Ushers No Pimp, Tom Cruise is an “Authority of the Mind”. Not!

Heidi-Ho folks Doc. B. here.
Well the police called, it seems they ‘ve found my car. In Philadelphia, abandoned. No sign of Antonio or Lance, and no sign of foul play either, say the police. Yet. Anyhow here’s the news.

But first…

“Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it”
“Lily Tomlin”


And The Couch Let Out A Sigh Of Relief

Tom Cruise appeared on Oprah and left without so much as a shoe print on the couch. Color me very disappointed. Still Oprah did grill him on the rumour that Nicole Kidman doesn’t see the brats..er, kids they adopted. Cruise dismissed the reports, telling Winfrey: “No, that’s ridiculous.” He also said
“We share custody. Whenever. Whenever. That’s when it is”.
Hmm..sounds a little defensive don’t it. Wonder if Kidman doesn’t see them because she never wanted them, Tom did. Tommy Too Much also talked about the leaked interview on the net about Scientology. He ominously said that he and other Scientologists were“authorities on the mind”. Riiight, nothing creepy or delusional about that. In his defense, the interview was not meant for public consumption. “It was a very private moment. I’m actually talking to my congregation,” Cruise explained
That’s right, and all that talk about aliens and mind control that’s private too. So let’s cut the Grand Chief of Nutbar Town a break , ok. It’s called freedom of religion folks, just cause I think it’s all very silly and of a dubious set of ideals and Dogma doesn’t mean it’s not legitimate.(snicker, chuckle, guffaw.)Pardon mean, … something stuck in my throat. Let’s move on shall we. Source Here


Baby Photo Scam Update; Usher Fights Back

Finally someone is too embarrassed to be making money off the current baby photo scam that some celebs are doing so they don’t have to work. The world needs more stand up guys like Usher, who pretty much calls out the celebs and their newest quick fix for cash so I can get a new yacht, or new tits, or sweet Moroccan hashish, or a new island, or a….well, you get the picture. He said “In no way would I ever pimp out my child for money." Good on ya man, I say. Men should stick to pimping out their wives and leave it at that. There has to be a line people, otherwise we’re no better than the monkeys. (They’re totally shameless, the furry little buggers.) In all seriousness folks, baby photo vending is a heinous and vile act, that affects more than half of all celebrity babies. However, there is way of preventing this unnecessary affliction with pro-active awareness campaigns, and education. But the best measure of prevention is your voice. So speak up and speak out! You can help stop the madness, and God willing, spare us another Dakota Fanning. Hurry, before it’s too late. Source Here


Faye Dunaway’s In A Bad Way

I think an intervention is in order soon, for Faye Dunaway. The Wackness director Jonathan Levine said "Faye freakin' Catwoman Dunaway [was] sitting right in front of us and acting like a crazy woman, raising her hand like Horshack on 'Welcome Back, Kotter' and wearing a fedora . . . She was also furiously taking notes." I’ve seen this before, I only hope that the intervention can be performed in time. When they start acting like Horshack folks, there ain’t much time. She’s in a bad way. If she starts speaking like JJ. from Good Times it’s all over but the crying. Listen to your cats Faye. They’re right, you need help. Be strong. Source Here


Who’s Cooking In The Kitchen With Kim

That cougar Kim Cattrall isn’t all that particular when it comes to dating. She said: “I'm limitless as far as age is concerned - as long as he has a driver's license. I don't want to pick him up!
Wow she really leaves the door wide open to drive right in, don’t she. Guess that means there’s a lot of 16yr old boys that can’t wait to pass their drivers exam, and slide up to the Porky’s star on the street driving Dads puke green colored Dodge Shadow, hoping she’s just as insatiable as she appears. Kim also addresses the rumours of her cooking in the kitchen au natural. She said “my boyfriend always puts a little oil in the pan and that can hurt.”
Hey wait a minute I thought we were talking about cooking not what lubricates he’s using. Then she say’s “I was in a grocery store over the weekend and someone slipped me an apron and said, ‘Just in case it might be true, here, protect yourself, girlfriend.’”
Now how is he supposed to put the oil in the pan if she’s wearing an apron? Geez, some people really need to get a clue. Source Here


Odd Jobs

Without spies there would be no news, so here’s what one the nosy bastards spotted. Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard were both dressed in ski hats and sweats with big jackets, like they just woke up from a long winter's nap," said our spy. "They were dancing in the aisles and laughing, and oddly, buying packages of baby wipes.”
Nothing odd about that. If I have to tell you what the baby wipes are for, then you should be ashamed of yourself. They’re for wiping a baby’s ass, silly. Source Here


