Brangelina are the new Waltons/Madonna's greasy salamander.

Heidi Ho folks Doc B. here

It sure is good to be back home, Bruce has a new haircut, Luis has lost some weight, but Antonio remains off the grid. Geez what a trip... I feel like I need a vacation. Weird huh. Here's the news.

But first…

"You may not be able to change the world, at least you can embarrass the guilty."
“Jessica Mitford”


The Greasy Salamander And The Material Girl

Family sure can be funny sometimes, case in point; Christopher Ciccone i.e. the greasy salamander. Madonna's brother has been popping up everywhere promoting his book, pimping out intimate family details to make a fast buck. The kind of intimate details that come with the warts we call family, in every person's life. Which is why it's so much fun to read when it's someone else's family. The greasy salamander lays out all the pathetic and petty squabbles, arguments, fist fights, attempted murder, etc., etc., that is so common in a family unit. That's why it came as a bit of a shock when he seemed to be defending his sister about her alleged affair with Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez. Considering the fact that he had no qualms about naming who she had slept while she was married to Sean Penn. But hey, it's his 15 minutes, and he's got a book to sell. He was asked about the affair on "Good Morning America", here's what he said;"I think it's highly unlikely," (buy my book.) "I know Alex from Miami," Ciconne said. (Buy my book.) "I doubt this is actually an affair. . . (Please buy my book.) . I'm sure she had nothing to do with the breakup of their marriage. (Sean's yes,.. buy my book.) It seemed absurd to me, (but not as absurd as the gory details in my book, on sale now. Buy my book) Truly, I don't believe it." (Pure fantasy! Not like my 100% no bullshit, absolutely true life stories that only your family could know, book on sale now at fine stores everywhere. Also, I'll be in the parking lot from 3 p.m. till 7 p.m., look for the grey Ford Tempo. A free Fresca with each purchase.) Hmmm... I guess if the greasy salamander says she didn't do it, he would know, being her brother and all. Although in the end he does lay it on a bit thick, when he says; "Despite everything else, she's still a Catholic girl." Yep, she always keeps her rosary beads in a safe place, close to her. If any of you ladies should come across some rosary beads hanging on the door of a bathroom stall of some club, you'll know Madonna is in the house, and this stall is occupied, so f**k- off bitch! (Oh yeah, if you touched the beads.. don't forget to wash your hands). Source Here



All In The Family

Over@themirror.co.uk, is a report about Brad and Angie's twins getting together with the rest of their clan for the first time. Hmmm... I imagine it was quite the homey affair, with Brad and the Missus, with the new birthin's meeting all the other young folk, and with ole Bessie about to give birth, and grandpa losing his teeth , it was pretty wild. Wild Times, good times. Yep the Mirror report's that "Overjoyed dad Brad Pitt introduced his newborn twins to the rest of his children yesterday." Knox, Vivienne... I'd like you to meet Mary Ellen and Elizabeth, Jim Bob and John Boy, and Erin and Ben, grandma Olivia and grandpa Zeb and soon will be taking you home to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia. God knows that's what it looks like you're shooting for isn't it folks? Or maybe I'm all wrong on this, maybe I'm looking at it the wrong way. Hmmm... have I been too glib and missed the point totally. Perhaps if I look at it from another perspective, a different point of view. (Pause) ah yes,... I'm seeing things in a different light. I've got it! By Jove I've got it! This is an "Eight Is Enough" angle isn't it? Well isn't it? Hmmm... no. "The Brady Bunch?". No?! (Fume) Well how about throwing me a frickin' bone huh! Is it "Leave It to Beaver"? No it can't be. Well, I'm stuck. Let's move on shall we.
Is it the Von Trapp family?................. dammit. Moving on. For real. Source Here



Like Rocks But In A Good Way

Naomi Campbell wants you to really really really really know , that she's not a really really really bad person. Just misunderstood. She elaborated; "I'm not a bad person. When people say all these negative things about me, I ignore them. (They are like the slimy green stuff that grows underneath rocks, and we all know rocks can't talk, so I can't hear them.)
"Let them be negative - but do that away from me. (Or else Antoine will get up all inside your face.) It hurts but I know there is much more good in the world.
"I'm blessed to be able to do charitable work and good things but no one focuses on that because (I'm a crazy bitch.) I don't throw it in people's faces. ( Because phones hurt more, and are easier to throw.) That's why they focus on the negatives." (Because they all got fat asses and lumberjack thighs and are just jealous of what I got.) Well, that certainly was enlightening, to bad she ends on a cliché."At times like this, you really know who your friends are and it means so much." (Such as my agent, my lawyer, my manager, and my dealer.) Yeah, you go girl. Source Here



A Bone!

The Huxtables? Mamas Family? The Bundy's? C'mon ..I'm stuck, throw me a frickin' bone won'tcha!
Is it Ozzie and Harriet?... (whimper).
You're so mean. I tell you if I knew. Moving on.


Black Tar = Black Gold

And finally, Amy Winehouse's dad is not well. Hmmm... I wonder what could be bothering him."Mitch isn't well," the friend said. "He has been taking a lot on and has been dedicating himself to trying to improve Amy's health. But his own health has suffered as a result. She told him not to worry about her – but that's easier said than done."
You feeling stressed dad? Amy asked.
I've got something I could cook up to help you with that, it feels great. If you get too low I've got something else to pick you up. I got everything you need pop's. Just let Amy take care of you. You'll be right as rain. Look at me I'm fine-cough cough. Eww... what's this black stuff? Source Here



Well that's all there is folks, I gotta go figure out this Brad and Angie brood-ha-ha. It's really bugging me now. Is it the Griswold's? The Ewings? I just know I won't be able to sleep tonight. Dammit.

Doc B. Gone baby gone