Tom Cruise Sucks Up / Jessica Simpson Need To Dump Papa Joe

Heidi Ho folks Doc B. here

I'm still locked away at the safe house and Antonio is still at my house lying in wait for Bubbles to show her face there. And if you'll indulge me for one moment folks I'd like to issue a warning to a personal friend. Fozzie man, don't be dropping by my place, I think Antonio laid some mines! Thank you folks and here's the news.

But first…

“The secret to success is to offend the greatest number of people”
“George Bernard Shaw”


Papa Joe Is Sticking His Nose Where It Don't Belong

Run Romo run. Run as fast and as far as you can from Jessica Simpson and her greedy, evil, manipulating Papa Joe. The truth about Tony Romo and Jessica's on-again, off-again romance is beginning to surface.
It would seem Joe Simpson thought he could weasel his slimy, fast talking, used car salesman's ass of his into Tony's business, both personal and financial. First Joe suggested that Tony drop his agent and let Joe handle his Dallas Cowboys career and the $65.7 million contract that comes with it.
Now I know of Tony gets crashed into by football players heavier than a small Japanese car, but I think he still has enough wits about him not to let his possible father-in-law have another reason to be around all the time. I mean come on Joe what were you thinking, Tony may be a dumb jock but the last time I looked he was conscious, and probably doesn't like the feeling of your hand inside his back pocket either. Joe, ever the entrepreneur had more ideas to help line his pockets... er, their pockets, If you guys have a marriage, I can (sell it) the same that I did with Ashlee,” Joe said, according to the insider. Geez what a scuzzy little bastard. I don't think Papa Joe realizes that Tony Romo isn't like his daughters, a product that needs to be pushed upon the masses. He's not a product like his daughters are. To sell and promote every single little thing they ever do. Tony doesn't need this shit. Every Sunday in the National Football League he plays in packed stadiums in front of screaming adoring fans who love him, or on the road in the opponent's stadium versus rabid enemy fans. Whichever the venue, Tony is not lacking an audience. It comes as no surprise that Jessica and Tony's relationship is in a trial period with Papa Joe trying to position himself behind Tony's ass, metaphorically speaking of course. Personally folks I think this relationship is doomed to failure so long as Jessica continues to let her father butt into her personal life. However she's been handled by him so long that I doubt she knows who's voice she's hearing inside that pretty little head of hers. Is it the voice of her father, the snake oil salesmen. Or can she hear in the back of her mind that sweet little voice who asked if this tuna was chicken. I miss that voice. Source Here


Think Saving Private Ryan, But As A Musical

Tommy too much and his mail order bride Katie Holmes had a big housewarming party with lots of guests, [I wasn't invited... humph] with the theme of their party being " Help My Career Please" you may remember that Tom has a movie that was supposed to come out this summer, preview audiences were rolling in the aisles with laughter apparently, although it's not a comedy, so that could pose a problem. The movie is named' Valkyrie', and Tom plays a German officer who is planning to assassinate Adolf Hitler. Hmmm... you know folks I think I know a way to make this movie more accessible to audiences. Three words "big musical number" I'm telling you it would work folks. There hasn't been a great comedy musical war movie since the Marx Brothers 'Duck Soup'. Anyhow the party included people that Tom has rubbed wrong, or just plain pissed off, like Steven Spielberg, Summer Redstone, and Oprah Winfrey, who's still complaining about the springs in her couch by the way. Anyhow there seems to be some kind of dogma or commandment in Scientology that says "after you cut people off, you have to invite them back in,"
Hmmm... that could be .. awkward, don't you thinkThen there were all the gays, which was hilarious, because Scientology 'cures' gays.", the source revealed. Like I said before folks,.. awkward. Anyways, we'll see if all the ass kissing pays off, Tom does seem a little desperate these days. Maybe being the King Nut Bar of a crazy ass cult/ religion is finally taking its toll. Source Here


F***Ing With Hockey

Is Canada about to become an aimless nation adrift at sea? The answer could quite possibly be yes. The nation's national broadcaster, the CBC, announced a deal to retain the rights to the Hockey Night in Canada theme song has fallen through, Copyright Music & Visuals said it had offered the public broadcaster a chance to renew its license to use Claman's song — a staple on HNIC since 1968 — on terms that were "virtually identical to those that have existed for the past decade." Previously, each use of the song cost the CBC about $500, the agency said.
After the first two years of a new agreement, the rates would rise about 15 per cent, an increase Copyright Music & Visuals president John Ciccone called an industry standard. Instead the CBC plans to hold a contest in which submitted pieces of music will be judged to find a new theme song for the hockey night broadcast. Now I know Canadians are easy-going and all, but when it comes to the hockey, and especially the Saturday night game, something tells me they won't sit idly by. There is a few Québecois sayings that come to mind, like 'sautez une coche' or 'sauté dans tête’ which loosely translated mean, the shit's gonna hit the fan. There's only so much a hockey loving Canuck can take, governed by boring politicians all cut from the same cloth, in an overtaxed, overly bureaucratic system, with poor regional representation, we should demand better but are too forgiving or just plain complacent. The CBC is a government- run broadcaster paid with taxpayer's money, so they better not start f***ing up Hockey Night in Canada. If they somehow don't resolve the rights issue and go ahead with this submit a song contest than that can only mean one thing 'son't fou tabarnac' Source Here