Shark Attacks Betty

Is the TV show Ugly Betty a celebrity image rehab destination or what? First Naomi Campbell was stunt cast, now comes Lilo.TV Guide reports Multiple Ugly sources confirm to me exclusively that the comeback-hungry actress is in advanced discussions to guest-star in the show's May 22 season finale, which is currently in production. It’s a sure sign a show is in trouble when they start stunt casting in hopes of big ratings. Yet, what is this shift in the biz to capitalize on celebs in damage-control mean? When a celeb appears on a TV show these days, I immediately google to see what salacious bit of news they’re trying mock, deny, apologize, or just plain avoid. When someone like Lindsay Lohan shows up on Ugly Betty it’s because she’s worried when the next paycheck comes, not where. Because movie producers have stopped calling and she’s become toxic. I think I’m going to call it folks. Ugly Betty has officially jumped the shark. It’s all over, but for the crying. Source Here


Lilo’s Lobbying For Alcohol?

All Lilo, all the time folks. Her mug shots being used in an ad paid for by the American Beverage Institute, a trade group that supports the interests of the alcohol industry. The ad says "ignition interlocks are a good idea for" Lohan, "but a bad idea for us." You know you’ve made it folks, when the American Beverage Institute, is using your photo to peddle alcohol. Congratulations kid, you deserve it. You’re on top of the world baby! You’re not famous, you’re infamous. They can never take that away from you. Source Here


That’s all folks, I gotta make some calls, see what the going rate on bounty hunters is these days.

Doc B. Gone baby gone.

It’s Naked Time At Rob Lowe’s House, Even Rosie Is Dumping On Tom Cruise

Heidi-Ho folks Doc. B. here.

Sorry about my absence yesterday. I’d rather not go into details, but suffice to say that’s the last time I help out a Nigerian diplomat, I’ve met only on the Internet. I guess I should thank Bruce for filling in for me yesterday, but the fact that he figured our my password is a little disconcerting. Anyhow here’s the news.

But first…

“Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women”
“Groucho Marx”


It’s Naked Time At The Lowes

So Rob Lowe and his wife Sheryl like to walk around the house naked. I ask you, is that a crime? Apparently some people think so. Former Nannies Laura Boyce and Jessica Gibson have accused the couple of inappropriate behaviour. Nanny Jessica says Rob the actor repeatedly exposed himself and inappropriately touched her, while Nanny Laura claims Sheryl created an "extremely sexually offensive and hostile work environment ... behaving in a ... perverted, disgusting and crude manner."
Boyce also alleges that Sheryl used the "n" word in reference to Boyce's boyfriend, who was an NBA player. Sheryl also allegedly "walked around naked, completely exposing herself" to Boyce, asked about her boyfriend's private parts and talked about Sheryl's sex life with Rob.
Hmmm, this smells folks. This smells worse than the insides of a fisherman’s boots. This smells even worse that container on the second shelf of your fridge, you know, the one all the way in the back, … been there for a month, hasn’t it. Yup, this story stinks even worse than that container. It’s all just a little too convenient don’t cha think? The Lowes had originally filed a pre-emptive law suit against the two nannies. The lawyer for the Lowes mentioned something about “breach of confidentiality” which makes me think that if you work for Rob + Sheryl, you should be prepared to get an eyeful of T an A. This should drag on for awhile. Source Here


Mariah’s Music Soothes Dumb Animals

Reports out there about Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon eloping may be true. That nice, and I hope they’re a happy couple. I’ve always played Mariah’s music in the house, particularly when I want to calm down my dog Bruce. For some reason, ifs he’s hyper, a little Mariah usually settles him down. When I play one of her songs, he goes in the kitchen, humps a chair leg and then sleeps on the couch with his face between the 2 pillows wearing a very odd look on his face. Hey, whatever floats your boat I guess.
Source Here


Alec’s A Sucker For Punishment

Alec Baldwin has gone thru some rough times over the last few years. The kind of stuff most of us would rather forget, but not Alec, he wants to tell us all the nasty details in a book. Due out in September, Baldwin's A Promise to Ourselves: Fatherhood, Divorce, and Family Law, with Mark Tabb.
Hmmm… he seems to invite this stuff upon himself. That sound you hear is people sharpening their knives, (because the knives will come out folks). Here’s some free advice Alec. Just be quiet, do your work and keep the trap shut. And no more books… or crazy ass phone calls to your kid. She’s a little girl, not Tony Soprano. Just shut up for a while Alec. Source Here


