Don’t Fear The Nipple People,…Embrace It.

Heidi Ho folks Doc B here.

Bruce and Luis have been finding enough food to sustain me these last few days. I don’t ask where they find it, and I don’t care anymore. Here’s the news.

But first…

“I don't like my nipples showing. They look like targets.”
“Sienna Guillory”


Don’t Fear The Nipple

US networks have once again bowed to the pressure of sponsors and the tone of the current government in power. It's just a nipple folks, haven't we move past this nipple issue huh? Huh! I guess not, according to the New York Post."EVA Mendes is so naked and so sexy in an ad for Secret Obsession, the new fragrance from Calvin Klein Inc., that TV networks rejected the spot until it was cleaned up, and still won't air it until after 9 p.m." Humph! If this is the same ad that I've seen , then all you see is a f***ing nipple! Why are we so afraid of the nipple? Most of us suck on one for a good portion of our infancy (and other stages), so why do we fear it is so?
Could it be that some of us weren't fed on it enough, or wanted more but were thought to be too old, thus denied. Perhaps because we so desired it in our adolescence, yet were so seldom able to achieve it, we now punish it. And yes I know it's a male dominated (politically speaking) society but where are the women in all this, where are their voices? Hmmm! Gagged with a Wonderbra it would seem................................. so why do we,... fear the nipple? Damned if I know.
How do things becomes taboo? It's funny because I was just having this conversation with a friend of mine, you know, about societal norms. So why in our society do we frown upon men carrying a purse, only because we are preconditioned to think that it is wrong, silly,.. gay.
My friend and I were wondering what we would carry, if it were acceptable to carry a nice Gucci bag (or whatever designer you prefer). After a informal poll, a consensus emerged. Number one on the list would be money (naturally) followed closely by gum, keys, condoms, (naturally) sunglasses, toothbrush (?), drugs, (naturally) food , (mmm... donuts) a gun, clean socks (?!) And paint thinner. One freak answered makeup. Can you believe that? What a queer. Still it would be nice if society wouldn't frowned upon men carrying purses. Although it would be one less thing we would be able to make fun of our girlfriends about. All the shit they carry in their purse.I fear we would carry much more. You never know when you might need a table saw. Source Here


Thank You Come Again

Thanks for the watch Iggy, come back soon, don't be a stranger now. Jeez... it's been over 20 years since Iggy Pop performed in Montréal and this is how the people repay him for coming back to the city. " According to the Eric Fisher, the group's road manager, a rented van loaded with the group's musical instruments, mikes and amplifiers was stolen outside the Embassy Suites Hotel on St. Antoine St. W. in Old Montreal.
He estimated the equipment alone was worth "tens of thousands of dollars." So when you guys coming back, if you don't mind me asking? N#*#!%((***&&*#***#!!!!!!!!!!!! Jeez, never mind.
Not to worry I'm sure the crack Montréal police force is right on top of things. Why they probably have someone in custody as we speak."Montreal police were investigating, but weren't able to say whether the thieves were targeting the band and its equipment or if they had simply intended to steal the van, Constable Raphaël Bergeron said." Plus there was a Tims (huge Canadian doughnut chain!) on the corner where ze crime was committed, so we got off to a slow start in the morning and are just catching up now, we will get them. Now if you excuse me it's time for my... how do you say, pause [ (:-po-se]... ah yes... break time.
Hmmm... still this must have been a professional job, targeting the Stooges equipment, right? "The equipment was in a 4.5-metre yellow truck rented from the Penske rental firm and had Michigan plates.".... hmm.. Then again maybe they thought the truck was filled with cigarettes. Lots of that going around here. Oh well, let's move on shall we. Source Here


Coating It With Sugar

No no no no, don't hold back Sharon, tell us what you really think of Paris Hilton. “You've got your superstars. You've got your celebrities. And then you've got your people who I call 'infamous’, like Paris Hilton, who I know," said Sharon. Hmmm... yes, but does she know you? Never mind it doesn't matter, go on.“She's got a look that a lot of younger girls liked and copied but she has no talent. I'm sure Paris would tell you that herself. The timing was right for her. A lot of younger women looked up to her.
“She a very sweet, nice girl. But that's it. Then you put a full stop. It's over.” Um... I think this calls for a translation folks, what I think Sharon really meant to say was that Paris is dumb as a post, one that is made of plastic and is hollow. Empty. Vacant! Hmmm... how shall I put this,... like Pink said, stupid girls. I asked Paris to comment on what Sharon said, but I couldn't hear over the whistle sound coming out her ear. It was very windy. I'll have to catch up to her and ask her again, somewhere indoors. Source Here


