors and hired a hunter (her neighbor, Mel Gibson) to kill the deer that had been approaching her property because she was afraid of ticks. Crazy Mel didn't even use a gun... just a sharp pole and a big rock. Everyone that comes over must now must wear a full gown, plastic slippers over their feet. Hairnets and surgical mask are also required at all times. If you don't comply, you exit through a trap door underneath your feet. You can't walk in her house without stumbling across hand sanitizer and rubber gloves. Joel woke up in the middle of the night and discovered Nicole, down on all fours, weeping, because she couldn't get a stain out of the floor in the kitchen. ( I cast thee out, evil wicked spot, she muttered.) Turns out it was just a knot in the wood. Not convinced, Nicole had the floor replaced the next day. In the last few days things have gotten even worse, leaving Joel panicked at what Nicole might do. She's become paranoid that someone might enter the house with their germs and infect the baby, so she has bought an AK-47. (Because it never jams) Joel is hoping this is just a phase. But word has already gotten out, after a particularly unkempt pool boy received a warning shot just pass his ear. They've even stop receiving mail. Hmmm... maybe it is just a phrase, but if you're planning on visiting, you better wear a flak jacket. Source Here

Well that's it, that's all folks. I gotta go, I'm exhausted. I gotta get some sleep. Bruce has promised to wake me up in the morning since my alarm clock is broken. I'm so tired.

Doc B. Gone baby gone