Ringo Worried

The backbone of a good band is the percussion , is it not? Members of the country group Alabama don't think so.
The drummer for the country group Alabama has been sued by his fellow band members, who say he was overpaid $202,670. Wow... that's a lot of scratch. He must really suck! In a related story, Ringo Starr has stopped taking Paul McCartney's calls. Coo-coo ka-choo folks. Source Here


Do-Gooder Or Do-Badder

Apparently wonder woman's still got the moves, she lept from her invisible jet into the Potomac River and snagged a drowning woman with her lasso and saved the day. Life's not like that, sorry. This is what unfortunately happened Lynda Carter told The Washington Post she was alone in a boat when she saw the body on Wednesday.
She said she didn't have a mobile phone with her, so she yelled to some fishermen and asked them to call police.Carter waited until rescuers arrived and directed them to the body. Yes, yes she was most helpful and very cooperative, yet I can't help wondering what she was doing on the water. There must be something more to this. Maybe she was smuggling cigarettes or guns. Or drugs! Why, she could have planted the bodyfor all we know, this could be all some big diversion.....(pause) nah! That's pretty f***ing thin. Skip it. Source Here


That's it that's all folks I gotta go dye my hair, then finish my disguise.

Doc B. gone baby gone

Hide “Little People”, Hide From Ron Wood

Heidi Ho folks Doc B. here,

Well I'd moved into a safe house that Antonio has secured for me. I should be safe here while Antonio is back home lying in wait for Bubbles. Fortunately I was able to MacGyver myself a way to post, so without further ado, here's the news


But First...

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”
“Mark Twain”


Gemini Know Thyself

Mary Kate Olsen granted an interview to Ree Hines and the two of them talked about Hal Mary Kate inexplicably ends up on the cancel dressed list one night and next on the worst. It turns out Mary Kate's not sure why herself but she does offer this.“I think there’s a real disconnect between the media’s perception of fashion and the fashion world’s idea of fashion.” Well said Mary Kate, who well said indeed. I would have to do quite a bit her research to find out why that is, would have to give a shout out to my Peeps at GQ and all my sisters over at Elle. Hmmm... when I have a bit down time maybe I'll look into it.
When asked about her own outrageous getups, Mary Kate replied “I don’t know why I wear some of the things I wear," she admitted. “I like wearing crazy things sometimes. I like being playful. Sometimes I feel like I’m playing dress up and becoming a character. It’s sort of like an art. It can change your mood or the way that people are attracted to you.”
Ah ha, spoken like a true Gemini. One can always spot another, we are free, kindred spirits, who know themselves well. But are still at a loss to explain why they do what they do sometimes. Mary Kate's birthday will be on the 13th of June. Same as her sisters. What a coincidence huh? Source Here


Rosie Kills Howard Stern's Libido

Rosie O'Donnell turned up on the Howard Stern radio show this week where she fielded questions about her ex- View cohost Elisabeth Hassellback. One of the questions Howard posed was whether or not Rosie was attracted to her perceived nemesis on the show, Elizabeth and if she ever wanted her. Well she wouldn't be Rosie if she didn't have a big mouth, here's how she replied
See, the 'want' is the big thing," O'Donnell responded, suggesting she doesn't desire Hasselbeck. "I find her very attractive. She's very attractive, I think.
Hmm... she didn't really answer the initial question did she? She kinah worked all around without really answering it. Sorta like a nondenial denial. Anyhow, she did admit to lusting after Angelina Jolie [get in line, bub] same she found her dark and with a little kind of weird sexuality going on." Humph, she should talk, I saw Exit to Eden, it put me off pork for weeks.
Rosie also said that of all the people that sat next to her on the view, Howard's fiancée Beth Ostrosky was the one that was the most doable Brrr... she really knows how to f**k with a man's libido., Rosie's one cold bitch! Howard's going to need a psychiatrist to deal with this image of Rosie and a Beth together in bed. Or a hypnotist to make him forget. An exorcism, something, anything to make it go away. I pity the poor bastard, I only hope he can recover. Hey Howard, I'm here for you buddy. Source Here