Committed, Or Just Less Lonely On Week-Nights

Lindsay Lohan continues to make the rounds on all the gossip sites.
After being outed the other day by an LA police chief, word comes today from a story by Bang Showbiz that "The Mean Girls actress – who only recently confirmed she was in a same-sex relationship with DJ Samantha – is planning to exchange vows with her lover at a private ceremony in Los Angeles later this year, and her mother Dina has already started planning a lavish party."(to be broadcast on a special episode of her realityshow no doubt) Hmmm... if this is true, then it seems like Lilo's gonna settle down. Which would be rather ironic since LA police chief Bratton suggested that Lilo's gay relationship has had a calming, effect leaving the paparazzi with nothing scandalous to shoot. This would mark another interesting chapter in what has been a very tumultuous and extremely public passage from adolescence into adulthood.
I for one certainly hope she's not rushing into anything, you know, trying to please everyone around her. I hope the pressure of her peers isn't weighing on her decision (if it's true she's getting married). Because she looks around and she sees that Britney and Christina popped out a few brats, and old friend (oldfoe?) Paris Hilton seems to be settling in with her boyfriend. Nicole Richie's had one baby already with hers. She's still young; I just hope she doesn't think that life is passing her buy, that she needs to get on board.sure I know she’s become toxic in Hollywood, but it history has proven over and over again, it’s that Hollywood loves a comeback. But I’m not sure go in this lesbian route is the right angle to score with the suits in La La land. And what if they want kids? Well I suppose they can always adopt. That’s all the rage today. Still I’m not sure she’s really committed. And she’s totally gone over to the other side. So don’t be scratching her off your to- do list just yet. Why… you ask? Well I’ll tell you. Two words. Anne Heche You feeling me. I knew that you would. Source Here


Who?

Hairspray star Nikki Blonsky and her father were arrested on assault charges following a brawl involving the family of America's Next Top Model contestant Bianca Golden in a Caribbean airport, police said Friday. The chick from Hairspray and a wanna-be model. Does anyone really care?............just checking. Source Here

Well that’s all folks I gotta go.I feel faint, I think I need to lie down. I’m starting to feel dizzy and am having trouble remembering things I tink im beginig to loss my motor skilz………..helpe me.

DocBgonebabygone………………..

Breaking News: Britney Doesn’t Follow Candidates Campaign.(Big Wow!)/Celebrity Blog 101( Not So Special)

Heidi Ho folks Doc B.here.

I’m starting to get a little hungry… but my cupboards are almost completely bare. What do you make with beef broth and marshmallows? Hmmm… I need some income, and quick. Bruce’s operation is coming up soon and I need to pay for it dammit. I need to make some money quick. Say… this ad may be helpful. While I check this out, here’s the news.

But first…

“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies.”
“Groucho Marx”


$14 Million! Where’s The Sunblock?

Well folks, it's official, the whole world has gone completely off it's nut! Huh, what's that? Overreacting! Too harsh-- you say. Well, we'll just have too agree to disagree, won't we.
"People magazine has nabbed exclusive rights to perhaps the most-sought after cover babies of all time: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's new twins". And what's the dollar figure on that? $14 million! Are you f***ing serious? $14 million! For baby photos. $14 million. Are these babies made of f***ing gold? Do they shit diamonds out there ass? Can the lower my cholesterol? Or enhance my erection? No.? Then how come $14 million dammit? Are you nuts? They're just the bastard offspring of a couple movie actors. This has gotten way out of hand. This has the possibility of shifting the earth’s axis, shifting the balance of power in Hollywood. Actors are now earning more from the sale of baby photos than they are from movie roles. Doesn’t anyone else but me see how dangerous this is? They act, to gain celebrity, which earns them wealth and fame.They are actors! They are paid to act, to entertain us! Publications like People, and OK, and In Touch Weekly are raising their celebrity status up into aristocracy. They’re just f**king actors! Pay them to act. Nothing else! Jeezz…I need an aspirin. I guess there’s no stopping it. Its progress they say. I guess it is-- what it is…………………$14 million… wow. Expect the sun the explode any day now. Source Here