The End Is Nigh

Snoop Dogg is set to work on Lindsay Lohan's new album, according to US reports.
The rapper has joined a host of rumoured producers working on the actress's third album. Absolutely no good can come of this. Source Here


And Then, World Domination

Barbara Walters gave quite a revealing interview on Oprah ,Walters admits to an affair in the 1970s with the married U.S. Senator Edward Brooke, the Massachusetts Republican who was the first African-American popularly elected to the Senate, in 1966.
Do you see folks? Do you see the Obama effect now? He’s breaking down the walls that separate Americans. Obamamania folks, there no denying it, look what it did to Bab’s. Do you see folks? (Pause) You don’t? But it’s right in front of you, can’t you see it? No? Aw well, f@&k it! it was stretch anyway. Barbara has a book coming out soon, so that explains the reveal. Source Here


Tommy Too-Much Is Slipping

Boy you know Tom Cruises popularity is starting to really hit the skids when that nutball Rosie O’Donnell (A Cruise admirer) jumps ship. Rosie, or the whale (as Donald Trump calls her) told Rachael Ray that “Tom knows, I wrote him an e-mail: ‘Sorry it’s happened, I didn’t think it would. When you can’t even hold onto the crazy loud-mouthed lesbians in your core of fandom, it’s time to make a sequel to one of your hits. I hear there’s another Mission Impossible coming, whoopie. Source Here


Freak On A Leash

Boy it’s been a day of surprises. Here’s another; Ex-NBA star Dennis Rodman arrested in domestic violence case
Ok. Not so much.


Bust A Deal, Face The Wheel

Some good news. No really. Tina Turner is hitting the road again for her first tour in the United States in seven years. The 68-year-old singer announced on “The Oprah Winfrey Show” that the tour will begin Oct. 1 in Kansas City. Boy I tell you, is there a law that says that Oprah gets first crack at the biggest scoops. It’s all one big conspiracy I tell you. She controls all the media, and soon the White House. She’s puppeting both Democratic Candidates, trust me. She’s watching you read this right now. Put some clothes on quick.

Well that’s all folks. I gotta go talk to Bruce, I can’t seem to access some private pics I had in a file. Man’s best friend my foot!

Doc. B. Gone baby, gone

Who Let The Dogs Out Woof, Woof, Woof, Woof

Hi, I’m Bruce. The Doc. is out I’m filling in today.

Sit, beg

“Heaven goes by favour; if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in”
“Mark Twain”

Good boy!


Chew Toy

Cancel the search for the giant inflatable pig, its bacon bits have been found in a yard, two couples found tattered halves of the inflatable swine in their yards, a few miles from festival grounds in the Southern California desert. Concert organizers had offered a $10,000 reward for the pig’s return. On Tuesday, pieces of the plastic carcass were examined
I once found a brief case of money in Doc’s backyard while looking for a bone I hid. I left the money hidden. I’m keeping to go back to obedience school when I feel ready to have people bark orders at me again. Source Here


Abracadabra Abdulkareen

Maybe I’m just a dumb mutt (mom’s Irish, Dad’s Mexican) but isn’t David Blaine supposed to be a magician or something , if so when’s he going to do something remotely interesting, submerged in a water-filled sphere on the stage of “The Oprah Winfrey Show” during a live broadcast, Blaine held his breath for 17 minutes and 4 seconds. That bested the previous record of 16 minutes and 32 seconds, set Feb. 10 by Switzerland’s Peter Colat, according to Guinness World Records.Thats nothing, I know a beta-fish named Abdulkareen that can hold his breath 3 times longer than that. Source Here


Dog Days

A man who survived a 152 meter plunge into a Pennsylvania strip mine said Monday he doesn’t remember much about the ordeal. That’s nothing, I’m a dog, I’ve got real problems, I can’t remember 5 minutes ago.(pause) Hi I’m Bruce the Doc is out. Source Here


That A Lot Of Milk-Bone’s

Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bundchen remains the highest-earning catwalk queen after raking in more than $A37.55 million last year, Forbes.com has revealed. Grrr. Bundchen, it sounds like smoked sausage doesn’t it? Source Here


MY HUMPS

Mariah Carey's keeping mum about that ginormous diamond ring she started wearing on her ring finger last week, but a source tells us it's definitely from her new beau, Nick Cannon - and that the duo are now engaged. She’s nice. I’d like to smell her bum and rub up and down against her leg inappropriately… (pause) Hi I’m Bruce the Doc. is out. Source Here


That’s all I see, I’m going to leave now. “Cops” is playing and then I got to bark at the moon.

Good Evening, Sincerely

Bruce Escobedo