Swedish Meatballs

Hmm..Kate Beckinsale sounds nice, maybe I should go live with her. She told Glamour magazine: “I’m the worst wife in the cooking department. I always thought you can’t be good at food and sex, but you can always order the food in. That sounds good, but the reverse sounds more intriguing. One night a Swede and her meatballs, then next, some spicy Thai. A little variety does a relationship good, don't you think Kate? “I’d rather he didn’t order in the sex.” Jeez, what what a ballbuster. I don't think I like her anymore.... Nope, I don't like her anymore. Let's move on shall we. Source Here


Ronnie Wood's Trippin'

The Sun newspaper reports that Ronnie Wood of the Rolling Stones, is gathering up all the midgets, little people, dwarves, elves, [add your affectionate derogatory term here] munchkins, Lilliputians, Mini Me's, vertically challenged, stunted growth humans he can find. Unfortunately it's not for a sequel to the film Under The Rainbow, dammit.
No, apparently it's all some wild cockamamie idea Ronnie has cooked up for his daughter's wedding. They will leap out of bushes to surprise guests with stunts such as stealing ladies’ hats. Hmm…...... pardon me folks, I was just imagining all the lawsuits that will probably come of this. Honestly I thought Ronnie had quit doing acid, because he's got to be trippin. He Probably Sent out an Invitation to Brian Jones too. A source says The pint-sized posse must stay in character all evening on June 21 — and sign confidentiality agreements to stop them giving away star guests’ secrets. Yeah, that makes sense, you wouldn't want wanted a little buggers blabbing to the papers about who's got a dye job. Because you know folks, sometimes the view from down there can be quite revealing. As a matter of fact that reminds me of a funny story, there's a 'little person' who lives near my house, and he tried to sell me some up skirt photos of some of the women in the neighborhood. I didn't buy any..............many. Source Here


Bananas Make Me Puke, with Gwyneth Its Children

Harper's Bazaar had an interview with Gwyneth Paltrow in which she talked about her desire to super size her clan and pregnancy in general.“I wanted to throw up all the time.” Yeah you know what makes me feel that way? Bananas. They always make me feel like I want to puke, but I never feel like I want more, so maybe she's just a glutton for punishment. And it's looking like she might pull a Madonna,“I’m very open to (adoption),”Humph, I'll bet she is. Why just yesterday, my faithful readers, you will remember I posted a story about her hubby Chris Martin, in which he declared he could never find the crotch. Poor girl, her she has to resort to the Rabbit 2.0 for pleasure, now she has to look to adoption to increase her family size, all because her hubby is a stupid British twit who can't find her pussy without GPS. [pssst. I'm a good navigator] stay tuned folks, I can't see her sticking it out with this ass. Source Here


That's it that's all folks, I gotta go see if Antonio less any toilet paper. Dammit I feel a movement, coming on. Stupid spicy Thai food.

Doc B. Gone Baby Gone

Britney's Ex-Scumbag Stabbed / Rabbit 2.0

Heidi Ho folks, Doc. B. here,

I received a message from Antonio, my trusty chimp in this time of crisis. He thinks I'm being bugged! And watched! I have to try and stay away from the normal routine. Here's the news.


But first...

“Apparently Arnold was inspired by President Bush, who proved you can be a successful politician in this country even if English is your second language.”
“Conan O’Brien”


Remember Brownie

"American Idol" creator Nigel Lythgoe didn't want President Bush to appear on the "Idol Gives Back" show. Hmmm... well better get in line Nigel old buddy, most of the country doesn't want Bush anymore either.
Of course I don't blame Nigel for not wanting Bush on the telecast, not exactly a ratings booster I would imagine. Apparently he had no choice in the matter. Since the Democratic candidates were to appear on the show, the president's office insisted that he be able to come on and say thank you. Yeah, cause the last two terms of his presidency has been all about giving hasn't it? I'm sure to viewers at home will I have full confidence in sending their money to a cause that Bush seemingly endorses. Gee, he must think people have really short memories?, Why it seems just like yesterday that Bush stepped off an airplane, held a press conference, and declared to the world that,' Brownie is doing a great job'. What did Kanye West say? Oh yeah, something about George Bush hating black people? I don't think it's the color of the skin folks, more likely the color of the money. Source Here


No, I Don't Want To Hear About Woodstock

Came across an article about Heather Graham, nothing interesting really, she just kind a confirmed what I thought about her. Such as I'm a little bit of a hippie. Like I meditate, I do yoga, I'm into nature!
Somewhere in Vermont, in an old school bus, up on blocks, painted up with flowers and peace symbols , a wood furnace chimney coming out the roof, an aging hippie with long frazzled hair, wearing a 'Dead' T-shirt, sits at his computer and smiles.... Way to go Heather! You've given an old relic from an antiquated by- gone era hope.
You may think it's cute Heather, but the reality is, he only likes your tits. Source Here