Quick Hits Headlines

“Verne Troyer sues ex-girlfriend for $20 million”... she apparently coerced him to star in Mike Myers “The Love Guru”. Hmmm... that film was a real turkey, maybe he should ask for more. Source Here

“Abba makes history at number one”... their greatest hits has gone number one in the UK. I told you we should have taken them out when we had the chance... but noooo. You said it was immoral. Now it's too late, we've missed our chance dammit! Source Here

“Rocker Mellencamp happy to be ‘an old man’... like he has any choice in the matter.Source Here

“Here comes the teen bride: Jamie Lynn to wed”... it was either that or put up with her mom hanging around all the time, crimping her style. Source Here



Lauren says this may be her last ‘Hills’ season... hmmm... it doesn't bother me, however it may bother that strange looking gentleman in the plaid shirt and sporting a trucker hat. He was always at autograph sessions getting her to sign his hanker- chiefs, To My Dearest Bobby Jo. I wonder she remembers him, average looking, large, unassuming, and smells like processed meat. He seemed like a big fan. That large , unassuming, plaid shirt wearing, cold meat eating, trucker hat gentlemen, he might be bothered. He may be downright pissed. Hmmm... stay out of isolated places Lauren, and let someone else open your mail. Come to think of it, changing up your routine might be a good idea as well. You never can be too careful, you know. Source Here


Politics and celebrity don’t mix, and gays and politics as well.. come to think of it

This week has been notable for the calling out of celebs by members of our law enforcement and government.
Beginning with the boys in blue, LAPD chief William Bratton took a backhanded swipe at Britney in the press the other day. It seems in Lala land a new task force has been created to deal specifically with paparazzi. Some of the whiny celebrities that testified before the new task force included John Mayer, Eric Roberts and Milo Ventimiglia. Here's what Mayer said, clearly believing the world revolves only around him."Wearing jeans and a rumpled dress shirt, the singer invited law enforcement officials to do a ride-along with him to experience the pursuits firsthand - and he suggested that officials regulate paparazzi with special license plates marked with a big "P." Hmmm... yes, excellent idea. And while you're at it, your car should be marked with a special license plate as well. It should read B. P.,.. for Big Pussy. However chief Bratton had a more common sense approach to the problem. He doesn't believe creating a new task force and spending taxpayers money will solve the problem. No, he targets the evil doers themselves."If you notice, since Britney started wearing clothes and behaving; Paris is out of town not bothering anybody anymore, thank God, and evidently, Lindsay Lohan has gone gay, we don't seem to have much of an issue," Bratton said.
"If the ones that attract the paparazzi behave in the first place, like we expect of anybody, that solves about 90% of the problem. The rest we can deal with," he said. Yeah... you said if chief, put some clothes on that basket case Britney, newly gay Lilo has practically gone underground, and god's taking care of Paris. Problem solved chief. Ah... cream rises to the top.

Wellll... of course it didn't take long for one of the girls to object. Lindsay Lohan and her girlfriend Samantha Ronson were at the Los Angeles airport to catch a flight when TMZ.asked them to comment. Lilo said,"Police chiefs shouldn't get involved in everyone else's business when it comes to their personal life. It's inappropriate," it's very rude as well, people will think I have become boring. Not to be outdone, chief Bratton called a press conference to clarify (not really) what he meant. "When asked about the Lohan remark — which followed months of tabloid speculation that Lohan and Ronson, a DJ, are dating — Bratton said his sister is gay and he is a proponent of gay rights". (That's clear,... as clear as the Beijing skyline). A follow-up question asked chief Bratton, that if his sisters gay, does that make him a homosexual? There was a swift no comment from chief Bratton. I didn't catch the reporters name who asked the question, but he did sound a lot like that that fat kid on South Park. Hmmm... (?!)
Well that takes care the boys in blue. On the government side, an ad by John McCain has caused a little stir. It seems Kathy Hilton was none too happy to see her daughter's name mentioned in the ad."The campaign ad which features images of Hilton's famous daughter, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Barack Obama with a voiceover that says, "He's the biggest celebrity in the world. But is he ready to lead?" Kathy and her husband made a donation to McCain's campaign so I guess she has a reason to gripe. Her daughter Paris on the other hand is taking it all in stride. She chose to let her publicist release a statement which read. "Miss Hilton was neither asked, nor did she give permission, for the use of her likeness in the ad, and has no further comment." Hmmm... what? She didn't say, that's hot? Frankly I find that hard to believe.
Are you sure maybe you should double-check that .I’m sure she said, that’s hot.
And then we have Britney. What is Britney's response to being used in John McCain's ad? Not much really.“She visits gossip sites on the Internet,” says a source close to Spears. “She’s not exactly glued to campaign news. She’s unfazed by this. If not for Googling her own name she probably wouldn't have noticed.”
No shit, she's not glued to the campaign news. Go figure. Well I guess it's only to be expected. When a person has been all doped on Zantac, morphine and Thorazine, they generally have problems doing the most rudimentary task. Even typing one's own name becomes a chore through all the thick and cloudy haze of the drugs. Probably best not to expect too much from her when she's like this. Source Here,
Here and Here


And Finally.

I want to wish Christina Applegate all the best in her fight against breast cancer. Reports suggest they caught it early, thank god. Get well Christina.
Source Here ex.html

Well that’s all folks, I gotta go My supper is almost ready. Olives boiled in beef broth…yum. For dessert, marshmallows and……….(SOB). My only salvation lies in this internet ad.

Doc B. Gone baby gone

100th Big Blogpost Blowout. Bigger And Better (well,…not really. But it is the 100th post.:) )

Heidi- Ho folks Doc B here.

I’m back. Back from the company boot camp, where all the un-desirables, under-achievers, and underpaid employees are forced to perform demeaning and unpleasant tasks in an attempt to prove to their employers that they are still an asset. Or at the least, convince them to give you one more shot because you’re desperate to hold onto it. Not me though baby! I’m a free man. I quit my job.Im free to do whatever I want. Like............starve. Heres the news.

But first…

“Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is like another nail.”
“Homer Simpson”


BEHIND THE CONSPIRACY OF CELEBRITY PREGNANCIES

Another celebrity pregnancy. Yes another one. This time it's Rebecca Ronijn as gone and got herself knocked up by her husband Jerry O'Connell, so reports seriouslyomg.com. And they also pose a good question as well " I don't know why she didn't have kids with John Stamos, could you imagine how beautiful those babies would've been! "Yeah weaned on the Beach boys music and watching classic moments (if there are any) of " Full House. The real question here is not who Rebecca should have had babies with, it’s how she got pregnant in the first place? It seems like every time I turn on my laptop another celebrity has gone and gotten themselves preggers. No, this can't be a coincidence. There must be some more to this. A conspiracy perhaps? I've been pondering this over the last couple hours, really giving it some thought, deep, deep thoughts, while watching reruns of Law and Order on A&E. And I think I might have just stumbled on to what is really behind all this celebrity pregnancy. I think the studios are behind all this. I think they were so worried that the writers’ strike would leave people's minds open to trying new things on their than watching TV and movies. That they were so worried people would discover other activities, they devised a scheme to keep all the celebrities in the headlines. By secretly sprinkling fertilizer on their ovaries to make the garden grow, so to speak.. This way celebrities would be in the news for months and months on end, and create chatter on websites and blogs, in newspapers, and TV. But how? How could they possibly get so many celebrities pregnant around the same time? Hmmm... they must have all been gathered in the same place, at the same time. It had to be someplace where they would have let their guard down and been exposed to a lot of gratuities and handouts, and endorsement offers and just plain free stuff that celebs love so much. With so much freebies at their disposal, it would be easy to slip something in their bottled water, or granola bar, or Botox, or anything really. It would be very simple for the studios to carry out their plan secretly. Nefariously.
Sensing that I was onto something, something concrete. I called up an old friend of mine who works in the espionage department of a pharmaceutical company, and put my question to him. Here is his reply. [The name of this expert source has been changed to protect his identity]
( Recorded phone conversation.)
Doc B: so what do you think of my theory Mookie, is it possible?
Mookie: well... anything is possible. Am I to understand you're suggesting the studios are behind him a pregnancy of celebrities?
Doc B: yes.
Mookie: are you stoned?
Doc B: I don't think so?
Mookie:How did you get this number?
Doc B: just answer my question, is it possible?
Mookie: I suppose, but this kind of stuff only happens in the movies.
Doc B: My point exactly! So can I quote you on this?
Mookie: No, and don't call me at work again. Ever. I don't know what my sister ever saw in you? (click.)
( End of conversation.)
Hmmm... it seems obvious that the studios have gotten to my friend. They must really have something on him for him to be afraid to speak to me openly. Rest assured faithful readers, Doc B is on the case. I know there is something to this. The truth is out there. I won't stop until I expose these cretins in the light of day. They must be stopped. Source Here


OMG... I'M GAY.