Nip It In The Bud

As you may already know the new X-Files movie is coming out this summer. And now it's been revealed that star Gillian Anderson is pregnant.
You know what folks this smells, this smells worse than that Turkey sandwiche that sat in my car all Cornelson in 90° heat. She hasn't been in movies much lately, at least not Hollywood productions anyhow. With the exposure from this new X-Files movie I suspect she's trying to pad her purse with some baby photo money. Granted she's not an A-list celeb, but if the movies a hit, you never know she might be in demand. Fortunately folks we have time to nip this one in the bud, all we have to do is make sure the movie flops. If we act as one, we will be victorious. Source Here


It Is As It Was Foretold

I noticed this story that doesn't seem to be about much of anything, so of course I've included it. The story mentions TR Knight of and his boyfriend Mark Cornelson have not, I repeat not exchanged vows in a same-sex marriage. TR explains why, To clarify, we are not having a commitment ceremony," TR said. "once you are given something that you were never allowed before, you realize how much of a second class person you were before. That is horrible and fantastic at the same time. It makes me want to sob and scream with joy all at the same time.
Hmm... TR seems like a half glass empty type of person, doesn't he? Well he can be forgiven for being a little bitter.
However, it's obvious what this story is, this story is about a bellwether wedding. What's that you say? You don't know what that means? Well I'll tell you. If you played the Village People's song In the Navy backwards it purportedly speaks of a historic wedding, predetermined by fate. The story goes, that this union would cause all the worlds armies to put down their arms, and the nation's would come together living all as one in a utopian society. In the story, the initials of the two men matched that of knight and his boyfriend. Hmmm... that doesn't sound half bad. However, there was rumored to be another prediction in another song, by Donna Summer. It told of a union that would ruin mankind. That the church would take over the state, and that the people would be oppressed. Hmmm... You know what folks, I'll keep an eye on this for you, and keep you informed. Source Here


The Rabbit 2.0,Keeping Her Warm

Chris Martin, singer for the band Coldplay reveals more than he probably should. The 31-year-old star said he experiments with dance moves while in the privacy of his own home. Hmmm... I wonder which dances practices. Line dancing? The Twist maybe? He is a British rock star, so he's probably pretentious. I bet he's dancing that silly French dance craze, La Dance De Les Canards. Humph... thinks he's special. He drones on that he tries all kinds of things in the bedroom”. Really what sort of freaky deaky things do you like to do in your bedroom, huh Chris? Does it involve balloons? A McDonald's uniform perhaps? Balsamic vinegar, artichokes, marshmallows, peanut oil, pigs feet and rhubarb turn you on Chris,,! Does it! Answered the f***ing question, don't leave me hanging! [fuming] Skip it. You think you're so special don't you? Of course he never shuts up, he doesn't tell you what you want to hear, but he doesn't shut up either. “I’d love to be a crotch grabber but I can never find it."
First question. Are we talking about your crotch or Gwyneth's crotch? The public has a right to know dammit! What is it say about Chris as a man, if he can't find his own crotch? We know what it would mean if he can't find her's. It means he's gay. But if he can't find his own, well that's just all whole other jar of bumblebees isn't it? Humph! Stupid pretentious British twits. I feel sorry for Gwyneth, while he's practicing is dance moves, she lies in bed with nothing but her trusty Rabbitt 2.0 to keep her company. Hey Chris, I think you better find the crotch soon. Source Here


Like A Fine Bottle Of Colt45

Jack Black says it was his wife's fault that he accidentally revealed that Angelina Jolie was expecting twins. Ooh... I'm sure your wife's going to like you passing the buck on this one to her. Anyhow, Black says Jolie wanted to spill the beans, but didn't know how to and I did it for her."
Black then goes on to say that Brad really wanted to be a dad, but he didn't know how to do it. So Black went and did it for him. He then added that Angie is 'extra fine' in bed. Like a good bottle of Colt 45. He also noted, that he only did it because Brad is a really good friend. That's the kind of guy I am, Black said. Gee what a really great guy. Source Here


It’s Britney Bitch

Payback, can be a bitch. Just ask ADNAN GHALIB, Britney's ex-scumbag. You remember him, that paparazzi prick who now is allegedly shopping around a sex tape of him and Britney when they were on vacation in Mexico. It seems the scumbag was stabbed by another scumbag who is angry at Britney's ex-scumbag after a video of Brit performing a private striptease for him was set to hit the web..It's like Chris Crocker said. Leave Britney Alone. Beyotch! Source Here


That's it, that's all. I gotta go... hide.

Doc. B. gone baby gone.