Is it possible to wake up one morning and suddenly be gay? It's a legitimate question. If you're homophobic. Obviously, only ignorant people would think you can catch gayness from sitting on the same toilet seat in a public restroom that a gay might have used. These same people think simply listening to too much Barbra Streisand is a risk. Now I don't know people like this, but I have heard of them.
Case in point:
Jason Solomons on Mamma Mia tonight on ABC Nightline:
"I've been humming ABBA all week. I've been humming it in bed. I wake up in the morning thinking, 'Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!' My wife thinks I've turned homosexual from seeing this film."
OMG!!! Better keep him away from the Barbara Streisand CDs.
And while his wife is at it she should check his drawers to see if he has any issues of Stud Puppy. See if her husband has any photos or postcards of Joan Crawford and Cher lie in around. Of course, if he's taking to drinking mineral water, then the alarm bells should have sounded. Screaming—Gay-Gay-Gay!!! It's Gaydom's biggest tell, everyone knows that. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Source Here and Here


A WILD AND CRAZY GUY

You know I always thought Shia Lebeouf was a bit of a pussy, but I'm beginning to change my mind, now.
It seems he was just starting slow, taking his time, feeling things out, you know preparing himself. Starting off with simple misdemeanours, until he felt the time was right, and that he was ready to advance to the next stage.
And he almost succeeded. Unfortunately his newest bad was not deemed Felony worthy. It was close, but no cigar is DUI arrest was reduced from a felony to a misdemeanour
"He made a left turn in front of another vehicle and hit another vehicle. His vehicle rolled," Los Angeles County Sheriff's Sgt. S. Wolf told the Daily News.
"Initially the incident was deemed a felony, but upon further investigation it was determined to be a misdemeanor," Wolf said. "He was cited at the hospital and is no longer in our custody."
Humph! If a man can't get arrested while driving drunk and rolling his car over, what’s he to do? Shoot someone? Saayyy... there’s an idea.
Hmmm... I wonder what Spielberg's thinking while watching his golden boy act the part of a fool? Source Here


UTTER DISBELIEF

I have shocking news, absolutely shocking. Are you sitting down? I hope you're. Now, are you ready, are you mentally prepaired? Okay then, I'll tell you. It's looks like Amy Winehouse has been hospitalized. I know, I know. I'm as stunned as you are. No, I'm more than that. I'm in disbelief.
“London Ambulance Service said it was called to an address in north London at 8:40 p.m. local time.
"We sent an ambulance and a fast response car and the patient has been taken to hospital," it said in a statement without naming Winehouse.”
I just can't believe it. Are they sure they got the right person, and sure its Amy? Well I for one will not be convinced until I see photos of the corpse. Source Here


SMITE THEM I SAY.

Please God make it stop. The Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen melodrama continues. This is becoming more ridiculous than an episode of Dynasty. What? Too retro? OK, OK, 2008 then. It's becoming more ridiculous then 24. How's that? Seriously though, I pity the poor children. Is anyone thinking of the well-being of the children? "Richards dragged Sheen into a Los Angeles courtroom early last week for a mysterious "emergency" child-custody hearing to screen videos of their girls, Sam and Lola, supposedly acting in strange and disturbing ways. Sheen's lawyers - who got the "evidence" dismissed - presented their own videos of the girls acting normally at his house.
A source said, "Denise's accusations were vile. She was basically trying to say Charlie [manipulated] the kids and acted inappropriately with them. It's disgusting and totally untrue. Charlie is furious . . . Denise has really pushed it too far this time."
Does the hand of God need to come down from the heavens and smack them behind the head to awaken these authority figures into action Isn’t it obvious that these people shouldn't be raising kids. and to think that the studios are deliberately hit Humvees celebrity morons pregnant just makes me shudder. Brr... there, I just had a chill. It's true. I shuddered, really I did. Source Here


Thats all folks, I gotta go browse the help wanted ads. Really, how bad can the job market be? Hmmm...um....hmm...I wonder how much they’ll pay me to be a BFF with Paris Hilton. Hey! Its an honest living. Don’t judge.

Doc B Gone baby gone